His words lingered in my mind. 

Worthless.

Pointless.

A waste of space.

Hideous.

Unimportant.

Anger boiled in my veins as I pictured him continuously spitting out these words to my face. All because I said those forbidden words.

My cheek still stung from the blow I had suffered. I still walked with a slight limp from the swing to my knee. My shoulder still felt disconnected from the rest of my body.

The contents of the can in my left hand could be heard splashing about inside its home, begging to be released from its jail cell. 

Just like how I felt.

I entered my room, twisting off the cap and tossing it aside, no longer finding purpose in it. I closed my bedroom door, locking it behind me. 

Lifting up the can, I began to pour its contents in front of the door. I covered the curtains in front of the window, the comforter covering my bed. I smiled as I tossed the can aside, watching the last few drops spill out. 

I leaned my back against the wall, sliding down so I sat in the only empty spot in the room. I let out a sigh of relief as I eyed my handiwork. I raised my eyes to the open window, admiring the stars in the sky. I said a soft prayer before reaching into my back pocket. Tears streamed down my face at this point as his words continued to play through my mind. 

This is what he wanted, after all. 

I looked at the shiny object in my hands, my thumb running over it softly. My initials, carved into the side, represented the last thing she gave me. 

"I know you find the flames calming, baby." She smiled as she stroked my cheek.

I nodded, a soft smile on my face. "Thank you. I will cherish it always."

I looked at the object with a sad smile on my face now, it only bringing me pain, instead of happiness. 

It was time for the pain to end. 

I kissed the initials on the side before striking it with my thumb, watching as a small flame erupted from the top. I took in a sharp breath before using my good arm to throw it across the room, as far as it would go. 

Within seconds, I was surrounded by large flames. I finally felt at ease. I stood up and took a few steps closer to the flames, sweat dripping down my brow from the heat. 

The tension I had felt had finally been released with a scream as I ripped the curtains down from my window, tossing them across the room.

The paint started to melt from the walls, the flames spreading through my door. I could feel a cool breeze come through the window, making me crave for more. I sighed as I continued to take in the sight for another moment before jumping to my window. 

I winced at the pain in my body from his abuse, but the words were more permanent. 

"I'm sorry, mom." I whispered as I took a breath of fresh air in before jumping out the window, right as the flames started to engulf the curtains by the window. 

I landed on the ground, screaming in pain from the drop, and the burns on my back and my shoulders. I rolled over on the ground so I was looking up at the sight of the flames bellowing outside the window. 

The night was quiet. No neighbors were around on our small acreage of land. 

I used my strength to stand up, limping so I could see the sight in all of its glory. 

I knew he would be pissed when he arrived home, but I would be long gone by then. Hopefully he would think that I was dead. 

That hope diminished when I saw a figure run past one of the downstairs windows. The sound of smoke detectors could be heard from where I stood. I heard my name being shouted from his mouth. 

I gasped as I saw him appear to be running upstairs. I tried to get my body to carry me towards the house, towards him. He didn't need to go up there. 

He was looking for me.

And I went to look for him until I heard the heart wrenching screams as a small explosion occurred. The flames had reached the garage, igniting his car. 

The human movement stopped, the only thing left in my mind was the screams. 

The screams which contained my name.

Tears streamed down my face at a rapid pace as I stood there, watching the whole house being engulfed in flames. 

The sound of sirens in the distance brought me back to reality.

This was my escape. 

I huffed out a breath before limping towards the forest on the outskirts of our property. 

The sirens grew closer, just as I had reached the first tree. I turned around, watching as the house I had grown up in collapsed, covered in the flames that I had set.

The flames that I had set to only kill me, before the cool air comforted me more than the flames.

I watched the firetrucks and police cars drive up, immediately rushing to do their respective duties as I stood frozen.

After a few hours of battling, the flames were tamed, firemen rushing into the home. 

Even from here, I could hear the shouting. 

"One casualty. Older male, maybe about 45."

I felt my heart leap into my throat. I swallowed harshly, turning around to begin my escape through the forest. 

Tears continuously fell from my eyes as I continuously whispered the same sentence like a mantra. 

"I'm so sorry, father."

______

Dun Dun Dunnnnn. (AKA Josh Dun, my hubby)