Depressed

adjective – 1. severely despondent and dejected. 2. suffering the damaging effects of economic recession.

Considering I'm not 'suffering the damaging effects' of the recession, I had to assume the dictionary was wrong again.

The news that James Roberts and Lucy Cross were going to Prom together was counted almost as mediocre gossip, so by next period, the whole school knew.

"I guess it must be pretty irritating though..." muttered Sophie popping a chip in her mouth and holding the bag out to me. It was after school hours now, but Lucy and James were still in school helping organise for Prom, and Xandrell had stayed behind to help. After finding me in the toilets sobbing my heart out, Sophie and Tasha had gotten most of the story out of me, and resolved we'd get some chips after school to cheer me up a bit. "I mean, he'd just asked you not five minutes earlier... why did you say he went back on it?"

"Obviously a change of heart." I muttered taking a chip. "I mean, hey, I'm fine with it. He and Lucy would look great together."

Tasha snorted into her diet coke while Sophie and I blinked at her. "What?"

"Well..." said Tasha lowering her drink and frowning. "To be honest I don't think they'd look so good together..."

I raised an eyebrow. "Listen, I'm annoyed at her too, but I'm not gonna go bitchy at her."

"Neither am I!" cried Tasha indignantly. "I've got nothing against Lucy! Just... well are they going to go colour coordinated?"

I shook my head exasperatedly at her. "I didn't exactly get a chance to ask."

"Well, in my mind, Lucy really needs a purple dress, that'd suit her best, while James I think would look great in either blue, or maybe green. Not sure which."

"Tash, do you have a point with this?"

"Well, they'd clash at prom wouldn't they!" cried Tasha, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Therefore, they shouldn't go together!"

"James would be wearing like a suit or something at prom anyway, and I can really see him going for traditional black." Sophie muttered.

"Oh, well then they might go, I don't really know..." said Tasha obviously distracted.

"You're not really helping you know." I said pointedly, taking another chip. "Look, I'll be fine, me and Xandrell dancing the night away." I pulled a slightly disgusted face as I said it. "Oh what fun. I suppose I'll have to teach him the Macarena."

"Why would you have to go with Xandrell?" Tasha looked up confused. "I thought you weren't going out."

"Oh we're not." I sighed. "But he's the reason I'm not going with James."

I proceeded to tell them exactly what had happened, leaving out no details this time. By the time I had finished, Tasha was frowning, while Sophie looked nothing short of furious.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" she yelled, making an old man walking past jump and look around. "He didn't even ask you!"

"Yeah..." said Tasha, frowning still more. "Doesn't even give anyone else a chance."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you aware you just said that out loud?"

"Well it's true." said Tasha, shrugging. "You know Darcy?"

"What the village bike with DD bras?" I muttered. None of us were overly keen on Darcy. She was the sort of girl who wore too much makeup and had a different guy in her bed every night.

"Yeah." said Tasha taking another chip from the bag. "I heard her saying to Mackenzie earlier that Xandrell was one of the hottest guys she'd ever clapped eyes on. Seriously. And he's obsessed with you, and taking you to Prom. Amy, like I said before, how are you not enjoying this?"

"Have we strayed from the point a bit there?" I muttered sarcastically.

I left not long after this though, and slunk home to wallow in my own self pity. I ran up the stairs and locked myself into my bedroom. I lay on my bed for a long time, staring at the ceiling with the same words going through my head... 'how could he... how could she... why am I not happy for them...'

I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs and heard a quiet knock on the door. "Amy?" Mum. "Amy love, can you open the door?" I didn't answer. I lay where I was pretending I had not heard. "You're not asleep are you?" asked my mother, starting to sound quite worried now. I heard the quiet click of the lock. Seriously, what was the point of having a lockable door when it could be unlocked from the outside? My mother poked her head round the door. "Amy, sweetie, is something wrong?" I didn't respond. My mother crept across the room and frowned down at me. I wondered if she was checking I was breathing. "I just came to tell you I'll be putting dinner on as soon as Xandrell comes home in case you were hungry. It's Spaghetti Bolognese. Your favourite."

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled. "I ate a couple of chips out with Tasha and Sophie."

My mother frowned. "You go out with them for chips all the time and have enough appetite for dinner. Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

I shrugged one shoulder, one of my trademark gestures, along with raising one eyebrow and of course the classic peace sign, sometimes the wrong way round. "Nothing."

"You're not ill are you?" flapped my mother, holding a hand against my forehead. "Ooh, you do feel quite warm you know. Are you in pain?"

"Guess so." I muttered, causing my mother to go rushing off for an ibuprofen before I had a chance to explain it was more of an emotional pain and that for once her teenage daughter was actually acting like a teenage daughter.

About an hour after being drugged by my over-reacting mother, Xandrell came home, and I heard my mother begin flapping around in the kitchen. I heard her whispering to him in hushed tones, but couldn't make out what exactly they were talking about, but I could place three guesses, since Xandrell was involved.

It was either...
1. Me...
2. Me...
3. Prom arrangements.

Considering my mother wasn't exactly involved in the school very much, I guessed it was probably one or two.

I heard his soft footsteps coming up the stairs and slowly the door creaked open.

"Your mother says you're sick." Xandrell said softly sitting down on the edge of the bed.

I turned my face very slowly to look at him. "Yeah..." I muttered, narrowing my eyes at him. "Sick of you for a start."

He gave me an injured look. "Have I offended you my sweet?" he murmured.

Oh for god's sake, we were off with the 'My Love' crap again.

"No, you just embarrassed me in front of my best friend today, and now he's taking Lucy to Prom instead of me, while I get stuck with you!" I snapped at him.

Xandrell frowned for a long moment before cocking his head on one side and standing up. "Do you love Master James, Amy?"

"Yeah, as a friend." I said quietly. "You don't have to be in love with someone for them to totally betray you and rip your heart into tiny shreds."

"Is it my fault this time?" he asked getting to his feet and frowning at me.

"It's always your fault Xandrell."

"So then is it my fault again?"

"Yes."

Normally I would have felt bad by this point, but quite frankly, this was his fault, and I needed to take my feelings out on someone. I wasn't in the mood to compose.

"I don't know what I've done, but I'm sorry." he mumbled. "Personally I'd be more annoyed with Master James and Miss Lucy if it's bothering you so much."

"Nobody asked you your opinion alien boy!" I yelled sitting up straight and glaring at him, feeling tears starting to prick at my eyes. "They're my best friends. I want them to be happy even if I'm not. If you don't, or maybe your 'superior alien brain' can't understand that, then I don't want you in here. Just get out of my room!"

He folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at me... 'Amy Wren' style. "Make me."

My lip curled furiously, and I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which just happened to be my pillow, and hurled it at him before turning my back and slumping back down on the bed.

"Uh, Amy, you may wanna have a look at this..." said Xandrell's voice uneasily. I rolled over to look at him. The pillow had burst, and feathers were now drifting all over the room, covering the bed, the floor, and Xandrell, making him look like he had a dire case of dandruff. He pinched a few of the feathers between his thumb and two forefingers. "What on earth..."

"Oh, don't tell me you've never seen feathers before." I sighed sitting up.

He frowned at me. "Very well... but I have never seen this soft fluffy white substance before."

"They are feathers you idiot." I sighed, rubbing a hand against my temple.

He frowned again. "Then permission to say I've never seen feathers before."

"No." I said sternly. "It doesn't matter anymore."

He inspected the feathers he was holding carefully, reminding me of the way Tarzan had looked at human things in the Disney film. "What is the purpose of these 'feathers'?" He put a lot of emphasis on the word, the way he had when I'd tried to explain social statuses to him.

"Primarily to keep birds warm." I said looking around at the tattered remains of my burst pillow. "But they're also used to stuff pillows and stuff and for random things like tickling and..."

"Like what?" asked Xandrell looking up seriously confused now. "Tea... cling?"

"Tickling." I corrected him. "It's like... I don't know... you kinda... you touch the surface of someone's skin really lightly, and it makes them laugh... sort of..."

He frowned at me for a moment then made his way over to me, smoothing out the crushed feathers in his fingers. He slumped down on the bed, watching me. Then his hand drifted up to my face. "You mean like this?" he said with a crooked smile.

The feather ran gently over my cheek, over my jaw line and over my neck. I fought to keep my face straight but in the end I cracked and giggled pushing his hands away. "Stop it!" I fought to stifle my laughs. "Stop it, I'm ticklish there!"

"That's the point." he chuckled, grazing my face with the feather again.

I laughed again and struggled upright, off the bed. He leapt up behind me and grabbed me around the middle, also chuckling, prodding my sides. "Get off!" I laughed, fighting with his hands around me as he hugged me to him.

"Make me!" he chuckled again.

I giggled and twisted round in his arms, trying to push him off of me. Suddenly my feet left the ground. I squeaked and wrapped my arms around his neck as he whirled me around. "What on earth are you doing?" I giggled. "Put me down!"

He laughed with me before placing me carefully back on my feather covered bed. "As you wish, my love."

I giggled again. "What have I told you about the 'My Love'-ing?"

He chuckled too. "Sorry, sorry."

Eventually, we both calmed down and just sat looking at one another. His eyes were shining in the weak light of the sunset peeping over the windowsill, through the bars of the music stand on my keyboard. They didn't seem so dark today... they seemed warmer, lighter... they almost seemed to have a hint of gold.

He gave me another grin. "What are you looking at?"

"Your eyes are a nice colour." I murmured. "They're like... like the colour of honey."

His grin relaxed into an adoring smile. "Thank you." he said softly. "Your eyes are nice too... like the colour of the leaves."

I smiled, trying not to let on the warm glow that was spreading through me at the thought of how close he was. "Thanks." I practically whispered.

His face was creeping closer and closer to mine. I felt my heart pounding in my chest... but at the same time, my face was crawling towards his at a devastatingly slow pace until...

"Dinner's ready!"

My mother's voice broke through the atmosphere. I closed my eyes. A frustrated groan escaped me and I heard his voice mimic me. Finally, he released me and I allowed my eyes to open and look up at him. "You do know I'm still mad at you don't you." I told him, totally straight faced.

He chuckled and began to move from the room. "I suspected as much." he said quietly before vanishing from my view.

I stood where I was, feeling my stomach twisting. What had happened to me tonight? Giggling like a schoolgirl and letting him act like that? I wanted to be so mad at myself...

But I wasn't... I was almost happy, I liked this strange feeling writhing inside me.

You're falling in love with him!

I am not!

How much longer are you going to keep up this charade Amy? How long before you admit it?

I gritted my teeth and growled at myself. The voices in my head could wait forever because I knew that I was not in love with him!