A hard thought has taken hold of me by now, and I can't even grip onto the poisonous reality slipping through my fingers. For years back, I have always had a birthday party concerning me and my friends going through a scavenger hunt my entire family was involved in. The hunt is highly planned out and thought through, and all my family members take part. 

This year my Grandpa can't do it. 

Why?

I think you know. I'm afraid of the sudden emptiness I will feel when I go through that hunt and don't feel my delight at his part taken in it. When I register that he is truly gone from our lives, and there isn't a darn thing we can do about it. 

These are the moments when I truly get angry.