I have had enough.

Even if I tried, 

I could never swallow

this pill of self destruction

in one gulp

as they keep implying

It's too chunky

too dense

a pill

I'd rather toss 

into the mouths 

of

self conceited beings

But I am too proud

to do it

except for imagining it

over and over 

in my head

Is it viciousness

pulsating through

my whole 

psyche?

At folks who hurl

time to time

insults 

at 

me?

Can't I let it go 

over my head,

instead of,

picturing it as an arrow

aiming 

for my brain?

Why is it so hard?

To let go of capsules

and tablets

that they say could be

drugs to ease my mind?

When all I want is to breathe fresh air,

smile at the stars,

and flee away?

Just because I am resolute

and want to be made of life

instead of this prickling awareness

and hatred

for what they make me,

each day.

________

©VioletEden