[Trigger warning] There's only a very teeny bit mentioned, but if you're not comfortable with reading about sexual assault please do not go on.

--

I had it all planned out. If I find myself too far away from my elementary school, I'll steal a bike (it's not in real life so it doesn't count as a crime, right? I hope?) and pedal my way there. If I pop out of the station to find that I'm at some place I don't recognize, I'm sure I can locate a convenience store that sells maps, since this place appears to be my hometown Fukuoka.

But all the plans go out of the window when I step out of the subway station exit to find myself right across the street from the elementary school I went to. I mean, how convenient is that? Or perhaps it isn't luck—this is where I'm destined to end up and therefore here I am. I'm glad that I don't have to spend a lot of time looking for my destination though—the sun is already hanging low, and while I don't exactly know for sure what's going to happen when it sets all the way, I have a feeling that I don't want to be alone here in the dark. I bet it's the time when all those things that go bump in the night come creeping out, like in Silent Hill—

I shake my head. I must not think of Silent Hill.

Instead, I peer through the gates of my elementary school. They were locked, but locked gates never stopped us students from climbing the walls. I hop on the one in front of me quite easily, and it strikes me how much taller I must have grown since my elementary school days.

Nostalgia hits me as I cut across the track field and towards the rows of classrooms. I can't for the life of me remember which ones I had been in, which is kind of a problem considering there are like eighty and I sure can't go through all of them before the sun goes down. But this is Shun's mind and not a real school, so surely there'd be some kind of hint—

And the hint comes, in the form of myself. My muddled-looking, purple-clad third-grade self. Twin tails, ugly strawberry barrettes, an innocent smile and a little snub nose. I'm adorable. Yay!

Hey, I'm shallow and I admit it.

I follow my third-grade self as she navigates the corridors easily, light footsteps echoing all the way. It feels weird that we're existing simultaneously, but then it's at least less weird than the two Ririkas. They looked the same, while this little one and I clearly are different. I'm way less cute, for one.

My tiny self trots on, humming happily, and finally reaches the place behind the school buildings where the swimming pool is. Waiting there is Mr. Eto, the nice teacher who returned my confiscated elega and also saved me from drowning because I was stupid enough to not check where I was going and fell into the pool. I liked him. Too bad he resigned soon after that for some reason or else I'd probably have taken pics with him and written him a cute thank-you card with pink glitter when I graduated.

So little me is heading to Mr. Eto to retrieve her elega. Great, that's all fine and dandy, but what does this have to do with—

My eyes widen in horror as Mr. Eto suddenly grins, a grin that stretches so far that I almost worry his face will be ripped in half.

"Finally you've come."

He studies the sight in front of him. A little third-grader, so trusting, so innocent, so naïve, definitely a virgin.

And then he pounces on the little girl who used to be me.

Like a madman, he tears away her uniform and pulls her into the water with a crazed laugh. She screams, but he does not stop. His large hands, which seem to be getting hairier by the minute, reach out to touch all the places the he really isn't supposed to be touching—

I can't watch this anymore.

I cover my eyes with one hand and try to control how hard my body is shaking. This is disgusting. And it doesn't make sense. This couldn't have happened. It would be ridiculous if something like this happened and I don't remember, wouldn't it? Like, I have a really sucky memory and forget math formulas, but this—this isn't something you just forget.

I lean against the icy wall, somehow comforted by its... concreteness. Yes, I'm comforted by a concrete wall being concrete, but you can't blame me because right now I'm hearing the screams and cries of third-grade me and it isn't pretty.

I must do something to save myself, I think, instead of standing there being like "hey come on that didn't happen". But before I can make myself seen and kick the savage Mr. Eto in all the places where it hurt the most, I realize that what was going on has stopped.

My young self lies on the ground beside the swimming pool sobbing, uniform unbuttoned, and Mr. Eto stands above the shivering girl, half-naked and dripping wet, a gleeful smile on his horrid face.

"Now you can have your elega back," he tells his victim, and places the folded-up instrument by her side. I stare and wonder what's going to happen next, but out of nowhere someone speaks behind me and I stifle a scream.

"I... I went to get the teachers."

I turn to see the small figure of third-grade Shun standing behind me, regarding the scene with reflective sorrow.

"But... but I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't help—"

I want to shake him by the shoulders and scream some sense into him but it strikes me all of a sudden how this must have looked to him.

0. A girl from another school had been raped by a teacher. We watched it in the news on the classroom TV the very same day, the day the teacher treated us to pudding so we would stop chatting about it.

1. I went to the back of the schoolyard to meet a teacher who promised to return my elega.

2. I fell in the swimming pool because I didn't watch where I was going.

3. The teacher, Mr. Eto, kicked off his shoes and tore off his clothes because it was a nice expensive suit or something and he didn't want it to get wet, and rescued me.

4. I lay there on the ground crying with my clothes in disarray, and Mr. Eto stood there half-naked and smiling because he wanted to comfort me. Then he returned my elega.

Let's say Shun knew about 0 and 1, skipped steps 2 and 3 and randomly stumbled upon step 4. Can you really blame him from making assumptions? It doesn't help that I have that eyebrow problem and always looks slightly distressed.

I try to calm my madly thumping heart as all the pieces begin to float together. So this was what Shun thought happened. He feels guilty about this, and had been feeling this way since third grade.

And we're now sixteen, so this is like some six or seven years worth of feeling guilty about something he couldn't have stopped because it never happened.

"Listen," I turn to the little boy and try to explain, "this isn't how it went, it's actually more like—"

And then a large, furry hand cups over my mouth and I'm hoisted up into the air before I can even say "what the heck".

Mr. Eto has heard my surprised squeal when little Shun spoke to me. And this isn't the friendly Mr. Eto who enjoys jamming to good music and cherishes his expensive suit. The Mr. Eto in Shun's mind isn't a saint; far from it.

I feel kind of bad for him, because I suddenly realize that if little Shun told the truth about getting the teachers and telling them about what happened, the rest of Mr. Eto's tenure at our school would probably have been quite unpleasant. Like, he probably could explain to them that he was just trying to save a drowning girl, but still there would be rumors. No wonder he resigned so soon after.

But this isn't the time to feel bad about indirectly causing Mr. Eto to lose his job, because this man is strong and he has me in his clutches and also he appears to be lugging me towards the swimming pool.

Not very nice!

From the corner of my eye I can see little third-grader Shun trying to pull Mr. Eto away, but he's too tiny to have made any difference. Probably weighed less than thirty kilos, that kid.

I try to speak to him, but Mr. Eto's huge foul-smelling hand is still over my mouth so I can't get a word out. There is nothing he can do. There is nothing I can do.

And then we topple over into the deep end of the pool, Mr. Eto's arms encircled around me. I take one last look at the orange skies. Such a lovely vivid color.

Then the water swallows us up.