Chapter Four: Evan

There wasn't much to pack in terms of my possessions here at Jasper's place considering I kept things minimal, but the process still felt difficult nonetheless.

Staring at the boxes currently filled with some of my clothes, books, and essential belongings, I inspected them with a sorrowful gaze as I felt myself grow unmotivated to move forward with the task at hand.

Not because of physical exhaustion or anything, but because for the first time I'm apprehensive to move from one place to another, given how I've used Jasper's home as means of escapism.

Even though I've undergone some of the darkest moments in my life these past few years, going through them whilst in the confinements of Jasper's care and nurturing environment was part of the reason why I was even able to hammer my way through those punishing times.

There's a lot of sentimentalities associated with this place because some of the most impactful years of my life happened here, so it's quite a struggle to just pack my belongings and leave things behind, because truly at one point, this apartment had become my home.

"Are you almost done?"

Turning around, I'm met by the right of Jasper casually making his way into the now-cluttered space of my room, eyeing his surroundings with a desolate look on his face.

I smiled softly at his disheartened expression "Will you miss me when I'm gone?"

He blinked back at my choice of words, averting his gaze away from me, his chin held up high "As if digital communication doesn't exist, stop acting as if you'll die in a few days."

I couldn't help but laugh at his defensiveness. "Wouldn't it be better to experience the real thing, though? I'll admit, I'll miss you a lot once I'm gone, even your occasional nagging." his brief facade vanishes as I said that.

He starts circling the pile of boxes scattered across the room, appearing deep in thought with his arms folded against his chest before he sits down on my now bare mattress.

Gently spreading his palms against the surface of my bed, he sighed to himself "Cut back to the days when I would walk into your bedroom to tell you breakfast is ready only to see a naked woman scrambling to put her clothes on while you were still sound asleep."

I snorted, taking a seat beside him. "The bewildered screams of both you and the women I slept with as you bump into each other at 9 AM to this day remains as my favorite alarm clock."

We laughed at the memory as if we forgot that during those same mornings we had relentlessly argued about how if he didn't wanna be traumatized by the outcome of my late-night escapades, he should've knocked before coming into my room.

It's funny how once we look at those days now, there's nothing short of amusement on both of our behalves as if those disputes didn't nearly cause a dent in our friendship.

Silence settled within the atmosphere as our laughter stopped short after that.

"... I will, by the way," he muttered.

I turned to him "What?"

"I will. Miss you, that is."

I couldn't repress the growing smile that stretched across my face from ear to ear. "But like you said, digital communication exists, we can still text each other whenever we want."

"Yeah, but still," he said, "It's nothing compared to annoying you in real life by barging into your room in the morning just to yell at you about the half-emptied bottles of beer you left on the kitchen counter while you were drinking in the middle of the night."

I give a half-shouldered shrug at that "True, and blocking you on social media won't ever really compare to me physically slamming my door on you once I sense you're about to open your mouth to yell at me."

That elicited a couple of chuckles from us once more, as Jasper playfully slapped me on the shoulder "I take back what I said, I'll probably need some time away from you, after all."

"Eh, you'll change your mind once I'm gone."

A wave of pensive sadness washed over his face as he turned to me because of that "But are you sure about this, though? Like 100% sure?"

I swallowed, realizing that my pending departure might leave a toll on him more than I actually led on "Yes, I'm sure." I told him "It was bound to happen one way or another."

His jaw clenched at that "I just didn't think it'd be this abrupt, however."

"Well, it was either I had to forcibly pull myself out of my slump or this was just going to be a gradual process that'll never end, so it had to be abrupt."

"You do realize that rushing your recovery isn't always ideal, it's better to do this if you actually do feel like it," he advised.

"A lot of the time you just have to do things regardless if you feel like it or not," I remarked "Sometimes momentary discomfort shouldn't cost you a lifetime of misery."

He looked compelled by my statement, afterward smiling softly as he shook his head in merit. "I'll be honest, despite how much you suffered these past few years, you've emerged from it better than ever."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, you have grown up a lot since then." he said "But maybe you're right, about finally moving forward with your life, because looking at you now... yeah, I can see that you're ready."

With that, he stood up from the bed and swiveled around to stare at me "But that doesn't mean I am, so how about we grab something to drink? For all time's sake before you leave?" he suggested as I laughed softly, instantly nodding my head.

"Okay, sure. For all time's sake." I agreed before he reached out his hand to pull me up from the bed.

"Do you mind if I call the guys over to join us?" he asked.

I shrugged, willing "Sure, the more the merrier."

*  *  *

The roaring cheers of the guys as they waltz into the bar was a sharp contrast to today's earlier mood which was just generally dull and depressing.

But now as we've finally reunited after months of not seeing each other, my spirits were immediately lifted upon seeing them.

Standing up as I enveloped each one of them into a heartfelt embrace, processing the familiar yet somewhat foreign presence of my friends since high-school as they all greeted me.

The sight of Colin, Zach, and Sean was enough to pacify the overbearing tension that permeated my system a while ago from the idea of leaving LA, as well as my friends and family, behind.

But I push the thought away, thinking it'd be better to focus on the present moment considering I have them here with me, in the flesh, ready to catch up with each other's lives.

It's too early to dwell on the ending before the night has even started.

We all sat down at a booth located at the back of the bar, ordering several glasses of beer before we began talking about our lives and how it's been for the rest of the group.

With both Jess and Ashley absent for they were too busy looking for an apartment together, they weren't able to join us in our reunion, though they did promise to be there once I leave for New York, and might even come to visit me once vacation starts considering they plan to travel different states and even explore countries outside of the US as soon as they graduate college or earned enough money.

"Good for them for making so many plans, they just started Uni yet so far they're doing better than any of us combined," Colin remarked as Sean let out a snort.

"I guess that's what happens when you get into a relationship with your best friend."

Sean, Colin, and Zach have all applied to different colleges and are even working part-time jobs to maintain a stable income, as they have also moved out of their parents' homes as well.

Sean is taking an engineering course while Zach and Colin are taking Sports Science, Jasper, on the other hand, is taking a Literature course and is currently an English major.

Ashley took Nursing while Jess is studying Communications. I, however, have decided to stay committed to the plans my parents made for me and will be studying Business.

My parents aren't getting any younger, sooner or later I'll have to take over the family business, that's why I have to finish my studies so that they can settle down as soon as possible.

Aside from that, I'm just allowing life to take its course and to go with the flow, whatever decides to pop up aside from the plans that were already made for me, I'll take it if I want it.

I don't wanna stress out too much about life, given I've done too much of that already. This time I'm just focusing on practical matters that aren't associated too much with emotions.

Whatever stays, I'll prioritize that instead, what isn't for me and has already left will stay being that way. No more dwelling, it's time to stay in the present and focus on the road I'm already driving on.

"God, I can't believe you'll be leaving LA in a few days. I was so sure we were all gonna attend the same college and stay in touch for as long as time allows us." Colin said as I smiled sadly at the thought, slightly shrugging my shoulders as if to say "Well, life is like that."

"But don't worry," I reassured all of them, "I'll still come back to LA during semester break plus it's not like I'll stay in New York forever, it's only for college anyway. Plus it's about time I finish University so I can help my parents settle down once and for all."

Sean's head tilted at that "Are you sure you're not just doing this because you don't wanna burden other people? It's fine if you don't wanna rush into it just yet."

"So I've been told, but if I keep dwelling on the voice inside my head that tells me that I'm not ready to move on, in the end, I'll never actually be able to move on."

The guys looked conflicted even after my confirmation, but once again, I just waved them off, adding on "Plus, it's time I finally turn over a new leaf. I've been buried deep in the hedges for far too long now, I need to let the air take me where it wants to take me. Despite the direction that I'm going."

With that, I lifted the glass of beer in my hand and declared "So how's about we make a toast, huh? To moving on and starting over?"

That seemed to have done the trick as they all collectively chuckled before nodding their heads, lifting their glasses as they cheered right back "To moving on."

"And getting fucking wasted!" Colin suddenly shouted before chugging down his beer in one go.

We laughed as we clink our glasses, wasting the night away by ordering several more after we finished the first batch, catching up with each other's lives, and basically dismissing the seconds, minutes, and hours that have passed by until eventually, time almost became nonexistent to us.

And I liked that because, for the briefest moment, not only have I dismissed the time that has flown by. But also the thoughts that once occupied my mind and seemed to have never left.

Because for a split second, I was finally able to do it.

To forget.

*  *  *

The sound of Jasper violently bumping against the apartment's main entrance was what snapped me out of my drunken stupor as a loud thud resonated throughout the room.

Only making the developing headache that was banging from the insides of my skull intensify even more as I momentarily let Jasper slip away from my hold as he falls onto the floor.

I sighed as I took in his intoxicated state "Remind me not to let your lightweight ass get drunk ever again."

What followed was me vigorously pulling Jasper by the ankles until we reached his room, as I then made countless attempts to lift him from the ground and onto his bed.

As soon as I did, he flopped onto his mattress, snores instantly emitting from him as I puffed out a heavy breath from all the physical exhaustion I had to endure.

It's currently 12:00 AM, and we basically spent 6 hours back at the bar drinking our asses off as if our lives depended on it, and you'd think with the previous state I was in these past few days is that I'd be the drunkest one out of all of us.

But surprisingly, I remained the most stable. Maybe it was the determination of laying off the alcohol for once that got me through it, but the liquor I consumed still made its effect on me as I groggily made my way into my own room.

Instantly throwing myself onto my bed as I let the darkness consume me, saved by the light illuminated from my window that was caused by the city lights peeking through.

Chest heaving, I let out a small heap of laughter, doing a quick recap of what transpired throughout the night, appreciating the group's efforts to make me forget my responsibilities and burdens for a while, as I ventured off from worrying about college and moving to New York for once.

But even so, I couldn't help but let it sink in that as a new day arises, I'm getting closer and closer to the awaited day of moving to NYC, envisioning what it would be like to live there.

With my own apartment, studying, probably taking an intern job, meeting new people, and probably a potential companion that'll get me through the duration of my stay there.

But as my vision began to blur as I let the incoming wave of slumber consume me, instead of fantasizing about a new pair of eyes, nose, and lips of a girl that I could meet and maybe even... fall in love with, another mental image popped inside my head.

This one being all too familiar.

With her auburn dark hair, piercing brown eyes, olive tan skin and pouty lips that has a small but devious grin etched onto the corners that I knew all too well, a girl that I tried so hard to bury deep within my subconscious instead emerges.

And just like that, the memories that I desperately tried so hard to forget throughout the night only manage to resurface, as the inevitable questions start to pile up once again.

What if new possibilities aren't the only ones waiting for me there in NYC? What if a new love isn't anticipating my arrival, but instead, one that'll only rise from the ashes?

What if maybe, just maybe... she's waiting there for me too?

Always have, and always has been?

What if?