Delphine Martin, 1920s

Paris, France

I find myself giggling as Robert frets over me. He kisses my cheek, his lips linger leaving a slight buzzing effect on my skin.

 "Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Under the concern of his voice there is a husky terseness I've never heard from him before.

Nodding so as to reassure him that I am fine.  I find my hand swaying with his as they remain held and an unseen pull between us that says the space ought to be closed. "I am, I promise. I probably just need a bit of fresh air is all. Michael's return has been terribly...exciting; to say the least." 

Robert gently pulls me closer to him as he looks down at me with a sudden intensity. His usual excitement filled eyes are dark with a held back intensity. "More exciting than this moment now?" 

I gently moisten my dry lips. "How could it be?" 

Robert moves a lock of hair out of my face with a smooth movement. The slow caress makes me forget he will speak. "I know that the two of you shared... a fondness." 

"We were merely children. It was so long ago and he was the only boy that I was even allowed around...it was fantasy." What possesses me to say such a bladen lie hidden in silk truth?

Michael was more than a fleeting crush although I attempted to rewrite the story as I felt rejected by his actions. If he still felt as he promised he would, then why didn't he write to me? Why hadn't he ever made his intentions known to Papa as he amassed sufficient wealth? My heart long ago broken had been put together by Michael's sweet childhood friend Robert De Borgie. At this moment I burn for Robert to feel that what I feel now is only whatever is causing the air around us to be electrified. 

He smiles down gently at me, but the smoulder is still in his gaze. "Yet still, it may feel turbulent to have him return and remember those fantasies. I simply beg your remembrance that I am very real...very much yours." 

The gritty tone his voice takes on is exciting and one I've only heard once...in a forbidden moment. Suddenly, I yearn  to test this bond with Robert, to see if what I felt was seeing Michael could be felt with him. My bated breath makes my intake shaky and I notice my body tremors slightly yet I am not afraid but excited. 

"Are you..." I trail my finger up his chest. "Are you so very much my own?" 

Capturing my hand, he kisses the palm. "I am Delphine...as you hold the power to crush my heart and to crush my world." 

When he grabs me, my chest flat against him, Robert's kiss takes me by storm. The energy is hungry and claiming but his lips are gentle slowly building a new spark within me that I struggle to keep my level head with. Anyone could walk in and the inappropriate moment could be a world of trouble but as Robert's lips gently caress my own, I find my body insistent to explore him. A moan slips from my lips as my fingers knead into the hair at his neck, and his body stiffens as he suckles in a heavy deep breath.

Robert's hand cups my chin and I whimper as he pulls away. "I am sorry that I have compromised the respect owed to you." His voice is a scratchy whisper. 

"You've what?" I can barely wrap my mind around what he proposes. My senses are in a whirlwind. I've never been kissed the way Robert has just kissed me. 

I only wish to pull him back into the kiss. My mind swims and my body trembles, he holds me steadily as he knows the effect the kiss has left. My eyes search his as I see a cool reserve slide over his eyes and suddenly I can no longer see him as the boy I have known my entire life but I now realize Robert too is a full blooded man. Everyone calls Robert a 'good boy' and he may be but there is something beneath that...

"I have overstepped your trust. I am sorry for kissing you that way..." Robert sits me on a nearby chaise lounge. 

"You're sorry?" I repeat and I almost feel stupor. 

He looks so contrite as he runs a hand through his honey blond curls. "I would never wish to disrespect you..." 

As I am now feeling more stable, less lust riddled, I cut him off. "Robert, I wished to kiss you." 

He stares at me for a moment, a shadow passing over his face before his expression is guarded. "I am glad to hear it, but still I failed my duty as a gentleman. I...should leave." 

I stand and hug him. I melt into his embrace, glad to feel him act with familiarity after he'd become somewhat cold. "You should leave, but only because of propriety and no other reason. I would like to steal many more moments with you." 

I swear I hear him choke back a groan as he moves me away. I feel powerful as he does so because I know that he's doing so for restraint and that it is quite opposite, that he wishes to embrace me deeper.  I shiver as I imagine what deeper may mean. 

"I would hope it is owed only to myself the pleasure to hear you say such sweet words. However I must advise you against saying such things...as it's quite...." 

"Provoking?" I gaze at him feeling anything but innocent. 

"Yes." He smiles briefly, once again that shadow appears before he stuffs it down. "I am off. I will see you at the soiree." 

"You will." I smile brightly as he walks out of the room, my fingers itching to grab him as he had grabbed me and bring him back to my throbbing lips. I would not be so bold...would I? 

When I am sure he is out of the range of hearing, I grab a pillow and squeal into it as Andrea enters the room. 

"Miss, did he do what I believe?" Andrea rushes over to my side with a huge smile. She lifts her apron into her lap as she sits beside me.

I nod vigorously and feel how loose my bun has become in the back. "He did! He really did and it was wonderful!" 

Andrea now stifles a squeal. "Was it everything you'd hoped for?" 

"Oh it was more!" I hold her hands, turning to look at her. My legs feel like jelly. "I never knew he was so...passionate! I..." I blush. 

"Oh you appear so happy! I knew the two of you were a good match." Andrea snatches her hands in excitement and makes a restrained clapping gesture. 

"He's always been so kind and really respectful. I had no fears about marriage. I knew he would be a considerate husband. I guess the longing made the past seem so much more..." I let out a wistful breath. "Well, I don't know but I think I have truly been blessed and may have it all. The perfect guy and a really good match where my husband may even have passion for me." 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I have never felt so grown up than I do today. Not just because of Robert's earlier impassioned kiss, but the kind of garment that I am wearing is the riskiest thing I have ever worn and my cheeks are wildly flushed like the pictures of wanton women I once found snooping in Michael's bedroom. 

My eyes glitter like a stone and the brown iris almost appears a honey shade in the delight that I feel. I ordered the dress with today being another step in easing the public and Papa into Robert and I courting. The outfits were ordered for tonight's party with the intent that Robert and I are to appear in public matching.  As I have the feeling that Robert intends to ask for my hand soon. It could now come no sooner as I am imagining a life of bliss with him. 

There are shadows in Robert that now I hold awareness to and i am excited to explore. I am not frightened as I have heard some women whisper that they fear their husbands on the marriage night. I have heard silly women have almost fainted at the slightest intention of their intended turn to them and in their defense sometimes the matches are so ill. 

I don't believe I would have welcomed Robert's earlier advanced if he'd been one of Papa's friends. Some of my father's friends are sure to be in attendance with their families and now I am so worried about the boldness of my new gown. I am slender but this dress makes me definitely turn heads with its fitted boned beaded bodice. I am glad I did get it in the new drop waist fashion as the dress would have been obscenely against my body otherwise. 

The black sparkling garment cinches at my hips and falls in flowing waves that land just slightly beneath my knees as once again to help me appear more delicate in stature. The black Georgette material moves with me and is so whimsical. The beaded fringe upon the hem is very fashion forward. While the beaded him cuts the drama of the garment adding sophistication and luxury. 

Andrea lightly powders my face for the evening, not to be noticed of course. 

"Are you sure it's not too much? It didn't seem soooo..." I tug at the off the shoulder neckline. 

"So alluring?" Andrea says softly, her face near mine as we gaze into the mirror. "I almost don't recognize you. You look so much like the great woman we have all known you would grow to be." 

The top of the dress is alluring. My creamy delicate complexion is stark against the black of the dress but it isn't over powering my coloring. I look so sophisticated. The hand beaded lace is intricate and the way it frames me is romantic. I can't help but think of when Robert kissed me earlier and how he may now feel seeing me in this. 

Andrea gingerly presses a red potted rouge onto my cheeks and lips. "You look like a woman  to be ravished." Her chubby cheeks are beginning to look like two beautiful apples as she attempts to bite back the smile of mischief. 

"Do I appear too eager?" I chew my lip nervously. Robert had reprimanded my behavior. 

Good girls aren't supposed to 'want' to be kissed. Good girls aren't supposed to consider being ravished and yet I am craving both. 

Andrea becomes a bit sober. "I know this is a delicate subject. As you know, Percy and I..."

I took become sober and begin to blush. "Yes, the two of you are exploring new hobbies." 

We speak coded. Although the attitude amongst young people, such as ourselves, is changing about intimacy. Things aren't quite free unless you are a bohemian. I envy those sorts. I wonder if I had not met Robert if I would have ended up enticed by some racey poet. 

She blushes as ablazed. "To put it delicately, and we have decided that getting familiar is fine as long as certain things are kept special for the date...do you understand? " 

I think I understand but I am not quite sure. My voice drops to a whisper. "What exactly is okay for getting familiar and what are things to keep special? Speak plainly unless I become ruined tonight." 

Andrea is a shade of purple as thought she may burst. "Well Percy is studying hard to get into medicine. He says; The thing that must never happen is that..." She bites her lip breathing heavily and covering her eyes. "I don't think I can say. It's too...obscene." 

I pull her hands from her eyes. "Please Andrea, it's urgent. I need to know because it is my intent to have Robert kiss me that way again...will I be ruined?" 

"There is a...rod in their pants." Andrea looks away with much embarrassment. "And...when they like us and like what's happening...it goes from being sort of like dough and then it becomes stiff. It can hurt them as it becomes...swollen." 

"I am fascinated. I have imagined what the lump may be that I've noticed from Robert..." I am now blushing furiously. I have never spoken this openly about such matters. I haven't dared to scribble them in my journals either. 

Andrea nods a bit excited. "Yes, that is it and Percy says it is called a...penis but we find membre a better word. And we women, we have vagin and once again find nature to be a better word when we speak." 

"You guys say such...provocative words to one another." I pick up my fan. "I said something to Robert during the kiss... I told him that I would like to steal more of such moments as the one we shared. He said that the way of speaking is provoking." 

Andrea nods. "There are little things that can be said that will make him stiff if he likes it. We do speak that way..." 

I am now becoming too overwhelmed. "Well the main thing is that this membre and my nature do not meet?" 

Andrea shakes her head and the embarrassment ups. I am tense with what she may say. "There is a milk that the membre produces, in relief. When the passion has full excited him. That milk must never meet your nature. That is when you will be ruined. And of course, it is important that no one should know." 

I chew my lip. "I trust you. You have kept my every secret since girlhood." 

Andrea smiles warmly. "I trust you as well. I would be ruined and your mother would give away my position and my mother's. I would be seen as fallen and then Percy could not marry me as it would not be appropriate to marry a fallen girl." 

I huff. "It's unfair that they can spread their milks and we are locked in cages. We feel the same passion they feel." 

Andrea begins to laugh and I can not help but join her. Although there is much on my mind as I think of what the night is to hold. 

Updated March 25th 2025