"Shut up!" Tony shouts, throwing his arms up in anger and rolling his eyes. "I don't have a problem!"

"This isn't a problem?" Rhodey murmurs, voice sympathetic and gentle compared to Tony's heated anger. He picks up the beer that Tony had just finished off, brandishing it at Tony like it'll solve all the problems in the world. "Even Peter's been noticing how off you've been acting, Tony, and it's not okay. You can't drag him into your problems."

Tony works from home and Rhodey's had the day off work. Peter's at school and Steve's working, leaving just the two of them in the house.

"It's not a problem! Peter's only been off because Carol's gone!" Tony argues, snatching the beer bottle back so it's not being pushed in his face.

"I know you lost your parents, Tony, and I know it's hard. It sucks, okay? I know, but you can't take out your problems on the people around you. It's not fair on us. You need to find a better way to cope. Alcohol isn't the way to go."

"I'm not an alcoholic or some shit, Rhodey," the mechanic mutters, rolling his eyes again. "Just fuck off."

"I'm not going to pretend I can't see this happening. Steve's questioning it and Peter's been questioning it, asking why his dad is acting weird. You're angry and you're sad and you're grieving. That's okay. But you need to move on and get yourself together," Rhodey says, voice lifting as though shouting it will get it through Tony's head.

Unsurprisingly, all it does is make Tony angrier.

"I'm not grieving!" he shouts, fist clenching around the neck of the bottle. "I don't care! I hadn't spoken to them in years and they didn't give a shit about me. I don't care that they're dead. I couldn't care less."

"Then why are you drinking like this? It's not because Carol's gone. If it's not because of your parents, what is it?"

"It's nothing! Just leave me alone! I don't need your pity or your help! So, leave me alone!" Tony shoves Rhodey out of the way as he stalks off to the kitchen, depositing the beer bottle in the recycling bin, it clangs against the other ones piled inside the bin. He opens his alcohol cupboard, the one that he's had stocked with scotch and whiskey and wine. Only to find it empty.

"Fucking hell, Rhodey!" he shouts, spinning around with clenched fists and a tight jaw. "I don't have a problem! Where the fuck is my alcohol?"

"You have a problem, Tones, and I'm really worried about you. I'm not telling you where it is," Rhodey says, just as calm and even as ever. "For once, solve this without alcohol."

"I just want a fucking drink!" Tony punches the cupboard door making Rhodey's face harden in anger. "Where the fuck did you hide them?"

"You're acting like your father-"

"Fuck you! I'm acting dead, am I? In case you forgot, he's dead. He's fucking dead. Fuck off," he mutters, hugging the empty bottle against his chest, his hands are trembling.

"You're acting like your father did when you were younger. I remember how angry he was when you told him about Mary. I remember what he did. Do you? Or are you okay with acting like that towards Peter?"

The words hit hard but the alcohol is doing its trick to keep Tony's mouth disconnected from his head.

"Of course, I remember! He- He hit me! He was fucking wasted, and he decked me. Yeah, I remember." Another eye roll.

"You're so angry, Tony. Who's to say you wouldn't do the same thing to Peter? Do you really want Peter to grow up scared of you?"

The words do the opposite that Rhodey wished they would.

Tony finds the alcohol by the end of the day after Rhodey says he has some errands to run. He hides it in his own spot. Nobody can be angry at his coping mechanisms if they don't know it's happening.

*

"Hey, babe," Tony greets, kissing Steve when he walks into the garage. It's been a few weeks since the first incident and to his knowledge, nobody knows about his secret drinking. He's found the right combination of drinks that make him happy and not so angry.

"How's work going?" Steve asks, leaning against the work table with a smile. "Peter's helping Rhodey make dinner tonight."

"Really good. Working on some designs for an environmentally-friendly car of sorts. Like an eco-friendly battery that can power a car. Not sure exactly how it'll work," Tony replies. He still hasn't returned the calls for his parents' lawyer in charge of their deaths. He thinks their funeral is being planned for next week, but he wasn't planning on going anyways. He doubts any of it was left to him.

"Sounds fascinating," Steve murmurs. He's never been very good with science and tech, but he tries his best to understand whenever Tony talks about it. "Rhodey says he has to talk about something with us after Peter's in bed. I think it's serious."

"Okay. You planning on hanging around or heading back in to help out?"

"I think they've got enough help in the kitchen, I've already heard Peter rambling about how he's memorized the first four rows of the periodic table." Steve's fit in as a fatherly-figure for Peter fantastically. It's a surprise he doesn't have any younger siblings with how good at it he is.

"I'm so proud," Tony says, finally setting down his tools to give Steve a proper hug. "How was your day?"

Steve opens his mouth to answer before his face freezes. "Have you been drinking?"

Tony's quick to start breathing carefully through his nose while shaking his head. "No. I don't have any alcohol and Rhodey's been watching me like a hawk for the past month. I think you'd know if I was drinking."

It's defensive, he knows it is and he's never been very good at lying.

"It's better to tell me the truth, Tony."

And even though it sends guilt burning through his chest and makes his stomach twist, he nods.

"I haven't been," he says, lying straight through his teeth. "I had lunch at this nice restaurant, though, so maybe you're mistaking the food for alcohol."

That's a lie too. He didn't eat lunch, opting for drinking a few beers while working on a car. He hasn't been eating much lately either. It takes the edge off the drinking.

"Okay," Steve sighs, disbelief shining in his eyes. He kisses him nice and slow instead of questioning him any further. "I miss you."

"I'm right here, babe. You don't have to miss anything," Tony replies with a cheeky grin.

Steve kisses him again, pulling away to mumble, "I love you."

"I love you too," Tony says, pressing his mouth against his boyfriend's. All warm and clumsy and sends the same happiness burning through his chest that alcohol brings him.

"Daddy!" Peter shouts, racing into the garage.

Tony pulls away and looks over his shoulder. "No running in the garage, Petey. You know the rules."

"Sorry, Daddy," Peter says, all bright-eyed and smiling. "Uncle Rhodey says dinner's almost ready. Are we working on science after?"

"It's early bedtime tonight, kiddie." Tony scoops the kid into his arms, letting Peter rest his head against his shoulder, nuzzling as close as he can manage. "The adults have to talk after we get you all tucked into bed. I'll read you a bedtime story."

"Okay. Science tomorrow?" He pulls away, a pout on his face as though expecting Tony to say no.

"Yeah, kiddo. We'll keep working through it tomorrow after you get home from school. I'll get the car done tonight so I have all the time in the world to spend with you," Tony replies. He sets his kid down on the floor, ruffling his hair.

"Hiya, Mister Steve!" Peter says, grinning widely up at the blond. "Dinner's almost ready!"

*

"What did you need to talk about?" Tony asks, walking into the living room where Steve and Rhodey are already waiting. He's itching for another drink, something harder than the beers he's been sipping all day, but he doesn't want to risk it while Steve and Rhodey are around. The last thing he needs is for them to be more worried about him.

There's no wait, no delay, no sugar-coating. Just straight facts when he speaks.

"I got the call," Rhodey says. His position is defensive, eyes warily watching Tony who shows no sign of understanding. "The enlistment. I'm going across state to start training for the military."

"What?" Tony exclaims, jaw dropping and eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I'm serious, Tones. I know it hasn't been very long since Carol left, but you and Steve have real careers now. I've looked through the numbers and if you cut back a little bit on extras, you can continue to afford this place without my help," Rhodey explains. "I enlisted years ago, and they've finally gotten around to my application. I get to start training tomorrow morning, my earliest convenience."

"You're just- You're just leaving?" Tony says, eyes watering with his sudden rush of emotions. He could really use a drink now. "You're leaving?"

"Like Carol said, this is going to be really good for me. For me to accomplish what I want to do. You knew this would happen when I told you I enlisted."

"I can't- You can't just go," Tony mumbles, trying to put out the anger that escapes from the box he normally has it tucked in. He's lost everything. Carol, his parents, and now Rhodey. And he's just supposed to accept this?

"Yeah, I can, Tony. If you've actually been serious with cutting out alcohol, you'll be fine without me." He stands from the couch, standing face to face with Tony. "Steve's already fully onboard with this. I didn't want it to be so soon, but they said the sooner the better and I want to do this."

Tony's fists and jaw clench, tension running through his neck and into his back.

"You can't just go!" he says, voice raising with the emotions that coil around his lungs.

"Peter's trying to sleep. Please don't shout," Steve murmurs, voice even softer than Rhodey's had been. "Rhodey will still visit. It's like a day's drive. He can come every weekend if he wanted to. I'll still be here, supporting you, and so will Peter. It's not the end of the world."

"Fuck," Tony says, trying to force some air into his tight lungs. "Fuck... Okay, fuck. I've gotta- I have to think- I need to think for a second."

Steve's hands are there suddenly, steadying and strong on his arms. "You're okay, love. You need to breathe. Calm down. We'll talk about this."

His chest heaves as he tries to follow Steve's instructions. The last thing he wants is for his family to be even more disappointed in him.

Rhodey pushes him to sit down on the couch, resting his hand over Tony's heart with a quiet sigh. This definitely isn't the first time he's needed to help Tony down from an attack. He used to do it all the time when they were back in University, but he thought Tony had stopped having them all together. He supposes his parents dying is a pretty big trigger for his attacks to come back.

"I need you to focus up." No room for argument. Focus. "Five to One Senses countdown. Go."

He's found out that giving Tony direct orders is the easiest way to get him out of his head. If he leaves things open-ended, Tony will be able to ignore it.

"Five... Five things I see?" Tony tries, eyes blindly looking around the room. "Rhodey, you, and Steve. You're here. The- the TV, the coffee table, and... And the blanket."

"Four," Rhodey instructs. He knows Tony remembers these things.

"Four things I can feel," Tony replies, hands shaking as he reaches forwards flailing. He catches Steve's shirt and Rhodey's shoulder in his attempt. "I can feel you- you're Steve. I can feel Steve and I can feel Rhodey. Um- The couch- I'm sitting on the couch. My feet are on the floor. That's- That's four."

"Keep going," Rhodey encourages. "Three."

"Three things I can... I can hear," he murmurs, hands flexing into fists in Steve's shirt as he pauses, listening carefully. His breathing has already slowed down from the hyperventilating from just moments earlier. "The TV. It's, uh, I think it's the news. Talking about the government. Steve's breathing..."

He lets his hand relax enough to rest over Steve's exaggerated breathing lungs. "And- And I can hear the- my breathing."

"Two more. Go. Two."

"Two things I can smell. I can smell the dinner we had earlier. We, uh, we had garlic bread, right? Yeah, yeah, we had garlic bread and pasta. You made your homemade pasta. And I can smell oil. I think- That's me, right? I smell like oil... I worked on cars today," he rambles. His breathing has evened out and his eyes are more focused, staring at Rhodey awaiting further instruction.

"You know this. Next one," Rhodey says.

"One thing I can taste garlic bread. You made your mom's old recipe of pasta for dinner a few hours ago." In truth, he can still taste beer, but he knows, even in his hazy mind, he knows he can't say that.

"Good job," Rhodey says, sighing as he rocks back on his heels. It never gets easier to watch Tony go through that.

"Does that... Does that happen a lot?" Steve's eyes are wide and scared, continuing to hold Tony's hand firmly over his chest.

"Used to get them all the time in Uni," Tony says, focusing on his breathing. "My father was an asshole and I used to fight with him all the time. Had a lot of attacks after I'd talk to him. Got better after Peter... Was gone once I graduated. Guess they're back."

Tony lets out a breath, slumping back against the cushions once he's sure it's passed. He lets his hand fall away from Steve's, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in.

"I'm sorry," Rhodey mumbles, hand resting on Tony's knee reassuringly. "I should've waited. I know you're already dealing with a lot... I'll tell them something came up. A family emergency and I'll have to postpone-"

"This is your dream." Tony opens his eyes to smile reassuringly at Rhodey. "You want to join the military, so join the military. This is a big opportunity for you. I've got Peter and Steve here to keep me company. But you better visit us all the time. Call me all the time. Peter's going to miss you so much, but this will be good."

"I'll miss you too, Tones," Rhodey says, suddenly grinning. "You'll help me pack, right? You helped Carol pack so it's only fair if you help me too."

"I'll pack if you're the one who tells Peter the news in the morning."

"Deal."

*

Saying goodbye to Rhodey, but it's something Tony knows he has to do sober.

He doesn't want to forget or to ruin the moment by them finding out he's still drinking behind their backs.

But the moment Rhodey's car disappears down the street and Steve volunteers to take Peter to school on his way to work, Tony cracks open a bottle of Jack Daniels and locks the door to the garage. 

_____

this is so late im sorry i just couldnt convince myself to write after I'd just seen endgame whoops 

Hope yall are doing good :)

Lyss