Chapter 9: Insecurities
A week's course;
and you were still in the holding cell. Jimin did nothing productive to help you – frankly, the both of you couldn't figure out exactly what he needed to do in order to start. This is how the week went:
Monday:
You had been practicing your strength.
Thing had attacked you more than once, at different places, and with full force. Wanting to get stronger, to feel the pulsing of power flourish through your deadly quiet veins was a weird obsession now. You practiced every chance you got. Throwing and trying to grab onto objects that your fingers phased right through. It was a long, gruelling, and commonly distraught situation since every time you'd practice, you would fail.
Having watched Jimin practice with the others like you did every day, it saddened you that the boys rarely took breaks for themselves. But in the back of your head, this was refreshing to see on a daily. You could see they didn't take what they did easy, and looking back at your life when you were once alive, you wished you hadn't taken advantage of everything that once made you happy.
You wished you hadn't rolled your eyes often when your Mother nagged.
You wished you hadn't gone on insane diets that weren't good for you.
You wished you ran and exercised more.
You wished you hugged Jonah more.
You wished you were able to tell Iniko how sorry you were for what you did to her...
Everything now burdened in your mind, those were simply the main objectives for you to continue. You continued to practice and stay motivated. You needed to get out, you needed to be alive and you needed to hurry. You needed to hurry before the doctors told your Mother there was no point to keeping you glued to machines any longer...you needed to survive.
Punching and kicking walls, your groaned when you fell right through, mastering the craft of floating and phasing at this point, things weren't looking too bad for your efforts.
Glancing over at Jimin who stared at you through the mirror, he tried to hide that he wasn't worried for you as he practiced. Like a parent subtly staring at their children in a park, Jimin remained focus on his routine all while making sure that his softness never left you practicing.
You had no idea he was staring at you as you had gotten back up and started all over.
Tuesday;
You were back to practicing. When you couldn't do much, the practice started to mimic the events of yesterday where you did nothing but groan, grunt, and moan in frustration most of the day. Laying onto your back as you floated over the long wooden table that held stalks of books, you arched your head to look at the body that was in disguise, focused, and determined.
Jimin sat with a mask on, his fingers cutely stumbling and swiping through pages of paranormal novels. Jimin had a notepad that was purchased, along with a pen while he tried to take notes on anything he could find. His notepad was empty and you sighed before laying onto your stomach, still watching him.
"Who comes to libraries now days anyway?" you had mumbled, teasing him. As expected, Jimin didn't look at you, his forehead crinkled as he continued to read, continued to play with his pencil, and continued to stare at the naked sheet of notes with anger.
Your eyes softened. "Go easy on yourself."
"I have to save you." Is all he said, voice determined as he breathed it out more for himself than for you.
Wednesday;
Thursday;
both were relatively the same routine.
Back at the practice room, you did nothing productive while kicking in walls and phasing right through.
While Jimin, well, he was back to staring in the mirror as he responsibly practiced his routine, practice with the boys, went to meetings, and took care of you by holding your hand or touching you in occasions here and there.
Both of you touched each other out of habit now, not wanting Thing back to take a swing.
Friday;
"Don't be too long," Namjoon chimed, small smile on his face as the others went out, hollering in excitement over the food that was ready for them.
Jimin nodded, smiling when seeing how happy the members were while leaving practice to eat. He could feel your sad gaze at his side telling him to go with them, but he would shake his head, holding your hand and guide the both of you towards the bag he had brought with him. Sinking to his feet, he leaned his back to rest on the wall behind him. Taking out the books, taking out the empty notepad, and taking out a lap top, Jimin's stressed eyes were back to focus on you and your situation.
You squeezed his hand, smile light before standing to your feet with a sigh and moving to continue practicing. You smiled at the way you felt while swinging your hands and getting a great portion of strength with each rebuttal move you mastered. The way you felt while hitting the air was how you knew that you were on the right direction in finding answers.
"You look like you're getting stronger," Jimin chuckled, noticing the grin on your face as he spoke.
"I don't know what it is, I feel like I'm way stronger than before...like I could rip Thing a part if it gets anywhere near me again," you laughed evilly and Jimin's eyes narrowed at you looking down at your hands with proudness.
Jimin sighed, shaking his head and looking back to his lit-screen, back of the pen tapping the notepad while his other hands naturally scanned through books he had ordered without the rest of Bangtan knowing.
"I'm sensing the more hopeful you get, the stronger you get." He had a cheesy-charming smile on his face that made you roll your bloody eyes backwards along with your normal one.
Saturday;
He's in the recording studio and you're dying – well, emotionally considering that you aren't exactly alive enough to be dying all over again.
Watching new music that Bangtan creates with their producers, between themselves, and generally just gawking at the behind-the-scene practices, you couldn't help but have your dead spirit shake with fangirling emotions.
Jimin notices you not practicing and instead staring at the process. He stifles back a smile, not wanting to have the other members see him happily staring off at corners of the air, when in reality, he was staring at you.
"Jiminie," Yoongi orders and Jimin knows exactly what to do.
Stepping onto his feet, he hears you squeal and bites back a laugh. Moving to sing into the microphone as he shuts the door behind him, there's no point as you phase right in and watch his lips near the microphone protected by a gridded black texture.
He sings, shutting his eyes so he wouldn't smile so much. You seemed to make him smile a lot, so he sealed his eyes to fraction away from snorting into the microphone.
Jimin focused and started to sing as he placed the headset on top of his hair, listening to Yoongi and staff order him to start. He did, he sang his heart out and whenever he was stopped and told to change the patterns of his notes, he'd nod and be obedient.
Smirking a little in your direction, he shuts his eyes again, ready to perform his high note that was advised by the team who couldn't see you melting away in awe. Jimin sang, beautiful and softly toned before unlocking his jaw enough to let a beautiful high note release from him.
He choked. He choked on the note when your fingers tapped at his mouth. Gazing over a little, he laughed loudly into the microphone when you played around with him by pretending an imaginary dick was moving into his opened mouth. You did the hand motion exactly when he hit the note and Jimin slapped your hand away, blushing madly.
Jimin smiled, watching you content with yourself.
Jungkook, on the opposite side of the recording booth stares with horror at Jimin smiling, laughing, slapping away at air, and staring at corners lovingly. Before the others can say anything or make sense of the situation, the maknae sighed, defeated and shaking his head like a disappointed father. "Hyung stay doing weird shit," the boy sighed out, mumbling for Yoongi to not even bother in disrupting and asking what was going on.
Jimin didn't notice the members. His eyes on you, his smile faltered a little, just a little while watching you laugh. There is a part of him that liked seeing you laugh. He liked it so much where his heart broke, the reality of your situation heavy on his shoulders.
Even past his headphones the boy could hear the dark echo and distance to your giggle.
Sunday;
An interesting day for you. Jimin notices how greatly you react to every situation presented before you. You gawk over the sightings in the new parts of the city introduced to you, and the studios that you walk through by his side. It was a for variety show the boys were attending.
The entire time, you didn't leave him alone. Not wanting to distract him much from what he had come to do, you let him speak and move his hands around as he focused on the discussions, the laughs, and the comments among the hosts and the members. He really tried not to focus on you and you could tell.
It didn't help that you were an annoying koala, hugging his shoulders and neck from behind as you rested the top of your cheek on his fluffy hair. Eyes shut, you smelled him, felt his warmth, and allowed for your silenced heart to beat within your chest while cuddling him. When he laughed, the scents grew stronger and you would smile at his hair and squeeze him with your arms.
At one point during the show where attention was on the opposite end, Jimin allowed for his hand to subtly go to his neck. His fingers traced your wrist, lightly scratching at your skin to get your attention. If you weren't a ghost, Jimin would be thinking you had fallen asleep on him.
You felt him softly prick your skin and it was the cutest thing. He was asking if you were okay without even speaking words and you hummed in response.
Jimin smiled to himself, trying not to make it obvious as he rubbed your arm with his fingers and then looked forward to paying attention for the rest of the show. He didn't move around too much, letting you rest on him in this adorable position.
You weren't sleeping – you couldn't ever, but he treated you delicately as if you were...
Monday;
full circle, full week, and a new start to a new week.
Jimin slowly moved the crust by the corners of his eyes. Blinking, he rubbed at his face before tiredly moaning into his pillow. He couldn't help the sleepy tired that crossed his face when he playfully glared at you staring so close; your nose two sneaks away from tapping his.
"I told you to stop staring at me sleep."
"I get bored," you whispered, smiling at him cutely trying not to blush as he woke up. His alarm woke him up, but your face close to his is what truly made him jolt. You pursed your lips when you laughed at him being scared, but there was a part of you that sank. Your face clearly scared the boy no matter how used to it he got.
Jimin hummed, nodding and swallowing hard at his dry mouth. His neck was open for you to stare at as he arched his body into a stretch. "What happened to harassing the other members as well?" he asked between a yawn.
You shrugged, sinking into his pillow as he looked at the ceiling. "I don't find interest in that anymore."
Jimin felt your head snuggle towards his neck and he sighed, smiling before letting his cheek land on your head. His eyes kept blinking slow. Both of you were aware that he dreaded waking up this morning, wanting to sleep and rest more. You wanted that for him, but no matter how much you commented, scolded, or enforced a change, Jimin wouldn't budge.
"Are you sure it isn't because you're scared to be alone in another room without me?" he asked softly, not knowing if you'd take his question serious enough to answer.
"Maybe."
He side-smiled. "You're scared."
"You are too," you whispered underneath his ear, "I can sense it from the way you get frustrated while trying to take notes every day."
"The fact that I don't understand it kills me."
You smiled, nose nuzzling his ear lobe. You whispered softly into his ear, "Well then you should now understand how confused your fans are when watching your music videos or teasers."
His chest fell in as he laughed at that. You looked at his chest.
"You had a notebook out and everything?"
"Mhm."
"If it helps, I have no theories or answers on our teasers and M/Vs either."
He laughed again. You stared at his chest again, his tank shifting in ways for you to causally blink and see through to his stomach, his lower abdomen, and the seal of his shorts that he wore to sleep.
Jimin blinked. "But this...this I'll figure out for sure. I'll figure out a way for you to be back."
You didn't say anything.
His voice was soft as he went, "I promise I will."
You pursed your lips, staring up at the corner of his jaw that was sharp. "Don't do that to yourself."
"Do what?"
"Make promises that you deep-down know that you may not be able to keep. Don't put pressure on yourself."
"I'm not," he said sternly, "I'm just trying to be hopeful."
"I am too."
"Good."
"But I'm also trying to be a realist," you whispered, noticing him tensing the more you talked about other ways out of this, "I may not make it out...I may die for sure. And if, I strongly put emphasis on 'if'...if I die, just know that I don't blame you. No matter what Thing says, you won't have failed me."
Jimin's jaw flexed close to your face and you were back to looking at it instead of his cheek and eyes.
"I won't fail you."
"Bu-"
"How strong have you gotten?" Jimin asked hoarsely, his eyes blinking slow as he catered to changing the subject quick.
You nibbled on the skin of your lip before answering him. "Stronger, but not strong enough."
"That clearly means you're doing something right."
"I guess so."
Jimin smiled, his body relaxing. You were confused for the sudden change but swallowed up any questions ready to ask him when his arm scooped underneath you and he snuggled to his side. Cheek hiding into the fabrics of his pillow, you arched your head back so he wouldn't have to stare at you so closely. He didn't notice your hesitation as he couldn't to cuddle, feel your side, and adorably chat with his cracked voice.
"Again," he sang softly, "That's where hope gets you~ Soon you'll be stronger than Thing and everything you're confused over will be settled. You'll get your answers soon."
You were trying not to stare at his eyes that were viewing you with such care. Swallowing hard, you focused on your words as you spoke. "I worked on trying to grab your books for a while when you were showering, I couldn't tell if I tipped it or if they fell on their own...but progress?" You face scrunched in and Jimin laughed.
"It was probably wind."
"Yup."
"Don't feel discouraged." His eyes were demanding but face amused.
"I won't," you said, chuckling when feeling his grip on the skin above your hip. He was way too comfortable with you; if alive, you'd be blushing with heat.
Licking over your lip, you blinked and soon the way you blinked started to match his that synced. He didn't look away and for a moment, you felt like a person who was still living, still breathing, still aware of the effects of human-to-human connection. He was charming and the tingling at your chest was in result of how great Jimin made you feel like the only other person in the world.
Trying to distract yourself, you cleared your throat wanting to speak about Thing and all the hints thrown around. Instead, you swallowed everything you thought you knew, you swallowed your teasing tones, your playful and carefree attitude. You swallowed up all when Jimin's hand tapped the bottom of your cheek along your jaw.
"Wha-"
He shushed you and you're even more confused. The fact that your heart is going wild makes you feel uneasy and unsure. You try to deny how he makes you feel but its clear and that hurts you. You shouldn't be feeling for a boy that was chosen as an anchor by you...well, by both you and Thing; whatever that meant.
"I wanted to try something for a while," he lowly says.
You could've sworn if you were alive, the mid of your thighs would be shaking wet (lol, ravs wtf). But instead, the throbbing of your heart that pulsed was enough to ring at your eyes and save you from embarrassing yourself further. Staring at him leaning in curiously, you assumed what you could and fluttered your eyes closed. You waited, you waited for him to kiss you with his morning breath nearing. You didn't care for that though, you didn't. All you cared for was his lips, the way they were shaped, and how they were moving close to yours.
Puckering your bottom lip slightly in thirst, all your hopes and dreams for this moment were washed away when you felt him slowly swipe the bottom of your bleeding eye. His fingers moving the red liquid that never left your cheek onto his finger, your ashamed gaze fluttered open to see him acting like a child amused by a science experiment.
Jimin stared at his finger and saw as the blood that he scooped away evaporate from the tip. Like magic, it was no longer on his finger. Seeing your cheek again, Jimin's mouth opened and suddenly you no longer cared for his lips, all you did was grumble in anger within you and hate the smell of his breath. He didn't notice you irritated as he gasped, "The blood is back on your face." He was in awe over the blood back intact, looking as if it was never touched to begin with.
You shift away from the boy. Turning to your side and having your back face him, you manage to have the bloody side of your face move and hide into the pillow. Embarrassed and insecure, the sudden reaction from you was enough to have Jimin blush as his eyes grew horrified.
"I'm so sorry."
"Whatever," you mumbled, knowing he was probably staring up to the ceiling in shock over his actions.
"Y/N I-"
"It's cool, I get it. All you see is a bloody dead girl," you mumbled, sighing and throwing your hand backwards to pat at his stomach, "No hard feelings, boo-boo. Go get ready for your day."
Jimin licked over his lips. Sitting up from his spot when laying, his mouth opened awkwardly as he asked, "You sur-"
"Jimin I'm trying to sleep." You murmured, shushing him and waving your hand away for him to follow and disappear.
"You can't sleep."
"Hence the use of 'trying'." You smart-ass was back as you snuggled into his pillow, trying to push him off the bed with your butt that poked out by his thigh.
Jimin stared at the back of your hair. He stared long and slowly found himself to smile when feeling your butt poking his side until his stubborn-self accepted to getting up. As he did, you stole his spot on the bed and the amusement on his face grew.
"Come in the shower." Jimin didn't ask it, demanding it as he started to circle the foot of the bed with dragging feet.
Jimin tripped forward as he held the doorknob to the bathroom. He laughed, chest heaving before rubbing at your hands that hugged his stomach. Feeling your cheek between his shoulder-blades, it was a sudden and fast back hug and he pulled your closer, wobbling like a penguin as the both of you entered the bathroom.
"So much for being annoyed at me," Jimin piped, amused as he walked in.
You rested your chin at his shoulder, letting him wobble on one leg then the other. Not daring to let the back hug go, you smirked by your ear, "What can I say?" you piped, knowing he was aware of you joking, "Getting any chance at seeing naked you wins me over."
Jimin rolled his eyes and you giggled by his cheek, kissing it with a peck.
-
A/N: ...next chapter is, well, 'wow-za'. I'm preparing my nachos. I'll give you a sneak peek though, lawl:
Yoongi's eyes were wide. Tripping over his feet and trying to get past the cushions of the couch, the peace he sat in was destroyed. Spitting onto his chin as he opened his mouth to scream, his ankles felt pain when he slapped the wooden floors with his presence as ran, he ran, he ran so fast.
"NAMJOON-AHHHHHH!" he screeched, terrified over what he had just seen with both of his sane eyes.
A/N: and, yes. Yup. Byeeeeeeee!
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