I'm tired of trying to hold it in
They say I'm too young to understand.
They don't know I've been in the mess for years
Uh, you caged me in my own fear
Shout out to the people who broke my self-esteem
I'll never forget you.
I got a special place in my heart just for you.
You say I gotta smile more
You say I'm never perfect
You don't know you're the reason I'm this way
Are you done talking?
Calling me names
Shunned me in the public
Called me the second ugliest girl alive
I thought I was breathing
Once you threw that bullet
I never survived it
Sat on the floor with tears hotter than fire
Couldn't look at the mirror again
Called me a fool
Made me walk in my own shadow
You are the reason why I still have nightmares today
I try to walk lightly
Try to talk tightlipped
Try to run away
But you still gonna find me
You still gonna suck me in that hole and laugh at me
I became a monster
Wanted my own payback
Hurt everyone around me
Because I was so mad to think straight
I was the outcast
Cried every night into my pillow
Wished I could escape
But I was trapped with y'all
It's a wonder
How you seem to forget everything
You did to me
Five years past
And you're thinking we can be friends
Every time I look at you
I wanna punch something
You must have gone blind
Because I can see all the scars you put on me
I was good for nothing
In your eyes I was black and useless
You think I'm selfish
You say I'm a snob
I'll just take it as it comes
All I wanted was to ignore you
But you make it harder when you want my attention
I'm the coward
The Can't-do-nothing
In my innocence I opened up
And you walked in
I'm gonna sit here and watch you condemn me
Tired of pretending it's all fancy
The other me is saying why you smiling
You ain't got a reason to smile
I know this
I've been living in you since that night
Held your hand through the pain
Taught you how to endure their words
Built you a sanctuary to live in
You trying to seem normal
We both know you scared
Don't you worry
We got plans for them
You never were strong enough
So why bother
I'm tired of you thinking I'm perfect
You don't know what I did to get here
Singing my praises won't make it better
I'm not here for you approval
I don't need your sympathy
I'm trying to be real, real me
And that's frightening
You dont wanna know what I hid under all those smiles
And in all honesty
I gotta tell you
I pray I never get to see you again.
Thanks to you, I made it to the top
Thanks to you, I became strong
Thanks to you, I'm stuck with a bruised version of me
Tears meant nothing then
But I hope they do now
To you
When they fall down your face
You'll be wondering
Why I am venting this way
This is my own therapy.

--------------------------------------------------
Got inspired by NF's Therapy, Mansion and perception. He is Christian rapper. Never been into those stuff but he made me realise that you gotta face your fears than tuck them away in some corner and hide. And I have to let go of some things before they swallow me up. It's called being real to yourself.
Hope y'all can be real too. I'm not rapping. Just releasing the stress and anger makes everything better for me. Not everything has to be roses.