---- [T -> J] ----

T: Put in more of that
J: I'm not putting in more of that. You don't even know what 'that' is. Or how to cook.
T: Ur food always tastes like nothing. Put in more of that.
J: Shut up, you love my cooking. And your food is always inedible after a day. Remember the jalapeño chili?
T: That was one (1) time
J: That was part of the general trend!
T: the chili was fine the first day. It just got hotter over time. We're gonna eat all of this tonight. Put more in
J: Why are you in my kitchen anyway? Get out before your coffee stains everything in the room
T: I'm helping
T: Good idea tho, add some coffee too
J: Get the hell out of my kitchen before I hit you with a pan.

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J: I hate you

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T: What d'u want?
J: You're the one who stormed into my room like you've started another fire??

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J: You walk around town on the rooftops?
T: It's not as crowded

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T: Fuck, I'm dumb. I need a nap.
T: Just kidding, I'll die before I sleep

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J: I believe this is what is known as an engraved invitation.
T: I believe ur what is known as a fucking lunatic

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T: How is that even remotely the same topic?

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J: Oh yeah?
J: Well... you're a
J: Bitch!
J: Hahah

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T: She was hit by a bus, what the hell do you think?!
J: Well gee, I've never been hit by a bus have I?

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J: To scramble eggs you must first beat them
J: At chess. Eggs are smart.

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T: If u need me, I can be reached at 1-800-IGOTTHIS at any time between 7pm and 4am

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J: Oh, sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the fucks I don't give

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T: I heard there was a tea party happening and u know how I love my earl-fucking-grey

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J: I just can't take a death threat seriously from someone wearing flip-flops with socks

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T: I will kill myself and then u
T: In that order!!

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J: But if he tries to hit on you I will smack a bitch
T: Because u'll be jealous?
J: No, because anyone hitting on you clearly needs a trip to the hospital

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T: y r u such an asshole?
J: It's a coping mechanism

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J: You know I can't see whatever fucked-up flashback is playing in your head right now, right?

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T: Hey, swear I'm not just using u for ur booze, but-
J: Scotch or brandy

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J: OP turn on your location
T: Y
J: So I can come fucking kill you

T has shared his location.

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T: Surprise?
J: You fucking traitor.
T: I told u to stop moping or I would do something. This is me doing something. Now, if u'll excuse me, I'll be in my room, watching anime and pretending I don't exist

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J: The tea will get cold
T: Fuck the tea

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T: Any last words?
J: That outfit makes you look like a prostitute. J: The cheap kind

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J: J: Heya, Timmy? Wanna double the bet?
T: Suit yourself
J: Heh, sorry, cause I've got a full house
T: I'm sorry too. Royal Flush
J: WHAT THE FUCK? I THOUGHT I HAD YOU THIS TIME
J: OKAY SHUFFLE AND DEAL
T: Nah, I quit. I'm bored
J: Bored of what? Winning?
J: You haven't fucking lost yet, how about losing on purpose for awhile

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T: r u going to get me killed if I go out w/ u tonight?
J: Probably
T: Then saddle up. We ride at sunset, partner.
J: I hate you.
T: Thanks

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J: Well well well, look what we have there.
J: What an oddly good hand of cards
J: TIMMY YOU CHEATER GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

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T: They hate me cause they ain't me

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J: I'm cooking with those kick-ass blue flames. Blue Exorcist style.

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T: How's the coffee?
J: Dunno, didn't notice because I was trying not to die
T: Yeah but how's the coffee

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J: It's like I always say.
J: When life gives you lemons you sell some of your grandma's jewellery and you go clubbing.

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T: Slap it on with the might of Zeus!

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J: SNATCH THAT TRICK'S LACE FRONT

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T: Well, correlation doesn't imply causation. It's probably a meaningless happenstance coincidence, human cognition tends to erroneously perceive patterns in random sets of data, I wouldn't read anything into it.
J: You're a horrible liar
T: C u in 10!

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J: Damn, what the hell is this guys problem?
J: Making enemy's isn't something that I-
J: Well
J: I never really avoided it
J: But there's no reason someone should be trying to kill me!

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T: this is preposterous
J: Your mom is preposterous
T: Yeah, she's a fucking bitch

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J: I need nothing but my mad skills, good looks, and maybe like half a million dollars to pull this off

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T: I do not like that stupid hat, I'd like to beat it, with a bat, or maybe stab it, with a fork, it makes u look like such a dork

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J: Candle light, privacy, music
J: I can't think of a better place for hand-to-hand combat
T: Do your worst, I've been taught by the best

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: Dickie is late, what happened
T: I had Wally call him at 8 in the morning and pretend it was 11
J: I printed a fake scheduled saying we were meeting at 9 instead of noon
T: Also, I set all of his watches and clocks to say PM when its really AM
D: WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT

---- [T -> J] ----

T: Did u tape a knife to the roomba??
J: Yes. It had no protection and I was worried for its safety.
T: u were drunk, weren't u
J: A little, fuck you

----

J: Hey hey, bro it's fine
T: We're fine
J: Yeah, we're cool
T: It's chill
J: You mean COOL
T: Chill
J: Cool, you asshat
T: Chill, DIPSHIT
J: FUCK YOU
T: I MAY BE GAY, BUT I'M NOT DESPERATE

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T: I'll just be SITTING here w/ my PENCILS and my FEELINGS

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J: Can you pass the knife?
T: do u never learn
T: Can u pass ur classes?

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T: apparently we had school yesterday n i didnt know bc i was watching max and ruby

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J: You have about thirty seconds to explain why you just fell through my window at 3 am
T: umm ha about that
T: so
T: Remember how I met the second Robin a few weeks ago
J: oh my god, what part of "that's bullshit" don't you understand?
T: and this is why I didn't tell you!
T: anyway
T: I sorta forgot my maths homework when I snuck out and I usually do it while I loiter on roof tops
T: and my window is sorta frosted shut and yours in the closest to mine?
J: Holy fuck just get out
J: I hope you freeze to death waiting for your imaginary friend

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