Luncheon was an awkward affair.

Mrs Oliver seemed itching to make a comment about me but somehow managed to hold her tongue as we ate, even though she had never been all that shy about sharing her feelings towards me in the past. It certainly made luncheon a little better for me but with only small talk being made, it was really awkward.

William sat across from me on the table and kept pulling faces when no one was looking, forcing me to bury my face in my potato to keep from laughing and offering Mrs Oliver another form of ammunition against me. It made things a little better, but I could not help feeling that the awkward mood had a little something to do with me. Even Mrs Atkinson seemed uncomfortable by it but offered no means of remedying the tension.

The only person who seemed to be enjoying themselves was Sophie. She appeared to be pleased that her mother was uncomfortable and no doubt glad that she had not spent the time picking faults in either her or me. To me, that was the only good side of luncheon – a distinct lack of insults being thrown around about either Sophie or me.

After luncheon, Mrs Oliver made a hasty retreat from the house with Sophie, whose good mood from luncheon disappeared almost as fast as it appeared. She muttered a quick goodbye to William and me before she left which earned her a glare from her mother who had tried to miss us when she walked past. Part of me hoped that we had formed something of a friendship even though our conversation had been short. Mrs Oliver would be the one who stood in the way of that. She certainly did not seem to care all that much about her own daughter's happiness.

Not long after they left, Mr Atkinson decided that my time in their house had come to an end. They had promised Matron I would be back before supper and that time was rapidly approaching. I had grabbed my nightdress from the room I had stayed in and my shawl from the coat stand in the hall. Mr Atkinson was arranging the carriage and I had no idea where Mrs Atkinson had gone which left William and me in the entranceway.

"I had fun today," he said.

"Me too, although I don't think baking will be a new hobby of mine," I said, laughing.

"I've never seen anyone mess up as badly as you did, but I can't really talk seeing as I am abysmal at cutting vegetables. I'd say we're pretty even."

"Perhaps so."

"Listen, Lizzie, I know you have your reservations about my parent's plans and I wouldn't blame you. I don't know what happened to make you so wary of people, but I hope today has gone some way to help, even if it is only a little. I'd love to have you as a sister, but only if you are willing."

He smiled at me, the right side of his mouth turned up a little more than the other side, exposing his teeth slightly. There was a childishness in almost everything he did. From his smile to the way he behaved at luncheon and even when we were in the kitchen. Mr Atkinson may have had the right idea – albeit for the wrong reasons – in having William and I spend the day together as it certainly helped to lessen my fear of him, and my wariness started to dissipate.

I would be lying if I said my mind hadn't changed a little about potential adoption in the time I had spent in their house, but I knew that I needed a little more time before I made the decision final. That, and I needed to talk to Charity. She had always been the voice of reason for me and helped me to make decisions I did not even know I needed to make. Charity had away or putting things that made me see them in a different light and this certainly needed a new perspective.

"Alright, I think it is time we go so we can get you back in time," Mrs Atkinson said, appearing from further down the hall. "I do hope you enjoyed your time with us."

"I did, thank you."

"Excellent." She turned to William. "No causing trouble whilst we're gone."

"Me? Trouble? Never!" He laughed. "Goodbye, Lizzie."

"Bye."

Mrs Atkinson placed a light hand on my shoulder from behind and steered me out of the door and back into the street. We walked down the small path at the front of the Atkinson's house and through the gate at the end. The carriage stood in front of the house with Mr Atkinson beside it appearing in deep conversation with the driver. He looked up when he heard the door close and opened the carriage door to me.

We shuffled into the carriage with me taking the same seat as the night before the Atkinson's choosing to once again sit across from me. I had hoped that after seeing me spend time with William that Mr Atkinson's reservations towards me – caused by Matron – had started to lift, but that did not appear to be the case. He still looked a tad concerned by me being there and kept offering his wife strange side-ways glances throughout the ride.

I turned my attention to the window and just watched London pass. It wasn't as dark as it was when we made the journey the night before, but the sun was just starting to set, and the sky had been painted a light purple colour in the evening light. The air was cold but not as harsh as it had been, the fading sun still creating some heat but that was fading fast with the disappearing sun.

People continued to mill about. Women walked around with shawls pulled up to their necks and their arms around their husband as they take their evening stroll. Some peer through closing shop windows and the lamplighters had just started to emerge to bring a little bit of light to London. Everything seemed quieter than it had been the previous night with the drunkards no longer stumbling around and laughing.

"You and William seemed to enjoy yourselves today," Mrs Atkinson said after a little while. I pulled my attention away from the window to look at her.

"We did. He tried to teach me to bake and then I had to teach him how to chop a carrot in half," I said.

"Sounds like you had fun. I'm glad. I hope this goes some way to making your decision a little easier, although we won't press you for one. You are free to take all the time you need if you think you need it."

"Thank you, I appreciate that."

She smiled at me and the carriage came to a stop outside the orphanage gates. I scrambled out first with the Atkinson's following me. Once they had climbed down the steps of the carriage, we walked down the path to the front door where Mr Atkinson raised his hand and knocked lightly on the wood of the door. Matron appeared within seconds, almost like she had been waiting by the door for hours.

Matron looked at me and I could feel her eyes running over my dress for any imperfection that might have offered her a reason to give me extra chores for missing out on chores that morning. I had managed to remove most of the flour from my dress, but I knew there were still spots on the skirt and in my hair, that would always be harder to get out unless I could bathe. She did not seem to notice any of the flour.

"Good evening, thank you for bringing her back in plenty of time," Matron said. She put on her usual fake voice and I had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes at her.

"You're very welcome, we had a good time," Mrs Atkinson said.

"Good to hear it." Matron turned to me. "Lizzie, go and put your nightdress and shawl in the dormitory and then go and join the others in the dining hall for supper."

"Yes, Matron."

I offered a small smile to the Atkinson's and stepped into the hallway, feeling the sudden shift in temperature. It was always colder inside than it was outside. Matron kept the Atkinson's in the doorway, no doubt wanting to hear everything about our adventure over the past day, but I did as I was told and disappeared upstairs. The low hum of conversation carried up from the entrance and I tried to ignore it as I slipped into the dormitory and tucked my nightdress under my pillow.

After draping my shawl over the end of my bed, knowing I would have to move it after supper, I slipped from the room and back down the stairs. Matron appeared to still be in a rather intense conversation with the Atkinson's, but they were talking in such low voices that I could not make out what was being said between them. The idea of Matron prying and probably trying to change their minds about me out me on edge, but I tried to push it to the back of my mind and left them to it.

The other girls were already in the dining hall chatting loudly with one another since Matron wasn't around. I looked across the room and found Charity sitting with Ethel at the far end of the room, both appearing to be in a rather enthusiastic debate. I slid in beside them just as the cook came around with plates, dropping one in front of me. The conversation between Ethel and Charity came to an abrupt end and they both turned to face me.

"You're back," Ethel said.

"I am."

"What happened? I want to know everything," Charity said. She moved her entire body so she could look at me, her eyes staring through me with such intensity that it almost felt like she was trying to read my mind or something.

I told her everything about the events from the night before that morning. She stayed silent, pulling the occasional face at me when I mentioned Mrs Oliver or William's lack of skill in chopping vegetables. When I finished, she looked at me for a little while but didn't say anything. She did not appear all that happy that my time with the Atkinson's had been the success she thought it would be. I thought she would have been happy that my pessimism had been wrong for once.

"It sounds as though I was right," she said. "Their son sounds like a nice person, albeit a bit simple judging by his inability to chop a carrot."

"He can bake, though, which is more than I can do."

"I suppose. Did you enjoy yourself?"

I nodded. "More than I thought I would until Mrs Oliver appeared that is. She did not waste any time in pointing out how they were making a mistake, although she did seem to keep her head a little more at luncheon."

"That will be an upside to you agreeing to the adoption, annoying that toff. Maybe you should accept it just to spite her."

"I'm not agreeing to be adopted to spite someone, that's more likely to be something you would do, not me."

She shrugged. "Still, could be funny."

I laughed, but Charity's facial expression told me she wasn't joking. I felt confused. She had been the one pushing for me to look at the adoption in a new light, to not see the negative in everything but the moment I do it seems to upset her. We had promised one another that we were going to leave the orphanage together and me agreeing to be adopted broke that promise and I would be leaving her even though I said I would not.

If that was the case and she did not want to be left alone, then I could not understand why she would be pushing for me to spend time with the Atkinson's were it not for me to change my mind and agree to the whole thing. Just thinking about it made my headache and I turned my attention to supper, no longer feeling hungry, just confused.

How could I make a decision on what I wanted to do if I had to choose between my best friend and a new life that would be so different from the one I knew? I did not want to leave her alone, but I also did not want to upset the Atkinson's by turning them down after everything they did for me. A slight ache formed behind my eyes and I pinched the bridge of my nose in hopes it would help.

I did not understand how something as simple as adoption could be so complicated. 

~~~

First Published - December 16th, 2020