"I'm back" Itunu says as she enters the room. "Bringing this boy from school is really stressful."

"Welcome. Where's Iyanu?" I say as I get up from the bed.

"I'm here" Iyanu says quietly as he enters the room.

"Uncle Tolu went back to his school this morning so you'll stay in our room today" I say to Iyanu as I remove his school uniform from his body.

Mrs. Oyedele insisted that Iyanu should not stay at home and continue going to school but she allowed Itunu and I to stay at home to recover ourselves.

"I'm going to school tomorrow" Itunu says as she slumps on the bed.

"You are?" I say, surprised.

"Yeah. At least we paid for this term so I don't want the money to waste."

I stare at Itunu meaningfully and she stares at me, her lips curved in a small smile.

"It's not the end of the world." Itunu says. "Mother would want the best for us and she wouldn't want us to suffer for her sins. I have no idea how we're going to live from now on but at least, let us live. I don't know for next term but since we've paid our fees for this term, I'm attending school for the rest of the term and I'll excel in my studies like before."

She pauses and smiles, her eyes shining.

"We're not worthless. God doesn't see us as cursed." she says quietly.

My eyes become misty and my voice gets stuck in my throat. I've been thinking about all what Tolu said yesterday. He didn't ask us further questions. He just calmly talked to us and assured us. I desperately want to believe all what he said. Knowing I'm not a mistake or doomed person will keep me going in this life. I guess Itunu also thought about what Tolu said. I left the both of them in the library yesterday to think about everything and when Itunu came out also, she looked thoughtful. She woke up this morning looking better and I'm sure what Tolu said deeply affected her, positively.

I smile gently at Itunu, blinking back my tears and look at Iyanu who us trying to open his school bag.

Itunu takes it from him and opens the bag for him.

"I'm going to our house to talk with Father" Itunu says as she gives Iyanu his book. "I'm going there to talk with him and I want you to follow him. We have to plan now and know what's going to happen to us. Father has to become responsible and live like he should. He can't just abandon us"

I nod. Mother is gone but we have to live. Father needs to stop his bad attitudes and help us.

"I suggest we go back to our house tomorrow. We can't continue to live here. Mrs. Oyedele has been so wonderful to us. We're indebted to her. Really. She's nice and encouraging but we can't continue to just stay in her house. She also has to continue with her life. She didn't go to her workplace all this while just so she can be with us but I think it's unfair. We'll go back home tomorrow and live with Father. We'll also we all we can to help contribute to our living. We have to try to look for other small jobs we can do. We'll tell Mrs. Oyedele today when she comes back. Do you know where she went to?"

"I don't." I say, after clearing my throat. "She just told me she had to quickly get to somewhere and she'd be back soon. When she comes, we'll discuss with her. I agree with what you said and I'm happy you're no longer crying anymore" I say, laughing.

"I miss her" Itunu says, looking down.

"Me too" Iyanu says quietly.

Itunu and I look at him, both of us surprised. Iyanu has really been taking it well. He only cried when we told him Mother went somewhere and won't come back again. He didn't cry during the burial but that's probably because he didn't understand but apart from his occasional asking of Mother and his sadness from not being able to see her anymore, he hasn't really been crying at all. We're also trying to not make him sad.

I don't know what to say to him now and I guess Itunu also is speechless judging by the look on her face.

"Iyanu..." I start to say but I'm interrupted by the sound of the gate opening.

"Mrs. Oyedele is back" Itunu says and she stands from the bed.

Iyanu drops the book in his hand and runs to the door, opens it and runs out.

"Iyanu really likes Mrs. Oyedele" Itunu says as we walk out of the room.

"Yes. You know he was always with her whenever Mother was busy before." I say and I feel my heart heavy again.

"It's hard to stop the grief" Itunu says quietly. "But we must try. We'll just become nothings if we allow the grief to overcome us as we are now." she says and walk ahead.

I walk after her, smiling. I know she's saying those words to assure herself than to comfort me.

"Girls." Mrs. Oyedele says holding Iyanu's hands as she walks in.

"Welcome ma" Itunu and I say together.

Mrs. Oyedele walks closer to us, staring at us intently. I notice her eyes are red and she looks so sad.

"What's wrong ma?" Itunu asks worried.

I'm also worried and scared. Mrs. Oyedele looks like she has bad news for us again.

"It is well, girls." Mrs. Oyedele says with a sigh. "Everything is going to be alright. You have to be strong."

I don't know what to do or say. My heart is beating really fast now. What's Mrs. Oyedele going to tell us?

"Your Daddy is missing. We don't know where he is and we can't find him?" Mrs. Oyedele says.

I stare at her confused. My brain cannot really register what she just said. I saw Father the day before yesterday. How come he's missing now?

"Ma, please what do you mean?" Itunu asks quietly.

Mrs. Oyedele holds my hand and holds Itunu's hand then she leads us to sit on a couch.

"I went to your house this morning to see your Dad. I had something to discuss with him." Mrs. Oyedele says in a tired voice but she squeezes my palm gently as she talks and I guess she's also doing that to Itunu.

"I got to your house and your apartment's door was not locked. I entered but I didn't see your Dad. The room was empty and untidy. I wanted to call your Dad but I saw his phone on the a chair so I concluded he probably had gone out for a moment. I stayed there for some minutes, waiting for your Dad and after waiting without seeing him, I went out. I wanted to go to his shop to check if he was there but before I could leave your house, that woman living opposite your apartment. What's her name?"

"Mummy Ayo." Itunu replies.

"Yes. Mummy Ayo. She stopped me and asked if I was there to see your Dad. I replied her confirming it. She told me that on the day of your Mum's...Mum's burial, your Dad returned to the house looking so pitiful. He went in to your apartment and didn't come out until it was late in the evening. Then he went to meet Mummy Ayo in her own apartment and told her he had to go somewhere. He didn't tell her where he was going but he gave her a letter, a letter to give you girls whenever you return to the house. Then he left and he didn't return since then."

"Maybe he went somewhere and he just hasn't returned" Itunu says. "We can't really conclude that he's missing."

I nod also. Father can't be missing. He's not a small boy.

Mrs. Oyedele sighs and sniffles. She squeezes her palm again gently and I feel like she's trying not to burst into tears.

"I don't know if missing is the right word now." Mrs. Oyedele says in a shaky voice. "I-I was surprised that he left a letter before he left. I was worried so-so-so I opened the letter and glanced through it. I can't say anymore. This is the letter."

Mrs. Oyedele releases her hand and brings out an envelope from the pocket of her gown. She gives me the rough envelope. Itunu jumps up from her position on the couch and rushes to my side.

I notice Mrs. Oyedele trying to wipe the tears flowing down her face and my heart sinks. My hands starts trembling and I can't bring myself to open the envelope. Itunu snatches it from my hands and opens it. Trembling, I turn to look at it also.

Itunu brings out few one thousand naira notes from the envelope and drops them carelessly on my hands. I glance at the notes and then return my attention to the envelope. Itunu brings out a well-folded paper and unfolds it. I notice that the sheet of paper is tear-stained but the writing is clear and legible.

I shift closer to Itunu to read the letter. It reads,

Dear Oodanolorun and Ejije,
Let me begin with apologizing. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. All my fault.
I'm really a bad man. An evil person.

I had no idea that you girls are aware about it. I didn't know that you found out your mother and I are cousins. I had no idea and I'm sure your mother too didn't know. It is all my fault. You girls can blame me, hate me. Blame me for everything. For your suffering, for your Mother's death. For everything.

If I had known, if I had known it would all lead to this, I wouldn't have started it at all. I would have stopped the bad feelings of affection I had for your mother, my cousin. I would have stopped it before it went out of control. I would have told my mother to advice me and help me stop those cursed feelings. I would have pretended not to understand when my cousin started showing signs of reciprocating the cursed feelings. I would have ignored her and even helped her stop them. I wouldn't have encouraged her and confessed my feelings for her. I wouldn't have asked her out and told her to be in a secret relationship with me. I wouldn't have slept with her. I would have stopped her when she also encouraged me to continue with it when I became scared about it. I wouldn't have listened to her. I wouldn't have impregnated her. I would have listened to her when she told me to tell our parents who could have helped us. I wouldn't have advised her not to tell her mother about our deed. I wouldn't have stolen that money from my father. I wouldn't have encouraged her to also steal her parents' money. I wouldn't have ran away from home with her to start our own family in a far place. I wouldn't have left our parents to worry about us. I wouldn't have left our own place to Akure, a strange place. I wouldn't. I would have stopped all the nonsense and return back to our parents with her when she gave birth to a stillborn. I wouldn't have continued that illegal relationship with her and give birth to more children. I wouldn't have at all. I wouldn't have.

I ruined your Mother's life. I enticed her and destroyed her. Ronke. Olaronke. She was so beautiful, so intelligent. So full of life. I just destroyed her. She was just sixteen when I impregnated her. She had lots of plans for her future but I destroyed all that by clouding her sense of reason. She was so optimistic but I made her miserable. I beat her up whenever I felt ashamed of what we did. We did it together. I even started it all but I always beat her blaming her for everything. I made her sad.

She begged me that night. The last time we fought, she begged me. She said she was tired of everything. She begged me to stop all of it. She wanted us to separate, to live apart. She was so miserable, so tired of everything. She looked so miserable and dejected that night. I felt so sad looking at how she'd become a shadow of herself and all I did was beat her again just to relieve myself of the pain in my heart. I claimed I loved her but I ruined her life. I killed her. I don't deserve to live.

I didn't regret it at first but when I started regretting it all, it was too late. We had gone too deep.

I don't even know if our parents are still alive. We ran away after stealing their money. We used the money to settle down but it wasn't enough. We lived life very poor. We weren't born into poverty but we had to die in misery because of what we did. I thought we were right and it was unfair that we couldn't love each other openly. How foolish I was. How foolish I am.

My mother. How did she feel? Her favourite last child just disappeared from the house. Disappeared just before he had to write his final secondary school exams. My aunt. How did she feel when her only child disappeared from home so young. Disappeared and left just a note, a note to say she was pregnant and would never terminate the pregnancy.

I feel wretched.

Oodan, I'm so sorry. I've failed you as a father, as everything. Ejije, I'm sorry. I deserve all the hatred you have for me. I'm sorry.

You girls, with your brother, are God's children. God's gift. Born to be great. Born to have good lives. I don't want to ruin you like I ruined your mother. I don't want to cause further damage.

It's best if I'm not with you. It's for the best if you live without me. I can't face you. I can't do you any good.

Oodan, take care of your siblings. You're a strong and loving person. You're a good person. Ejije, be good to your sister. Help her take care of yourself and Oofa. You guys are better without me. Live better lives. I left all the money I have with me with you. I know it's too small but it is what your irresponsible father has left. I'm really sorry.

I've always been proud of you all. You're my strength. Your Mother's strength.

I know I would be dead by the time you're through with reading this letter. Don't look for me. You will never find my body. I don't deserve to be buried by you. I can't even sign this letter as your Father because I know I don't deserve to be. Be good people and know you're born for great things. Be well.

The first thing that comes to my mind after reading the letter is "Eh. Is this a letter or epistle? A well written one at that. So Daddy can write like this?"

It's odd but that's what is on my mind now. I'm not even crying but Itunu is trembling beside me.

"He's really a bad man. A foolish man" Itunu says in a shaky voice. "How can his death be the best thing for us? Wicked man" she says and I know she's trying to suppress her tears.

"We're looking for him. I informed the police. They're looking for him." Mrs. Oyedele says in tears. "I'm just too emotional. I know I have to be strong for you and even comfort you but I just can't help it" she says, wiping her tears hurriedly.

I look at Mrs. Oyedele and I can't help imagining how sorrowful she was when she lost her husband and children. She must have cried and cried and cried.

Father is dead.

I don't know how to feel. I can't even cry. Mother died. Father too died. I'm numb right now. I've cried and cried. I cried painfully when I found out the secret; I cried uncontrollably when Mother died. I've cried a lot, I can't cry now. All these things just keep on happening. Sadness, sadness, sadness.

It's really painful. Father committed suicide. He killed himself. Did he think it was best?

Yes, I said I don't want to see him and I felt hatred for him but I didn't mean I don't want to see him forever.

Father. Though he had a lot of faults, he cared for us. He was always loving during the times he wasn't depressed. He really is a pitiful person. He struggled and struggled; toiled and toiled; overwhelmed by his depression; died miserable. Really pitiful.

"Father is dead also" Itunu says, staring at the letter in her hands. She's crying. She's trembling. "Mother died a violent death. Father died a painful death. No peace. Miserable. Will we..."

She pauses and cries the more. Mrs. Oyedele stands up and pulls Itunu into an embrace, even though she's also crying.

I bow my head, my palms clenched tightly. I don't want to hear what Itunu wants to say. I don't want her to complete her statement. Her saying it would just confirm the fear I'm having again now, the bad thought on my mind now.

I raise my head and look at Iyanu who is sitting on a sofa and staring at us. I'm sure he doesn't understand what's happening.

I feel that now familiar ache in my chest. My tears start to fall. The numbness is gone. Now all I feel is pain.

Pain. Grief. Loneliness.

Our parents are dead. We're orphans now. Alone.