frnkierwoah
//Pete//
-
Dear Journal,
The date is 'fuck you' today because fuck you.
Cry about it if you want.
Ya twat.

Putting down my pencil quickly I closed the book, honestly this whole journal is stupid but I HAVE to write. I wish school was over with, maybe hire a hooker or two? I don't know man. Quickly I shoved a cigarette in my mouth lighting it as I opened my bedroom window.
Seconds later my door flew open my mom standing in the doorway "Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz" she looked at me calmly saying my name. I scoffed "you forgot the 'third' there Madre" her face turned red "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING" I looked down at my cigarette. "Well I kind of looks like I'm smoking doesn't it?" I gave a sarcastic answer "so yeah smoking" she shook her head "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LIKE THIS PETER I PUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD FOOD ON THE TABLE AND YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE ME RESPECT". I shook off the comment looking at my cigarette, "you know this is my room right?, I could have been doing worse in here when you barged in" I smirked "you should start knocking".
She took a deep breath and slammed the door; I knew it wasn't over though, my dad's going to come home and give me a "stern talking to" like he's done so many times before to actually act like he gives a shit about me, my mom's going to give me the silent treatment for the next few days and I'm not going to give a flying fuck. Then in a few weeks it repeats over and over and over, That's how these fights go. I looked slowly down at the cigarette that was receding and quickly pushed it against the soft skin on the back of my hand. I clenched my teeth before the cigarette fizzled on my hand, the cigarette going deeper and deeper into my skin; the promises of scarring become more and more reality.
I don't think of this as self harm, as others do at least, I think of this as a wake up call for the senses. A wake up call that scorches you and scars you and makes you open up the senses instead of politely asking.

Am I alive?
I don't know;
Does a dead man feel pain?