#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 56

If he didn't want anyone's help, e 'di 'wag. I was just trying to be nice. I was just trying to do the right thing. Hindi naman ako iyong magugutom dahil sa pride... Ugh! Nakakainis! I moved to this place to forget Saint, but he followed me here. Anywhere I go, his presence kept on following me. Kahit sa school, palagi kong naririnig ang pangalan niya courtesy of my seat mate Ria. I had no rest.

Grabbing my art stash, I headed towards the elevator. I was in the mood to paint and the weather outside was nice. Kung makasalubong ko si Saint, then so be it. Nung lumabas ako, wala naman siya. It was probably a good thing... The last time we talked, it wasn't pleasant. At all. Alam ko naman na ex ko siya. May history kami... pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na malungkot dahil sa nangyayari sa amin. Para kaming magkaaway... Couldn't we at least be civil with one another? Imposible ba talaga sa mag-ex na maging maayos? Were we required to be at the other person's throat whenever we see each other?

It was a Monday kaya wala halos mga tao sa baba. I arranged my things on the side. It was a good day to paint. And besides, I was already way ahead of my papers dahil kay Parker. Medyo nakaka-pressure na mag-aral kasama siya. Kapag kasi nakikita ko kung gaano karami iyong binabasa niya, nagi-guilty ako dahil bakit hindi ko magawang basahin e kakaunti lang naman iyong akin?

I was busy mixing colors when my eyes widened upon realization. Oh, God! Wala na po ba talaga akong pahinga?!

Pilit kong iniwas iyong tingin ko. I shouldn't be looking at him. Okay, Imo, focus. You went down to pain, not to ogle at your ex! E ano naman kung nagsu-swimming siya? Ano naman kung topless siya? Ano naman kung ang galing niyang tignan habang lumalangoy siya?

"Relax," I uttered to myself. You'd seen him topless before. No big deal.

I picked up my brush and dipped it in the paint. Huminga ako nang malalim. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine beautiful sceneries, but I ended up picturing Saint while swimming. I imagined him dripping—no. Nope. Not a chance, Imogen.

Sunsets. I had always enjoyed painting sunsets kaya naman iyon ang naisip kong gawin. But halfway through the painting, I kept on messing up dahil kay Saint. I didn't know if he saw that I was here o talaga lang na dito sa malapit sa akin niya gustong magswimming. Either way, he was succeeding on being a distraction. I was thoroughly distracted.

My eyes were fixated on the canvass. Sayang naman iyong minix ko na paint kung hindi magagamit. I just had to focus on what I was doing and not think about Saint at all... pero holy cow.

He rose from the water and I freaking forced myself not to look. But he was just wearing board shorts! And I could clearly see drops of water cascading down his body. Pinilit ko iyong sarili ko na mag-iwas ng tingin pero hindi ko magawa. It was the first time I had seen him topless... That toned stomach and the cuts in his biceps. Nakita ko na dati pero sa picture lang. I... I didn't know it would feel different to see it in person.

'No. No. No,' I kept on chanting this inside my mind, but my eyes refused to cooperate. They were staging a coup.

Sinundan ng mga mata ko si Saint hanggang sa manlaki ang mga mata ko dahil gamit niya pala iyong nasa lounge chair. It didn't seem like he saw me dahil diretso lang siya sa paglalakad. He picked up his vibrating phone and answered it.

"Good morning, Sir," he answered while drying his hair with a towel. Even his back looked good. "Is it still the same deal we discussed before? Now? Yes, sure. Get me on the line."

My throat felt dry. I should leave. Pronto.

"Bonjour, Monsieur."

Oh, my God. He's speaking French.

"L'affaire est toujours la même. Si vous avez une autre demande, nous pouvons toujours en parler."

My lips parted.

"Oui monsieur. Nous considérerons toujours vos demandes."

I stood there for minutes, listening to him speak French. I knew I should leave. That was probably the smart thing to do... but since when did I do the smart thing? I had always made the wrong decisions, alam ko naman. But hearing Saint speak French was drawing me in. I really liked it when he converses with his family in Spanish. I really liked it when he speaks in a different language. And hearing his French was... different.

Halos sampung minuto siyang nakikipag-usap. He was talking business with someone and I had no idea what he was doing. I was just entertained to hear him speak. I had always found the language sexy.

"Merci Monsieur. Nous vous répondrons bientôt."

Nabigla ako nung nagpaalam siya. Agad akong tumagilid para hindi niya mapansin na nandun ako. I would really die from embarrassment if he'd see me staring at him. After all the things I said, alam ko na wala akong karapatan na tignan siya. I felt his pain when he said that he didn't need pity from me... But could he ever remove worrying about him from me? I'd always look after him—kahit ayoko. Kahit pigilan ko, mag-aalala at mag-aalala pa rin ako sa kanya.

"This is useless," I said as I stared at the messed up canvass in front of me. Apparently, while staring at Saint, kung anu-anong linya ang nailagay ko. I knew it was still salvageable, but really, I already lost the interest to paint today. Iniligpit ko na lang iyong mga gamit ko at nagsimulang maglakad pabalik sa unit ko. Paglabas ko ng elevator, nagulat ako dahil nasa harap ng pinto ko si Saint. And he was wearing that suit again!

What should I do? Should I go and ask him what was he doing? O dapat ba na bumaba ako? Pero ang dami kong dala! Ang hirap naman kung bababa lang ako ulit!

I was stuck. Ilang segundo siguro. Tapos kumatok siya.

"Saint," I said. My voice was barely audible. I didn't want to argue with him today. I could still remember last week's. It wasn't nice.

Napatingin siya sa akin. His eyes weren't the same as before. I forced my face to remain impassive. He didn't want me to pity him. I should remain indifferent if that would satisfy him.

"Imo," he replied. A piece of me hurt. Imo? What happened to Mary?

A moment of silence. I didn't know what to say. He probably was having a hard time, too. It was a normal thing. To be awkward around exes...

"Ano 'to?" I asked when he handed over an envelope.

"Payment," he said.

"For?"

"The food," he replied. My face fell. "Don't do that again."

I pursed my lips. "Okay." I forced a decent reply para hindi na namin pagtalunan 'to.

"I'm not starving, if that's what you're thinking." Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita, pero nakatingin ako sa kanya. He could read me, that's for sure. Dati, mabilis niyang nalalaman kapag may problema ako. He could easily sense if something was bothering me... like now. "I have a work."

"Work?" hindi ko napigilang itanong.

"Embassy."

"Practicum mo?"

He nodded. "But they also make me translate official documents and transcribe. It pays pretty well." There was a small smile on his face when he said that. Maybe he felt proud for working. I felt proud for him, too. It felt really empowering especially if everything you had was handed over to you. Iba pa rin ang pakiramdam na pinagtrabahuhan mo iyong nakukuha mo. "And besides, my Abuela sends me money. So, I'm nowhere near starving."

I bit my lower lip. "Oh." And a beat. "I was just worried."

"You shouldn't." He sighed. "Very well... I better get going."

"H-ha? San ka pupunta?"

My question threw him off. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit ko tinanong.

"Meeting with French diplomats," he replied.

"Ah... Okay. Good luck."

He didn't smile. He didn't say anything. Parang wala lang. At nagsimula na siyang maglakad papunta sa elevator.

"What about Dani?" I asked. I just had to ask. Bakit wala siya sa tabi niya? He told me before that she never lied to him... hindi kagaya ko. What he said haunted me in my nightmares. It caused my tears. Ang tagal bago ko natanggap na nagawa niyang sabihin sa akin iyon.

"I don't like liars," he answered.

--

That night, I kept on pondering... lahat sila, may ginagawa na. Kuya Benj was working for their family business, sila Kath at Liza naman ay nagpa-practicum na rin. I was supposed to be like them, too, kung hindi ako nagshift. I was happy with my decision pero may parte pa rin sa akin na naiisip na naiiwanan na ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Lalo na si Parker. He was on his way to become a lawyer... at si Saint. He was working for himself.

They were all going places, while I was stuck. My parents were still providing for me. I proved nothing yet.

I didn't know what came in my mind, but I browsed for job openings. Iyong part time lang naman. And then I remembered that Mama was a part-owner of the coffee shop in front of our school! Doon daw kasi sila nagde-date ni Papa dati kaya naisipan niya na mag-invest.

"Are you sure?" Mama asked. I called her to ask if I could work in the coffee shop. I had no experience being a barista, but maybe I could work on the cashier. Or waitress. Anything. I just wanted to feel responsible for once.

"Yes po," I replied. "Besides, three hours a day lang naman po." And... I want to prove something to myself.

"Okay... I'll tell Jovi na lang to expect you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes po. Thank you, Mama!"

Maaga akong natulog dahil bukas na ako pupunta. Pagkagising ko, mabilis akong nag-ayos at agad akong dumiretso sa Café Dominique. I didn't heed any attention to Saint. Diretso lang ako hanggang makababa ako sa tower. Mabuti na lang at hindi ko siya nakasalubong. Him and his suits.

Pagdating ko, maraming tao sa Café kaya naman sinabi ni Jovi sa akin na maupo muna ako. I was looking for a place to sit when I saw Parker. As usual, he was buried in a pile of books.

"Hey," I chirped. "Break mo?"

Iyong nakakunot niyang noo kanina ay napalitan ng ngiti nung nakita niya ako. He placed the book on the table. "Yeah... pinatawag sa Supreme Court iyong prof ko kaya nawalan kami ng class," he replied. Kaya pala ang formal na naman niya ngayon. He was wearing a power blue long sleeves and it was folded 'til the mid of his arms. He was also sporting his reading glasses again.

Since walang vacant place dahil jampacked iyong Café, nakiupo ako kay Parker. But I remained as quiet as I could be. I didn't want to disturb him.

"Hindi ba nauubos 'yan..." I unconsciously murmured as I stared at the seemingly never-ending pile of books he was reading.

Biglang natawa siya. "I thought you like reading?"

I nodded. "I do! But if it's not a novel, I'll probably end up falling asleep..." Those books he was reading seemed sleep-inducing. Sigurado ako na first page pa lang ay naghihikab na ako. "Ikaw din kaya. Nakakunot noo mo while reading!"

"Ang dami kasi," he replied. "And I need to finish reading this for the recitation later," sabi niya tapos pinakita iyong makapal na makapal na libro.

"I know! But kaya mo 'yan, Attorney. I'll cheer for you," I said with a smile.

"Talaga?" I nodded. "Paano?"

I bit my lip as I thought of a way to cheer him up. He had been through so much... I saw him when he was at the lowest point—nung natakot ako para sa kanya... Tapos ngayon? I was just so proud of him. I reached for the sticky notes and wrote on them. Favor from Imo.

"Since you're reading a 504 pages book, every 100 pages you finish, makukuha mo 'to," I said at saka dinikit after each 100 pages mark iyong mga sticky notes. "I really can't think of anything right now pero you can collect your wish whenever you like," I explained. Ganito kasi iyong ginawa dati nila Finley nung nalimutan nila na bumili ng gift para kila Mama. Binigyan nila ng coupons na may nakalagay na free hugs, free kiss, free car wash, etc. Ang awkward naman kung lalagyan ko ng free hugs iyong ibibigay ko kay Parker!

His smile grew wider.

"Imo..." he said. He was staring intensely. Napaawang iyong labi ko. He flipped the book. "I'm already on page 102. And I'd like to have dinner with you tonight."