hoseok wished he hadn't kicked taehyung in the face.

maybe if he hadn't, he wouldn't have been turning his hotel room upside down searching for a first-aid kit, a bandage, a band-aid, a tissue, an anything, muttering apologies under his breath while taehyung seated his ass on the bed smugly, hand clutching his bloody nose dramatically for added emphasis.

he hadn't meant to kick him that hardㅡhis mind had just been so clouded by anger and disbelief that his leg had moved on its accord, serving a swift kick to the face of the boy who was spouting a jumble of words, and whose face was conveniently positioned right next to his foot.

hoseok let out a frustrated sigh, slamming close the drawer he'd been desperately rummaging through. "nothing."

"maybuh i should jus' go bag to muh rum and forget dis eber habbened."

the older took a moment to interpret what he'd said.

"don't," he whirled around, storming to his open suitcase that he'd never bothered to fully unpack, "you fucking dare. i'm not having any of the other members seeing you with a face like that. they'll get the wrong ideaㅡor you'll give them the wrong idea."

"does sebendeen ninjas seem like tuh much?" taehyung mused. "maybuh ten is more beliebable."

"i said don't you dare." hoseok looked up from the suitcase with a frown. "dude, can't you think up something better than that?"

"seben ninjas, den. jesus fudding crud, dis really hurds."

"i'm sorry," hoseok blurted out involuntarily, biting his tongue right after uttering the words. it wasn't fair, he'd been the one with the upper hand just a few minutes agoㅡfor all he knew, taehyung had probably intended for all this to happen. a bloody nose must have been more than worth it if it meant he had apology rights over hoseok for the next couple centuries.

taehyung merely sniffed in response to his apologyㅡa pretty lousy sniff, too. "so am i stuck in here undil muh nose fully heals?"

hoseok considered this for a moment. "yes."

"dat could take weeks."

"it's just a nosebleed, man up," hoseok huffed, finally emerging from the suitcase with what he considered the ugliest shirt in his inventoryㅡand it wasn't even that bad. he looked over it mournfully, before taking the material between his teeth and tearing off a nice big chunk of the sleeve.

"whad you doib'?" the younger piped up curiously, leaving the bed to crouch next to hoseok, who made the mistake of looking over at him. his nose was swollen and bulging red, blood trickling down his chin. hoseok turned away quickly, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him along with the urge to reach out and wipe that disgusting shit of his face because damn it was gross.

"i'm sorry," he mumbled softly. taehyung's eyes widened, staring down at the mangled shirt in alarm.

"you should buh! whad the fud, jung hosuck hyu'g? i really liked dis shird!"

hoseok blinked. "iㅡ"

"if you didn't like it, you coulda giben it to muh!"

"whㅡ"

"it doesn't madder, i'll take it anywuh. good thi'g i don't mind torn clothesㅡ"

"just dab your nose with this and shut the fuck up," hoseok cut in sharply, throwing the sleeve into taehyung's hands. "go lie on the bed andㅡwait, i recall something about . . . blood flow . . . or something . . ." hoseok willed himself to remember, massaging his temples. his head snapped up. "right, uh, tilt your head backㅡforward?ㅡso don't lie on the bedㅡ" he flopped his hands down in defeat. "dammit, i need a seokjin."

"you're stubib." taehyung's eyebrows knitted. "stubib. stubib. stuㅡbiㅡstubid. whad the fud?"

"i'm sorry," hoseok murmured.

"stob abolobizing, you emo fud."

hoseok placed a hand over his heart as if offended, before pulling out his phone and opening the search app.

"'how tuh cure a nosebleed fast,'" taehyung read over his shoulder as he typed. "wow, you really wanna ged rid of muh, don'd you."

"for good reason," hoseok muttered, tapping 'search'. "your face is giving me guilt attacks."

"for good reason. you kicked muh in the face."

"don't copy me, you fud."

"don't coby me, you fud."

hoseok rolled his eyes and went back to the phone, scrolling through the search results. "they're spouting some bullshit about holding your nose up or something. i dunno," hoseok informed taehyung, clearly unimpressed.

taehyung touched his nose gingerly, drawing away almost immediately with a wince. "i don'd think dey got their nosebleeds from bei'g kicked in the fudding face, hosuck hyu'g."

"geez, will you drop that?"

"i'll drob kick you."

hoseok didn't really know how to reply to that, so he kept his mouth shut.

"alright," he finally announced, climbing to his feet. "i think a band-aid should do the trick, so i'll just drop by ole namjoon's placeㅡbecause honestly, if he doesn't have any, who would? you, meanwhile, will wash that nauseating stuff off your face, sit in a corner, uhㅡ" hoseok consulted his phone. "sit up straight and tip your head slightly forward, and use your thumb and forefinger to firmly pinch the soft part of your nose shut. the nose consists of a hard, bony part and a softer part made of cartilaㅡwhat the fuck?" hoseok squinted at the screen, before shaking his head and pocketing the phone. "you will stay that way until i get back. okay?"

taehyung flashed a double thumbs up. "ogay!"

the older looked over him carefully, his smiling, innocent, bloody face, and decided that leaving him alone in his room didn't necessarily have to result in collateral damage or something.

"ogay."

···

"why the fuck would i have band-aids?"

"because you'reㅡyou!"

"oh? and what am i, hoseok? choose your next words very carefullㅡ"

"a clumsy fud."

"did you jㅡwhat the fuck is a fud?"

"you are, my dear nㅡ"

"get out."

"namjoon, please," hoseok begged, as the other steered him out of his room. he gripped the sides of the doorway in resistance, and namjoon grunted, attempting and failing to fully shove him out. "somebody's life is at stake here, possibly mine."

"if you resist long enough, i'll give you a bandaid."

"thank god," hoseok sighed.

"ㅡthough you'll be needing a lot more that band-aids after i'm done with you." a distinct crack of knuckles sounded out from behind him.

hoseok gulped, deciding that an attempt to exert his hyung influence wouldn't really work in this particular scenarioㅡnamjoon did serious arm workouts. plus, the leader card had somehow managed to serve as a viable counter to the hyung one, which hoseok was definitely not not unhappy about.

"hey, let's take it easy now," hoseok attempted meekly, cringing in case a blow was served.

"you right," namjoon sighed, surprising hoseok who'd expected a more stretched-out argument. he released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding when the heavy breathing down the back of his neck ceased. dropping his arms to his sides and muttering under his breath about leaders and anger management, he trailed after namjoon back into the room.

"so, what's the story?" the younger questioned good-naturedly as he pulled out a first-aid kit. hoseok's eyes widened as he opened it, taking in the heaps of supplies stacked insideㅡone could go into a freaking jungle with it and come out unscathed. "walk into a wall? fall down the stairs? the usual?"

the usual? "um, i guess."

namjoon chuckled. "you gotta keep an eye out for those wallsㅡcome of of nowhere! and don't get me started on stairs . . ."

"trust me, i won't."

"you don't look hurt, though . . ." hoseok bit his lip. jesus, why did namjoon gotta be so talkative? the fact that he'd been close to murdering him a minute ago didn't help. "sure it's for you?"

hoseok swallowed. "sure, totally."

a pause.

"you know what," he said quickly, "you're probably right, i'm not hurt that bad so i'll just skadoodle alongㅡ"

"taehyung, huh?"

wait, what the fuck?

"wait, what the fㅡ"

"bear or puppy print band-aids?"

"iㅡwhat?"