I do not own these characters, Marvel and Sony do.

I lay awake all night long and through a large part of the day.

I have no way to tell if it is morning except my clock, but I am too deep in thought to tilt my head right.

Only when it rings to tell my to go on patrol I realise it must be in the middle of the day.

I get up with a grunt of pain and, shoulders slumped, walk outside of the subway train, just before I take my soaked mask off and squeeze the wet tears away.

~

Once I am outside, no longer in my Spider-man suit, I walk to the graveyard, to pay a visit to my family.

I could also go to the hospital and visit Aunt May, but I let her down, I didn't save her when she needed me most, if I had just stayed home that day she would've been fine, it's all my fault, I can't face her, not yet anyway.

The graveyard is grim with not many people around, except for the hundreds upon hundreds of dead souls buried beneath the ground.

At the front gate is a guard I know well, "Hello Robby," I say giving him a sad smile.

"Hello Peter, coming to visit them again," he replies in a soft, sympathetic tone.

I nod, unable to form words at the moment.

He steps aside opening the gate so I can get through.

I walk through to an area with five graves all lined next to each other, first is my mum and dad, then Uncle Ben, next is Captain Stacy, and then Gwen.

A space of dirt is left next to Gwen, that's were I'll be buried one day.

"Hi everyone, Uncle Ben, I'm really sorry about Aunt May, it's all my fault, I should have been there and now I'm too ashamed to even visit her."

"And Gwen, I'm sorry I was too slow to catch you that night, I love you with everything I have and hate myself for letting you die."

"Captain Stacy, I'm sorry I broke your promise, I should have left Gwen alone like you said, then she would have never died, and I'm also sorry about your death, I created the lizard by giving Dr Conners that formula, it's my fault your dead, I'm sorry."

"Uncle Ben, I selfishly let that robber go, you were the only one who did the right thing that night, and it's not fair that you suffered because of it, I am fully responsible for you dying, and I am really sorry."

"Mum and dad, I don't know much about you, I would barely have remembered what you look like if I didn't have pictures of you both, you two are the only ones that I have nothing to do with your deaths, and the pain faded a long time ago, I am still learning more about your work though, and how you created the spiders, I guess I have you to blame for making me this way, but more myself, if I didn't sneak into Oscorp than none of this would have happened."

I sigh, "I'm sorry everyone, it's all my fault, I should go now, patrol and everything."

I turn and walk away from them with tear stained cheeks, I hate my life.

~

For months it's the same thing, wake up, visit the graves, go on patrol, sit and watch the sunset, then go back to the subway train.

I cannot say the exact time because I have no idea, each day is the same as the next.

It's painfully boring, and just painful considering that without any proper food and without any sleep at all, my heeling factor just won't do it's job.

One day after a painful patrol I find myself sitting the roof looking at the view thinking, once more of what would happen if I were to kill myself.

I thought about this often now and every time I do, I get a little closer to doing it.

I have nothing to loose.

If I jump I'll be reunited with my whole family and Gwen, oh how much I miss her touch, her beautiful laugh, her smile that makes me melt.

I feel weak and tired of living.

I just want to jump, to be free of the pain and no longer have to suffer.

My eyes start to water and it becomes hard to breath again.

I pull of my mask and gasp for fresh air.

Once my breathing has calmed I put my mask back on and swing around.

There are so many people living their lives without a care in the world whilst I have to go through so much pain.

I risk my life for these people everyday and they don't care, they fear me because of my power, because I made a few mistakes and was the cause of people's deaths.

My spider-sense warns me of the bullet that shoots through the air and snaps the web I am currently swinging on.

I flip in the air and shoot another web, looking towards were the bullet came from.

I spy a policeman and a few others in cars.

Not this again.

I swing away as fast as I can, zooming past buildings, the police turn their sirens on and follow me on the roads.

I yank on my web, making it bring me higher in the sky and do a quick twist making me take a sharp turn away from the cars.

Luckily my movement is too fast to follow and after I am sure I am free I land on the side of Stark Tower.

How I ended up on Stark Tower I have no idea.

The police hate me, just like everyone else.

What's the point, no one cares if I kill myself, everyone who ever cared is dead.

I can let go, just let myself fall, no longer have to deal with the pain.

I have nothing to loose, I'll finally be free, finally be free.

I let go of the building and start falling head first towards the ground, whispering "I'll finally be free" again and again, as I plummet to my death.