Sweet words turn sour in a matter seconds.
Every minute I waste away into a bowl of anxiety.
Context.
Man that word is a god send, yet to you it's just gum under your shoe.
I tell Simon I love him as I hug him goodbye, he leaves, reluctance evident in his small steps.
Pit,Pat.
Pit,Pat.
Click.
The sound brakes my ears as it thunders through my bones.
My safety net that he is splits as he disappears through the door.
You scream.
You hit.
You fall next to the blood on the wall as you beg for forgiveness.
You cry.
I sit.
I watch the blurry shapes on the wall.
I feel like I'm floating,watching us in a 3rd person view.
Then all air is knocked out of my body..
Ah there it is, your finishing move
I get ready for the final blow to my nose.
Crack.
Click..?
Oh god. Oh god.Oh god.
My breathing quickened as you freeze, my fresh blood dripping from your knuckles, he shouldn't be back yet.
Anxiety crushing my lungs as I start to cry, then sob, he calls my name.
No, no im not crying from pain, I'm crying from fear.. for you.
You stained my mind and tore it apart to thread it together just the way you like it.
I tried to tell you to run, it eventually comes out as you fall to the floor next to me, a tear falls from your brown eyes as you shake your head no.
"I am a terrible person baby, I've done unspeakable things to you josh, I don't deserve help, I don't deserve anger lessons or a kind therapist, I deserve to be beaten until I scream, I deserve to be reminded every day of what I have done to you love, let me take this well deserved punishment."

So.. you did, he screamed at you, I've never seen Simon so angry, you stood there taking punch after punch as I sobbed your name but he wouldn't stop.
The police came later, they asked so many questions, almost all of them I wasn't ready to answer the boys all came round that night, their sympathy was appreciated but I don't want it, I don't need it.

I still think about all of it, the gentle touches and poetic words that you drugged me with, we were so happy JJ,

Now your in bars, and Me..
Joshua Bradley is long gone, you made me a shell of the person I once was,
And yet my dear, I can't love anyone more.