Four days have passed, and I haven't left my room.

And in all my self-reflection, I've come to a conclusion. I'm a worthless asshole. I wanted to hate Scarlett for lying to me without ever considering her own feelings, just my own. I had a right to be hurt, but I shouldn't have left her. What she did was self-preservation. I don't go around telling people my dad's a deadbeat who won't allow Mark to adopt me.

Hell, if I wasn't so desperate for Scarlett to share her secret with me, I might've never given her a version of my story that day in the park. It's embarrassing to share the fact that you were left behind. 

Abandoned.

Just like I left her.

I pull at my hair, God, I'm such an asshole.

I grab a tennis ball and chuck it at my wall, the sound pulsing around my thoughts. I got dressed and walked outside three times today, once I even made it to my car, but I never leave. There's only one place I want to go, and she certainly doesn't want to see me.

She could slam the door right in my face, and I wouldn't blame her. I'd do it for her if I could.

I stare at my phone, debating whether or not I should turn it back on. I didn't want to do anything stupid, so I shut it off three days ago. 

I throw the ball again, annoyed that I'm such a coward, hitting a picture frame off my wall. In an instant I'm on the ground, even more upset with myself.

It was the painting Scarlett gave me for Christmas, of course I broke it.

Looks like I'm just ruining all the nice things in my life.

I walk over and set it down on my desk, purposely ignoring the sketch she gave me. Even without looking at it I remember the night she drew it. Her eyes only looking at the paper once before recreating it. A little furrow in her brow as she worked.

It was mesmerizing.

I sit down in the chair, no longer feeling like lying in bed, when I remember the picture book Ella dropped off. Mom put it in my room, ignoring my request to leave me alone.

Letting curiosity get the best of me I open it up, impressed by Ella's handiwork.

Ashton Brecken
Thank You

I scoff, what could she possibly thank me for? Her text message was the reason I shut my phone off. That and the long list of threats Stella sent me.

The first picture is one I've never seen before, of us walking to class on my first day of school. At first, I didn't believe Abuela's proclamation of love but looking at my face now, I'd be stupid to argue. I've been entranced by Scarlett since day one.

I flip through the images of the last two months, sadness settling inside me the more I see her face. I can't make myself close it, always wanting one more glance. As the pictures continue, I can see a change in Scarlett, her smile becoming brighter. I'm positive I could go through this book and pick out every fake smile she's wearing. 

Ronnie comes barreling into my room, dressed in her snow clothes. "Ashy, come play with me." She demands, trying to pull me out of my chair.

When I don't budge, she looks over my shoulder, "Why are you staring at a picture of Scar? Do you like her?"

She giggles frantically as I scoop her up. "No, I just miss her."

The last thing I need is for her to tell Saffron, or even worse Scarlett, of her discovery.

"Why don't we go see them? I miss Saffy." I feel bad, she hasn't seen her best friend since the day after Christmas. Honestly, I think it's the longest they've been apart.

"I know, Ronz, I know."

I half-heartedly play along with her attempts to get me from my room, I don't feel like being brother of the year right now. Mom knocks on the door, carrying a plate of food.

"Ronnie, honey, why don't you go see if Dad wants to play." She suggests, stepping aside to avoid getting hit as Ronnie darts from my room.

I avoid her gaze, knowing a lecture was coming. "I know you're upset, Ashton, but Scarlett isn't your father."

"I know that." I state bluntly. I haven't exactly made up with my mom.

"Then why are you still up here moping?" She questions, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"I don't know what else to do. I was an ass and I have no way to make it up to her."

She gets up, setting the plate in front of me. "You'll figure it out when the time is right, but I think an apology is a good place to start."

Time apparently isn't on my side because I'm pretty sure my window of opportunity is over. I don't say anything as she leaves, wanting to be alone again. It's already 7, the party should be starting soon. Looks like I was an idiot for thinking I would be kissing Scarlett tonight.

I don't think I'll be doing that ever again.

I bang my head on my desk repeatedly, forgetting about my sandwich, when my door busts open. I don't turn around, expecting it to be Ronnie again but a familiar voice startles me.

"For the love of God, Ashton, get your sorry ass up."

Slowly I turn around, not ready to face the war storm that is Stella Hollens. I gulp as I take in her scowl, the spiky black choker not making me feel any better. I'm surprised to see James, Zev and Gabe behind her.

"Go away."

She marches up to me, the guys closing the door and making themselves comfortable.

"No. Your temper tantrum is over. Scarlett hasn't gotten out of bed in four days crying over your pathetic ass. Her actions weren't perfect, but she has her reasons, which you should listen to before cutting off contact and making her feel even worse. She doesn't need that in her life right now, especially from you."

My heart breaks at the thought of hurting her even worse. "I only turned my phone off because you wouldn't stop threatening me." I inform her, slightly mad she drove me to silence it. Maybe then I would have spoken to Scarlett by now.

She opens her mouth before closing it again, looking somewhat defeated. Gabe lets out a whistle, "What exactly did you say to him?"

James sends him a look, "Let's just say it reminded me to never break up with her."

"Damn, between this and punching Avery I'm starting to fear you." Gabe side steps away from her.

Damn is an understatement my friends.

"Look, dude, I know the situation sucks and all, but you shouldn't let that ruin everything else." Gabe says, walking over to me as he pretends our previous conversation never occurred. I'm expecting him to clap me on the back, but he steals my sandwich, taking a bite before continuing. "You're both clearly miserable."

I throw the tennis ball again, startling James as it soars past his head. "I'm not mad at her!" I yell, they all jump back from my outburst. "I'm mad at myself, ok."

They all process my words, Stella appearing to shift her entire argument. Thank God.

"Then why are you still here?" Zev asks, the rest nodding in agreement.

I let out a frustrated noise, "Because I'm a big chicken, that's why. What exactly do you say to the girl you left crying in the cold on the anniversary of her parent's death?"

I'm sorry really won't cut it.

No one says anything and I desperately wish someone would, I could use some motivational words right now.

"That's rough buddy." Gabe concludes, finishing off my sandwich. I glare at him, thank you so much for the in-depth analysis.

I pull at my hair, wanting to rip it out the longer I think about my problem. That only reminds me of her running her fingers through my hair at Christmas. I could lay there for hours without a care in the world if she was with me. What a difference a week can make, now I'll never get that again.

"I'm so fucked." I finally admit, breaking the silence. The guys all nod in agreement but Stella checks her phone.

"No, you're not. Go get changed." I don't move for a second and she pulls my arm, digging her nails into my arm. "Now!"

I'm halfway to my closet when James coughs, "Maybe you should shower too, just to be thorough."

I change direction, no way I looked that bad. A glance in my mirror confirms that I do indeed look like shit.

There are purple marks underneath my eyes, countering my bloodshot eyes. I haven't shaved since Christmas, facial hair now evident on my face. I wonder how Scarlett would about feel about it.

I shower and change, deciding last minute to leave my face alone before walking back into my room.

My friends are all in the same positions I left them in, Stella typing away furiously on her phone. What a strange group of friends I have, a party is starting in ten minutes and they're all here, focused on me.

"Alright, my man, digging the facial hair." Gabe says, rubbing his own hairless chin.

"To Scarlett's house we go." Zev chimes in, getting off my bed.

They head for the door, but Stella holds up a hand, "Nope."

I've never seen three guys stop so fast in their lives, Gabe running straight into Zev's back.

I walk over to my closet, trying to find a jacket. I realize pretty quickly I won't find any good ones; settling for my leather one that I just got back from Scarlett last week.

It still kinda smells like her, lavender faintly filling my nose. "Then where are we going?" I only have one place in mind.

"To Gabe's party. You need liquid courage and apologizing to Sage is a start."

So she's texting Ella.

I'm hit with another round of guilt as I remember Sage, I haven't spoken to him either. He didn't do anything wrong besides follow his sisters wishes.

I'm about to say no just to avoid seeing Sage but I look at the sketch of us again. The happiness I felt right before I kissed her. I could get that back. "Alright, let's go."

Gabe hoots, hitting my ceiling on his way out.

*****

I've been here for thirty minutes and I'm miserable.

People are everywhere, acting even more stupid like they can leave all their mistakes in the new year.

I wish I could do that.

A couple girls try to talk to me, but I stay silent, thankfully they get the memo quickly.

I'm still nursing my first cup of beer when Avery appears next to me. I stiffen, she's the last person I want to see right now. I eye her in disgust, wondering why she would choose to wear a cropped red top and leather skirt when there's snow on the ground.

"AshyPoo, how are you after your fight with Scarlett. I hear she's not taking the breakup very well."

I down my cup, the alcohol a welcome fire within me. I look down at her, ignoring the realization that her and Scarlett look almost identical, "Avery, I have nothing to say to you besides fuck off. You think it's ok to go around making Scarlett's life hell just for fun? She deserves none of the shit you put her through, so leave her alone."

She flinches, her hand falling from my shoulder. "I know." She mutters.

For a second I'm not sure I understand her but I'm already moving on to my next topic. "And please, for the love of God, stop touching me. Honestly, I'm getting annoyed that you can't respect my rejections. I like Scarlett, not you!"

She backs away from me, almost at the brink of tears. "Everyone does." She runs off and I feel bad for a moment.

"Well done." A voice congratulates me, I crush my empty cup. I could really use another beer before this conversation.

Sage sits down on a log, motioning for me to do the same. I follow his lead, feeling like a child. His usual smile is nowhere in sight, a grimace imposing instead.

"Look, man, I'm so-"

He cuts me off, "No, I'm sorry you had to find out that way. It was shitty and I'm sure everyone wishes things could've gone differently but we can't change the past. We can only control our future."

I sit there for a second, shocked to hear such wise words coming from Sage's mouth. This is the same guy that sends me cat videos in the middle of the night. How is he only 16?

"Scarlett regrets how she handled the situation-"

I stop him, I need to hear it from her. "I'm going to talk to her later, I'm not mad at her. I just hope she accepts me."

He smiles, something flashing through his face. "Good, but I'm going to warn you now that I've heard you confirm what I've already suspected. If you hurt my sister in any way possible, I'll kick your ass. You may be my best friend but that means nothing compared to the well-being of my family."

I gulp, knowing he's capable of it. I was so surprised the night he beat the shit out of Bennett, I didn't think he had it in him. "Understood."

His usual grin is back on his face as he takes a sip of soda, "Good, now go cheer up. You aren't winning anyone back if you look like a frump."

As I watch him walk off, I begin to feel good about seeing Scarlett, I just need another drink to calm my nerves. 

*****

Hi, to celebrate hitting 4mil on LiC here's the first half of a double update!!! This chapter is a modified version of the one in LiC but the next chapter contains new stuff, I promise!

Thank you guys so much for rocking!!!

Love ya~amp