Julien adjusted the string of pearls and grazed my neck with his warm fingers. An electric shock peaked my breathing. The smell of rum on his breath and his musky cologne was evocative. I nestled my cheek into his welcoming palm and the exploration of his fingers on my naked body dazzled me.

He lowered his forehead to mine forcing my honey-brown eyes to look into his blue ones, light brown copper locks dangled in his face. My fingers tangling into his thick dark blonde hair and I coaxed him closer. He slid both his hands down my sides, the tickle surging a giggle from me. I caught my breath when he slipped the feather boa, my only piece of covering during the photoshoot, from my thighs.

"Tu eres bonita." He lifted my chin and pressed his warm wet lips to mine. A powerful kiss had me gasping for air, believing every sweet word he whispered to me. 'You are beautiful', were words I longed for and needed so much.

"Gracias Señor." I touched his smooth shaven face as I whispered into his mouth. I know I had to stop, I was married. But he was so intoxicating.

He lightly ran the feather boa across my bosom and stomach and moved in behind me. I closed my eyes as he carried me to a world of ecstasy I barely entered with Luis. His touch and taste was strong, yet sensual, urgent yet patient.

A click and a shutter sound brought me out of my semi-daze. When I opened my eyes I saw him behind his Brownie shooting the next photo.

Along the usually dark beach hundreds of bonfires littered the seashore. As far as I could see people were singing and dancing to the music of the festival. Guiltless children were running around the bonfires and others were playing in the receding waves not knowing what the actual meaning of the festival was.

The waves broke on the beach and then ebbed away. I wish my secret would ebb away like that. Then I wouldn't need to go to that foolish party. Gripping a locket in my hand I was opting into which fire I was to throw this memorabilia to burn, and leave behind the bad spirits from the past and start a new phase.

Still in his death, Julien Jean Bouvier haunted me. I thought after his death me and our child would live in peace. After many attempts to get out of the relationship, many times I tried to buy myself out of this affaire, his answer only tormented me 'I fancy nary a murmur or complaint.'

I was relieved. I felt joy again for the first time in five years. It was all over the news.

'Wealthy bachelor, Julien Jean Bouvier dies at age 29. Cause unknown.'

But then... the invitation arrived. I was shocked beyond belief. How could it be? How could he still be alive? Because of his voracious appetite for drugs I assumed he would have used it. The words on the invitation still haunted me, 'I want nary a murmur or complaint if you want me to keep your secret'.

My sight clouded over by tears spilling from my eyes. The sound of laughing children and waves crashing on the shore returned and I was on the beach again. A young woman with red hair grabbed my hand and dragged me along with her friends towards a bonfire. I was reluctant but decided to dance along. This could be my last moment of freedom.

I was dancing and singing and laughing. The young girl touched my arm to stop me and pushed a cigarette into my hand. I wasn't a smoker but decided tonight was the night I stepped out of my box. I sucked on it and blew it out. I was about to pass it on when she shook her head and told me to suck on it and then inhale.

I did as she told me and took a deep breath. It burned my throat and I tried to stifle a coughing fit. She laughed and motioned for me to pass it on. At first I felt light headed and then... happy. I started giggling and my spirits lifted. My anxiety had disappeared. When it came round the second time I knew it was marijuana. I sucked and deeply inhaled... twice. I didn't want the feeling to go away. I felt energized and ran and jumped around the bonfire like a child.

I was entranced. My rhythmic movement and chanting of a phrase I didn't even understand, took me to another world. When they decided to do the ritual of jumping over the bonfire three times, I didn't hesitate. This ritual cleanses the body and the soul. God knows I needed cleansing.

After the ritual they sat down to a meal and I knew I had to get to the dinner party. Although the picnic on the blanket with good people looked attractive, I knew I had to leave. Soon they will notice I'm not present at their grand soiree.

Still clutching the locket in my hand I decided it was time to leave behind the bad spirits from the past and start a new phase. I raised my hand over my head and tossed it into the fire. Shouting and whistling erupted from the crowd and they applauded me. I curtsied, turned around and headed to my next destination.

I knew the trail so well, and hated it just as much. My only consolation was the fact that it was the last time I would ever have to walk this route. I could walk it with my eyes closed. Moonlight was always my only guide.

A wind tugged at the bushes beckoning me into the obscured cave mouth. Scooching down, I slipped in. The cave smelled of damp earth. The slow dripping of water off stalactites paced my steps. I dragged my fingers along the wall to guide me to the stairs that lead to a tunnel that sloped to the entrance of the library. The screech of a bat had me gripping my ears for a moment.

An icy draught in the tunnel caused a shiver to go through me. It felt like death followed me. The feeling that JJ waited in the library haunted me. As I stepped into the clearing that lead to the library door I saw a light shining through. 'Light at the end of the tunnel', I laughed ironically. I pushed a hidden button and the door opened with a click. I stepped up and pushed the built-in sliding bookcase and stepped into the library.

I hurried to the room where I had to get dressed. I slipped into my all peachy gown that reached below the knee, of which the bodice had an explosion of sequins and rhinestones that cascaded down the skirt. With a mix of chiffon and tulle the dress made me look classy and sophisticated. Just the way JJ liked it. Strands of pearls around my neck brought back memories I would rather want to forget. I powdered my nose and touched up my loose curls, hoping that nobody would notice I was a tad late.

Before leaving the room I glanced up at the wall behind the bed. I could swear that a charcoal painting of a man used to hang there. I remembered always feeling condemned by the eyes following my every move.

When I stepped into the dining room, soft Jazz music greeted me, reminding me of the electrifying parties JJ used to give. People used to dance the night away doing the Charleston, the Shimmy and the Tango.

The room screamed of opulence, decadence and glamour as always. Only this time, the spark JJ gave to a party was missing.

The light that danced off the chandelier was quite blasé to the secret I would like to keep in the dark. It felt like it shone right through me, wanting to expose me. As if it wanted to expose my deepest sins. Everybody in the dining room seemed to be preoccupied with one another or with their own thoughts. Did they have secrets like me? Were they also trying to hide a lifetime of heartache and shame?

I made my way over to the lovely Alondra serving canapes. From a long line of servants she was working hard to break away from the life her parents had bestowed upon her. She not only wanted to break away from that cycle, but wanted to break away from Julien who worked his charm on her.

"Evening Alondra."

"Good evening, Ma'am."

"Do you remember the last time I was here before Julien died? I brought him the usual."

"Yes, I remember clearly."

"Did he take it? You know... the pills?"

"I can't say." She responded in an uncertain tone.

"But... he died. It must have been the pills."

Her face went slack, mouth slightly open, and body rigid. Colour drained from her face as she stared wide-eyed at me. Then a smirk appeared on her face and with a sparkle in her eye she turned around and served canapes to someone else.

"It seems like you could use a drink." A handsome gentleman with tousled dark brown hair held out a glass of absinthe to me.

I gladly took it and although I was still high on marijuana I nevertheless sipped the green liquid. I cringed as the anise-flavoured drink burned down my throat. "Gracias."

"Varian," he said, holding out his hand. He took my hand and slightly touched my knuckles with his soft warm lips. "What are you in for?" he asked vexatiously.

I wrenched my hand from his grip and shrugged, walking away to take my seat at the table. I glanced at the place card to my right and to my misfortune was seated next to Varian. I ignored him, or tried to. The calming, milky louche heightened my senses. Smell, sight, and hearing. Oh good, now I'll be more alert to everybody's bleating. I thought to myself scornfully.

I gulped down the rest and set my glass under the spigot. I motioned to Alondra to pour some absinthe. I scooped up a sugarcube with the rectangular absinthe spoon from the bowl Belen had just set down. At least she was one of the few people familiar to me.

I laid the spoon with the sugarcube on my pontarlier glass and opened the spigot and watched impatiently as drops of water dissolved the sugar through the spoon and slowly but gently dripped into my glass. I took a deep breath to clear my head. I knew out of experience that my merriment of absinthe will increase when I'm calm and relaxed.

Enchantment was awaiting me. The absinthe reacted to the water as expected and it formed a milky blend. Exhilaration filled me as a spray of aromas gleefully floated out of my glass.

Forced casual conversation, canapes, wine and fake smiles. That's all I could observe. I looked over to the empty chair of our host and felt a queasiness settling in the pit of my stomach.

I jolted out of my daydreaming as Arthur suddenly spoke up to my left, 'Now, I want you all to listen to me and me only.'

After babbling on for a while he stood up and took a knife engraved with Julien's crest, walked around the table and took his seat. Horrid looks from everybody caught my attention.

'Ok, hands up, how many of you have killed someone? No, actually I don't care but I want all of you to know that I know exactly what it takes to kill. It is actually very easy and so fulfilling. Do you know the power of a prince will never compare to the power of playing God?'

Now he had everybody's attention, even mine. A slight tremble went through my body. I couldn't take this anymore. I should never have attended this ridiculous party. I scolded myself silently.

'I am not going to spoil tonight's party but please, are any of us expecting JJ to appear?'

You already spoilt tonight's party. I wanted to say, but kept it to myself

'I believe it is time for me to have a top up on my drink, if you please." Eyes followed him as he took his seat next to me again.

Slightly shocked and still in a haze I thought I heard Belen's voice in my subconscious.

I hated her. Another one of my secrets. I secretly hated her. Not because she did something to me, but because I was jealous of her. She's beautiful. I envied her dark brown hair and grey eyes that could look into someone's soul. It always seemed that Julien loved her more. She was anorexic. The physical ramifications of not being able to get away from Julien. On occasions I saw her at the mansion when I dropped off his drugs. Always in a drunken and drugged stupor.

It was a mumbling I heard at first, but the words 'Some secrets should be respected' had me alert. I followed her eyes to our host's empty seat, then back to her. I gasped at her next words, 'I shall tell you my deep dark secret of how I came to kill Julian Jean Bouvier.'

Either my ears were deceiving me or the wormwood in the Absinthe had me hallucinating. I felt Varians warm hand on mine. "But... the morphine..."

"So, you do have a secret!" I once again pulled my hand from his and took the pontarlier glass filled with the prepared absinthe.

My fiery emotions are a part of me, then there are times the storms inside me seems to want to devour me. That's when I overindulge. In alcohol, in drugs, in sex. Never because of my current predicament, but from the damage, the triggers of my past.

The fear comes from another place and time. In those moments of storms I must find my calm quintessence by myself, centre myself, or else I will always need to be calmed. There comes a time where one has to free oneself of these fears and secrets. And now was the time.

I finished the absinthe in one swig. "It was me... I killed him. I gave him the wrong drugs. Lo siento... I'm sorry" Tears escaped from my eyes, I felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I looked toward Belen. She looked at me in shocked surprise.

"I thought after his death he would leave me and Lucas alone. You see, I worked as a model to pay my way through med-school. That is where I met the handsome Julien Jean Bouvier. Photography was one of his many hobbies. He did photo shoots for me to build my portfolio. I now know it was only a hobby to get women and men... naked and in bed with him." My eyes slightly flashed to Victor and then back to Belen.

"At first I was mesmerized by our dirty Romeo," An uncontrolled chuckle escaped behind my hand. "I was with child soon, and we both knew it wasn't Luis's. Before long I realized he was only after my body and what he could get out of me when I became a doctor. A scrimmage only solicited anger, he would take a steel grip of my wrist and say, 'I fancy nary a murmur or complaint.' That always silenced me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. He was addicted to painkillers. I decided to acquire something efficacious. Something that would kill him and free me from my secret. I was sure the drugs I obtained from the hospital would kill him. I was tired of him blackmailing me to keep my secret from Luis. He always wanted more. He was never satisfied.

Usually when I arrived at JJ's he was already intoxicated. I knew he wouldn't notice the difference in the pills. He normally would just grab a mouthful of painkillers.

The painkillers was not all he grabbed at. Sometimes when I delivered the drugs to him, he forced me to watch him use it and he would take it further... Forced me to have sex with him along with other women and men. Over and over again. He would say my name, 'Hannah Lolita de Duprey', while touching me. I would cry and he would laugh. That sound resonated pure hatred from me. I was drowning and I didn't know how to save myself.

The drugs killed him. I was sure. I knew a sudden intake of too much morphine would kill him. It was all over the news. 'Wealthy bachelor, Julien Jean Bouvier dies at age 29. Cause unknown.'"

I wrapped my quivering hands around myself, waves of nausea added to my misery. "You didn't make it easier on me, Belen. Ever Since our first sexual feast together I hated you. I could see he loved you more, and what made it worse, Julien never wanted it to stop. I'd had my fill of your merrymaking and decided I wanted out. But your sexual overindulgence won."

Sadness and shock were evident on her face. She anxiously looked around, but she was no longer important to me. Tears flowed unrestrained down my cheeks and dripped from my chin. I was too sad and weak to cry out or wail, I just sat there as still as a statue while the immensity of my lost plight swept over me.

Pain shot through my veins and my body started to tremble. I tasted acid on my tongue and saw dots in my eyes. My vision faded. Sounds became as if underwater. Confused about my weakened senses, I grabbed my pounding head. My heart slowed. Then... everything went black.