I finished this earlier than I thought, so I figured why make you guys wait? I am still planning on a Friday update, but because of this one it may not be ready until Saturday.

Song of the chapter - Boys Don't Cry by The Cure

Breaks from school are usually amazing. I spend all of my time hanging with the crew and enjoying myself. Girls are more relaxed without homework. And easier. No one has to worry much about school night curfews, not that we did anyway. It's one long party.

Basically we spend the entire break being assholes.

This break was different, in so many ways. I tried to hang with the crew a few times but I couldn't take being around them for long. Courtney kept trying to get me in bed, and at that point she was making me sick so I wanted nothing to do with her. I honestly never wanted much from her other than a quick lay. And now even that was out of the question.

Pete had a fucking smirk on his face twenty-four hours a day now. He continuously made snide comments about my newly single status, always hinting at the fact that I wasn't good enough for Amber. He was right, that was the god-awful truth. But it didn't make hearing someone who had been my best friend say I was a piece of shit any easier.

My dad was home, and he either caused a bunch of fucking drama over nothing or spent the whole time picking me apart. I don't know why I hadn't seen it before. I never realized how much he put me down. Everything he said to me was a judgement, I guess that's why I've always worried that people would see through me. I worried that they would see me the way he saw me. I was scared shitless that he was right.

Watching him be an asshole this week had been eye opening. I was just like him. And I didn't like it one bit.

I found myself thinking about what I had, and tossed away, with Amber. She had been patient when I had been jealous. She had been calm when I had been raging. She had been forgiving when I had been pathetic.

Why couldn't I have seen what I had?

Actually, that's bullshit. I knew what I had. I was scared I would lose it, so I let her go and walked away.

Until last week. As soon as my dad's true nature had become obvious to me, as soon as I finally saw who I had become, that's when I turned back. That's when I really started trying. That's when I started texting her.

The first time I wasn't exactly drunk, but I wasn't in my right mind. I had a beer at the lot that first Friday after we broke up. I kissed Courtney, but thought of Amber, calling out her name. I drove to Amber's house, missing her so damn much I didn't know what the hell to do. I watched that crazy bitch, April, leave her house and glare at me, killing me with her eyes.

I was so relieved that it wasn't some guy already moving in on what was mine, in my own fucked up thinking, that I figured I still had a chance. So after I got home, while still siting in my driveway, I pulled out my phone and did the cliche dumb ass move of drunk texting her.

im soo fucin sorry

Of course she ignored it. She probably deleted it the second it showed up. I sat there beating my head into the steering wheel for being such a pussy. Then I went inside my house and tried to forget.

Trouble is, how do you forget a girl like that? You don't. She gets under your skin and before you realize what's happening, you are a whipped piece of shit, like me.

The last month has been all about trying to make up for the mistakes I had made, watching Amber just to see that she was safe. But the last week had been more about making up for the asshole I had been, now that I saw myself truthfully.

How can a guy do that when the girl's crazy bitch friend won't let me near her?

I couldn't, so I texted her. The first night was right after my dad went ape shit and I took off. I sat in my car at the park near her house, the one she loved to go to but I always teased her about it. I started pouring my heart out in those texts, but she ignored every one.

I need to talk to you

Please, Amber

I'm so sorry for everything

I want to tell you some stuff

It will help you understand

Please

Baby, I know I fucked up

On and on, I texted so many times that I lost count. It turned my stomach that I had become this pool of jello, a messed up heartbroken jock. No one would take this guy seriously. I needed to get a handle on my emotions, quick.

Laying on my bed with my door closed to drown out my effing dad and his latest rant, I went through my phone, rereading all of the pathetic texts I had sent Amber. There were a lot. I was tempted to send another one, it had already been a week since the episode with my dad, the night I sent them. Maybe she had softened up, maybe she would text back this time.

A knock at my door brought me back to reality. It was too soft to be my dad. He would have pounded on the damn thing while simultaneously screaming for me to open the fuck up. I listened to see if I could hear him yelling anywhere in the house but it was strangely quiet.

"Yeah?" I called out.

"Can I come in?" I heard my mom's timid voice.

"I guess." I got up off my bed and went to open the door for her. I always kept it locked. I wasn't sure if it was more about locking myself  in, or keeping them out. Probably both.

"What's up?" I asked as I let her step inside, kicking my dirty clothes out of the way. Shit, this place was a mess. I never noticed when I was in here alone how disgusting it was.

"I was just checking to see if you'd be around for dinner." She said. The look on her face screamed exhaustion. But then again, she always looked like that.

"Will dad be joining us tonight?" cause my answer would be hell no if he was.

She sighed before answering, "I don't think so. He left a few minutes ago." Sadness now covered her features. I think she was probably really pretty when she was younger, but now she seemed dragged down by life. Or her family. Or both.

I don't want my future wife to look this way.

"Mom..." I started. Was I really gonna do this? I had never talked to her about dad before, but then again I had never seen him the way I do now, or the way I see myself now.

She looked me in the eyes, "yes?"

"Why? Why are you still with him?" I sat down on the edge of my bed, ready to hear whatever she had to say. I figured she'd defend him somehow. The bastard didn't deserve it.

Shaking her head, my mom sat next to me. "It's a long story, Matt."

"Tell me. I need to know."

"I was young when we got married, your dad had already started his career and wanted me home to take care of everything. I thought it was perfect, I had no career ambitions and had always wanted to be a mom. So that's what we did.

"Then life happened. Bills, stress from raising a family, problems at work... little by little, your dad became more controlling, less caring. It didn't happen overnight."

"Okay, so now he's a piece of shit all the time. Why can't you leave now?"

"And go where, do what? I have no skills, no education. This has been my life. I have no where to go. But, honestly, I think the fact that he goes off to job sites so often is what has kept us together as long as we have."

I shook my head at that. Excuses, like I thought. It was official, both my parents were messed up.

"I know how to handle it, Matt. Don't worry about me."

"It's me I'm worried about now, Mom. I don't want to be like him."

"Then don't be."

I wanted to laugh. Something told me it wasn't that simple. I guess I was trying now. Too bad that the damage had already been done.

"I think it might be too late. I lost Amber because I've been such a dick. Now she wants nothing to do with me."

My mom put her hand on my shoulder, "well, you should do something about that." then she kissed my cheek and got up to leave.

"You know, Matt," she turned back to face me, "life is about choices. I've made mine. It's not too late to fix yours."

"If that's true, then it's not too late to change your mind, right?" I challenged her.

My mom shook her head and turned to leave, not responding to my challenge.

She had one thing right. It wasn't too late, at least I hoped not.

I looked back down at my phone, once again reading the pathetic texts I had sent to Amber that night. A thought jumped to mind, practically smacking me in the face with how obvious it was. Why hadn't I just tried talking to her, face to face?

I needed to suck it up and talk to her. I needed to make her listen, and if she did, I knew she would understand. She might even give me a second chance.

The decision was made, after dinner I would try getting her to talk to me.

***

Plans sometimes change. Or in my case, get hijacked.

Although I was anxious to get over to Amber's house to talk with her, Pete decided that was the night to pull me out of my house and force me to have a "good time." His version of a good time was to party with the crew. And that Friday night, Jeff, another guy from the team, was having a rager complete with a DJ and kegs. The dude had his resources.

"Bro, you have missed out on too many events. People are starting to talk." He revealed.

"Who the fuck cares what I do with my time? I don't have to party with those pussys all week."

"Since when? This has been our tradition since we figured out what a fucking party was!"

He was right. It was unusual for me to be absent from the group this long. Refusing his demand to party would have brought up too many questions so I reluctantly followed him to Jeff's, but I was still planning on getting over to Amber's house to talk with her.

The hardest part would be avoiding alcohol. I hadn't touched a drop since watching my dad unleash his shit a week before. I wanted to be sober talking to Amber, I needed her to see that I was for real, genuine with my feelings.

In so many ways that would be a first for me and it actually scared the shit out of me. I was tempted to sip one beer to calm my nerves. That would ruin everything, however, so I stayed as far away from the booze as possible.

"Matt!"

"Hey, man!"

"Brah!"

Practically the entire party lost their shit the second I walked through the door of Jeff's house. It must have been longer than I realized. A couple months ago I would have felt pride at the acknowledgement from the whole party. Tonight I just wanted to hide and go unnoticed. Apparently not gonna happen.

I waved and nodded my hello to the crew, but didn't stop for conversation. Pushing my way through the crowd and toward the back patio, each person I passed by slapped my back or bumped my shoulder in recognition. The bass was pumping, Jeff's DJ doing his job to work everyone into a frenzy, and the house was bouncing with energy. Blonde hair caught my eye and I groaned inwardly as I saw Courtney approaching.

"Hey," she said with a sultry smile, " this party just got better. Wanna head upstairs?"

What the fuck? I have never met such a horny cheerleader. This girl couldn't catch a hint.

"Nah. I'm not staying long." I removed her hand from my shoulder and leaned away from her mouth.

"It doesn't have to take long..." she whispered in my ear.

Fuck. It actually turned my stomach instead of...well other regions. No fucking thanks. Sleeping with her had been a huge mistake.

"Listen, Courtney, we've had our fun. But that's over. Time to move on to your next target." I had tried to be nice about brushing her off in the past, but when a girl can't take a hint it's time to be blunt.

Her face fell a little. Then her eyes glazed over, narrowed in on mine and released daggers my way.

"You're an asshole, Matt."

"Big shocker, isn't it?" Pete replied from behind me. Then he laughed. I just shook my head and continued to the patio. The rest of the guys were out there playing poker. I decided that was the best spot to serve my obligated time.

When the hell did a party turn into a prison sentence?

"Deal you in?" one of the guys asked. I was too steamed to even notice who it was.

"Yeah. What are we playing?"

"Straight. No additions. Ante up!"

The game went on for an hour or so. I figured I had interacted enough for one night, so I threw in my cards and gave my chips to some wide eyed sophomore at the table.

"Wow! Thanks man!"

You could say I had just made his night. "No problem. Catch you later guys."

"Hey, Matt! Don't wait so long to come around! See you at the lot next week!" Jeff called out.

Shit. I'd have to figure a way out of that one. "We'll see." I waved them off and pushed back through the crowd, now seeming twice as big.

No one stopped me, which meant I was finally on my way to Amber's house. It was late but it was also winter break. I didn't think it was past a reasonable hour to stop by her window.

I just hoped she would listen. There was so much I needed to say.

^^^^^

I know this doesn't exactly answer the cliffhanger question directly, but you probably guessed it was Matt. It was, and the next part will detail that interaction.

Pretty please tap the magical voting star! Hey it's an early update, that deserves a vote, right?!

The next part is in Matt-Amber-Garrett order and will cover the second half of winter break.

The Cure felt right for Matt and his need to hold back his true feelings. Boys Don't Cry is perfect to describe the inner turmoil.

https://youtu.be/XECcMj4-wDg