Freedom

noun – 1. the power or right to act, speak, or think freely. 2. the state of being free. 3. (freedom from) exemption or immunity from.

Wrong again dictionary.

I sat in our maths lesson, Xandrell flinging his arms around me every so often, and me pushing him off when I saw Tasha look over. It almost felt hellish when I saw Tasha drooling after Xandrell. It was awful since I knew I didn't like Xandrell in that way, but at the same time, he was mine! I didn't want Tasha to have him. I supposed it was my own fault for telling Tasha that Xandrell and I weren't going out, and that if she wanted, she could have him. However that had been on Monday, and although she insisted she didn't like him, it was only too easy to recognise when Tasha was interested. Following them around... ok to be fair, usually when she followed him I was there, and she would be talking to me or something, but there was also the laughing very loudly at his jokes, glowering at me whenever he said 'My Love' or anything like that, and the way she stood when she was around him. I hated it when Tasha was flirting, because quite frankly, I thought whenever girls are attracted to anyone, they put their bodies into some very strange positions. The worst example is chest forward, shoulders back, hips in the air. It was almost painful seeing my best female friend putting herself into similar positions, trying to get the attention of a guy who, not to seem horrible or anything, just wasn't interested. I wanted to say something, but what was I meant to say without her assuming that I didn't like her eyeing up 'my Xandrell'... I mean I was, but that's not the point of this. Tasha was my best friend, so she believed anything I said, but for one thing, I seriously doubted she'd believe me if I told her the reason I didn't want her going out with Xandrell was because he was an alien from somewhere called 'the Green Mother'. Quite frankly, saying something like this could only result in trouble. Plus, if I was believed, Xandrell would probably be whisked away to be tested on or something or be forced to return to his home planet, hence no-one gets Xandrell. Truly and honestly, if he wasn't totally obsessed with me, and an alien, I would let Tasha have him. She was my best friend and I would let Tasha have anything she wanted normally, and she knew that.

"We still on for Saturday?" asked Tasha dashing up to us at the end of the lesson.

"Saturday?" cried Xandrell, looking up excitedly between Tasha and me. "What are we doing Saturday, Amy?"

I glared at him. "Tasha and I are going shopping for prom dresses." I said pointedly, trying to disguise the grimace that came when I said the words prom and dress in the same sentence.

Xandrell frowned for a long moment, before his face broke into a grin again. "Ah, right. Cool. Can I come then?"

"I think Amy means for it to be just a girly day out." said Sophie wandering over in time to hear the conversation. "Which reminds me, girlies, why am I not invited?" She folded her arms and gave us a reprimanding look in her sarcastic way that she did when making a joke out of something. Tasha and I grinned at her before she turned to Xandrell and continued. "See Xandrell, sometimes in a relationship, it works that much better if you just give each other a bit more space, and show each other and people around you a bit of respect. Then the time you spend together will be that much more special, and you'll want to spend more and more time together, but if from day one, you just smother her, you're going to scare her and push her away."

"Sophie, we're not in a..." I began before Xandrell cut across me.

"Ah, I get it!" he said looking elated. "So if I stop hugging Amy, and respect her friends, she'll fall in love with me?"

"It's a possibility." shrugged Sophie.

Had I suddenly turned invisible or something? Actually, I liked this. He wasn't fawning over me. I could grow to like this.

"You girls are confusing." chuckled Xandrell. "However, for Amy I will try anything. Thank you, Miss Sophie. Amy, I'll meet you in music in about ten minutes, yeah?"

"Sure." I said slightly hesitantly as he walked out of the room, smiled at me over his shoulder and disappeared down the corridor.

"Miss Sophie." giggled Sophie. "I'm not sure he totally understood what I meant by respect..."

I stared at her. "How the hell did you do that?" I cried. "You just got him to quit being so obsessive! Thank you! Thank you so much Sophie! You are so coming ...prom dress... shopping with us!"

Sophie laughed as I hugged her. "No problem. 'Miss Sophie'. I can't get over that."

"How are you not enjoying this Amy?" asked Tasha frowning at me as we began to walk down to the music room. "He's the most perfect, amazing guy I've ever met, and he's completely in love with you. How can you not like it?"

"With incredible ease!" I told her slightly haughtily.

I was annoyed at her, but I wasn't too sure why. It irritated me a bit, her calling Xandrell things like 'perfect' and 'amazing'. There was a slightly icy silence between me and Tasha after that, but I pretended not to notice it too much, talking to Sophie.

When we reached the music department, I was greeted with my usual crushing hug from Charlie, and the usual happy grin from James.

"Where's lover boy today?" he asked grimacing slightly.

"Said he was meeting us here, so drop the attitude!" I told him sternly.

Charlie sniggered and James rolled his eyes at me. "Sorry 'Miss Priss'." he said sullenly. "Excuse me for asking."

I poked him on the arm. "Moan, moan, moan, all the time with you isn't it."

He gently poked me back before we grinned at each other. It was great being on good terms with James again.

"Amy!" said Tasha suddenly. "You said about the new song the other day."

I froze. I'd told Tasha about that before the accident, back when everything that didn't matter now had seemed so important... "Oh yeah..."

"New song?" said James looking down at me. "You didn't say anything to me."

I groaned. This was why I hated it when I came up with new songs for me and Tasha to perform in the school concerts. According to everyone else, I was pretty good at making up songs and stuff, but personally, I didn't think I was that great. James thought that it was really good, and Tasha wanted to start learning the words ASAP.

"It's not that great." I said lowering my head, feeling my ears growing hot. "I wrote it before I fell off my bike... I had amnesia! I don't remember it!"

Brownie points to me for the excuse.

"You and I both know you didn't have amnesia, and you never forget your songs, Amy." said Tasha folding her arms. "Come on, on the piano."

Brownie points to Tasha for not being easily fooled.

"I don't..."

"Please Amy." pleaded James, clasping his hands in front of him and attempting to make a persuasive face, though it just made him look nauseated.

I sighed and moved over to the piano that stood in the middle of the music room, Tasha and James following closely, Charlie and Sophie stood by the door watching. I sat down at the piano and ran my fingers along the ebony and ivory keys. I'd missed this. Aside from my bike, the piano had been one of the few ways I'd always escaped from myself for a while. I curled my fingers on the keys and pressed down gently. The rich notes swirled around the air around me. I inhaled through my nose as though the music gave off a fragrance.

"Does it have words?" asked Tasha, bringing me out of my reverie.

I narrowed my eyes at her for a moment before singing very quietly, almost under my breath.

"When you know that he's the only one who makes your life worthwhile
And you know that he's the one for whom you'd go the extra mile
Why does his little smile, so secretive and sweet
Why does it make you feel alive, make you feel complete?

Though he makes you cry, makes you want to die, make it feel like it's the end
At least for today, maybe it's ok, just to be his friend..."

I trailed off, my fingers pausing on the keys as my eyes drifted up to the door. Xandrell was stood there seeming enraptured as he looked at me. Oh God, I was in for another 'I love you too much' session.

James followed my line of gaze and spun around to glare at Xandrell. "Will you get out, you're distracting her!"

"No, it's fine!" I burbled getting up and moving away from the piano. I'd had my fun. "Don't worry about it. That's all there is, it's finished!"

"Please." said Xandrell quietly and when I looked up at him, I was amazed to see something other than the usual glint of adoration that lingered in his eyes. There almost seemed to be a glimmer of awe. "Please don't stop."

I stared at him for a long moment before retreating back to the piano and pressing down on the keys again, singing softly again.

"When you live to see him smile, when you feel like never before
How can you act like it's nothing, when deep down you're so sure
In your mind there's only maybe, through your lips only never mind
Can you take it again, can you be the only one left behind?

Though your heart is still burning, though your mind is still turning,
Each day you're learning that this yearning will subside
In my mind, still only maybe, past my lips still never mind
But can I take it again, can I be the only one left behind..?"

Xandrell had moved slowly across the room to stand right behind me. "Oh..." he said softly. His arms began to slip around my neck, his cheek resting upon the top of my head. "Amy... you're amazing..."

I looked up at him. "I'm not." I told him sternly. "An amazing girl is one of those pretty, skinny little things, the ones who if you kiss them, you have food poisoning the next day."

I felt his hand run through my hair and pause on my cheek. "No they're not." he murmured. "Amazing girls are the ones you live to see smile... the ones that make you feel alive... the ones people write songs about. I can't do that and even if I could, I couldn't, because there are no words, no music anywhere in the world that can sum you up."

I blinked. No-one had ever said anything like that to me before in my life. No-one had ever told me I was special and amazing and things like that. No-one had ever treated me the way Xandrell did... was I being somewhat selfish, and cruel, pushing him away all the time, when quite frankly, it was something he couldn't help, and it was something beyond some people's wildest dreams? I was certain that I was perfectly justified in the way I acted towards him, but all the same, was it really, or was it just in my mind?

"So yeah." I stuttered stepping away from the piano and over to my friends. "That's the song. What do you think?"

"How the hell do you do that?" cried James, annoyed. "You're so good, and you won't even admit it!"

"Because I'm not good." I told him, frowning. "I'm rubbish!"

"If you're so rubbish, why do you keep writing these songs?" asked Tasha folding her arms again.

"Because it vents my emotions." I said folding my arms straight back. "It's what I do instead of getting moody!"

Tasha rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

I narrowed my eyes a little at her instinctively, before blinking and grabbing my bag. "We've got science next right?"

There were various mutterings as my friends left for science. Before I left however, I paused. "Coming, Amy?" asked Xandrell curiously.

"In a second." I said quietly. "I have to sort something out... I'll meet you there."

He smiled at me before hurrying out after my friends. I stood still in the middle of the room, thinking for a moment, before I moved back over to the piano and pressing the keys. A minor chord swirled through the room and I began to play a soft sad tune, his words echoing in my head.

...'because there are no words, no music anywhere in the world that can sum you up'...

No-one had ever told me I was special, or unique or anything of the sort and meant it... it shouldn't bother me. Teachers are always telling their classes 'everyone is special in their own way. Everyone is unique'. We'd only ever been told that as a whole, never as individuals.

'It goes like this, the fourth the fifth, the minor fold and the major lift...'

Who was it who had said that... it had been in that song 'Hallelujah', that was it... it was starting to feel as if everything that had ever happened to me was all in that 'minor fold', and now here came my 'major lift'.

The tune whispering under my fingers suddenly rose, and became a glorious major tune. I felt my heart swelling in my chest as the music lifted any bitterness that I'd been feeling...

Why though, did he suddenly have this effect on me now? I refused to believe I was starting to fall for him, because everything in me knew that I wasn't!... but somewhere, deep down, there was a tiny murmur that was insisting otherwise.

The bell suddenly rang behind me. I jumped and looked around at the clock before grabbing my bag and sprinting to science.

"Hallelujah." I muttered under my breath.

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Hallelujah originally by Leonard Cohen. I do not own the song or anything related to the song.