Sometimes I lay in my bed smoking a cigarette just thinking of all the people I help that used me and then left me it's so fucking sad my ex best friend I did so much for her when I had nothing I broke my car and she made me pay for gas everytime she brought me anywhere I did all these things for her and I put my mental health to the side and each time she had me in tears I told myself not again but I let her back that fucked thing is when me and my mom had a car just got it brand new and go all this money she wanted to be in the picture and hang out me and my mom treated her family good he bought then stuff so much stuff we let them use our car never had them pay gas at all we bought then anything they wanted and asked and what did we get back in return my ex best friend say all this shit about me and my mom when I left for a week but you went and had your "best friend" put in a hospital because she was depressed and you didn't want to deal with that so you turned her in you talked all this shit about me and then when everyone left I stayed like a dumb ass and I said enough when I heard all my personal shit that I only told you come out of other people mouths when you didn't have a car I was there to give you rides when you didn't have money bought you shit when you were sad I was there you didn't do that for me so fucking dumb dude it's sad that I'm always there for everyone one but when I need someone I'm left staring at my phone waiting for that reply but it never comes I hate being the one to bring everyone up and drop everything I'm doing for them and them not caring like damm you really just fucked me over again but now you need me and I'm right there like a dumb ass ya I really did feel that because I let you break me but when then leave I'm always sad thinking why what did I do but it wasn't me they just didn't care people always say I'm mean and I'm a fucked up person sorry the truth is hard and I'm done being nice because I'm just hurt but it's my fault I'm hurt so I'll just go and hate myself some more I always do my mom wanted me sent away to a hospital to get help then come back I told her I wasn't going because I'm fine I don't need to go because if you send someone away without them wanting to go they won't really get help Ik because that's happened all my life I'm 14 I've been locked up in juvenile centers 6 times I went to treatment one time because I was a pill addict I almost died multiple times I don't want to get help because when I asked for it I got sent away or it got thrown to the side again like always it's nice when your always last in everyone's life but they always come first and your last in your own life because all you did was care I left treatment sober happy a new person and old me is coming back I feel him and it's sad I went through all this work and that work was wasted on people who broke me I've lived a shitty life I don't want people To feel sorry for me that shit dumb af because they really don't care it's funny how on my birthday none of my homies hit me up to say anything but the people I dropped did like wow I had a meeting at school because I was failing ever class and now I have 2 weeks to be at 90-100% in ever class or I won't be able to graduate high school on times and there's only been 51 days of school so ya that's nice because everything going down hill and the hill just getting stepper and I don't know what to do I've fallen down the water fall but I'm drowning and I can't get back up you ever just hear people talking to you about how you need to changed and try again I do but there's no point because I'm so done everyone try's to scare me with lock up but if they feel that's what they want for me fine people try taking everything away from me and think it bothers me when for the past 3 years I've had my freedom ripped away from me and I honestly don't know what to say on the bus the other day people were just talking so much shit about me and acted like I wouldn't say anything back I did dude got in my face and told me to shut the fuck up I said fuck all that come in my face a disrespect me like that and fade on site he said I'll punch you right here I said little boy punch me because that shit won't faze me at all I won't hit you back right here that's a charge he didn't he kept on talking about my past and I looked st him and said don't ever talk about my past you don't know me you ever been molested and have to tell that shit in detail to a cop fuck no get the fuck up out my face right now all these tears running down your face but you've never cried in front of anyone and your mom comes home sees you in tears and knows instantly your not ok because you don't cry in front of people ever I don't like showing my emotion or telling my feelings because it doesn't matter to people I fucking wish I could just let go peacefully and not have to look back on if one day though one day😔💔