•°"The boy never cried again, and he never forgot what he'd learned: that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed." Cassandra Clare -City Of Bones

"You might want to go up to your room," Chloé whispered as she came down the stairs. I looked at her with furrowed brows, confused.

"Just go."

I nodded as I licked my lips and headed upstairs, determined to find out what was in my room.

I held the door knob and pulled it down slowly.

In front of me he stood, looking lost and hopeless as ever, making my heart twitch in ache.

His eyes were teary and puffy. He looked tired as hell, weary with the burden of long-closed eyes; dead on the inside but subconsciously awake.

I felt hopeless for not being able to help him. It tore me apart seeing him this way.

He didn't have to say anything, I just ran up to him and hugged him tight.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, gently rubbing his arm. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against mine.

I felt him pull back a bit and kiss my forehead.

He then sat on my bed and looked up at me. Giving a half smile, he said, "the second I told her that I loved her, she left me."

~°Flashback Dylan Pov°~

I stared at my gorgeous mother while she soundlessly slept in the bed. I had gotten used to the stench of medicine.

The most gorgeous and generous woman I had ever seen, I thought as I stroked her face, waiting for her to open her eyes.

"My baby, you're here?"
I was glad she smiled. Opening her gorgeous eyes, she stroked my face, soothening all my pain and worry.

I smiled back at her, even though I was breaking on the inside.

The sight of her hurt me, the colour had drained from her face leaving a pale face. She was thin and weak, but she still looked gorgeous.

It was one week before my graduation. My mom was pretty excited for my graduation party, much more excited than I was. I was just glad to finally leave high school, even though I was the heartthrob of many girls. I was popular with an excellent academic record besides being the soccer's team captain. After finding out the horrifying news of my mother's illness, despite them trying their hardest to hide it from me, I gave up on everything. I even skipped school, my grades dropping and locked up myself in my room. The darkness overshadowed every tiny bit of light.

My mother then found me, lost and broken. She gave me hope, with a smile on her face, telling me that she's getting better. She told me she just had to go through a few doses of chemotherapy and that she needed me to be by her side every step on the way.

Days went by and I could see her health improving gradually. I kept on visiting her and saw that she was back to her good old self - strong and beautiful.

After getting her treatments done, she came back home and felt fine. Or that was what I thought.

A few weeks later, she was rushed into the hospital. Just then, I discovered the truth. My parents had been hiding the truth from me, because if not then why was she in such a state? Or was it that the cancer had returned?

Shaking off the horrible thoughts and memories, I brought up her delicate cold hand and kissed it as a fountain of tears built in my eyes. She's my everything and it hurt to see her this way.

"I'm okay. Be strong for me. I love you Dylan."

"I...I love you mom," I muttered, giving a half smile. A tear formed in my eye and coursed down my left eyes. All I felt was pain - brutal fucking, purring pain - in my chest. Her eyes closed halfway and I heard a long beeping sound coming from the machine.

"No mom. Wait."

She wasn't responding anymore.

"Mom," I whispered as I shook her once more.

I screamed so loud for help that my throat swelled up. I screamed again louder, ignoring the pain I felt in my throat. So loud that the whole staff came running towards my mother's room.

The nurses pulled me off my mother and removed my hand from hers.

"No leave me," I screamed as I tried to wiggle myself out of their grip.

I kicked off all the books and papers while they tried to drag me out, telling me to relax. I was scared of what would happen if I left that room. I was scared that they wouldn't be able to revive her back and that I would lose her forever.

After they successfully locked me out, I screamed louder, kicking the wall as warm tears started rolling down my eyes.

My legs then felt weak and they gave up on me, making me fall to the ground. I was paralyzed with terror. I couldn't feel my feet anymore so I laid my head backwards and stared at the white wall, so long that my eyes began hurting and closed shut.

~•End of flashback•~

I stared at him as a pool of tears built up in my eyes. I then sat next to him on my bed and squeezed his hand tight.

I wished I had known. I was so disappointed and hurt, but right now everything made sense.

He was scared of these three words. Scared that if he says these words, he'd lose the person.

He couldn't say it because he was scared that if he'd say it to me, he'd lose me.

If only I knew.

"Let it all out," I sighed.

"I lost both of my parents. I lost my father, all that I had left from my mother. I've lost my family. I have no one now."

"I'm here."

"If only life wasn't this hard."

I couldn't say a word because no amount of words would make a change.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't say I loved you when I knew I did, I'm sorry I didn't say I loved you when it was the only reason to make you stay."

A tear coursed down my cheek as he spoke. I had never seen him like this.
He wipped off the tear, drawing circles underneath my eye tinkling me.

I could hear the rain falling hard outside. Lightning then illuminated the room and thunder rolled off, frightening me.

"Do you want to drink or eat something?" I asked, knowing that he probably didn't eat anything today.

"No, I just want you by my side."

I felt my heart leap in my chest. Hearing him say this, sent chills down my spine. Those words made me feel a sense of satisfaction.

I then sat on the bed next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Promise me.. Promise you won't leave me," he pleaded as he held both of my hands.

I looked at him, shocked at what he had just said. I had never seen a man this vulnerable in my life. At that moment, I knew that I had the power over him, but he did also have that same power over me.
I won't deny that it did scare me, it scared me to hell, I didn't want to lose him.

"I'll always stay," I whispered as I nodded and gave a half smile assuring him.

Always, through thick and thin, I promise.

He then wrapped his arms around my waist while we sat on bed, and I rested my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat.

The Next Morning.

It prickled in the back of my head- something was wrong, but I excused my apprehension with the fatigue and stress and kept my eyes shut.

I then turned around to face Dylan, but he wasn't there.

I then stretched out my hand and shifted to his side, but felt a thick paper between my hands.

I picked up the paper. I felt my heart stopping as a hole made its way in my heart.

(For those of you who read offline.)

-Don't look for me.
You deserve someone better, I love you.

Dylan Sparks.

Dylan," I shrieked, clutching the sheets. I screamed his name so loud that Chloé came running in terrified.

I looked at her, flabbergasted. I wanted to cry my eyes out, but I didn't want to show her that I was weak.

So instead, I just held my tears and pretended like my heart wasn't shattered into a million pieces.

"Paige are you okay?" she asked as she sat next to me.

I swear, I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come out.

I stared blankly at the wall in front of me as I tried to hold back the seething torrent of tears which would wash away my anger and disappointment.

Chloé then snatched the paper from my hand and read silently.

Dropping the paper on the bed, she stared at me for a minute, not saying a word, before she walked out of the room and shut the door. I could feel her presence behind the door because I didn't hear any of her heels clicking against the concrete flooring.

She knew that I wouldn't cry in front of anyone.

"I thought he would stay," I murmured as a tear coursed down my cheek.

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.

It was my own fault, I got hurt and I shouldn't have let him in. But when I looked into his eyes, right before he kissed me, I felt so safe, so warm that I forgot how badly love can hurt.

After an hour of depressing thoughts, wiping tears and staring at the mirror with my teary eyes and wet cheeks, I stood up, showered and got dressed, forcing myself not to think of Dylan.

Chloé then walked in and stood in front me, examining me.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

That was it, that was all it took for me to break down. All those thoughts I had tried to avoid for the past thirty minutes came back, making the knots in my stomach to twitch.

I found myself fighting back my tears and trying to control my thoughts as I turned away.

"Paige, it's okay," Chloé whispered as she squeezed my arm.

I choked on my breath and allowed the tears to roll down as I shook my head indicating a 'no'.

I was angry at Dylan, but mostly I was angry at myself for allowing myself to let him break up the walls I'd built. For letting him ink his name deep into my skin.

She hugged me tight as she rubbed my back.

"Let's go. Pack your bags. We'll go to France together."

It might be a good idea, I thought to myself as I took a tissue paper and wiped my tears.

"Come on Paige. Paris, Shopping Champs-Élysees, Ladurée, macaroons...Just you and I."

"Think about it."

"I think it'll be best if we leave. We'll stay there till January. Just like old times. Think about it," she said before she walked out.

I was too fatigued and frustrated for shopping. I decided to go to the spa to feel better and to think things through. Because I knew that if I did stay in my room, all I would think about is Dylan.

Two hours at the spa made me feel much better. Standing outside, waiting for the chauffeur to bring the car, I stared at my reflection. Seeing how pathetic I have become, I stood upright and shook my head.

I should stop thinking about him. I have become a different person.
I am Paige Williams, I have never shed a tear, never been so weak for a guy.
No one can fix me, but me.

I made my final decision- I should leave. I headed home straight to tell Chloé.

I had to stop dwelling, stop thinking of him. I had to move on and meet new people. Chloé's offer was the only solution, I didn't want to stay here, I couldn't possible spend Christmas here with Dylan's scent and all our memories together, they'd haunt me.

"Chloé, I'll go...To France," I spoke immediately as I got into her room. "Thank you! I really think I need this," I hugged her as I smiled.

"I'll tell my father and hopefully leave as soon as possible."

She hugged me and walked out.

I didn't have a plan right now, but all I knew was that I had to leave. I had to leave new York and everything behind. I had to leave the place where I had given my heart to someone.

Hold on tight #Daige supporters😭😭

°Guys look at this amazing drawing by
layan_ghraizi
This is how she pictures Paige Williams in her head. I love it.
Thank you so much Layan. This means a lot to me and Paige, love youu❤❤

Chapter 31 comes up January 15 2017❤💋