---- [T -> J] ----

J: Just heard Dickie and Wally talking in the kitchen about the tabloids because they're idiots in love
J: "By the way, we're getting a divorce."
J: "It is because I'm fucking Roy?"
J: "No, it's because I'm fucking Roy."
J: "Goddamnit, Dick, let me have my affair in peace, would you?"

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T: Jay truth or dare
J: Dare
T: Order a pizza for me
J: What the fuck

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J: permission to give a fuck?
T: permission denied
J: thank god

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T: cool ive been abandoned by god

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J: I like going for runs at night because the anticipation of running into a murderer does wonders for my cardio

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T: Come on Jay aren't we friends
J: lol nope
J: I don't do friends
J: we can be "Science Partners With A Side of Banter and Slight Hint of Gay" tho

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J: if I pay $40 for a haunted house, I better die

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T: Jason do you love me
J: I guess
T: will you still love me after I tell you I dont know how to preheat an oven
J: No

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J: also using formal "academic" vocabulary to diminish someone's words and point of view because their language isn't as elaborate as another person's is rooted in classism

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T: Why can't I have a single thought lately. Like a single idea. It's been years

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J: when three heroes link together to become a squadron, their brain's combine... but they don't get any smarter

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T: Yo it's fucking Monday bud. What are you fucking doing? Today is not the day.

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J: just me, my boyfriend, and his inability to go the fuck to sleep

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T: No, keep talking. It's good, we get all the stupid ideas out of the way now

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

J: Timmy's a disaster but he's my disaster
R: translation- Jay is gay and that made him feel Very Gay
R: even though Timmy tripped on his shoelace and fell off his balcony

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T: favourite ao3 tag
J: "Woke up gay"
D: "friends to lovers to enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers"
R: "fuck or die"
W: "false declarations of 'no homo'"

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D: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous
D: If it bites you and you die, it's venomous
W: What if it bites me and it dies?
T: that means your poisonous
J: What if it bites itself and I die
D: Vodoo
R: What if it bites me and someone else dies
T: That's correlation, not causation
W: What if we bite each other and neither of us dies?
R: That's kinky

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D: hopes for the future?
J: more high-tech weapons
T: some sleep
W: food
R: That they call the new fast and furious "fast 10 your seatbelts"
D: that's nice
D: mine was frogs

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T: Romeo, o Romeo
J: My Juliet, the sun?
D: hey, that's our thing!!
W: that's copyrighted
D: you owe us money, punks

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T: Dickie how do i please him
D: wear a long-ass sweater and only a long-ass sweater

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J: that's illegal people cant do that
J: wh AT TH E FU kc

----

J: who was it
T: there there
J: who betrayed my trust? who is walking the line of human and monster? who has done this?
T: there there
J: who the fuck ate my leftovers?
T: there there
W: Woah. He's stopped using capital letters.
W: Not a good sign, but I'm sure we can talk this out
J: was it you?
W: Jay, you know I don't like the way you eat your curry. Of course it wasn't me, but there's no need to interrogate the chat. It was probably Bruce or something.
J: roy
R: wasn't me dude!
R: i'm also wondering why the fuck Timmy's sarcastic consoling has been ignored
T: drats, my dastardly deed has been deduced. i ate jay's day old tasteless, bourgie curry and sat silently as he almost shot up the kitchen in his blind rage
R: well then
T: i have been awake for thirty-six hours and have had 25 cups of coffee. i am only alive out of pure rage, spite, and a flare for theatrics
J: that's concerning and we'll get back to you in a moment but can we please focus on my curry?
R: yes, of course, your curry is much more important than Timmy's health; continue
J: i'm glad you see the importance of this issue
J: now
J: @Dickie
D: you called into the void and the void is now listening, for a small fee of $50
J: just asked timmy to get the cash to you. he called out the window and attached the money to the leg of a carrier crow then sent it off. it should be arriving at your window now.
D: money-payment revived, go on
J: you were in the kitchen around 2 am. the last ones to be seen at the scene of the crime. are you the culprit?
D: it is six in the morning Jay. why do you want three-day-old curry at six in the morning
J: you aren't denying your guilt
T: be prepared to be vanquished for your misdeed
J: i. i just want my curry timmy
T: there there
R: I can't believe you just paid him to solve a crime he committed

----

D: You just have to play with the cards you're given
D: Conner? That guy is an ace (literally)
D: Roy is my old maid
D: Wally is my queen
D: Jason is the instruction card you throw away
D: Timmy is a solid seven
D: Bruce is probably, like, a two

----

J: I take my dagger and stab Tim's character
T: I'm the DM, I don't have a character
J: Then I stab the NPC you were just voicing
T: the MAYOR???

----

T: No you may not roll for dick size
T: I will not be threatened in my own home

---- [T -> J] ----

J: I have this urge to do something stupid.
T: I'm stupid. Do me

----

T: Life is a Pringles can and I'm a helpless moth trapped inside for the cruel amusement of God

----

J: Trauma? Oh, you mean the reason I'm fucking hilarious?
T: Dickie says coming to therapy with me today or I'm breaking up with u
J: Can he do that?
T: idk I didn't ask but our hour starts at 4 so

----

T: Ok, I have drawn The Empress, the Queen of Discs, the- uh, jack of diamonds, blue eyes white dragon, a couple of Swamplands, and Pikachu
T: I place the Knave of Swords face down in defence mode and end my turn.

----

J: what's going on?
T: Just a quick family reunion

----

T: Before we go, I want to hear the four words
J: I love you, Timmy
T: the other four
J: I won't kill anyone

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J: I'm a man of action. I'm the act first apologize later kinda guy
T: you've never apologized for anything
J: I would if I had ever done anything wrong

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T: Can you ask Roy if he can do me a favour
J: He said "I would literally kill for you but go on"

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J: I accidentally ate the last of Dickie's cereal. How long do you think I have to live?
T: Ten
J: Ten what
T: Nine

----

T: Babs and Dickie were talking about him and Wally and Roy and Babs said:
T: "Here is a helpful step-by-step guide to dealing with people who like to bash QPR's just because they don't understand them. Step 1: Look that person in the eye. Step 2: Throw spiders."

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