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Insane

A/N: This was originally a one-shot for a contest. My partner was AccioPancakes , so we equally put effort into making this one-shot exist, I did not do it on my own.

***

Bellatrix Lestrange, the deranged woman, torturer, and Death Eater was not always these things. No, she was once a sane little girl with big hopes and dreams, just like any other girl. Despite whatever life threw her way, the wide eyed, dark haired girl never stopped dreaming, until she realized her dreams were never going to come true, and that's what drove her to be the wretched person she was known as.

Bellatrix, almost always called Bella by her beloved sisters and closet friends, grew up with the perfect family and the perfect life. Her young, innocent self was not yet bothered by the presence of Muggles and Muggleborns. With never anything to worry about in the present, she allowed her mind to venture forwards in time, to what she could be. What she was determined to be. Bella was going to be the best there ever was, and no one could stop her from that.

When she was little, she dreamed of going to Hogwarts. She dreamed of the friends she'd make, and the ones she'd lose. She dreamed of the pranks she'd play, and the fun she'd have. Of the classes she'd take and the teachers she'd meet, but, soon enough, Bella realized the chances of this were small.

"Sit up straight, Bellatrix, your cousins are coming," her mother chided.

Bella sat up straighter. She loved playing with her baby cousin Sirius.

"Bellatrix, get out of the floor and sit in this chair like a proper lady," snapped her father.

Bella stopped playing with baby Sirius and climbed into her chair, her eyes watering as she made sure she was sitting up straight.

Aunt Walburga and Uncle Orion were talking with her parents about Muggles.

"Filthy creatures. They should be wiped out, the slime balls," said Walburga, her face emotionless, but her eyes flashing with rage. She was sitting straight as a board, her legs crossed and her makeup perfect. Bella envied her.

"I completely agree, Walburga. I don't understand why the Ministry doesn't wipe them out where they stand," said her father, his clothes unwrinkled and his emotions masked. Bella envied him.

She went to get up, but her mother yanked her back into her seat, her gray eyes fiery with anger.

"May I be excused, please?" asked Bella quietly, wanting to leave the table as quickly as she could. Her dreams were crumbling away before her very eyes.

"Speak up, girl," said her mother, her grip tightening on her arm.

"May I be excused, please!" cried Bella, tears in her eyes.

"Yes, you may," said her mother, loosening her grip.

Bella wrenched her arm away and ran to her room, trying to cover the tears that were now pooling in her hands as she caught them.

She threw herself onto her bed, sobbing with all she had. She wouldn't be able to have fun at Hogwarts, play pranks, and have friends she actually liked, she had to hide her emotions and act like a lady. All of her long-planned dreams fell away with her tears, shattering on the ground like silent glass.

When Bella turned eleven, she was sent to Hogwarts. She dreamed to be like her older sister, Andromeda, who was Sorted into Slytherin, but was still her own person. Bella was hardened by her years growing up, and she knew nothing except the cold ways of her parents. Therefore, she could never be like her favorite sister Andromeda, but that didn't stop her from dreaming.

"SLYTHERIN!" the Hat had called, and Bella didn't know whether she was happy or sad, prideful or scared, so she sat next to Andromeda.

As Bella grew older, she became harder, colder, and, most of all, angrier. She was angry with life and how it was turning out. She was angry at Muggles for existing, and Muggleborns for being at Hogwarts. She was angry at her friends, because they weren't really true friends. She was angry at herself for not being herself. She was angry at Andromeda for being everything she wanted to be, and angry the world, and everything that existed in it.

One day, the dream she had held onto so tight for so many years was, too, shattered. Bella was in the library, sitting with Andromeda and trying to understand the stupid subject of Charms.

"How can you stand it?" Dromeda had burst out, slamming her book shut. A fire was in her eyes that Bella had never seen before.

"Stand what?" Bella asked her, dark eyebrows raised.

"Them?" she hissed, as if it was obvious.

"Dromeda, are you okay? Do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?" Bella asked, reaching a hand out to feel Dromeda's forehead, but she slapped it away. "Dromeda?"

"Their stupid prejudice, their stupid beliefs. Everything they believe in."

Bellatrix suddenly knew what Andromeda was talking about. Conflict roared within her, and her cheeks turned a faint pink.

"D-Dromeda, they know what's right," said Bella, but she didn't really believe it, even though she had to. Her parents had to know what was right. They weren't bad people. They couldn't be.

"Do you think our parents are Saints or something, Bellatrix? They're oblivious aristocrats, judging people for something they can't control!" said Andromeda, her voice so harsh Bellatrix flinched.

"You shouldn't talk about them like that!" said Bellatrix angrily, getting to her feet.

"First Cissy, and now you. I would have thought my own sister would know better," said Andromeda, also getting to her feet.

"Dromeda, please -" said Bella, reaching for her sister.

"Don't touch me," said Andromeda, slapping Bellatrix's hand away.

"I just want to be like you!" cried Bella, tears pouring down her face.

"You'll never be like me," hissed Andromeda, turning on her heel and storming away.

Bella collapsed onto the library floor, short sobs coming from her shaking body as tears poured down her face. She hated herself, because she had just taken her dreams and stomped on them. Andromeda had confirmed what Bella had been thinking for a while now, she could never be what she wanted. Controlled by her parents and disregarded by the only person in her life who made any sense.

That was when Bella's life began to come back together again.

"Hey, are you all right there, Black?" asked Rodolophus Lestrange, a tall, handsome, pureblood boy that Bella had been fawning over since she had arrived at Hogwarts. She was so embarrassed that she only cried harder, her usually pale cheeks alight with color as she tried to hide from him.

"Leave me alone, Lestrange, please," she said, hoping her voice was a lot stronger than she felt; like a shivering puppy pleading for death.

Rodolophus seemed to get only more concerned, and he sat his book on the nearest table, kneeling down next to her. "Hey, it's all right. It can't be that bad," he said.

She let him wrap his arm around her shoulders. "A-And-dromeda l-left me! Sh-She called me a tr-traitor!"

"Well, it's pretty bad, but it can't be worse than having your cat throw your hundred Galleon shoe out the window."

A small laugh took away from the sobs, reducing them to soft tears rolling down Bella's cheeks.

"That happened to you?" she asked, sniffling.

"Yep. The worst part was, she was part Kneazle, and the shoe was a pipe bomb," said Rodolphous, laughing breezily as if almost being blown up was not a big deal at all.

"You almost got blown up?" gasped Bella, her jaw dropping, tears forgotten.

"No, of course not, but you stopped crying, didn't you!" he said, laughing at her shocked expression.

From then on out, Bellatrix and Rodolphous were the best of friends, and eventually it grew into much, much more.

Bella was beginning to dream again, despite herself. Who cared about the brewing war? So what, she and her boyfriend were Death Eaters? Who was there to stop them? Who cared that she had been hurt so many times before? Rodolphous. He was the one that cared about Bella, everything she did he was there to help her if it was needed, and she was there for him.

They were inseparable, in and out if missions. So what was there left to do but dream? Bella dreamed of a nice house in a quiet field, and little Bella's and Roddy's running around the nice house in the quiet field. Bellatrix dreamed of a time without war, without having to kill people left and right, without her life being in jeopardy, and without having to take watches just to be able to sleep at night. She dreamed of a happy family.

Everything was going great, and Bellatrix felt at ease. She was going to be okay. This new dream of hers was the world to her, and Bellatrix was certain it would come true.

That is, until May 31 of the year 1973, when she payed a visit to St. Mungo's Hospital.

Bellatrix thought she was pregnant. All the signs were there, and she couldn't be more thrilled.

The dark haired woman sat in one of St. Mungo's waiting rooms, her hand linked with Rodolphous Lestrange's. She heard the sound of a door opening and looked up to see a Healer making her way out of a room Bellatrix and her husband had been in a few days prior.

The Healer made her way over to the couple, giving them a small smile. "Just come right this way," she said, leading the two into a room down the corridor. "You can just have a seat right there," the woman said once they had stepped inside the room.

Bellatrix sat, Rodolphous standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

"Thank you for coming here, today," the Healer began. Bellatrix nodded. "Ma'm, there are some things that can make a woman-" she paused, biting her lip. "There are things that can increase a woman's chance, well, of making them unable to have children."

Rodolphous's hands began to shake slightly.

"One of these things is a lot of stress, which is something you told me in your last visit that you've experienced."

Bellatrix bit her lip.

"How long have you two been trying to have kids, again?"

She tasted blood now.

"Uh, Miss?"

"About nine months now, I believe." Rodolphous's voice shook Bella from her trance.

The Healer glanced down for a moment, then slowly brought her sad eyes back up at the married couple. "You're not pregnant, and I'm afraid you never will be. I'm sorry."

Rodolphous's hands began to shake even more, or maybe it was Bellatrix who was shaking now; she wasn't sure anymore.

Bellatrix paid no attention as the Healer attempted to better explain her condition. She continued to ignore the woman, even as she called after Bella on her way out the door. The witch apparated as soon as she was out of the room.

When Bellatrix's feet hit the forest floor, she stumbled, her eyes filled with tears. It was proving difficult to breathe, and she felt dizzy. She couldn't believe it.

Nothing in her life had gone her way, and she was a fool for thinking her dreams could come true. Bellatrix was done dreaming, that was for children, after all.

Her fists were clenched, and her breathing was heavy. Bellatrix was furious. Furious at herself for being unable to have children, furious at her stupid parents, furious at her sister for being so perfect, and furious with the world for being so cruel to her.

Bellatrix screamed, anger pouring out of her. She pulled out her wand from her pocket and began cursing everything in sight.

"Incendio!" she shouted, pointing her wand at a nearby tree.

Bellatrix began to run, her tears of sadness now replaced with ones of anger. She ran out of the forest, leaving the mess she had made behind, not even sparing a glance at the burning forest behind her.

And Bellatrix Lestrange's sanity was no more.

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