Rikki slept in his bed that night, lying so close to the edge that one wrong move could send him falling to the floor. Luckily, Rikki hardly moved in his sleep. Neil, on the other hand, rotated like a rotisserie chicken and never woke up in the same position that he fell asleep in. Both were sprawlers, but the queen-size bed was very forgiving in terms of room. Neil also tried to remain small and still, not used to sharing his bed and not wanting to bother Rikki as he slept.

An already restless night turned into a night with no sleep whatsoever. Not with Rikki so close. Even with his back to the other boy, Neil couldn't help but picture the serene, handsome face blissfully sleeping next to him. Neil let out a heavy breath and kicked off the rest of his blankets. It was too hot in here, even with the extra standing fan Rikki had brought in and angled directly at him. This was going to be a longer night than Neil originally expected.

"Another sleepless night, Mr. Vulpes?" Dr. Whitely raised an eyebrow, not even looking up from the notepad she was still writing in. Neil shifted in his chair, tucking his hands under his thighs.

"Yeah..." he muttered, eyeing the surrounding room. He bounced his knee, wishing it were appropriate to pull his legs up onto the chair and sit cross-legged, but he doubted Dr. Whitely wanted his dirty shoes on her furniture.

"Did you use the calming methods I taught you in the last session?" She lifted her brown eyes from the page and stared directly at him. Dr. Whitley was a middle-aged woman with one hell of a resting bitch face. Her dark hair, pulled back into a messy bun, hung loosely over the top of her head. Her voice was gentle and slow, as if she were talking to a child. Neil hated it, and he hated the "calming methods" she had been teaching him.

"Yeah," he lied. What would breathing do? Seven seconds in. Hold for seven seconds, and then breathe out for seven seconds. Repeat until you pass out or something like that. It wasn't something Neil could just do on command, not with his mind moving a thousand miles a second. Plus, it was boring as hell and only calmed‌ his heart a little. As soon as he stopped, the anxiety would just come back tenfold.

Dr. Whitley let out a long and heavy sigh as she rubbed her temple.
"Let's say you were using my suggested methods; have they been helping?"

Neil frowned, his tail flicking against the leg of the chair. "No."

"And you still refuse to try any medication?"

"I don't want them."

"How about the weighted blanket?"

"Just feels like I'm sleeping under a rock."

"Making a schedule?"

"Don't like it."

"You mentioned ASMR in the last meeting–"

"Makes me antsy."

Another sigh, and Dr. Whitely leaned back in her chair.

"Neil, I can only help you once you decide to help yourself. You're refusing to use any method I throw at you that could help with your severe anxiety, and you refuse any medicinal help that could regulate you. I understand that this whole thing has been hard for you, but you have to try something or you'll keep falling down these same holes over and over again."

"I know," Neil looked at the ground between his feet.

"I'm trying to help you, Neil," Dr. Whitley clicked her pen and stood, dusting off the invisible dust from her clean white tube skirt. "We'll meet again on Wednesday. I hope that by then you will be more open with me."

It was 4:36pm and Neil should've already been at Rikki's soccer match. He promised he'd be there, but he was stuck in the car with his aunt in line at the pharmacy instead, and these pharmacy lines always took for fucking ever. When they got there fifteen minutes ago, there were five cars in front of them. Now, they were second in line, but the same car had been just sitting there for over half that time.

"We're going to be late," he glanced over at Nic, who was currently humming along to some old 80's rock song that she had turned on the radio.

"Rikki won't mind. It's just a scrimmage."

"I know, but I said I'd be there and be on time."

"Well, drive with him next time." She shrugged, giving him a shit-eating grin. Neil frowned and returned to looking out the window. He didn't feel like mentioning that this was the only other activity he'd been cleared to do outside of therapy. Today was supposed to be the first day of this new freedom. Instead, he was stuck in a car.

"What are we here for, anyways?" he sighed, pressing his forehead against the glass and counting the number of wrappers littered across the parking lot.

"Medicine."

That was on him; he should've been more specific. He knew Nic enjoyed being literal just to piss him off.

"What type of medicine?" He gritted his teeth.

"Sleep medicine."

"You're having trouble sleeping too?" Neil raised an eyebrow and glanced over at her. It was a stupid question. He knew she'd been having trouble sleeping. She was up walking around the house every night.

"Well, yes, but this isn't for me. Dr. Whitley recommended a new sleeping pill for you." Her fingers tapped the steering wheel as she craned her neck to see if the car in front of them had even got anything yet.

"But I told her I didn't want to be on any medication!" Neil bristled, glaring at Nic. Promptly she gave him a pop over the head. It didn't hurt at all, but it still gave him a start.

"You know better than to yell in my car, young man. This pill consists of natural ingredients and shouldn't cause the side effects you're scared of. You're going to try it whether you like it or not." The glare she hit Neil with made him slump back into his seat and cross his arms.

"And if I don't?" Neil challenged, lifting his chin defiantly.

"Then, by God, I'm gonna stuff it down that little fox throat of yours and make you take it. I'm tired of you refusing everything, Neil. You need help, and sleep is the first step in healing." Nic shifted the gear into drive and pulled up to the window. The wait was finally over, but Neil wished there were still a trillion cars in front of them.

He didn't think he was that stubborn...well, actually; he knew he was being pretty stubborn but not stubborn enough for his own therapist to go over his head and sign off on a medication that he didn't consent to taking. He buried his face in his arms as he drew his knees to his chest. None of this was fair.

"Pick up for Neil Vulpes, birthday 12/05/2001." Nic leaned her head out of the car and waited patiently for the pharmacist to bring out the new medicine. It only took a minute or two before Nic pulled away from the drive-thru and started driving down the road towards the soccer field.

Neil was silent, too busy feeling betrayed to even care as Nic explained what the medicine was and what it would do. All he knew was that it was called Omnisleep, and it was definitely something he really didn't want to take. He was already scared enough of medicine, and even if this medicine consisted of all natural ingredients, he couldn't get over the fact that he had no say in taking it.

"We all care about you a lot, Neil, you know that, right?" She sighed as she pulled into a spot far back in the parking-lot. The whole place overflowed with parents and kids attending summer soccer camps and the like. Rikki was part of one of these camps, and it would be his last time attending one before he went off to college in the fall. Neil had missed his graduation by just a few weeks.

"Yeah. You care so much that you're doping me up just to get a break from me." He slammed the car door and stuffed his hands in his pockets. His tail twitched behind him.

"That's not-ugh, you know that's not what we're doing." Nic rubbed her temple, something everyone around him always seemed to be doing nowadays.

"Sure." He rolled his eyes and hurriedly skirted through the cars towards Field 9, where Rikki said he'd be playing. Match or scrimmage, Neil had already missed so many of these things that it didn't matter what it was. He wanted to be there to support his friend. It totally wasn't that Rikki and his serious face looked hella hot as he ran across the field. No...totally not that. Plus, it was the few times things actually felt normal. Like nothing had changed in the last six months.

There were no stands or chairs around the field, and most people just brought casual armchairs or whatever to sit on and watch their kids play. Neil usually just found a clear spot that he hoped was free of ants and took a seat right in the grass. This had led to a few close calls with out-of - bounds balls, but it was easier than hauling extra things there and back again.

He checked the clock on his wrist. 5:19 pm. They were over an hour late. The scrimmage wouldn't last much longer, if it wasn't already over. It didn't help that a bunch of people were already standing or packing up their things. Neil couldn't even see the field over their heads.

"Fuck," Neil cursed, feeling both anger and disappointment digging angry claws into his chest. He tried to stand on his toes to see if the game was still on, but his stunted height did nothing to help him. It sucked being 5'2" at 16 while being a boy. So is the life of chimeras who have smaller animals that they shift into. Rikki was lucky to be a jackal chimera who is at least medium-sized. That means Rikki would be of average height. Lucky bitch.

"Shit, are we too late?" Nic breathed out heavily as she jogged up behind him. As if on cue, a shrill whistle sounded, making Neil wince.

"And that is a match! The scrimmage goes to the Blue Angels!" a loud, booming voice called out from the field. Some people groaned while most cheered as if the referee had just announced the winning team of the World Cup. Worst yet, the Blue Angels was not the name of Rikki's team. He was a part of the Striking Vipers, which means Rikki's team had lost the scrimmage.

Clenching his jaw, Neil slipped through the crowd until he could see the field. The two teams, one in blue and red jerseys and the other–Rikki's team–in red and yellow jerseys, were already lining up and telling each other "good game." Rikki was there, sweat glistening on his forehead as he smiled and shook the hands of the other team. Neil had missed the entire game, and for what: a crappy therapy appointment and medicine? Sure, Rikki didn't look at all bothered, but Neil sure was. This was the first match the doctors had cleared him to see, and he had missed it!

Neil kicked the ground hard and stalked off to the trees at the other end of the field. He had to cool off, or else he'd yell at both Rikki and Nic, even though Nic probably deserved it. A small stream separated these fields from the forest beyond. Neil used to love climbing down the small embankment and splashing through the water on hot days when Rikki's practice would go late. Sometimes, Rikki would even join him, and they'd splash at one another till Nic yelled at them to start heading home. Now, Neil just crouched in the damp dirt and stared down into the flowing water below.

Birds chittered overhead, and the whole place smelled of damp earth. The gentle trickle of the stream attempted to soothe Neil's anger but did nothing for the guilt and disappointment that bubbled up to replace it. He had promised Rikki he'd be here. He even scheduled the appointment so that it would end with enough time for him to make it here on time. Neil threw a rock into the water, furrowing his brow bitterly.

"You were late," Rikki plopped down right next to him, a cheerful grin parting his lips.

"No shit, Sherlock," Neil grumbled, grabbing another rock and chucking it into the water.

"You know that I'm not mad, right?" Rikki nudged him with his shoulder, and Neil glanced over at him.

"Sure, and you don't stink of sweat either." Neil hugged his knees, fidgeting with a few pebbles still in his hand. Rikki snorted and raised his arm, giving himself a good old sniff. Immediately, he recoiled and let out a hissing breath.

"Oh damn. I think I forgot deodorant again."

"You always do." Neil shrugged and dropped the pebbles, watching them bounce down the muddy embankment until they plopped into the water. Rikki chuckled a bit before clearing his throat and lying down. His feet dangled over the edge, swinging slightly.

"I'm really not mad. It's just a scrimmage. Doesn't affect whether we go on to the finals or not. The proper game is this Saturday and I know you'll be there to watch the whoooole thing." He hummed, closing his eyes. The grin had never once left his face, even when he smelt his own pits. Neil envied that about Rikki. He was always smiling, no matter what, and he never let things like losing get to him. Neil, on the other hand, always felt too much about everything, to the point where even a fun trip could turn stressful.

"What did the doc say?" Rikki opened one green eye and looked at him. Neil shifted and sighed.

"She said that she can't help me until I help myself. Which, honestly, I don't understand at all. I've been trying and I want help, but nothing seems to be working." His tail twitched again.

"You so sure about that?" Rikki tapped the ground with his fingers, closing his eye once more. Neil bristled and glared at his friend.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Rikki shrugged, "All I'm saying is that you refuse to do anything that the doc has suggested when it could he-"

"I've tried them! They just don't work!" Neil snapped, pushing off the edge of the embankment and sliding feet first into the cool stream. The splash completely soaked his sneakers and socks, but Neil didn't care one bit. He stomped the water with a growl.

Rikki sat up, and his face became serious, the smile fading away. "You've tried them–what? Once or twice, maybe? You haven't let them work, Neil."

"What would you know about it, huh?" Neil turned towards him, anger tearing at his insides like a wildfire. "You don't know what it's like to just wake up one day and everyone around you tells you that you've been missing for half a year! Do you know how hard it is not knowing or remembering even a fraction of what happened during that time? I don't know where I was, or who I was with, or what other people were doing to me! It's like I woke up in an entirely different world. You and Nic don't look at me the same way anymore, and I know you talk about me behind my back! Everyone does!" He was still stomping, and by now, stream water had soaked his entire lower body.

Rikki, for his part, seemed to deflate and just stare at Neil. Something in his face looked lost and helpless, which just made Neil even angrier. He didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want them to look at him as if he were some poor, injured puppy. Was it too much to ask ‌to be seen as normal again? To talk and not have the conversation drift back to what happened to him? Why couldn't everyone just forget like he had forgotten? Then everything could go back to normal, and Neil would feel okay again. He could forget that he went missing and he could forget that he didn't know what happened in the time he was gone. Was that just too much...?

Just as he was about to go on a whole other tirade, a sharp pain shot through his skull, stopping him mid-sentence and sending him to his knees. Bolts of hot pain shot up through his knees as the sharp rocks dug into them, drawing blood. Neil gripped his head and doubled over, his nose touching the water as he let out a scream of pain. It was as if something had shot him in the head. The hot anger was still there, churning his stomach and burning his chest. It soon spread across his body, and Neil felt like he was literally burning alive. Maybe that wasn't anger, but something else. Something that was really, really wrong.

Water splashed his face as Rikki jumped down from the top of the embankment and to his side. When his hands touched him, Neil jolted away. The simple moment of contact had sent sharp jolts of pain all over his body. He knew Rikki was talking, and he knew he was screaming, but the roar of blood blocked out any noise. Neil's stomach flipped and his body convulsed as hot bile rocketed out of his throat and into the once calm water. It tasted of iron.

The next thing he knew, Neil was lying on his side in the water as his vision doubled. Dark tendrils were creeping ‌over his eyes, narrowing his line of sight to a blurry speck. His body convulsed more as he vomited again.

"It hurts!" he cried, barely able to hear himself. "Make it stop!"

The world felt as though it were spinning, and pure pain took over the last untouched inch of his body. He couldn't think. He couldn't see. All he knew was that he must be on fire. The distant sound of Rikki screaming for help was the last thing he heard before the pain gave way to thick, suffocating darkness.