CHAPTER TWELVE

ELYSIUM

( — any place or state of perfect happiness; paradise. )

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

          JILLIAN PRIDES HERSELF IN BEING IN TOUCH WITH HER EMOTIONS. Michaela prides herself in knowing how to read her, but it's not like it's hard. Jillian's face is pretty transparent when it comes to showing emotion, which might be one of the several reasons why she's so good at what she does, and you can tell how she's feeling just by paying attention to her facial expression.

          It caught Michaela a bit off-guard when they first met, truthfully. The girl reacted to almost everything she said, and Michaela watched her big, blue eyes narrow or widen and her full lips form an O or press together in a thin line. Watching Jillian's reactions was like reading about emotions in a textbook, with faces twisted into comical exaggerations of happiness or anger.

          So, when Michaela tells her 4W is about her and all the ways their relationship didn't work out, Jillian gracefully looks like she's about to scream or throw up. That's also how Michaela felt when Lincoln dropped that bomb on her, even though she has always done a much better job at concealing her emotions, and didn't even explode as much as she felt she would.

          "Michie," Jillian sighs, twirling a strand of Michaela's hair around her index finger. Her own hair has been cut to half the length it used to be during college, not even reaching her shoulders. "I'm sorry. That must be really awkward for you. Have you, at least, given him permission to write about it? Because I think everyone knows your dad would destroy him in court if you haven't."

          Michaela stirs on the couch, making Jillian drop her hand, and her chest tightens. "We've talked about it, and he has sent me the first draft just for me to, you know, make sure the changes he has made are enough or if there's anything he should cut out from the book. My main issue with it is that he started writing it right after his break, meaning he might have spent the last three months of 2016 and the entire year of 2017 working on this thing without ever telling me about it. He only did it because Ginny decided to call him for an in-depth interview and, since we're doing it together and she got sick, I had to be the one driving all the way here to ask the first questions."

          Jillian crosses her legs over the faux-leather pillows of the couches. "Okay. Yikes. But I'm assuming you've patched things up at some point, right? Because, the last time we talked about this, you were bawling and saying you had moved out because you absolutely hated his guts and were seconds away from burning all your copies of his books. Signed copies, let me add, which would sell for—"

          "I don't need the money."

          "That's not what I meant. You wouldn't have to keep the money; you could donate it to charity, or something." Jillian sticks out her tongue. "Having been born with a silver spoon certainly has its benefits." She stretches her arms above her head and Michaela grits her teeth, even though she knows Jillian means no harm with that affirmation. The problem is that she has had to deal with the negative connotation of that expression her whole life, with people thinking she deserves nothing of what she has accomplished so far, as it was all handed to her thanks to her parents' influence. "So you're okay now?"

          "We're on relatively good terms, I suppose." Michaela massages her shoulders, stiff after being in the same position for so long. "I'm trying not to think much about it while Ginny and I are still working on the story, but I don't know what will happen next. We still have plenty of issues to work on and, by the time we do, perhaps things will have changed."

          When she heard Jillian was in New York, the first thing that came to Michaela's mind wasn't that they'd be sitting in Lincoln's apartment, talking about the shambles of their relationship. It's not something she enjoys talking about to anyone, period, so she rushes to change the subject.

          Jillian clearly doesn't mind blabbering about Hollywood and her movies, much like Michaela doesn't mind listening to her. Jillian tends to never accept the role of damsels in distress, whose worth is dictated by the quality of their relationship with the male lead, but that has gotten her in trouble with her agents in the past. They think she shouldn't be refusing roles, especially those in movies you just know will do amazing at the box office, but Jillian wants to stay true to herself, even if it costs her her job.

          Michaela herself has had her fair share of having to deal with sexist comments and actions at work, especially coming from her superiors—even her boss, who would be an absolutely lovely person if he wasn't, you know, a bigot—but, unfortunately, they also come from other women. There's a constant competition between them all at Union Daily, with everyone fighting for the best story or the best cover, and the snarky, whispered comments are everywhere—if they find your weakness, you can bet they'll try to hit you right where it hurts.

          Michaela is no angel, though, and will be the first to admit she, too, has made a mean comment or two about her female co-workers just for the sake of it. She'd much rather not have done it, especially now that she's older and sees how women treat each other instead of empowering one another, but she's focusing on being a better human being now.

          Jillian, spread out on the couch, legs lazily swung over Michaela's lap, decides to spend five straight minutes making funny faces at her phone, which means she's probably updating her Snapchat. Michaela, on the other hand, wishes they were doing something more interesting to enjoy their time together. Jillian might have the whole month off, but she'll certainly be invited for interviews or photoshoots, and you can never be too sure.

          Thus, she somehow manages to drag her out of the house to go grab lunch somewhere. They're stalked by paparazzi when they get out of Michaela's car, because that's just how New York City works, and Jillian slips her arm through hers as they walk, waving at the cameras with her free hand and throwing everyone luminous grins.

          Michaela truly wishes Jillian were a vegan as well, or, at the very least, a vegetarian. Jillian is thoughtful enough to order a mushroom risotto, in contrast to Michaela's salad, but Michaela doesn't doubt she would have chosen a hamburger if she were eating with someone else.

          "So, how are your friends?" Jillian asks, sipping her white wine, while Michaela twirls her glass of rosé. "All you talk about is work, work, work, and your parents. Don't get me wrong, I love Mama and Papa Tate as much as the next person"—Michaela stirs in her seat, as her parents have always been a lot warmer to Jillian than they have been to her—"but I want to know about your social life. It's a big city, but you always seem so . . . lonely."

          Michaela sighs. "They're okay. I haven't really spoken to them lately. I haven't been feeling too well lately," she adds, when Jillian knits her brows together. "I, uh, was sort of lightheaded on Wednesday night and passed out yesterday morning, when I was already late for work—"

          "In Lincoln's apartment."

          "It was his birthday on Wednesday. I stopped by after work to drop off his birthday gift and he asked me to stay for dinner because his friends canceled."

          Jillian pushes a mushroom around her plate. "Oh, Quentin told me he felt terrible for ditching him on his birthday. It's been an insane week for everyone." Michaela's stomach sinks, because, even though she knew Lincoln was still friends with their group from college, they used to be her friends too, but the break-up created a line between his friends and her friends. "And you spent the night there?"

          "The rain was pretty heavy. I also had . . . an argument with Ginny last week, which ended up getting Roya involved because you know Roya always takes her side, but I think everything is okay now." Jillian doesn't answer, but draws circles with her fork, hinting she wants Michaela to elaborate. "So, last Friday, I drank too much and slept with Lennox—"

          Jillian chokes on the mushroom she had been chewing, almost spitting it out, and has to drink what's left from the glass of water she keeps on the side. "Lennox Lane?" Michaela hesitantly nods. "Jesus Christ, Michaela. What happened next? I'm sure Ginny wouldn't argue with you just for . . . that."

          "Don't shame me." Jillian raises her hands in apology. "I was supposed to meet up with her on Saturday morning to continue the interview, but I slept through my alarm and, uh, I didn't really know how to drive all the way there after what I did the night before."

          Jillian stays quiet for a particularly long time, glaring down at her food to avoid glaring at the paparazzi standing outside the restaurant, and Michaela is dreading her reaction. Jillian has never had a problem with being blunt, arguing people need to know the raw truth, and, though Michaela has never been too bothered by it in the past, it feels a lot more brutal now.

          "You two are my best friends," Jillian finally continues, wiping her mouth with her napkin, "and I love you with all I have. That's why I think you should either be moving on with your lives instead of being so hung up on one another like you are or you fix things. It's one thing to have him hover around you because of his book, but it's a completely different one for you to be putting your job and your story in jeopardy because you couldn't face the man you broke up with over two years ago after doing something completely normal." She leans forward. "Mich, your job isn't the only thing you're putting on hold over this. You're backing away from so many experiences that could potentially change your life for the better because you're focusing on something that should have been solved a long time ago; I'm not even talking about going back to dating, but you're not enjoying single life, and you're not putting yourself out there to change that, either."

          "What am I supposed to do, then?" Michaela slouches on her seat. "I have no idea what I'm doing or what I want to do besides wanting this all to stop."

          "You two have to decide what exactly you want to do. It's not a five-minute conversation and it certainly won't be solved in a day, but it's been two years. You two have had plenty of time to think whether you want to get back together or not, but you have to make a decision before you end up screwing up your lives thanks to this."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

          MICHAELA DECIDES JILLIAN IS THE ONE PERSON ON EARTH WHO LOVES HER UNCONDITIONALLY. She's sure her parents genuinely care about her and her well-being, as decent parents should, but there have been some missteps along the way that have raised certain doubts whether their love is actually unconditional or not. It should be, if we're being honest, as Michaela might have made her fair share of mistakes throughout the years, but she has also been . . . good.

          She watches Jillian waltz across the VIP area of the club, skipping down the stairs towards the bar to buy a drink to a girl who had been watching them for a while. After Michaela suggested Jillian should check Twitter just in case the girl was actually a fan, Jillian did just that because it turns out the girl happens to be pretty dedicated to being a fan of several things—Jillian included.

          All Michaela can do is stir her own drink with her straw and wait, while trying to ignore the glances a group of men a few feet away from her have been throwing at her for the past five minutes. They had been staring at both her and Jillian, but they didn't follow her downstairs when she left.

          Needless to say, she feels awfully uncomfortable, with her jacket covering her legs, as she's wearing shorts and the last thing she wants is to be harassed over her choice of clothing. It's what she wanted to wear, and this place is unbelievably hot, leaving sweat running down the side of her neck, but those men make her wish she had put on a pair of jeans instead.

          When Jillian returns, Michaela points that out, and the former leans forward to take a good look at the men, as if she was trying to determine whether they are dangerous or not. Michaela knows you can't tell stuff like that just by looking at people for a few seconds, but maybe, just maybe, they're inoffensive. Either way, she doesn't want to stick around for much longer to find out.

          Thus, they end up calling an Uber, not really feeling the need to wait for them to follow them outside. The cold air of the streets is a blessing, forcing them to put their jackets back on, but Jillian has enough time to wink at a camera before disappearing into the black car.

          She stays in Michaela's apartment, as it's no use going back to her hotel now. Michaela feels more at peace than she has felt in a long time, with Jillian snoring softly next to her, arms crossed under her fluffy pillow.

          For a moment, everything is okay. Michaela doesn't want to let that go.