Trying to replace the love that I fake
With what we both need.

A month later- Simons POV

I'm not proud of myself. At all. I've been sleeping around, with girls. I know I said I'm gay but I don't know, the reason I said it all because of Josh. I'm gay as fuck for him but I knew nothing would come out from it, so I've been picking up girls at school taking them back home and we have sex. I'm not happy with myself but it keeps my mind off Josh and my sexuality, I don't know how long I can keep it up for because I leave the girls as soon as possible. Every time I do it I just want to break down and cry for years so that's what I do, I practically dump the girl and run anywhere to go and sit bawling my eyes out.

I trudge downstairs into the kitchen plopping myself on a chair "You look a mess Simon." My mum says sternly, I've got a feeling she's knows what going on as she seems to hate me at the moment but I'm not saying anything!
"I feel it." I mutter,
"Get some fresh air it might do you good." She says
"Alright." I say getting up and walking out the house, I walk around the streets aimlessly feeling like I'm lost before I find my self in an old alleyway crying once again. I  rest my head on the wall behind me before sliding down, pulling my knees close to me. I pull my phone out and go on google searching 'How to accept your sexuality?'
I find a website and it tells me everything about what I've been feeling and how I should feel if I tell more people, after I've read it I smile slightly feeling a little better about myself before getting up and making my way home.

Once I'm home my mum comes to me "Feel any better?"
"A lot, I ended up doing some reading and I feel like I know can fully understand and accept my sexuality."
"Simon I thought you were fine with being Gay why didn't you say you were having trouble?" She says
"Too much has been going on in my head recently, I've not done the best things." I sigh,
"I know you haven't, I could tell." She states
"R-Really." I stutter as I feel my eyes becoming watery,
"Yes Son. You come home late at night sweaty and sad, you have a sex smell and you're clothes are never 100% the same as they were when you leave." She says,
"I-I'm S-Sor-Sorry mum." I say as tears fall down my face, "I'm a wreck, physically and emotionally!" She doesn't say anything but holds me in her arms stroking the back off my head. "I understand what you must be going through, but please for me, stop doing what you're doing."
I nod "I promise I will."
"Thank you Si." She says "I think you're ready."
"Ready for what?"
"Ready for telling Josh, you told me you've officially figured out your sexuality now at least tell people. Start off with your best friend." She smiles,
I think for a little before slowly nodding "Okay. I'll do it." I smile
She cheers "I'm happy for Si."
"Hey I haven't done it yet." I giggle
"But you will." She says back,
"True." I say as she hands me my phone, I stare at him before shakily texting Josh to come over.