Life can be unfair
But it's like I'm unfair to life
Because me just having life alone
Is unfair.

"Leave me alone, Ajayi"

"You cursed woman, shut up! Ronke, shut up!"

Father and mother are fighting and like always, my siblings and I are outside the apartment listening to what is happening inside.

Father came home drunk this night. This is the third time this week and he's beating up mother again.

Well, I shouldn't really say 'beating up' since mother is also retaliating. So, it's a fight. They're fighting.

The door to the room opposite our apartment opens and Mummy Ayo comes out to the walkway. She looks at us and shakes her head then she walks away to the entrance of the house. I know she's going to talk with Baba Ahmed at the front of the building.

She doesn't try to intervene anymore whenever father beats mother. No one in the building, not even Baba Ahmed, do anymore after mother had told them to mind their own business and leave our family alone. In this our face-me-and-face-you building, it's not possible for one to not interfere when regular fights that disturb the whole building occur but since my mother, whom they're trying to advice and help, doesn't appreciate their efforts, they have to leave her to her problem.

I look at Itunu and I can see the sadness in her eyes. Before we always comforted mother even if it was just looking at her with comforting eyes which she always ignored, but now can we still do it? After eavesdropping on what mother secretly told Mrs. Oyedele last week and accidentally hearing about the truth about us, Itunu and I can't even talk freely with mother, not to talk of consoling her now.

I'm sure father will soon leave now and then come home sober tomorrow to beg mother. Mother will surely forgive him and pretend to forget about the beating and then we'll live normally until the next fight.

I've always wondered why mother always endure all what father does to her and why she forbids us from talking about it with her but now I know why. She's suffering for her sins.

"What should we do?" Itunu asks me.

"Are you asking me? What can we do?" I reply, looking away from her.

"Why is daddy always beating mummy?" Iyanu asks in his babyish voice.

Looking at Iyanu in Itunu's arms, I kind of find him pitiful. He's still a little boy and from the time he became sensible, he has always seen our father fighting with our mother. I wonder how he'd feel if he had also heard what mother had told Mrs. Oyedele but he's just four years old and I'm sure he wouldn't even understand.

I glance at his left arm. Before, I thought maybe it was mom's malnutrition or stress during pregnancy that caused his left arm to not develop well from the womb which resulted in his left arm being shorter than the right arm. Now, I know better. It's our parents' sins that caused his limb malformation.

I look at Itunu, waiting for her to reply. She's the one who always respond to Iyanu whenever he asks questions like these.

"Iyanu" Itunu says quietly, looking gently at Iyanu in her arms. "Daddy doesn't like to beat Mummy. Things just happen. But remember, you must not beat or fight with people. It's bad."

"So Daddy is bad." Iyanu says.

"I didn't say that." Itunu says with a sigh.

"It's bad to fight. Daddy is bad because he is beating mummy" Iyanu says.

Itunu looks at me with a rueful smile on her face. I feel so sad looking at her. My younger sister is a very optimistic and strong person, but seeing her in this way is so saddening. I think I also look so pitiful now.

The noise from our apartment ceases which means the fight has ended with Father having his way. He'll probably be counting the money he took from mother. Not that the money would be more than one thousand naira anyway. Mother might be arranging the parlour and bedroom and also taking care of her body to erase all trace of the fight. Trying to act fine when it's obvious that everything is not fine. Really pathetic.

The door to our room and parlour apartment opens and Father comes out, staggering. He glances at us and then staggers to the entrance of the building.

I know he's off to spend the money he forcefully collected from mother on more alcohol again.

"You won't enter again? You want to sleep there?" Mother says from inside our apartment.

I glance at Itunu and she walks into the apartment with Iyanu. I look up at the yellow bulb which faintly illuminates the walkway and sigh. I hate this kind of life and after what I heard last week, I hate my existence now.

I walk into the apartment and close the door behind me.

I glance at the small wall clock in our poorly furnished sitting room. It's 7:54pm. Itunu is seating on a small stool and she's looking at mother. Iyanu is with Mother who's sitting on a chair and he's asking her meaningless questions again.

Well, today's beating was not as serious as before since mother has quickly composed herself and her face is not swollen. Apart from the bruises on mother's face, there's no sign that shows she just got beaten up but I'm sure she has some injuries on other parts of her body.

"Ireti, why are you standing there like an electric pole?" Mother says to me. "You and Itunu should go out to the kitchen and wash the plates. Thank God this NEPA people gave us light this night. You can see clearly to wash the plates. E ma fo nonsense" (Translation- Don't wash rubbish)

Itunu stands up from the stool and goes to pack the plates on the floor. She looks at me and then walks out.

"What are you still doing here?" Mother asks me. "Follow your sister"

I stare at Mother. She's acting strong and pretending like nothing happened before. She always does this. She endures all the beatings and then act like a strong woman in front of us. After every fight, she'll quickly take care of herself and arrange the apartment. Then, she'll behave like nothing happened. Anytime Itunu and I  try to talk to her about it, she shuts us up and act strong but she doesn't know we usually hear her silent cries at night when she thinks we're asleep.

"Ireti, what happened to you? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"How much did Daddy collect from you today?" I ask her.

"You better leave this place, right now!" Mother says looking at me sternly. "Eti e o di" (Translation- You're not deaf)

I take a deep breath and turn away from her. I open the door and walk out.

Standing in the walkway, I look up again at the yellow bulb. I feel like a worthless person. I don't even feel pity for Mother anymore. It's all her fault. It's all Father's fault.

I walk down the walkway to the backyard. I get to the backyard and see Itunu washing the plates outside the kitchen. Ayo and her brother, Ogo, are in the small kitchen cooking their family's dinner.

Itunu looks up from the plates she's washing to stare at me. I stare back at her.

My siblings and I shouldn't have been born into this world. We shouldn't even exist.

We're what we Yoruba people call Èewò. Taboos. We're abominations. We are the devil's spawns.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
NEPA is the old acronym for the previous name of an organization governing the use of electricity in Nigeria. The name of the organization changes but people still call it NEPA.

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So there goes the first chapter 🙃. How's it?

I'll be updating daily so the next update is tomorrow✨.

Question of The Chapter : What are your thoughts on domestic violence. Is it something that can be totally stopped in our society?

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