A mixture of saliva and fruit punch came flying out of my mouth in probably what was the best spit take ever.

Ultimately ending up all over my girlfriend, Fiona.

But before I share her fury with you, I should probably tell you why I spat the contents of my mouth at her.

Two minutes prior, I sat down with a burger and fries across my wonderful girlfriend Fiona, and next to me was my brother, Mike.

Now, Mike is known for saying some pretty crazy and stupid stuff, but it still shocks me every time. Just as my butt hit the seat, Mike goes,

"Hey did you know this chick Lisa Sparxx? Yeah she's this famous pornstar who broke this world record, yeah, she sucked and fucked 300 men in a day back in twenty 'oh four."

And thus, my fresh swig of fruit punch went rocketing into Fiona as a result of my surprise.

She screamed and sprang from the table with her little fists clenched and her face twisted into one of immeasurable fury. She opened her mouth, most likely to unleash every slur she knows upon me, but before she could say anything I figured I'm already dead, so why not have a little fun?

"You're sexy when you're mad baby."

"WALTER JAY OLIVER I'M—"

"Geez babe you're already so wet for me and  you're screaming my name? I haven't even touched you yet!" I tease, dabbing a little at her face with a napkin.

She raised her hand and slapped me, which was expected, before snatching up her purse and making her way towards the door.

I catch her by the arm before she makes it completely out the door, swallowing the urge to lick the fruit punch off my hand.

"Wait, wait, c'mon  I know you're pissed and you totally have a right to be. I just want you to know I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to spit on you... I'll make it up to you at the party, I promise!" I apologized, sinking to one knee knowing she's a sucker for dramatic displays of affection.

At least I thought she was.

You know how she reacted?

She SCOFFED.

"Skh, yeah right! And you can forget about seeing me at that party. In fact you can forget about ever seeing me ever  again 'cause we're over!" She seethed, flipping her wet hair over her shoulder and storming out of the restaurant.

I sat dumbfounded still on one knee. There were so many emotions racing through my head that I didn't know what to think and what not to think.

I felt really sad that she'd dumped me after our strong three years of relationship.

I felt kinda pissed she reacted so wildly over something like this, I mean we've gotten each other way messier than that, like that food fight we started in Golden Corral.

I was angry at myself for letting her go.

But in a messed up way, I was kind of relieved because I had recently been told I was one over the limit of people I was allowed to have. If I hadn't booted someone off the guest list and soon my parents wouldn't let me throw the party, so I guess some  good came out of this.

A firm hand clasped down on my shoulder.

"Sorry about that man. Didn't really think that one through."

I stood up and turned away for a split second to blink the shock off my face.

"Pft, sorry about what? She was lame anyway." I lied through my teeth. Of course I couldn't let someone know how much I cared that she broke up with me, my aloof cool guy status would be obliterated!

Mike looked like he wanted to say something, but shook his head and we walked to the car to drive home and set up for the party.

When we got home we immediately set to work, putting out cold drinks in ice buckets, locking all the bedrooms plus the basement, setting up the party playlist, and nibbling on cookie dough and appetizers while the caterer cooked.

Around 19:25 people started showing up and the bouncer got to work. The party doesn't really start until a quarter to ten so I figured I'd mingle for a bit.

I was greeting guests with polite enthusiasm until my friends showed up, late of course.

"What's the excuse this time?" I asked, only to get three hilariously different and stupid answers.

"See, there was this eagle..."

"Nic died and we had to resurrect him."

"Traffic."

The first two were stupid, and all of them live on the same street as me so I doubt there was traffic on the two minute walk over. I shook my head and chatted with them for a bit, catching up on the events of our very last day of school.

"So, did you finally stick it to the woe-man?" Nic asked me, reffering to the evil witch with a B that acted as my French teacher for the last three years of my life.

"Oh yeah, totally. Yeah I told her Pardon madame, mais je pense que vous êtes un beau professeur et un grand pamplemousse." I said in perfect and rapid French, knowing none of them could speak the language.

"Sick! What does that mean?"

"It means Excuses me ma'am, but I think you're a witch and you should die in a pit of double-shit." I lied, thanking God I had a group of friends who took Spanish and other lame languages. I didn't really have the balls to tell off Madame Geçre, so I just told her some random French compliment and left. Besides, she and my mom are friends and I don't think my mom would appreciate me calling her acquaintance an evil she-witch.

My friends "ohh'ed" and showed other signs of respect and I basked in the false glory.

"Walt you are savage!" Horris cheered, and I made the stupid mistake of agreeing with them.

"Yeah I know, I'm pretty cool."

Everyone knows that once you agree with someone or a group of people showering you with compliments, it will stop. And that's exactly what happened. My compliment rain came to a stop at once.

"Ahem, so do you guys want some punch or something?" I shooed away the crickets.

"Psh, I still don't know why you ask man. If I want some of your mom's kool-aid, I'll get some of your mom's kool-aid." Loki laughed and clapped me on the back.

"Yeah Walt, we've been in this house way too many times to still have to ask for things."

Loki and Nic walked past, heading to the kitchen to most likely devour my mom's freshly made strawberry kiwi kool-aid. The rest of the group followed, reminiscing a time when my mom started making them all help me with my chores. I figured now would be a good time to creep away from the party and get some "me time".

While the party started kicking into full swing, I crept up the stairs and unlocked my room before slipping in unseen. I relocked the door and fell on my bed. My phone was charging on the nightstand, and I opened it to check my Instagram but stopped when I saw my homescreen.

It was a picture of me and Fiona. I think it was like three months into our relationship, like the fourth or fifth date we had. That was honestly probably the best date we'd ever had though, it was so much fun.

I didn't plan anything, so I took her to Toys R Us because what girl doesn't love seeing her boyfriend play with a wooden horse stick thing? We ended up spending the whole day there, and before we knew it, the lights went out in the middle of our game of hide 'n seek. The store had closed and it was like eleven o'clock. She started panicking and thinking we'd get arrested, so I built a little fort during her freak out session. When she stopped and looked around it was like the worry just melted out of her.

We spent the night telling stupid jokes and laughing at how stupid our feet looked.  Next thing I knew I woke up next to a sleeping Fiona by a Toys R Us worker, with a jolly rancher stuck to my face.

My pillow suddenly felt cold and wet and I realised I'd drowned it in tears. Man what a wuss I am. Fiona's probably laughing with her friends about how terribly sucky the past three years of her life were.

Yet here I am, the guy in the relationship, crying in bed over memories of her. Pathetic.

I heard my door swing open and tried to subtly roll over so my face was in the pillow and look like I was sleeping.

When I felt a presence by my bed I steadied my breathing and relaxed my body. I thought it was pretty believable.

But it clearly wasn't.

"Why are you pretending to be asleep?"

"Oi! Get 'yer ass up ya lying son of a lady bitch!"

"Yeah man you can't act. Not even a little."

"Maybe he's on his period or something. Is your wittle wagina bweeding Walterina?"

I dragged my face across the pillow in hope to wipe off all my sorrows and say up quickly.

"Ah ya caught me, I was trying to masturbate during the party.  Whoops, oh well I'll try again tomorrow. Now if you guys will excuse me--"

"Have you been crying?"

"Once again Nic with the stupid questions, c'mon Nic why would I be crying, hm?" I laughed, challenging him playfully.

"We heard about Fiona man..."

"So? She was, y'know, she was lame. 'Course I dumped her, I mean, yeah. Was gettin' tired of that relationship anyway." I scoffed and babbled, knowing I was a goner. They know me way too well.

"Walt, you're a terrible liar. Now come tell Daddy what's got you all depressed." Horris said, sitting on my bed and patting his knee. Gosh he's so weird.

"What the-? No man, I'm fine guys-"

"Then come downstairs and enjoy our end of high school party!"

"I told you, I'm trying to jerk off in here!"

Horris shook his head and patted his knee again, while everyone else just shook their head.

"Think we'll just leave you alone for a bit to take care of that 'jerking off' you had planned."

Horris, Nic, Loki, and Mike all filed out of my room one by one. And just like that, I was alone again.