Michael's POV

I'm in work and once again I can't focus. My first session is tonight. I know there gonna ask me about what I did and I really don't wanna talk about or even think about the things I've done to Ocean, what's worse is I can't even think about what I've done because The truth is I even don't know half of it. all I have is slight flashbacks and the things Ocean has told me.

"Everything ok?" Ray my co-worker asks snapping me from my thoughts. "Um...yeah sorry" I mumble "something on your mind?" I shake my head "just a little tired"  I lie "baby keeping you up at night?" He chuckles "yeah" I chuckle back. He looks around the room to check nobody's around. "Listen, I see you've been a little um, stressed lately. And have something that might help you take you edge off" I look at him confused and he takes out a small packet with some white powder from his pocket and hands it to me "I really don't think.." He cuts me off "it's just a little something to take the edge off" I look at it for a moment. I have been pretty stressed lately and maybe it could help but..."I'm really not into that" I shake my head handing it back to him. "Suit your self" he shrugs putting it back in his pocket "you know where I am if your change your mind" he goes to leave then turns back "oh and Michael?....let just keep this between us ok?" I nod "yeah sure. Thanks anyway though" I smile through pursed lips.

****
I don't say anything to anybody about what Ray said this morning. I really don't wanna do anything that might make Ocean change her mind about staying. Since I finished early today I got DJ from my mother decided to surprise Ocean and pick her up from school. I pull up and wait outside the gate. I see her walking out with Sarah. She doesn't see me so I beep my horn and she quickly turns and smiles. "Hey! What are you guys doing here!?" I get out and pull her close hugging her. "I got off early so we decided to surprise you" I smile "Oh my god is them him!?" Sarah smiles looking into my back seat. "That's him" Ocean giggles "can I hold him!?"

"Sure" I smile opening the car door. "omg Michael he looks just like you!" She says cuddling him "well a smaller cuter version...no offence" I chuckle sightly "none taken. Ocean says the same thing all the time" Ocean takes him from her and we stand talking for a moment then we see Tony walking out. "Hey" he mumbles "hi" I smile through pursed lips. I haven't seen Tony for awhile but I still don't like him. He's the dick that tried to make a move on Ocean. "I take it that's Duncan" he mumbles again looking at him. "This is him" Ocean smiles proudly cuddling him "um, congratulation" he says awkwardly "and on the marriage" I not smiling through pursed lips but inside I'm actually smirking seeing the look of defeat on his face finally seeing that he lost and Ocean is mine "anyway we should get going" I turn to Ocean. We say our goodbyes and get in the car.

******

I took Ocean and DJ to a cafe around the corner. I know it's nothing special but I just wanted to spend time with the 2 of them with out having my family or our friend being around. "This is nice. Just the 3 of us" Ocean smiles. "I know, I just wanna spend time alone with you guys before I..." I pause for a moment and sigh "you know...go there" Ocean puts her hand on mine and smiles through pursed lips "it's gonna be ok" she reassures me "just remember why your doing this" I look up and smile at her "I'd do anything for the two of you, you know that right?" She nods and pecks my lips.

***
I get to my therapy session and it's a women named She Kathy and seems really nice.

"So...lets starts with why your here" he smiles
"I um...I promised my wife that I'd come" I mumble and he looks at me surprised "wife!?' I smile and nod "mhm. Her names Ocean"

"And how old is she?"

"16 but she was 15 when we first met"

"And what made you two decide to get married so young?"

"Well....we were planning on waiting until she was 18 but then everyone wanted us to get married right there and then in the hospital so it was kind of a rushed decision"

"Why were you at the hospital?"

"Ocean went into labour 2 months early and he wasn't breathing when he was born"

"You have a child!?" He asks again looking surprised "yeah, his names Duncan. He's almost 2 months now" I smile proudly.

"That must be difficult having a wife and son at 17"

"Not really. I love taking care of them"

"How did your parents feel about this?"

"They were shocked at first. But my families been pretty cool about it"

"Your family?"

"Ocean's families not disowned her when DJ was born"

He looks at me confused "the day?"

"Yeah, nobody actually knew she was pregnant until she gave birth"

"Was there reason you didn't want people knowing?"

"We wanted to but we were scared and the longer we left it the more harder it got"

"I understand" he smiles through pursed lips "and how did you feel when Ocean told you she was pregnant?"

"I was really scared about what Joseph But I was happy about the baby. I knew from the day we first met Ocean and I would get married and have a family together some day. I could just feel it ya know?"

"She sounds special"

"She really is" I smile

"And Joseph is he Ocean's father?"

"Mine"

He tilts his curiously "you don't call him dad?"

"He never let us...I don't know why though" I shrug

"Why were scared of him?"

"He's beat me and my siblings for less...I thought he would kill me when he found out I sin'd and got my 15 year old neighbor pregnant"

"And how did he react?"

"He was actually really supportive. My mother was disappointed at first but she loves DJ now"

"Did he beat you often?" I nod not answering "what about your mother?" I shake my head

"Did he beat her?"

"I never saw him but I heard him sometimes"

"Your heard him hit your mother?"

"Sometimes. But he does love us. My mother even says so. he had to punish when we messed up other wise wouldn't learn"

"Have you ever hit your wife?" I look at the ground and nod "I don't mean to. Sometimes I get angry and it just happened so fast"

"What does she do that makes you angry?"

"Nothing, she never does...it happened when I get angry or stress at something else and it like it boils up inside and...I don't wanna hurt her"

"When was the last time you hit her?"

"About 2 weeks ago. But I didn't mean to hurt her"

"You hurt her two weeks ago?"

I nod looking away. He squints his eyes looking at me "is there anything else that happened that day?" I don't answer him "Michael, everything in this room is confidential. I promise you Nothing you say will leave this room unless you want it to"

"I hit her and then I...hurt her again" I croak "how did you hurt her?"

"I didn't know I did. I only went into the bathroom to say sorry and I black out and..." I pause trying not to cry "what happened when you came round?"

"I was inside of her and was crying and she was in pain" I start sobbing "I didn't mean to"

"You....raped her?" He say softly and I nod and burst into tears "have you blacked out before?" He asks calmly "yes" I mumble. "And what happens when you come back around?"

"The same thing"

"Your 'hurting' Ocean?" I nod looking at the ground "have you ever blacked out like this on any other girl" I shake my head "just her, she's the only one I've ever...we'll both of us have only ever...you know"

"You were each other first?" I start crying again "that's why we have DJ because I...." I start choking up "but it's not always like that" I look up "most of the time she wants to make love with me" I insist.

"What's your relationship with your son like?"

"It's great"

"Do you ever feel angry about him being here?" I shake my head "no never he means everything to me and Ocean. That's why she forgave me for hurting her because I gave her DJ"

"Of you could go back to that night would you change anything?" I shake my head "even what you did to Ocean?"

"I used to wish I could have changed what happens" he looks at me curiously "you don't regret raping her" I shake my head "I used to but when o worked out the dates It was the day DJ was conceived"

"You don't regret it now?"

"No"

"How do you feel before you black out?"

"Scared, alone and ...unloved"

"And what about when you come round how do you feel then?"

"Loved"

He asked me some more questions and we and talked about some other stuff. It felt strange at first talking to a complete stranger about this but it actually really helped to let it all out. I thought he'd be different after I told him about what I did to Ocean but he seemed really calm and while I was talking not once did he cut me off.
*******

When I get home it's pretty late because there was a lot of traffic and I'm feeling exhausted. "Please tell me that's not quilt I see" Joseph says as I'm on the way ups the stairs "why would feel guilty?" I asked confused "well you come home late at night sneaking upstairs...your wife was about to leave you last week and if your messing around" I walk over to him whispering so nobody else hears "I haven't been messing around I'd never to that to Ocean" he frowns shaking his head "then where did you go?" I think about whether or not to tell him but Ocean and I agreed to keep it to ourselves "Ocean and I just thought it might help having sometime away from each other from time to time that's all" he looks at me concerned "you still having problems?" I nod slightly "some, but it's getting better" he looks at me and is about to ask me something "I don't wanna say what it is but trust me we're doing this to save our marriage" he nods through pursed lips and doesn't ask anymore.

**
I get upstairs and go check on DJ and he's fast asleep. Then head to my room and Ocean is out as well. I get in bed and put my arm around her. "Your back" she turns smiling sleepily "sorry I didn't mean to wake you" I whisper "it's ok...how did it go?" I tell her about what we talked about but don't go into too much detail "there's something else" I mumble worried how she's going to react and she looks at me concerned "he thinks there might be something wrong with me and want me to get tested"

"For what?" I sigh looking away "he thinks I might have bipolar or schizophrenia and he wants me to get tested. She Doesn't say anything for a moment then turns my face so I'm looking at her and she can see I'm trying not to cry "I don't want people to think I'm crazy or a freak" I sob not being able to hold it in anymore and she pulls me in tightly as I burst into tears holding her tightly crying on her shoulder "your non of those things. Don't ever think that" she breaks away looking into my eyes "I love you" she smiles and pecks my lips "but what if I do have these things wrong with me?" I ask her nervously and she pecks my lips again "I'd still love" I smile back and kiss her softly "I love you too" she lies down motioning me back down onto the bed. I lay down beside he and she wraps her arm around me holding me close to her.