A lot can change over the course of one summer.

Tony tried. He really really did. But it was always this or that and he'd find some excuse to pull out a beer while the other two were out of the house.

Sure, the ring around his finger would scream at him not to, telling him of all the broken promises and the secrets and the mistrust that this would cause between him and his fiancé, but he couldn't ignore the painful need to pull out a drink.

It was like it was embedded into his DNA. He couldn't stop himself or else maybe he'd die. That's what it felt like, at least. Drinking was the only reason he could appear at least a little put together for his family. He needed to have his head screwed on straight and the drinking helped in some weird fucked up way.

 So maybe he would pull out a drink every once in a while. 

Maybe he'd get drunk every few nights to take the edge off.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd get black out drunk at least once a week to get him through the days. 

But he was fine. 

There's nothing wrong with him.

*

"What the hell is this?" Steve demands. His hand is wrapped around the neck of an empty bottle of scotch, which had been hidden under their bed in a shoe box. It's been two, almost three months since they got engaged and Steve hadn't noticed anything off. Sure, Tony sometimes acted a little weird or out of line, but nothing that was really concerning. 

"It's nothing," Tony says, crossing his arms over his chest. This time, Steve catches the little slur in his voice and the fumble to get his arms to cooperate. "Just forget it."

"Have you been drinking?" he asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed and letting the bottle fall to the carpet harmlessly. He doesn't even want to look at it anymore. "You know I'm here for you, right? If you were having problems or something... You could've come to me for help."

"I never stopped!" Tony blurts, one hand gripping the door frame, the other grasping at his jeans to hide the shaking. Steve notices though. "I never stopped drinking! I was never sober like I promised everyone I was! I just got better at hiding it."

Steve's heart jumps into his throat, hands trembling as he grabs the sheets on the bed to steady himself. He needs to look put together if he's going to talk this through with Tony. 

"What?" he murmurs. "Why didn't you talk to us? We're all here for you, babe. You could've talked to us and we'd help you... Where is it? Where's the rest of the bottles?"

Tony huffs out a breath, looking like a toddler as he kicks at the floor in his socked feet. But he nods and starts off towards the bathroom. 

By the end, the bed is stacked with empty and half-empty bottles of liquor along with weird places Tony's been hiding it like clear glue bottles filled with vodka. It's scary to see how many bottles Tony's been hiding from Steve this past year. 

"Is this it?" Steve asks, looking over the pile with a heavy heart. He had no idea it had gotten this bad. He picks up the garbage bag he had gotten from the kitchen and opens it up to start collecting them all.

"Wait," Tony says, glazed eyes turning towards their dresser. He opens the bottom drawer that's full of old t-shirts and digs through it to pull out an empty bottle of whiskey. He tosses it into the pile carelessly with a loud clank. "That's it."

"You promise?" Steve asks, keeping his voice firm and strict like a parent and a child would.

"I promise," Tony says, spinning his engagement ring on his finger absentmindedly. "That's it. That's all I have... I'm going to have to buy more."

Steve spins on Tony suddenly, tossing the garbage bag at his boyfriend angrily. 

"Buy more?! That's what you're taking out of this? I can't just- Fuck, Tony. How much fucking money have you spent on alcohol this year? I knew we were missing quite a bit, but I figured it was because Peter was growing and he needed new clothes recently... Fuck." Steve runs a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends with his stress. 

Tony's eyes clear up a little as though he's coming out of his drunkenness. "Steve, babe, I'm sorry, okay? It's just... It's been a really hard year, okay? Carol and Rhodey left and my parents... It's just- It's been hard. And the drinking makes it feel easier."

Steve sits on the edge of the bed again, in the only empty space with all the bottles and the alcohol everywhere. If he keeps talking so loud, he's going to wake Peter up and that's the last thing they want. Luckily, Peter's finally moved into his own bedroom, Rhodey's old one, and Carol's old one is half guest bedroom for when they visit, half Tony's office. 

"I can't keep doing this, Tony," Steve admits, letting his head fall into his hands. He knows it's unfair to make this about him, but it's unfair for Tony to be doing this to him in the first place. "I can't keep letting this sort of thing slide like it's no big deal. This looks like hundreds of dollars worth of alcohol and I'm always the one to make dinner and do the chores and help Peter with his homework because you disappear to the garage for hours."

"I know and I'm sorry-"

"Will you try?" Steve asks. "Will you really, honestly, try to stop this?"

The silence gives Steve enough of an answer. 

"I can't keep doing this," he repeats. "I can't keep covering for you. Peter's your kid, but I keep having to tell him that I'm doing bedtime and I'm helping him with homework and I'm doing dinner and I'm taking him to the bus. It's not fair to anyone, Tony."

"I'm sorry, Steve. I am, I just... I can't stop. I need this. It's the only reason I'm not falling to pieces. It's the only thing that keeps my emotions capped and my head screwed on straight. I need this."

"You need the alcohol more than you need me? More than you need your kid?" 

It's unfair, he knows it's unfair, but he needs to get through to Tony and it's true. 

"I can have both," Tony says, crossing his arms again. His jaw clenches, swallowing hard. He already knows what Steve's going to say. 

Steve stands, running a hand through his hair again. 

"No," he says. "No, you can't have both, Tony. I can't- I can't stay if you don't make the choice to give up the alcohol. I can't make you give it up, you have to make that choice for yourself. It's up to you."

"You can't leave me, Steve. We're- We're engaged. That's... We have plans. We have a future," Tony argues, desperation simmering behind his eyes as he lifts his voice a little. Steve's quick to shush him, not wanting to wake Peter up at this late hour. He's too young to be dragged into this mess.

"I don't want to, honey. I love you but I can't do this if you don't choose me over alcohol. I'm sorry," Steve explains, shaking his head with a sad smile. "I don't want to have to leave you, babe, but I can't watch you tear yourself apart like this."

"I can't do this without you!" Tony exclaims, tugging at the ends of his hair, tears filling his deep brown eyes too quickly. "I can't do all of this by myself.  I've tried but I always fail. I can't- I can't do this alone."

"You don't have to. As long as you decide to let me help you. We can get you therapy, if that's what you need. AA meetings or rehab if you think you need that to keep to your promises. But if you decide you can't give it up, then I can't stay."

The tears spill over and Tony pushes his palms hard against his eyes to try to get them to stop, but they won't stop and everything hurts-

"Tony, come on. Don't do this. You know I can't stand it when you cry," Steve murmurs, hands on Tony's shoulders. He pulls the mechanic's body against his chest as he crumbles, holding onto Tony like just his hands can hold the broken shards of his soul together. 

Steve steers Tony to sit on the edge of the couch, peppering his messy hair in kisses before he moves away, clearing the bed of the bottles into the garbage bags and tying them off. He leaves them in the bathroom, not wanting them to sit by their bed for the whole night, but not knowing what else to do with them until morning.

He sits on the bed beside his fiance and lets Tony collapse against his chest. 

Running soothing fingers through Tony's hair, Steve says, "I love you, Tony. I really, really do. We can figure this all out in the morning, okay?"

"Please don't go," Tony says, voice cracking through the lump in his throat from the sobs that threaten to escape. 

Steve knows he can't promise something that big. If Tony decides Steve isn't worth giving up the drinking, he won't have a choice but to leave. He can't make that decision for Tony. 

But he can't let Tony feel like he's already been abandoned. 

"I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."

*

When Steve wakes up to find Tony passed out in the bathtub, surrounded by empty beer bottles and a half-empty bottle of whiskey against his stomach, he's glad he didn't make the promise. 

He twists off the gold band that had been sitting around his ring finger and sets it down next to the sink. Forever, I promise glitters back at him from the inside of the ring. Tony made the ring the day after Steve proposed. 

Steve smiles sadly down at the ring through blurry eyes and turns back to Tony. He brushes back the messy hair and kisses his forehead for a long few moments. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, quickly wiping away the tear that threatens to fall. "I really do love you, but I can't do this. I'm sorry."

He takes the whiskey bottle from Tony and cleans up the bathroom, taking the garbage bags down to his truck and loading them in the back to be taken to a landfill on his way to a motel until he can figure everything out. 

One more thing before he can leave. 

He heads up to Peter's bedroom, letting himself in and kissing his forehead gently. 

I love you, kiddo. 
I'm sorry I had to leave. 

He writes his phone number on the page, followed by his name, and writes just in case beside it. He doesn't want Peter to feel like he's being abandoned entirely. He can call if he needs to. 

Steve hopes he won't need to because that would mean Tony will be struggling, but Tony made the decision to drink himself to passing out in the bathroom even after Steve told him the consequences. Tony knew what he was doing. He still chose the alcohol over Steve. That was his choice. 

*

Steve stares at the house for a long few minutes from his old truck, hands clenched around the steering wheel. He doesn't want to leave this little family. Not after everything. 

Chicken Noodle Soup he didn't really need. He just wanted to talk to the beautiful employee. 

"If you buy me coffee, I'll fix your truck."

"To not caring what other people think."

"To being who we want to be."

"You have a kid?"

"I really like you."

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Would you be my boyfriend?"

"Of course, I'll move in with you."

"I love you."

"Will you marry me?"

Forever, I promise. 

"I'm sorry."

"Goodbye."

He watches the house slowly get smaller through his rear-view mirror, letting it all fade away. 

_____
this is short sorry lol also this is so late I've been really busy and now im getting sick which hecking sucks man imma try to get back on track next week but dont be surprised if next week's off schedully again sorry

ALSO IMPORTANT ABOUT THE ONESHOT BOOK I WAS TALKING ABOUT LAST CHAPTER: I think I'm going to wait until I'm done writing this book and then start writing the oneshot book afterwards for baby peter and dad tony and aunt carol and uncle rhodey and dad steve and maybe even some aunt tessa if yall are up for that

It's just that I'm currently wriitng 3 fics plus trying to write oneshots as often as I can so I don't want to take on another responsibility just yet lol I'll let you know 

Lyss