sirius, to his neighbors: i'm going to microwave an unopened can of peaches and see what happens.
sirius: *dreamily* i heard it shrinks everything and i want some cute miniature peaches
sirius: *shouting from the porch* DONT TRY THAT, PLEASE. OUR KITCHEN IS ON FIRE AND MY HUSBAND IS CHASING ME WITH A CANE SHOUTING MANICALLY!