you have one new message

from peter parker

it's peter

i promised myself i wouldn't

but it's been four months

and i'm still not over you

i've been pretending i'm okay

but i'm not

i miss you

i didn't realize how important you were to me

because it's three am

and i'm alone

wishing you'd walk through those doors

just one more time

and that you wouldn't leave again

you never told me why

you never told me why you left

or where you went

or if you'd ever come back

because you left

and i'm all alone

and you messed me up

everything's been reminding me of you

and there's nothing i can do to make you disappear

you got the new beginning

while i'm left here by myself

wondering if you'll ever come back to me

knowing deep down you won't

because it's three am

and i'm wishing i didn't have to wake up at six

because i can't take the easy way to school

i can't walk down third street

because it's the street where i met you

it's the street with your favorite food truck

it's the street where we first kissed

it reminds me too much of you

and it hurts

and normally i can ignore it

avoiding the streets where i can imagine you

skipping lunch in the caf where you used to sit

but lately it's all been to much

because it's three am

and you're never here

you've been gone for months

and yet i wait for you to come back

smelling like gun powder and vanilla

smiling like you had the world

because you had me and i was your world

but you're gone

i still have your sweaters in the back of my closet

and i still put them on sometimes

when it's late and i'm missing you

because they still smell like you

but lately they make me feel heavy

just a reminder that you're not here

and the couches are bare

all the pillows in my bed

so i can pretend like i'm not all alone

because you'd be here

wrapping me up with your warmth

but now it's cold and you're gone

and it's three am

and i still wear your sweaters

still watching the door

waiting for you

because you're the only one who loved me

there are red stains on the kitchen counter

from that time we made pancakes

and made them red

just for fun

and we stained the counters

and my hair

and your hands

and i still try to wash the color off the wood

knowing it'll still be there

because that's what i'm trying to do with you

wash away the stain you've made in my life

and at one point it wasn't a stain

it was pancakes

but now you're gone

and i've got nothing more

than the pain you've left behind

because it's three am

and i'm lying in bed

waiting for you to tell me why

why you left me

why you never told me what happened

why you never let me fix it

just why

because i can't be alone forever

but i don't want to be with anyone else

i've dried up all my tears

i can't remember the last time i drank

because you would be the one to remind me

because you took care of me

you'd remind me to shower

and to eat

and to drink

and to sleep

but now it's three am

i can't remember the last time i ate

or the last time i slept well

without your arms and your warmth

or the last time i drank

because you're not here

so why does it matter

what does anything matter

i remember falling asleep

that night when you left

falling asleep with you beside me

expecting tomorrow to be the same

waking up to you and your kisses

you packing my lunch and walking me to school

you taking me to the Mexican food truck

on third street

getting home to a mess

because you took care of me

and i took care of our apartment

exepct it's not ours

it's mine

because i woke up and you were gone

no note

no message

no explanation

just gone

leaving me alone to deal with myself

at three am

when i can't sleep

because i'm scared that

when i fall asleep

you'll still be gone

i promised myself

when you left

that i wouldn't call you

so desperate

so alone

so scared

but here i am

at three am

wondering where you are

where you went

what was so important

that you had to leave me

i swore i wouldn't call

blocking you from my memory

avoiding the ghost you left behind

but it's been too long

and i'm still by myself

and i'm still waiting for you

my knight in shining armor

but instead i'm calling you

wishing i never did

wishing i had done something different

because i want you back

but i wish i didn't

because that means i need you

and i do

i do need you

i need you here

beside me

so i can sleep

even just for one more night

because it's three am

and i'm so tired

tired of missing you

tired of losing sleep over you

tired of skipping the places i see you

tired of avoiding you

your memory

and the stain you left behind

and yet

i still wear your hoodies

to remind myself that

even if you don't now

you did love me

sometime so long ago

but it's three am

and i still love you

even though you're gone

it's three am

and i want to get over you

i want your memory to leave

your ghost to stop haunting me

i want to move on

i just wish i could kiss you

just one more time

but i can't

because it's three am

and i know you aren't coming back

i won't wait at the door

like a lost puppy

for you

because it's all false hope

you aren't coming back

you don't love me

you've moved on in a way that i can't

because i wonder where i went wrong

what i did to make you leave

because it's three am

and i still love you

but i can't

because you're gone

so i'll move on

i'll get rid of your sweaters

i'll get food from the truck

i'll take the shortcut to school

i'll take care of myself

because you're not coming back

and i can't keep pretending like you will

because that makes it all hurt more

and so i'll move on

because it's three am

and i've cried all my tears for you

and i've moved the coffee machine over the red stain

even though I never drank coffee

and i've spent so long

waiting for you

that i have to stop

i can't do this anymore

because it's three am

and the quiet

the empty

doesn't seem like such a bad thing

i think i'll always love you

and i'll regret making this message tomorrow

when i still skip over third street

on the way to school

and i'll still skip all the songs

that you loved

but i needed you to know

that sure it hurts

but you're not coming back

and this is just one of the worse days

in the week of bad ones

because i miss you

and i still love you

and i'm tired

and everything feels too heavy

because i wish you'd come back

because you know you could come back

because i'd let you come back

if you walked through those doors

i would hug you and kiss you

and let you stay

even though you hurt me

because i love you

and i want everything to go back

to how it was

because you know i'd forgive you

and that means that you don't

you don't want to come back

you don't want me

you don't want us

you don't want this

and that hurts

it all hurts

because it's three am

and i still love you

and i forgive you

message deleted

there are no new messages

____

Just some nice casual angst for y'all :))))

Also thanks for 600 reads that's pretty insane !!!

Lyss