I try to help. I really, really do try, but there's apparently nothing I can do. I try to go forward, but the wind pushes me back. I try to crawl forward, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere. I try to play things on the elega, but the wind is so loud I doubt my target audience, Yukiya (for this is his mind I'm trying to alter) will be able to hear me. I can barely hear myself.

All I can hear is the wind. And the screams. That's when I have the epiphany that tells me why there is another Ririka in Yukiya's mind, and why the merciless wind and raging waters have left me alone.

Yukiya's worst fear isn't water. But it's also true that he's somewhat afraid of water.

Which is why his worst fear is losing Ririka to water. Which is why the water is full-out attacking Ririka, while I'm completely left alone, unable to do a thing.

This is not my fight.

We shouldn't have let her come inside his mind, I reproach myself. But how were we to know? We were careless; we thought that if Ririka's fear was as simple as cockroaches, other people's would be simple too. But no. Not this. Not Yukiya's.

The howling wind, the greyness, the empty black hole-all of these are too much. I can't see where Yukiya is. I can't see where Ririka has gone. I don't know what she is battling with, the chilling rain, the force of the wind so strong you can't breathe, the blood-curdling screams, the loud and relentless waves. I don't know what she is feeling now, and I hate not knowing. I hate not being there for her, not being there to help my sweet little friend who sometimes mixes up left and right and doesn't know how to put staples into a stapler and more often than not doesn't realize that her bra strap is showing because she really just doesn't care.

I also don't know what will happen if Shun gets worried about the stats and unhooks us now. I'm pretty sure nothing will happen to me since I'm just kind of here and dry and safe, but what will happen to Ririka? What will happen to Yukiya?

It's only now that I realize how inadequate our mock missions are. How unprepared we are to face real missions, to hack real minds. But then, the school hasn't actually been trying to prepare us for anything. All they want is to brainwash us, to take our fears, to use our minds.

Or my classmates' minds. Not mine. The school has no use for my mind. They want confident, brilliant minds like Shun's. They want passionate, focused minds like Yukiya's. They want minds like Ririka's, minds that let her soar high, high up into the clouds and through the ozone layer and into outer space and all the way to Pluto just because she believes she can, she knows she can-

And I watch as Ririka glides back to me, drenched all over, perched on her drenched overcoat and holding hands with an also very drenched Yukiya. Yukiya is still shaking, but he looks all right. For someone who has just come face-to-face with his worst fear, that is. He looks like he has never been so tired, but also like he has never been so happy. As his eyes and Ririka's meet, the look on his face is absolutely radiant.

For a second I don't think they see me. Ririka smiles at Yukiya, an adorable dimple on each cheek, and declares triumphantly: "See, you'll never lose me."

She made it through the storm and the waves, because she believed she could. Because she knew she could. This was her fight and no one else's, and she won it.

I suppose this is the part when they kiss, but then they see me and stop. Yukiya blushes.

I have never wished so hard in my life that I were somewhere else. Perhaps if I were invisible, they would have a change of mind and start making out (or something) then and there-

But then I remember that at least I can change this mind, and I begin to play my elega. I'm not sure which instruments I'm supposed to use, but my fingers know better than my head does. They choose to play a soft piano song, with the swaying rhythm of waves and the sweetest tinkling silver bells, and then a cello chimes in, warm and nostalgic and sounding like walking barefoot on wooden floorboards, dusty old pictures, and the orangest sunset I can ever imagine.

I see the sunset now, vivid and tender and orange-y over the now calm sea. Fishing boats have somehow appeared and the trolley on the hill has begun to move again. There are people. Fishermen, mostly, but also children who are riding weird little pogo-sticks and singing.

So this is what Yukiya's mind is really supposed to look like.

And then I watch with stars in my eyes as Yukiya and Ririka finally kiss.

-

"So what exactly happened in there?" Shun demands. Yukiya blushes a deep, deep red and Ririka looks down calmly at her cutely manicured fingers.

"He doesn't mean that part. The part before," I prod.

"What part?" Shun asks.

"Oh, the part before?" Yukiya exclaims, immensely relieved that he doesn't need to talk about the kiss. I get the impression that it was his first. "Well, I was stuck on a rock on an ocean, and there was nowhere I could go and there were waves, really big waves and-"

"What part?" Shun asks again.

"-and Riri was there and I didn't know how she could have gotten into my mind and it was scary, the water was killing her little by little-"

"What part?" Shun yells, though looking more amused than angry.

"The part when they kissed," I explain. "Yukiya, continue."

Yukiya groans in embarrassment. Apparently the daredevil himself is hopelessly demure when it comes to things like first kisses. Fire and first kisses are entirely different things after all. On the other hand, Ririka doesn't seem too bothered anymore; in fact she is munching on cookies like nothing is out of the ordinary.

"I tried to save her, but nothing worked, my fire is useless against water," Yukiya continues, hanging his head. "There was nothing I could do. I watched the water kill her. But then, another Riri came flying-"

"Me," Ririka explains between greedy bites.

"And this one and that one sort of merged together, I'm not sure how-and then they, uh, she made it through the walls and walls of water and flew towards me and I-"

"And you were crying like a nutjob," Ririka concludes.

"I couldn't help it okay? I was scared!" Yukiya shouts. He appears to have gotten his temper back. But he can't be angry at the girl he had almost lost just a few minutes ago, and instead he smiles. A teary smile.

"I'm glad you're okay," he tells Ririka.

"And I'm glad you're okay too." Ririka beams up at him, and Shun and I exchange looks that say "okay maybe we're kind of unwanted here".

But we still have unfinished business, so Shun clears his throat. "I really hate to interrupt, but we're on a tight schedule so..."

"Oh!" Ririka squeals, suddenly remembering exactly what we are all here for. "Oh yes, tight schedule."

"I was going to ask Riri to come with me into Katsuki's mind and let Tomomi explain what's going on to Yukiya, but Riri-are you okay enough to mindhack now? You just had a really crazy ordeal, I was pretty worried when watching your stats. You might need some rest."

"She does need rest," Yukiya puts in immediately. "I saw what happened. Fighting the water wasn't easy. We can't let her hack now."

"We need her for Katsuki's desert," Shun tells him.

"What desert?" Yukiya asks with interest.

"So I'm thinking we should leave Katsuki alone for now, and try someone else first. Tomomi and I'll go in and you two can rest a bit," Shun continues.

"What desert?" Yukiya asks again.

"Who do you guys think we should go for next? I'm thinking Izumi or Natsumi, they're the next best spotters besides Katsuki-"

"What desert?" Yukiya yells and bangs his fist on a nearby desk. As much as I don't want him to be loud and attract attention, I'm glad that he's at least somewhat back to normal. I'd take a normal, raging, screaming Yukiya over an abnormal, sobbing and shivering Yukiya any day.

"I'll explain later, it's a long story," Ririka assures him comfortingly. Her voice seems to calm him down right away and he sinks back into the chair he is occupying with a content grin.

"So, Izumi or Natsumi?" Shun asks me.

"Uh, they're both my friends, I can't exactly pick-"

"No, I'm not asking you to pick who you like better. It's more like-do you know what they're scared of? The two of us are going in, so we'll have a gun and an elega. We want to take the one who has the kind of fear that can be dealt with by a gun and an elega, you get me?"

"Oh." I nod, feeling dumb. But then I am struck by the horrible realization that I actually have no idea what my friends are afraid of. Which is bad, because while you don't normally ask your friends out right "hey what's your worst fear", you still should be able to gather a brief idea from your interactions and chats. Right?

Yet I know nothing about Izumi or Natsumi's fears. I feel like a failure of a friend. Izumi's always so levelheaded, nothing fazes her, it's always been me clinging to her instead of her clinging to me. And Natsumi, loudmouth Natsumi who will readily punch anyone who dares to hurt her friends, who would fight off men wearing black raincoats without the slightest hesitation-

I have no idea. I don't know anything about their greatest fears. To me, they are the bravest, bravest girls.

"If it helps you feel better, I don't know either," seeing my horrorstruck expression, Ririka pipes up.

"Well, I think I know what Hiroki's afraid of," Shun says suddenly. "How about we get him first instead?"

"Sure," I say. "So what is he afraid of?"

Shun sighs. "I can't be a hundred percent sure, but I learned this when we were watching movies together that one time, in our room-"

"Oh, that time," Yukiya chimes in. "That time he ran out of the room crying. Not that Hiroki doesn't cry a lot already, but-"

"Yeah, that time."

The two of them shake their head and speak in unison.

"Snakes. Hiroki's afraid of snakes."