"I didn't think you wanted to see me again?" said a rather sombre young man. We were sat in that same new bar in the city where I went with Olivia. I was nursing a glass of white wine nervously in my hands, staring down at it while one hand on my face and my elbow resting on the table in front of me. I was deep in thought, contemplating the meaning of life. Well, my life. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be here or not, but it was my choice.

The man in front of me was attractive in a young boyish way. He had a round face, raven black hair and round brown eyes. He was relatively handsome, but not someone you would remember days later if you met him again in a bar. Once, a long time ago, I found him attractive. There was still a bit of attraction there, but I wasn't sure if that attraction was due to his looks anymore. He was just familiar. Now I was sure he just looked young. Too young. Maybe borderline immature. Had I really grown up that much since the last time I saw him?

Not long after I had hung up on this strange Dan person, I had the urge to unblock Simon's number and talk to him. Maybe make sure things were definitely broken off? Or, I guess, a part of me was a little upset we had drifted apart so abruptly. We had been pretty close before I decided to stop talking to him.

Simon had taken me to his own apartment after a meal out. Although it wasn't really romantic, it was an awful meal, but we joked about it all the way to his apartment. After we got into the flat, we were both feeling a little too comfortable. We were about to get a little more comfortable, our first time actually getting that physical, when his flatmate had walked in on us. I was just glad that I hadn't undressed too much.

But it dawned on me afterwards that things with Simon were going way too quickly for my liking. It wasn't that long after I had come out of another relationship. A bad relationship too. I don't think I ever got over it. My last partner cheated on me and I had made a vow to myself not to rush into anything, especially since I found out Simon hadn't been with anyone for a while before me.

I had rushed wordlessly out of Simon's apartment in a panic. Without even explaining anything to him. In fact, that was the last time I both saw and spoke to him. I didn't intend to leave it that way. At least not until I got a text from him a few minutes later. He had ended up blurting out how much he liked me, how I was the one, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I never replied, I panicked.

But, of course, this went on for days and then weeks; him texting me and telling me how much he liked me. Every time he text me, I would fall farther into a pit of uneasiness that I ended up just deciding to block his number. In my head I figured I'd unblock it when I was ready to talk to him.

That was a few months ago.

It wasn't until after I had organised this strange date—or whatever it was—with this Dan guy that I started to feel guilty. I hadn't actually officially ended things with Simon, and after hanging up on Dan, I also started to miss Simon. With him things were easy. Or at least, I knew where I stood with him. I didn't even know if I was going on a date with this Dan guy.

"I nearly didn't," I replied honestly, looking up from my wine and at Simon.

"Well, I'm glad you did. I've missed you," Simon replied, reaching over the table to touch my hand. I pulled away, I wasn't sure I was ready for him to touch me again.

I suddenly felt awkward. "Simon, look, I only wanted to talk to you to just apologise for what I did. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"That's okay. I realised afterwards I was wrong," he interrupted.

"You do?" I asked, watching him curiously. I had a feeling he didn't even know what he was apologising for. I didn't even know what he was apologising for. I didn't really hold him responsible for anything. We were just both on a completely different page when it came to our relationship.

"Yeah, I clearly scared you."

I sighed. I felt a little better knowing that he realised he at least scared me. "Thank you."

"I'm not going to deny my feelings for you, though; I do love you," Simon said rather definitively.

The awkwardness returned. "Simon, I, err, I'm flattered. But last time, it was—"

"I know, I'll make sure Nathan doesn't come back next time! That was awkward!"

"No, I mean, we were going too fast!" I sighed. Was that what he thought was wrong? That I was upset we got interrupted? I was thankful we got interrupted. I wasn't ready. I needed that interruption to remind myself I wasn't.

"Too fast? We had been dating for a couple of months," he frowned. I was sure he looked a little angry. But why would he be angry?

"Well, to me it was going too fast," I replied sternly, holding my ground. He should at least appreciate I wasn't ready.

"If this was because I said I wanted to marry you one day, then I'm s—"

"You didn't say that," I interrupted, and instantly frowned at him. I tried to remember back. I was sure he hadn't. Or had I missed it?

"I didn't?"

"No," I replied. I couldn't show I was actually unsure if I heard or not. I couldn't back down while I was trying to make a point. Whatever that point was now.

"It must have been something similar then," Simon shrugged, looking nonchalant at the whole context. He didn't even seem to be sorry.

Was he just saying it for the hell of it?

"You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me," I suggested, watching him carefully for any slip up.

It was as if a strange veil had been lifted, I saw him in a different light now. But I wasn't sure what colour that light was yet. Was it a warning red?

"That's right," he nodded. But I frowned at him again. Surely he would have remembered that he mentioned the 'm' word. It was a word most women waited for their whole lives to hear. I wasn't sure if I was one of those women though. Although, saying that, I couldn't remember if he said the 'm' word.

"Well, I was just caught up in the moment, you know." He leaned over and whispered, "I was extremely horny."

I raised my eyebrows in shock. I didn't like the way the conversation was going. I didn't even like that word, and I'd never even heard Simon use it before. "Well, it doesn't matter now anyway."

"But where does this leave us?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said honestly. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted him back. At first I thought about it, but now that I was here with him, I was actually starting to regret calling him.

"Well, it would be nice if you could decide soon so I can tell the others."

I felt a strange feeling creep up in my chest. "The others?" I asked, but feeling nervous to what I was about to hear.

"Yeah, I've been seeing other women," Simon said casually.

"WHAT?" I yelled in shock. That light was definitely red!

Simon's face furrowed into a very confused look as he stared at me, as if he was suddenly shocked that I had yelled and appeared to be angry.

"Well, you stopped talking to me, and then suddenly out of the blue you're talking to me again."

"But you've been seeing other women? Women. Not just one!"

"Alice, I only want you. It's always been you. I don't want anyone else. The others, they're just for sex, I don't care—"

"What?" I croaked a little, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had gotten this guy completely wrong. Was that all he thought of? Was this why he kept pressuring me to sleep with him?

I could see it now, thinking back to it, it wasn't that I wasn't ready, it was my subconscious telling me something was off about Simon. He kept pressuring me into having sex with him and I was just pushing him away. I did that; I dig my heels in whenever someone tries to pressure me into doing something I don't want to. Rather than succumbing to their pleas, I do the opposite; I become stubborn.

I also remembered why I hadn't wanted to talk to Simon after leaving his flat. Well, it's not that I had forgotten, I just didn't think it was such a big deal when I decided to unblock his number again. But it was my subconscious warning me again. Before I had run out of Simon's flat, he had muttered his displeasure that he had been let down again. In fact, Simon had even gotten a little angry at me and called me frigid.

"I don't care about them." Simon tried to reach over the table again. His hand grazing mine and I felt a strange disgust creep up my arm and settle in the bottom of my stomach.

"You've been sleeping with other women, Simon!" I replied after placing my hands deliberately under the table, out of his reach.

"Well, yeah, but not while we were dating of course! I wouldn't do that to you. Well, at least not until I knew we were serious. But it was so long since I, you know! And a man has his needs."

I snorted a slight laugh at the irony of where I was. I had phoned Simon because I felt lonely. That strange guy had got to me. I couldn't possibly see how he would be interested in me. My thoughts went to Simon and how I had gotten scared and ran away from it. I realised now, I hadn't gotten scared and ran away. Well, not in the sense that I was scared of commitment and being hurt again, but instead my subconscious was trying to tell me something was wrong about Simon.

I knew what Simon was trying to get at too. He had, not in so many words, admitted to seeing other women when we first got together. It wasn't until he thought it was 'serious' that he had stopped. I felt a shiver as I thought about it. Thinking about how he probably rushed off to some woman to sleep with her after I denied him sex.

"That's sick," I said, raising my eyebrows at him. "So this whole time that we had this break, you've been going off and shagging other women?"

"Well, yeah, we broke up."

I shook my head. "You just admitted to sleeping with other women before we were serious," I said, shaking my head. Before he was able to say anything else I interjected; "If you actually cared that much for me Simon, you wouldn't go off with other women!"

"If it means that much to you, I won't do it. I'll stop seeing them. I'll hold off for you. I just didn't think it was a big—"

"I had you all wrong," I interrupted, my headshake feeling like it was going to become permanent. "I thought you were this sweet guy, misunderstood, and all along you've just been one of those players I despise so much!"

"I'm not a player—" he started to hiss.

"You go around having one-night stands with women!" I yelled.

"It's not really one-night stands, I just have a few female friends who—"

"What the hell? That's worse!" I yelled a little louder.

"Alice, can you keep your voice down!?" he started to yell back.

"Woah, what's going on here?" said someone from behind me, probably a member of staff in the bar. I didn't even look round at who it was. I was too busy concentrating on boring holes into Simon's face to even care.

"It's okay, it's just a misunderstanding, a mistake—" Simon started, looking away from my very pissed off face and at up at the man that was behind me.

"Mistake?" I yelled at Simon, and laughed again.

"Alice Marks?" the voice said from behind me. I turned to yell at him too for interrupting a serious conversation, not realising that this person even said my own name, but I closed my mouth suddenly after I recognised his face.

"Dan?" I said, my voice catching in my throat.

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