"Can I wear makeup too?" Noah asks.

Craig would through a fit if I let Noah turn up wearing makeup, but he doesn't know any different because he's grown up watching me apply makeup. I thought about skipping the makeup routine today, but after a night of tossing and turning, I need something to conceal the dark circles under my eyes.

I pass Noah a makeup brush and some translucent powder which is almost gone to play with while I finish applying my eyeshadow. He strokes the fluffy brush over his face and makes kissy faces in the mirror, which makes my heart melt. Also, is that how I look in the mirror when I'm applying makeup?

"Can you powder my face?" I ask.

Noah's eyes light up. I turn to him and close my eyes as he softly brushes powder on me. Once he's done, Noah upends the lipstick bag and they crash against the floor, rolling everywhere. I internally wince but watch as he flicks through the tubes. He picks a nude pink one and hands it to me.

"Thanks, baby."

Noah selects a bright red lipstick, but I hand him my clear lip balm and we put it on together. He makes funny faces and pokes his tongue out. I tickle his sides and he shrieks with laughter.

"You look great, Noah."

"You look like a princess, Mummy."

I squeeze him into a cuddle and run my fingers through his soft hair. Despite the rough moments I can't imagine not having the little man in my life!

"Are you ready to go and see Daddy for his birthday?"

"Yes." He nods.

"Do you need to go to the toilet before we leave?"

He ponders for a moment before running into my en suite. I pack some of the makeup away before standing up and adjusting my outfit. I tug the floral skirt down and twist it around so the seam line is hidden to the side.

When Noah emerges from the bathroom, we head to the living room and I slip on some shoes and grab my handbag while Noah picks up the present we bought this morning. It's been carefully wrapped in Car themed happy birthday wrapping paper and three stick-on bows because my child is just that extra when it comes to wrapping presents.

I wonder if Craig will notice the amount of love Noah put into this present.

"Let's go." I tug on a smile to hide how I really feel about his party.

* * * * *

Noah bounds up the driveway with the present in hand.

"Slow down, Noah, you might trip."

He knocks on the door just as I join him.

Craig's mid-conversation, but he stops talking when his hazel eyes lock on me. I tuck some hair behind my ear and rustle my fingers through Noah's hair.

"Hey, Craig, happy birthday."

"Happy birthday, Daddy," Noah cheers, thrusting the present into his arms.

He shakes his head and smiles.

"Thanks." He opens the door wider and gestures for us to come inside. I step into the entrance and there's a window that overlooks the backyard. It's filled with people chatting and young children running around. There's a few people I recognise, some I would prefer to avoid.

Noah grabs my hand and yanks me towards the back door.

"Come on Mummy, let's play."

Noah finds bubble wands and passes one to me. I blow some bubbles and he runs around the grassed area chasing them.

"My turn." He holds his hand out for it.

I pass the bubble wand to him and he blows bubbles.

"Mummy go catch them."

I crouch in front of Noah and pop the bubbles. Some other children join the bubble-catching frenzy, so I move to the shady spot under the overgrown orange tree. There used to be sun lounges under the tree and I would spend the afternoon relaxing under the shade and eating oranges when I was pregnant with Noah.

Craig would spend hours in the garden leading up to Noah's birth, I suppose his own way of nesting. He had some ideas of the things he wanted to build for Noah to play with when he was older.

His cheeks are bright red and he's breathless when he plonks on my lap. I smooth his sweaty hair down and kiss his forehead.

"Are you having fun?"

"Yes."

"Noah, come and play." One of his older cousins calls. He sucks in a big breath and sighs, before getting up and running over to kick the ball with them.

Craig wanders over and I stand up and we watch Noah playing.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Um." I frown.

"I could make you one of those orange mocktails you used to love. I made fresh orange juice this morning because the orange tree is going crazy with fruit this year."

"Okay." I nod.

"Come with me? I think I remember the recipe but I may need help."

I look for Noah and Craig laughs.

"Noah's talking to my mother, he'll be fine with her for a few minutes."

But will I be okay alone with him for a while?

"Um, okay." I nod.

I follow Craig into the kitchen and rest against the kitchen bench while he plots around the kitchen collecting things he needs.

"Do you need some help?" I ask.

"Can you get a cocktail cup?"

"Sure."

I walk around to the other side of the bench and open a cabinet and frown when I find counters.

"Oh, they're in the cabinet next to the fridge now."

I open the cabinet and try to reach for the glass but it's on the next shelf up. Craig places his hand on my waist and reaches over me to grab the cup.

"Thanks," I mutter.

He pours orange juice, a splash of lemon juice, ginger ale, and ice into a shaker and mixes it up before pouring it into the glass and garnishing it with mint.

He hands it to me and his fingers brush against mine.

I take a small sip and smile. Oh, it tastes just as refreshing as I remember it being.

"Thank you for coming to my party."

"Noah wanted me to come."

"I'm glad you're here."

"Thanks for the drink, Craig."

I turn to leave but he grabs my elbow to stop me. I hold the groan back and turn around. He closes the space between us and strokes my cheek with his index finger.

I push his hand away and frown.

"What do you want?"

"I miss you." His hazel eyes bore into mine and his warm breath feathers my skin. My stomach turns and an uneasy feeling settles into the pit of my stomach.

"You don't miss me." My voice is barely audible.

"Ellie." The way my name rolls off his tongue is melodic. Pain swirls with every thud of my heart. "I miss you, I miss us, and I miss being a family."

I look down at my brown sandals and my shoulders heave forward as I let out a loud sigh.

"Craig, please," I plead.

His fingertips lightly trail down my arm and catch my hand.

"Do you remember hanging out under the orange tree?" His other hand hooks under my chin, bringing my gaze to his. "Do you?"

"Yes," I admit breathlessly.

Desire pools in his hazel eyes and he beams.

"We talked about raising Noah and the things we were excited to do together. I never imagined it would be like this."

"Craig, stop."

His smile drops.

"You don't miss me, you miss the idea of us. We were never good together."

His face hardens.

"Ellie."

"Where is this coming from? Are you just saying this because you're worried I'm moving on? Noah told me you were asking him questions."

His eyebrows knit together and his eyes turn a darker shade of brown.

"Are you?"

"Why does it matter? We're not getting back together."

His grip turns painful and I pull back.

"Can't we talk about this?"

"You don't want me to move on from you."

"Because I still love you."

Tears well up in my eyes and I shake my head.

"Just stop, Craig. You can't stand the idea that I might be happy with someone else."

"Because I want to be the person responsible for your happiness. I want to be the only man in your life."

"And this is why we never worked out. One person shouldn't be responsible for your happiness, it's not healthy."

"Ellie, can't you see I love you."

"I'm going home now."

"You don't have to leave."

"I can't stay here."

"Don't take Noah, he's having fun with his friends. I can drop him home later." The thought of Craig rocking up at my house later sends fear coursing through me. If he comes to my house and I open the door, there's no guarantee he won't just wedge himself inside.

I wipe the tears from my cheek and hurry outside. Craig chases me, but I move faster. I catch Noah running out of the cubby house and he stops in his tracks once he sees the tears rolling down my cheeks. He races into my arms and I scoop him up and press my face into the crook of his neck.

"Ellie, wait," Craig calls, bringing everyone's attention to us.

I head to the front door and Craig follows me.

"You can't just yank him from the party."

His pleas go ignored as I make it to the car. I press the button on the door handle and it unlocks the vehicle. I open the back door and Craig roughly exhales.

"Jesus Ellie, let me say goodbye at least."

I hold him a little tighter and stare him dead in the eye.

Craig ruffles Noah's hair and smiles at him, but I see the hurt now lingering in his eyes. It softens my stance but those hazel eyes, the ones Noah's inherited, are the reason I've ignored so many broken promises, and forgiven bad behaviour when I knew I shouldn't have.

Craig was an enigma I was drawn to, senselessly orbiting around him.

"Thank you for coming to my birthday, bud. I'll see you later. Daddy loves you."

"Bye, Daddy." He waves.

I place Noah into his car seat and buckle him up. Craig grabs my wrist to prevent me from walking to the driver's side. I pull but his grip tightens.

"I know you still love me, Ellie. I can see it in your eyes."

"Some part of me will always love you, Craig. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you should be with them."

His grip softens and at that moment, I rip myself free and go to the driver's side. I turn the car on and music blares from the radio and cool air hits me. It's suffocating, but I put the car into reverse and head off. Once we're on the open road, the weight lifts off my chest and I can breathe again.

"Why were you crying, Mummy?"

"Sometimes adults get sad."

"Ice cream makes me happy when I'm sad." His comment has me laughing.

"Let's have ice cream when we get home."

"Yay." He cheers.

Noah races to get the ice cream when we arrive home while I dump my bag and shoes by the front door. There are several messages from Craig, which I ignore, and a message from Daniel asking how the party is going, I also ignore it.

I grab two spoons and scoop Noah up and run to the couch. I turn the tv on and we cuddle under a blanket eating ice cream and watching tv.

* * * * *

The window frame creaks as it slides up. I peer over my book and see Daniel poke his head through the window. His eyes dart over me before he leaps through the window.

"Hi," I meekly say.

"Hey Ellie, are you okay?"

My bottom lip temples and tears trickle down my cheek. Daniel hurries over to the bed and takes the book from me. His blue eyes search mine, then he crushes me against his chest.

"What did he do?" He's furious.

I snuggle closer and inhale his musky cologne which is oddly comforting. He strokes my back and kisses the top of my head.

"Ellie," he begs.

"Craig wants to get back together."

Daniel tenses.

"He said he loves me."

His breaths are shorter.

"He wants to be a family."

Daniel pulls me back, a storm brewing in his blue eyes.

"What did you say?"

"I took Noah and ran."

Daniel exhales a breath.

"He sprung this on me and I freaked out. He didn't want to do the father thing, he left me and now he wants to play happy families."

"Does he know about me?"

I pause and ponder.

"Yes, but no."

Daniel pulls back and frowns.

"I left our ice skating date early because Noah was upset. He told me Craig was asking him if I was seeing someone else and it upset him. He's suspicious but doesn't know anything."

"Oh."

"Mm."

"Do you think that's why?"

"I think so."

"Do you want to be with him?"

His blue eyes drink in my features.

"I took Noah and ran away." I sigh. "No, I don't."

I lean against his chest and Daniel tightly wraps his arms around me. He rubs my shoulder and squeezes it.

"You didn't message me back, and I got a little jealous thinking about you all dressed up at his party while I'm home alone waiting to sneak through your bedroom window."

"I'm sorry, I turned my phone off after Craig wouldn't stop messaging me."

"Oh."

My stomach growls. Daniel frowns and I laugh.

"Noah and I ate ice cream for dinner," I confess.

"I could cook you dinner or we could order something in. I don't know if cooking would wake Noah up."

"Let's just order something to be safe. Cooking might wake him up and he might freak out if he finds a stranger cooking in the kitchen."

"I don't have to be a stranger." Daniel sighs, kissing my forehead. "A conversation for another time, though."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you hungry for?"

"Pizza?"

"Pizza it is." He smiles.

Daniel pulls his phone out and I remain wrapped up in his arms, which is turning into my new favourite place to be.

* * * * *