To say that the drive back to Manila was awkward would have been the fucking understatement of the century. At one point, naisip ko na baka mas okay na tumalon na lang ako sa expressway dahil napaka-awkward nung atmosphere. Still, I told myself to just bite my tongue—at least until maka-balik kami sa Manila para pwede na ako magbook ng Grab.

And then he pulled over in front of my condo. I knew I could just get out of his car at maglakad ako pabalik sa condo. But then again, I knew that I'd think about this moment. I guess I just wanted to end this conversation on a good note... tutal siya na rin ang nagsabi na gusto niyang maging magkaibigan kami.

"We can be friends," I began para lang matapos na. "But there are limits, alam mo 'yon?"

"Can I still talk to you? Or do you have to ask for permission?"

I bit the inside of my lip dahil rinig na rinig ko iyong sarcasm sa boses ni Joaquin—and it was not as if he tried to be subtle about it. Akala ko nung drive namin pabalik sa Manila e nakapag-isip-isip na siya at kalmado na—turned out I was wrong. Si Joaquin ba siya kung hindi siya sarcastic?

I unbuckled my seatbelt. "Saka na lang tayo mag-usap kapag matino ka na kausap," I said but as I tried to open the door, he locked it again from his end. I looked at him. Ni hindi ako nagsalita.

Sumandal siya. Naka-hawak sa manibela iyong dalawang mga kamay niya. I could see how tightly he was gripping on the wheels.

"My bad," he said.

Hindi ako nagsalita.

"We can still hangout, right?"

"Kaka-sabi ko lang, 'di ba?"

"Do you have to tell him whenever we'll hangout?" he asked. Tumingin siya sa akin. "I'm not being sarcastic—I genuinely want to know."

Sumandal din ako. "Hindi," sagot ko sa kanya. "He said he trusts me—wala akong balak sirain 'yung trust na 'yon."

Silence engulfed us for a moment.

"He's really smart and nice and loyal—baka maging kaibigan mo rin 'yon," I told him. I mean... wasn't that the reason why he's so keen on me being his friend? Because according to him, he can be himself when he's with me? E ganon din naman ako kay Andrew? Malay ba namin kung maging friends din sila?

"Sure, whatever," sabi niya.

"So... we're good?" tanong ko habang naka-tingin sa kanya. He didn't really give me an answer, pero naka-tingin lang siya sa akin. For some reason, I began to feel awkward that I had to quickly avert my gaze. "Do you have any question? Or whatever? O pwede na akong umuwi?" sabi ko. "Fuck. Bibili lang dapat ako ng pagkain."

"You haven't eaten yet?"

Umiling ako. "Naka-tulog ako kagabi. Bibili lang dapat ako sa convenience store nung kinidnap mo ako," I said. I kept my tone light kasi ayoko na makipagtalo. The thing with arguing with Joaquin is that it's exhausting—para siyang energy blackhole. Nakaka-ubos siya hindi lang ng pasensya kundi pati ng pagkatao.

"I'll cook for you." Napa-kunot ang noo ko. "What? Can't a friend cook for a friend?" he asked. His tone was not sarcastic. He didn't have that usual smirk on his face. But I know Joaquin...

"Fine," I said dahil alam ko na kung hindi ako pumayag, I'll never hear the end of this from him.

* * *

Once again, I was walking down the familiar hallway.

Nothing changed in the interior of Joaquin's condo — it was still the same; nothing really changed... well, aside from our situation.

I sat down on the couch habang nagluluto siya. I debated on whether I'd tell Andrew about this kaya lang baka kasi talaga mukha akong guilty na nagsusumbong... Kung pwede ko lang sanang sabihin kay James, e. San ba ako makaka-hanap ng isa pang kaibigan na pwedeng maka-usap?

"Did you like my gift?" he asked.

Mabuti na lang at hindi siya naka-harap sa akin dahil biglang nanlaki iyong mga mata ko. Naiwan ko sa sasakyan ni Andrew iyong bigay sa 'kin ni Joaquin.

"Ah... Oo. Salamat. 'Di ka na sana nag-abala pa."

"Have you used it?"

"Ah... Oo. Kagabi."

"Really."

Ano ba 'yung regalo niya?!

"Oo."

I almost jumped on my seat when he stood behind me. He leaned down a bit until I could hear his voice because he was speaking just a few inches from my ear.

"Why are you such a liar?" he asked.

I gulped. "A-ano na naman?"

"What was my gift?" he asked again.

I quickly stood up to get away. "Parang tanga 'to."

"Why did you have to lie about such a trivial thing?" he asked. He looked genuinely pissed at this point. "Did you throw it away?"

"Hindi."

He began walking towards me. I began walking to the opposite side because I didn't want to be near to him. But Joaquin just followed me.

"Parang gago naman 'to," I said when he finally cornered me doon sa may kusina niya. He was standing right in front of me. "Konting space naman."

"Where's my gift?" he pressed again.

I tried to push him away. "Di ko pa nagagamit. Okay na?" sabi ko pero parang 'di siya convinced sa sagot ko. "Fine," I said, giving up dahil kailan ba ako nanalo sa ganitong usapan? "Nakita mo nung sinundo ako ni Andrew nung party, 'di ba? Nilagay ko sa backseat nung sasakyan 'yung regalo mo. Nalimutan ko don. Ngayon ko lang naalala nung tinanong mo. Kukunin ko pag nagkita kami ni Andrew."

Joaquin was standing dangerously close to me and I hated how I knew that we used to fuck at this very corner before. Lahat ata ng sulok ng condo niya e nabasbasan namin. Pwede ba na kung maghahangout kami e sa labas na lang? Kahit ayoko e kung anu-ano ang naiisip ko.

But as I was looking directly at his face, I quickly saw that... hurt cross his face.

It couldn't be.

Bakit naman masasaktan si Joaquin? It wasn't as if I told him I tossed the gift. Innocent mistake lang naman! Naiwan ko lang.

But that hurt was shortlived.

Joaquin took a step back and then showed me this... fake as fuck smile.

"Alright," he said like a fucking psycho that he was tapos ay naglakad siya pabalik sa niluluto niya na himala na hindi pa nasusunog.

* * *

I wouldn't be surprised anymore kung magka-indigestion ako dahil halos hindi ko na nguyain iyong pagkain. Nagpaalam agad ako na aalis na ako after ko matapos kumain. Unsurprisingly, hindi ako pinigilan ni Joaquin. I guess we're in agreement na 'di na tama na muna iyong pag-uusap namin ngayon.

I couldn't even sleep thinking about the gift kasi bakit ba parang badtrip siya? Kaya naman nung gising na si Andrew, pumunta ako sa condo niya. I asked if he was busy. He said yes, but if may kailangan ako, he'll make time. I told him na may kukunin lang ako sa sasakyan niya. He didn't even ask kung ano—he just gave me the key to his car.

"Ano ba kasi 'to?" I asked as I finally got the paper bag.

When I opened it, I saw a box of cologne. My eyes widened a bit upon realization na ito iyong pabango niya na sinabi ko sa kanya na mabango. I did search for it online at kahit mabango pa siya, 'di naman ako ganon ka-siraulo para gumastos ng almost 10k para lang sa pabango.

And he got me this?

Just because I mentioned one time how I liked the smell?

Fuck.

Nakaka-guilty tuloy.

Kaya pala alam niya na nagsisinungaling ako.

I stood in the parking lot like a fucking weirdo dahil hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Should I... apologize? But for what exactly? Talaga namang nakalimutan ko lang. Honest mistake. Parang gago lang kung mag-o-overexplain ako same way na ayoko mag-overexplain kay Andrew kasi mukhang tanga lang.

Tsk.

Epal na buhay 'to. Bakit 'di na lang niya ako inuwian ng ref magnet galing Hongkong?

* * *

Andrew and I had brunch. He did ask kung ano iyong kinuha ko sa sasakyan. I told him about the gift and then subsequently told him kung paano ako napunta sa sitwasyon na 'yon. He was just quietly listening. It was so... unlike my conversations with Joaquin na parang anytime e magagalit siya sa 'kin o magiging sarcastic.

"Okay lang na gamitin ko?" I asked. I mean... sayang but if he'll feel weird about this, 'di ko na lang gagamitin. 'Di ko rin sure kung pwede ko ibalik kay Joaquin kasi baka highbloodin na naman sa 'kin 'yon.

"Oo. Sayang naman. 'Di ba nag-e-expire ang cologne?" he asked like he was genuinely curious—and he was kasi naggoogle search pa siya tungkol don.

"Sure ka?" He nodded. "Sure ka ba'ng tao ka? Bakit 'di ka nagagalit?"

Tumingin lang siya sa akin na naka-kunot ang noo. "I grew up with my siblings and lots of my cousins—mahaba lang talaga siguro ang pasensya ko."

"Ah... Only child ako kaya siguro maigsi ang pasensya ko." Andrew nodded. Hinampas ko siya. "Mahaba kaya pasensya ko! Kasalanan ko ba na nakakairita mga tao sa paligid ko?"

It felt a bit weird... but the good kind of weird... dahil nung hinampas ko si Andrew, inabot niya iyong kamay ko at hindi binitiwan.

So, we were having brunch in a café while holding hands under the table.

It was good.

I wish it's always this good.

* * *

The second sem finally began—as in nagsimula na lahat ng mga pasakit sa buhay ko.

Everyone around me was busy. Busy din naman ako kasi ang dami kong extra-subjects pati mga pinapagawa sa org. Busy din ako ayusin iyong requirements sa internship ko. Paano 'to ginawa nila Andrew dati? Parang gusto ko na humimlay!

"Weh?" sabi ko nung narinig ko na pwedeng magdala ng plus one sa isang event sa org.

"Yeah just register the name," sabi sa akin.

Sasakalin ba ako ni James kung si Andrew lang ang isasama ko? Plus one lang daw? Hindi ba pwedeng plus two?

Bigla kong nakita si Joaquin. May kausap siya at mukha siyang seryoso. I mean lagi naman siyang seryoso pagdating sa mga seryosong bagay. It's just that after that weird ass conversation about the gift, medyo 'di siya nagparamdam. Granted it's only been two weeks, but still, para sa taong kasing kulit ni Joaquin, two weeks would feel like a lifetime.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Joaquin," I called nung umalis na iyong kausap niya.

"Yeah?" he simply replied. Naka-tingin siya sa akin. I was thrown off for a bit kahit na ano ba ang ineexpect ko? Na magttantrums siya dito sa org meeting?

"Pwede daw magdala ng plus one sa event?"

"Yeah. I'm not in charge of the guest-list."

"Pwede bang dalawa?" I asked just to annoy him because he being so... weird.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he just replied before he called someone else at saka nilapitan iyon para kausapin. Yeah. He's mad at me. The Joaquin I know would've told me na kaya nga plus one, meaning plus one lang. Na hindi ba ako marunong magbilang? That's the Joaquin I know.

Pero kasalanan ko rin naman. Why did I have to lie about such a trivial thing nga ba kasi? I should've just told him na hindi ko pa nabubuksan iyong regalo.

So, the entire meeting, naka-tingin lang ako sa kanya habang naka-usap niya na ata lahat ng tao malibang sa akin.

"Joaquin," I called nang nasa labas na kami.

He looked at me. "Yeah?"

"Dinner?" I asked.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Why?"

"Why not? May ka-dinner ka na?"

Hindi siya nagsalita.

I sighed.

"Nakita ko na 'yung regalo mo. Salamat," sabi ko sa kanya. "Gagamitin ko tuwing special occasion."

Joaquin was looking at me like he was still trying to decide kung seryoso ba ako o hindi pa rin niya ako papansinin.

"Nabanggit ko rin 'yung relo mo. Bibilhan mo rin ba ako ng Patek Philippe?"

"In your dreams."

"Never say never." He rolled his eyes and a small smile appeared on his face. "Yieee. Bati na tayo? Friends na ulit?" I asked as I elbowed him habang naglalakad kami. 

**

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