---- [T -> J] ----

T: Clark, in his heavy, southern tone, to Bruce: hey, darling?
T: Bruce, unfeelingly: yes Clark?
T: Clark, with intensifying southernness: honey? pumpkin? sugar?
T: Bruce, with a straight-face: can I assist you with something, Mr. Kent?

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J: how tf is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller

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T: uh yeah I'm great in bed ive been here for 12 hours

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J: you ever lay in bed next to someone and try to breathe like them and almost die??

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T: ever fuck with a song so hard you restart it before it ends

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J: a man has fallen for a man in lego city

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T: poke ur finger in someone's mouth while they're yawning to establish dominance

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J: I was in the room while Dickie and Wally were video calling and
J: Dickie, fondly: god you're such a fucking idiot
J: Wally: yeah but I'm your idiot
J: Wally, showing the ring to the camera: FOREVEEEER

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T: amazing. I haven't read anything this shitty since middle school

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J: when Will says "you and I have begun to blur" like ok put your glasses back on then king

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T: hi! friendly reminder, the best thing you can do in life is:
T: BECOME UNGOVERNABLE

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J: Roy (drunk) tried to pick up his neighbour's cat Missy and she went slack and slid out of his arms and he said "you turn back into a solid right this instant"

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T: author be like "I know a place" then takes you to a hotel where the last room available only has one bed

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J: love at first s(word f)ight

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T: me as I open ao3: "I just wanna feel something again"

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J: "you've changed" bro three witches predicted my ascent to kingship and my eventual downfall

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T: learning about pretty much any problem now that i've learned more about the world and gained critical thinking skills is just "wait this entire thing is directly the fault of capitalism"

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J: uh, yeah my type is unhinged women and sunshine boys it's called being a fucking genius

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T: Someone asked me what I do for a living and I accidentally said "suffer"

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J: Are you ok?
T: no
J: aight just checking

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T: if I didn't know any better, Id say you were trying to flirt by giving me books

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J: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room
T: it's called arson and those people are called witnesses

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T: Historical events I would change because I'm a baddie
T: 1. The fall of Rome
T: I would simply pick up Rome

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J: Say my favourite three words
T: I love you
J: Not that one
T:
T: I am short
J: YES YOU ARE AHAHAH

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T: hmmm
T: I want to paint
T: cmere and take ur shirt off

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: Richard John Allen-West-Wayne-Grayson I am calling you out!!
D: You know nothing, Wallence Rudolph Wayne-Grayson-Allen-West
W: I thought it was Allen-West-Wayne-Grayson
D: Yeah but if it shortens to 'Mr. Wayne' your guaranteed a table at literally any establishment you walk into
W: Right, Wayne-Grayson-Allen-West it is

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D: HE'S DIEDED
W: HE HAS DEADED
R: sometimes i forget you two disasters are married
D: Yeah, it's not like you officiated or anything

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T: So what's it like being married to Dickie?
W: One time I was mad at him and he asked for a glass of water so I brought him a cup of ice and told him to wait and he started eating it with a seductive look on his face

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D: Reporter: Red Robin, you've been spotted with Tim Wayne, ward of Bruce Wayne. Are you guys friends?
D: Red Robin: that guys a fool. Fuck that guy, fucking coward
D: [later, watching the interview]
D: Tim Wayne: say that to my face, you fucking loser
D: Bruce: wha-

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R: "Timothy Wayne is amazing," I say into the mic
R: The crowd cheers. I stand there, looking out at everyone, when a voice speaks over the cheers
R: "You're wrong," it says. I scan the crowd for the owner of the voice. There, in the back row, stands Timothy Wayne himself.

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R: What do you mean no?
D: I mean no. You wanna hear it in Spanish? No

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D: Tim: *moves*
D: Jason, without thinking: you drink another beer and I'm going to kill you
D: Tim: *opens beer can and drinks half in one sip* you'd be doing me a favour

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R: Hey Dick, what's the sexiest thing about your husband?
D: he hates capitalism

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J: Clark is at the stage where he's trying to be Hip and he walked into this kitchen this morning like "Hey kids, what's on the gay agenda today?"
J: and everyone answered at the same time was like
J: "Might fuck around and change my pronouns"
J: "1. touch boob. 2. die"
J: "Gonna rob a thrift store for ugly flannels"
J: "I will be spending the day watering my many plants and Yearning"

---- [T -> J] ----

J: I love you
T: do you have evidence to support your statement?

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T: I'm not sad. I am not sad.

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J: hocus-pocus capitalism is hopeless

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T: *has feelings*
T: Pathetic. Disgusting. Won't Let It Happen Again

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J: every day is a half-day if you just fucking leave

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T: Why is being alive so expensive I'm not even having a good time

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J: Roy: started seeing someone
J: Dickie, immediately: as in dating or hallucinations

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T: you think you can hurt my feelings? Im an overthinker that has overwhelming anxiety, so yeah, you probably can

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J: The world is a cruel place. Everywhere I go all I see is death, destruction...
T: Probably because ur the one causing it

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T: "can u multitask" yes actually I'm losing my mind and chilling at the same time

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J: Babs just walked into the room, said "girls don't mature faster than boys, girls are punished from an early age for the same behaviour that boys are allowed to indulge in well into adulthood" and then just left

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T: Oh you want to kidnap me? I want to be chosen

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J: If God wanted me to go to therapy they would have made it free and easily available on a fun little website

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T: You ever scare the fuck out of urself for no reason? Like I'll be downstairs making coffee and I'll tell myself "imagine if there was someone standing behind you rn waiting for you to turn around" like I had NO REASON to do that to myself

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J: Roy: Opened a DM from a man expected it to be a dickpic but it was a poem which is somehow worse

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T: The gender-neutral version of goth gf is partnoir

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