jungkook;

"You have to atleast eat something, jungkook." I heard my brother pleaded, his voice filled with desperation as he placed the tray of food on the desk in front of me. "Please,"

As usual, I ignored him and decided to just stare blankly at the falling leaves outside. It had been the most wonderful sight I've had for the past months now, never seeming to find courage to leave the comfort of my room and the utmost warmth it brings, watching as many seasons pass by as I sat by the window everyday, eyes locked on the outside— hoping; waiting for something.

a miracle, maybe?

"I can't stand seeing you like this, kook." I heard him sigh and felt him sat on the empty seat beside me. "We're doing everything we can to find him, he will be fine, you will be fine, jungkook." He squeezed my hand to which I immediately pulled back, eyes finally locking with his.

A flash of sadness and pity was waved through his eyes, and I hated it. My eyes going dark as I reached for his collar, earning a loud yelp from him. He looked scared, shocked and frustrated all at the same time as I just stared blankly at him, trying to mask my emotions as I slowly released my grip from his collar, but the tears forming in my eyes have failed me to do so as pity was once again back in his eyes, caressing my cheeks to wipe the tears away.

"We will find him, kook." He sorrowfully smiled.

"We won't," I muttered.

"Jungkook don't be too negative," Seokjin rubbed my back, resting his head against my shoulders. "We will find jimin, hopefully."

"You can't find someone who doesn't want to be found," I found myself gritting, eyes glaring at no one in particular. "Jimin left for a reason, he wanted escape. He had always hated this hellhole, so when nobody was watching, he grabbed the chance and left, just like that." a pang of pain washed over me, realizing how everything was nothing for jimin, how every memories made was just a speck of dust for him.

and I hate it,

but I still love him so much.

"Jungkoo—"

"It has been eight months, hyung." I cut him off, jaw clenching and knuckles fisting as I recalled how much of an ass those passing days were, hoping for each morning to wake up to those breathtaking smile of his. But it never happened.

Those days were hell, waiting, praying— wishing for him to come back, for him to hug me as tight as he could, to apologize for leaving me behind, to hear how much he misses me and how those days without has been hell for him as well.

I had hoped for that day to come,

but it never did.

So I stopped hoping and just accepted the reality that he never really did care for me. Because if he did, he would've atleast ask me to run away with him— he wouldn't have left me. If he really did care, he would know how broken I would be, he would know how much it would kill me, how much I would miss him and how much I would long for him.

"If he really did treasure me like he said he did," I spoke, but it came out as a hoarse whisper. "He would come back to me." he wouldn't have left in the first place

My brother just sat there, rubbing random patterns on my back as he listened to every word I say. He didn't say anything, but I know he's still there, waiting for me to burst everything out, to speak my mind and to hear what my heart spoke of.

I could feel the fast beating of my heart, the sobbs constantly escaping from my lips, the stinging of my eyes and the pain etched in every corners of my heart. "I..it's been eight months, hyung." I squinted my eyes as another batch full of tears cascaded down my cheeks. "Eight months, yet still no signs of him."

"Have hope, jungkook-ah." He smiled, ruffling my hair, standing up from his seat as kissed my on the side of my head before heading to the door. "You have to eat, you can't go looking for jimin on an empty stomach—"

"I have no interests in finding him, hyung." I retorted, falling face first on my desk, mourning for my now badly beaten heart, my broken heart, my poor poor heart.

"Gear up, kook." He cheerfully spoke, "You're coming with us to find jimin." he continued, referring to their planned vacation along with his boyfriend, namjoon and their other friends.

"I don't want to!" I argued, scowling at the thought of being surrounded by seokjin's loud and wierd friends. "I'd rather stay home and—"

"And what? be depressed til god knows when?" He butted in, "No, jungkook. Gear up, eat your meal and pack your bags. I ain't taking no for an answer." he threw something at me, earning an annoyed groan from me as I turn to glare at him. "I've already told mom and dad about it, you needed a break, a temporary escape to all this, you need a breather jungkook, so shut your whiny ass and for once listen to your older brother!"

I tried to protest but he threw a pillow at me, "Be ready by nine, pack everything you needed and wait for me by the living room." He commanded, slamming my door shut as he rushed to wherever the fuck he wants to, as another groan errupted from me, getting up on my feet for the first time since morning, a scowl plastered on my face as I walked to my closet.

I guess I have no choice then,