I suck at gardening, mainly because I always end up sneezing and setting my plants on fire.

Just kidding! My cousin, Puff the Magic Dragon, does that though.

If someone buys me flowers or something, they die. I don't let them die on purpose, I just don't know how to take care of them and whatnot. 

That is why I have my trusty cactus. :) 

I've had it since I was like.... ten years old I think. So almost six years. It' still living and healthy with four or five long leaves and a tall, healthy, pointy, green stem.

I only have to water it once a month and let it sit in the sunlight (in front of my kitchen's window). 

So, if you suck at gardening/carrying for plants like I do, get a cactus!