---- [T -> J] ----

T: Shit be goin' down, son

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J: Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low
J: Now turn them back on girl, don't be a hoe

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T: I belong to the sea now, u can't catch me, land winch
J: Get the fuck over here before I come out there and drown you

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J: Wow, I knew your parents didn't love you, but this is beyond even my expectations

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T: This is morris code for "AHHHHHHH"

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J: Why would you put rice with your tea?? Do you even have a brain up there??
T: it's breakfast food
J: That's not how you fucking sort- just get out, oh my god.

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T: kill me
J: You're not worth the effort

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J: Need advice on how not to be a colossal fuckup
T: Too late
T:
T: What's up?

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T: What were u cremating in my toaster-oven?!

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J: We're being led by an idiot with a crayon

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T: Don't be a dumbass, dumbass! Five bucks could get us, like, sixteen packs of ramen!  See if your phone's working first!

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J: I set it up, you knocked it down, I salute you

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T: That is physically, mentally, intellectually, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and architecturally incorrect

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J: Timmy, if you send me one more goddamn candycrush request-
T: u'll play?

----

T: YOU TELL ARTHUR READ HE'LL NEVER EAT LUNCH IN THIS TOWN AGAIN

---

J: Hey, look on the less dark side. At least things can't get that much
T: excuse me, were u about to say "worse"
J: No
T: no? u sure?
J: Definitely not

---

T: SOS
T: name a way to be nice to others
J: Don't kill them
T: Setting the bar low, but thank

---

J: What now
T: Idk
J: Idk? The fuck you mean idk? This was your plan!
T: Yeah, but I didn't think this much of it would actually work

---

T: I heard from Dickie that you were causing trouble in Central. I'd knock that shit off if I were u
J: First of all, no you wouldn't
J: Secondly, don't tell me what to do
T: This was a friendly reminder
T: Yet your words of defiance being me ungodly amounts of rage

---

J: What are you doing in the bushes?
T: I'm looking for ghouls

---

T: Do u wanna go on a trip? It's for science
J: Yeah, where?
T: The Bermuda Triangle
J: Yeah, lets go

---

J: Using TikTok because they got rid of Vine is like when people in post-apocalyptic movies put on puppet shows inside of burnt out TV sets

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T: is 4 a lot
J: Depends on the context
J: Dollars no
J: Murders on the other hand

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J: Weird hill to die on but at least you're dead

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T: Pardon the mess, Dickie startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan

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J: Well, well, well
J: If it isn't the consequences of my own actions

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T: "Lost my job at an Old West saloon piano playing because when a mysterious person walked in the door I just kept playing"
T: Who the fuck is Dickie

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J: Gotham death rate holding steady at 100%

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T: Idk but that group of people yelling "shots!" make a compelling point

---

J: Pen pal becomes pen foe

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T: I thought I'd already lost all hope but I just lost the last additional bit of hope I didn't even know I still had

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J: Death can suck my ass, you can't kill me

---

---- [T -> D] ----

T: He hates Olive Garden, do you want to find a day to go?
D: Why do you have Jason's schedule?
T: I like to know where he is at all times so I can best avoid him. Or throw buckets of ramen water at him when he's not looking.

---- [T -> J] ----

T: Sorry for being gone so long, I had an unpaid internship at a community radio studio out in the desert

----

J: I asked Dickie about breathing methods for training and shit and all he said was "rich people don't need to breathe. Who needs air when you have money?"
T: Training methods?? Training for what?
J: For the day I set your room on fire and lock you in

---

T: The term 'struggles with depression' implies that I'm bad at being depressed, when I am, in fact, very proficient at being depressed.

---

J: What's your favourite colour?
T: I hate this question. This is the most shallow, un-in-depth que- it's red
J: It's red?
T: Red is my favourite colour

---

T: And yes, I may be a selfish little beach princess but at least I try not to be careless!

---

J: Don't try to win me over with your use of the word 'twas.
T: 'Twasn't trying to.

---

T: dO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES?

---

J: I have a bad idea
T: What kind of a bad idea?
J: As much as I hate you, meet me in my room in five minutes and bring the toaster

---

T: How exactly did u get hurt this time?
J: So I was just standing there
J: Reading the Bible

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J: Sucks that you can't plead insanity anywhere but in a courtroom

---

T: Isn't the weather nice today? ISNT IT?!
J: It's, uh, it's pouring rain

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

D: legend says, if you say Mothman three times, a wild Timmy appears
W: Mothman
R: Mothman
J: Mothman
T: Mothman sucked my toes behind a ramen stand at 3 am
W: legendary

---- [T -> J] ----

T: Report: 38% of road trips end with burying a friend in a shallow grave in the desert

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J: This feels like the sort of conversation you'd overhear while pumping gas at 3 am 1500 miles away from home

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T: Horton hears a bitchass LIAR

---

J: So what time does the Judgemental Express arrive?
T: Dickie's meeting us at noon

----

T: Did you miss me?
J: With every knife ive thrown

---

J: Come fight me in an abandoned blockbuster parking lot
T: k

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T: Don't let anyone else ruin your life. Only U can ruin your life. Go ruin ur life. Set ur house on fire. Die.

---

J: You piss me off so much
T: I literally did nothing
J: Yet here I am, boiling with rage

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T: God gave me depression because if my ambitions went unchecked i would have bested him in hand to hand combat by age 16

---

J: If i die today, I want you to lower me into my grave
J: So you can let me down one last time.

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T: Dickie won't come out of his room
J: Just tell him I said something
T: Like what?
J: Anything factually incorrect
T: I told him you said the sun was a planet and he kicked the door down

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J: You only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. Grow up.

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T: Can I bother u for a sec
J: You always bother me but go ahead

----

J: Can you put that camera down for five fucking seconds please?

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T: We're getting off track! We're trying to get Robin #1 to tell us who his younger hot friend is! Focus!
J: There's nothing to focus on because you don't know what the fuck your talking about

----