---- [T -> J] ----

T: First of all, WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE???
T: secondly, WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR RINGTONE STUPID HOE BY NICKI MINAJ????

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J: OH MY FUCKING GOD
T: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM

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T: What the fuck is a 'sleep'
T: I only know coffee and regrets

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J: Fuck
T: Me
J: Absolutely
T: What?
J: What?

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T: I have no idea what I'm doing but I know I'm doing it really, really well

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J: bitch I've made sims prettier than you
T: You have Sims?
J: Yeah, I downloaded it from Wally's account
T: oh, cool. I hacked the game company when I was 10 and downloaded everything they've ever made

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T: i need something cold right fucking now
J: Come here, I have no issue with drowning you in the lake

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J: You still owe me $520
T: No I don't. It's in ur top right desk drawer
J: The locked one?
T: Yeah. Isn't lock picking great? Now I owe you a letter opener.
J: You stole my letter opener?
T: Shut up. It's been three months, and u didn't even notice
J: I did notice. I thought that I'd misplaced it
T: Hey, I warned you. A deal's a deal. No letter opener until Birdflash is married. If you get a new one, I'm stealing that too. I thought about taking more money, but I figured the letter opener would be more annoying.
J: How fucking perceptive.

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T: I mean, that's technically an idea
T: and honestly I amazed someone with your intelligence managed to get that far

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J: If only your security was as tight as your ass

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T: How's your boyfriend
J: don't have one
T: yeah I know, I just wanted to remind you
J: how's your dad

---- [J -> D] ----

J: You want to see me suffer
D: Actually it's cause we all have money on you and if we win we'll take you out for food

---- [T -> J] ----

J: If you had to separate your dog from 49 other identical dogs that were all equally excited to see you, how would you determine which dog is yours?
T: I would take my 50 dogs home and live like a king

----

T: I dunno man, chips r a pretty high maintenance snack
J: How the fuck are chips "high maintenance"
T: u gotta like, taste 'em and stuff

----

J: Listen, when life gives you lemons, you give life a c4

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T: How do I look?
J: With your eyes
T: GETTING REAL TIRED OF YOUR SHIT

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J: Well one of us is gonna have to change
J: I recommend you do it, because you fucking suck and no one likes you

----

T: he's
T:
T: flustered
J: NEVER USE THAT WORD AGAIN

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J: Dude the rule was you had to dress as something your afraid of, tf are you?
T: Myself
J: Makes sense, if I had a face like yours I'd be scared too

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T: I would like a smoothie and also a will to live please
J: Oh, sorry, when I asked if anyone wanted anything I was referring to people over 5'6

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J: so
J: THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED BY GOD HIMSELF

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T: Why are you staring at me?
J: I'm waiting for you to look back

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J: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DIDN'T GET CAUGHT WHAT THE FUCK
T: That was pretty insane
T: What a heist

----

T: i am unconscious that i have made many errors

---- [The Schuyler Sisters] ----

D: Tim? Have you been awake for so long that you think every round fruit is an apple?
T: no
D: What are these?
T: Tiny apples
D: And what are those?
T: Halloween apples
D: Please go to bed
J: Just let him die

---- [T -> J] ----

Unknown: Timothy Jackson Drake why are you not a church
T: Who dis
Unknown: God
T: Y r u texting in church? Pay attention

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T: literally everything I've ever done since day one has been dramatic and I have to be that way or ill die

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J: Yo how much dirt you gotta throw in the ocean to make a new country

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T: The scariest part of any horror movie is if the ghost/demon rips the blanket off the person. Did it not read the rules? Everyone knows ur safe if ur under the blanket.

----

J: Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson

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T: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Tonight. Imma fight. 'Till we see the sunlight. Tik Tok. On the clock. But the party don't stop, no.
J: God I hate you.

----

J: Okay, listen up you losers. Turn to your neighbor, say hi, and then kill them.
J: No, that isn't it- wait a minute that's not what I meant to say.
J: God I hate public speaking, why can't I just send an email?

----

T: Timmy requires Sour Patch Kids, Jason
J: I bought you Sour Patch Kids yesterday, did I not?
T: I said I require Sour Patch Kids, PeAsEnT

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

R: Okay, there are ten kids, and seven chairs.
R: What do you do?
W: Have everyone stand
T: Bring three more chairs???
D: The best seven can sit down
J: Kill three.

---- [T -> J] ----

T: So you're telling me if I do this we either defeat the bad guys or we die?
J: Yes.
T: Well shit, why didn't you tell me this was a win-win scenario. this is the best gala ive ever been to

----

J: I think my need to turn on the porch light when I smoke stems from my Minecraft knowledge that monsters cant spawn next to light

----

T:  Its like
T: metaphorical shit
J: I should never ask you to articulate your thoughts. Language is wasted on you

----

J: God I do not like a single thing about you
T: Tell me more
J: This isn't sexting
T: No, its better

----

T: This is a terrible idea
J: What did the blood give it away?

----

J: Why is that man on fire
T: He called me Rice Cake
J: What a dumbass

----

T: Welcome to Gotham. We have;
T: the void
T: teenage regret
T: ping pong
T: yaoi bait
T: thirst
T: and stabbings

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J: I want to do horrible things to you
T: oh really like what
J: Break your fucking neck

----