Nathaniel’s POV

It’s been a while since I’ve been so conflicted. One part of me wants to get to know Hunter, all of him – good and bad, and the other is already scared. Just a couple of rumors; that’s all it took to get me wrapped up in my own dark thoughts. It is pointless to try to get him out of my head; the more attempts I make to achieve that, the stronger a hold he has on me. I’d once compared him to a cocktail, but he is more like a drug; something forbidden and addictive; something which frightens you, yet you want more of even though you know you might not enjoy the consequences from your doze of Hunter Harris.

I raised the pen away from my diary and reread what I’d just written. I didn’t know where my thoughts were taking me; I just needed to try to get them out of my mind.

I want to ask him about all of it – the reason why he was in jail and why he can’t go back home – but I’m scared of his reaction and of his answers. What if it turns out to be true? What if he had been in a gang? I didn’t even want to consider that option and the things he would have to have done to get in and stay in. I fear – no, dread– what his rivals might do to get back at him if their factions really are at war. And then there’s the apprehension that if I do ask him, he’d shut me out; that he wouldn’t share his innermost secrets with me. And why would he? I am just the neighbor boy he likes to tease, so why would he share anything with me?

There’d been a time when

I hesitated with my pen less than an inch above the paper. This was my diary and no one would read from it but what I was about to write sounded so silly to me now that I was ashamed to scribble it down. Yet I needed to do it so I sighed and went on.

There’d been a time when I’d thought he really was interested in me, but no more. Perhaps that is for the better.

I shook my head.

No, no ‘perhaps’. It is for the better as we are both boys and I could never be in such a relationship even if Hunter was into relationships. So why does it make me feel sad thinking that he’d never flirt with me again? I’m so used to his banter that I will miss it now that I am with Irene.

She’s a good choice. Val likes her, mom adores her, dad thinks she’s nice and I

I frowned. What did I like about Irene?

The first word that came to mind was ‘safe’; not only I wouldn’t be judged while I was with her – a girl, not only would I not disappoint my parents but even though I really liked her, I…

Val likes her, mom adores her, dad thinks she’s nice and I care about her but I don’t think I could fall in love with her. And that is a good thing because I wouldn’t be heartbroken once we move away again. I don’t think she would either; she knows how often we have to find a new home and she would understand.

I smiled, the next words much easier to pen down.

That’s one of the things I enjoy the most about her: she’s so understanding. She’s also compassionate and caring. And I will miss her when we move; I’ll just get over her faster than if

I slammed my forehead over the notebook I used for a diary and groaned. I was about to write ‘I’ll just get over her faster than if I were to date Hunter Harris’.

What was wrong with me?

Why did I always go back to thinking about him in the end?

If I saw Betty in her yard, I wanted to inquire after Hunter; if Val was going out, I asked her if Hunter was tagging along; if I took notice of Mohawk girl or her brother at school and Hunter wasn’t with them, I wondered where he could be; if I thought about Irene and me, I also mused on how Hunter would react if I held her hand or carried her backpack for her.

“Time to NOOOOM!” Vallery shouted, banging on my door. “Come on, bro; you don’t want to be late for meeting your parents-in-law.”

I sighed, not lifting my head from the diary.

It was Friday evening and Irene had invited me to visit her family’s restaurant. It wasn’t anything big, not a ‘let me introduce you to my relatives’ thing. She just knew that I liked Spanish food and I’ve been meaning to dine there for some time. She had even invited Val, who upon hearing that there would be free food – for her anyways, since I was paying the bill – had selflessly agreed to accompany me.

“C’mon, I’m hungry,” I heard her whine and I thought that this time she actually kicked my door. She didn’t enter though; she respected my privacy.

“I’m coming,” I raised my voice enough to be heard in the hallway and got off my chair. I closed the diary and opened the sliding drawler to put it in its place. Another groan left my lips as I saw the brightly-colored lollypop wrapper.

*****

“Wow, watch it, bro!” My sister shouted, grasping me by the jacket and pulling me back on the sidewalk. A black car shot by me with a loud honk, the driver letting a string a cusses. I took a shaky breath and rubbed my chest to relieve the pressure built inside them.

“Thank, sis,” I muttered, the fear oozing through my voice.

“Are you okay?” She asked worriedly and finally let go of my jacket.

“Yeah, I just forgot to check for cars in the street when I was crossing.”

“You didn’t just forget; I don’t think you even noticed the street,” she commented, leaning on a streetlight and waited for me to either agree or discard her observation. I did neither and with a sigh I nodded for us to go; this time I made sure to look in both directions for any vehicles.

The reason why we were on foot was because I had not told my parents where we’d be going. Mom would insist to drive us, then she’d follow us in the restaurant for whatever silly excuse she could make up and then Irene would have to introduce her to her parents. That would make it too official.

If it was just me and Val, it seemed more common. Irene would present us to her parents, we’d exchange pleasantries and they’d go back to work, leaving just the three of us. But if my mother was there she’d make it a big deal; she’d insist we all have dinner together and she’d go on and on about how happy she was I had found such a wonderful girl. If I had to be honest, she’d embarrass me; she never meant to of course, but who enlist all which their child has achieved when they meet someone for the first time?

One of mom’s favorite pastimes was bragging about how many writing contests I’ve entered, how many rewards I’ve won, how I had always been an honor student and what an amazing son I was. And if I attempted to quiet her, she’d just laugh and add ‘And he’s so modest too!’

Another reason why I hated her speaking that way about me was because she sometimes made it seem like I was her only child and if my twin was to ever be mentioned, the topic would swiftly change. It upset my sister even though she pretended she didn’t care and that in turn it upset me.

I felt a gentle grip just above my elbow as Val pulled me around to face her.

“Look, we are almost at the restaurant; can you just tell me what’s wrong?” She pleaded. “And don’t try to deny it, don’t try to say everything’s fine, ‘cause you’ve been walking in a trance ever since we left the house. What’s on your mind?”

The last five minutes or so it had been mom and before that I’ve battle to forget about Hunter. I didn’t wish to discuss either so when she asked me if I was nervous about meeting Irene’s family, I gave a positive reply; it was a believable excuse.

“You really are a terrible liar,” she shattered all my hopes to deceive her as she shook her head at me so I decided to tell her the truth or at least a small, harmless version of it.

“I was thinking about Hunter,” I admitted and that confession seemed to surprise her. “I was worried he might get upset I am now dating Irene but he seems to be doing alright,” at the last part my voice trembled.

“And you don’t like that?” She asked, narrowing her eyes at my tone.

“I’m grateful for that,” I carefully phrased. I wasn’t happy because a part of me fancied the idea of him being just a tad jealous but I really was grateful that he wasn’t angry enough to cut all ties with me.

“And you are content being with her?”

“She’s very…” safe… The word just popped into my mind again. “We have a lot in common,” I said, opting for a different approach. “We both enjoy reading and writing; we both like to learn; we both dislike parties, teenage drama and explicit public displays of affection…”

“I have a lot in common with Hunter but you don’t see me hooking up with him,” she commented crossing her arms over her chest.

“He’s gay, he wouldn’t like you anyway,” I shot out with a frown and she giggled; she actually had the gall to giggle when annoying me.

“Wow! You just sounded like a jealous teenage girl, bro.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” I prompted for us to go and took the lead, my cheeks heated from her banter.

“Get it over with… Don’t you sound enthusiastic!” She muttered, catching up with me.

We walked in silence for a few minutes until we reached our destination. The place was bigger than I’d thought with large windows and heavy curtains shielding the diners from the passers-by outside. Irene was already waiting at the front exit, attired in a pale cream knee length dress with delicate vine patters. I sighed as the main color reminded me of our neighbor’s favorite sweatshirt.

“Aren’t you going to be cold like this?” I asked, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s warmer inside,” she replied with a shy smile. “Besides, I have this,” she tugged at the hem of her green, knitted vest before adding: “Hey, Val!”

“Hey,” my twin greeted somewhat coolly and I couldn’t help but notice that even though she had admitted she liked Irene, she’d been rather aloof to her ever since we’d started dating. The other girl didn’t seem to notice though as she intertwined her fingers with mine and led us inside.

It seemed to be a busy night. The place was buzzing with people, the large square tables at the center accommodating parties of a dozen if not more while the smaller round ones - which were placed at the back - hosted people who held each other’s hands or fed one another. I felt a pang in my chest at the sight of them; the couples consisted of a man and woman, not one was of the same genre.

“This way,” Irene urged and as I looked to the left where she was taking us, I realized there was a third set of tables right next to the double doors which I assumed led to the kitchen. These tables were also square but smaller than those at the center and catered to either three or four people – parents who’d came with their child or children.

We were going to the family section.

Val sat down first, Irene positioning herself opposite her and I took the wooden chair next to my girlfriend. Girlfriend. The word still seemed foreign to me, even now as I’d only spoken it in my mind. A waiter came with three menus, handing one to each of us and parting with a smile which Irene returned.

“Mom should be out any moment now. She can’t wait to meet you, Nat; I’ve already told her quite a bit about you,” she noted and only after I’d wiped my palms in my jeans, did I realize they were sweaty. With that came a new discovery: I was nervous and this time it really was because I was meeting my girlfriend’s parents.

*****

A/N: Did you enjoy the bit with the diary?

I hope it wasn’t confusing, writing it in the present but I think it sounds more natural that way. What do you have to say about this?
I know I skipped dots a couple of times when Nat paused writing but that’s on purpose because he wouldn’t add them while he stops to think what to pen down next.

Please don’t forget to voteif you enjoyed the chapter and don’t be too shy to leave a comment, I love going through those :)

Thank you for reading and have a great time wattpading everyone!