Requested by: That_HAPPY-emogirl

Prompt: #6

"Sometimes I wonder why I haven't killed you yet, then I remember you're immortal"

Warnings: Extra swearing because it's Wade

Extra: Deadpool is super fun to write for. Enjoy!

~*~

It was supposed to be a normal date night. Well, as normal as it could get considering the circumstances for Wade and (Y/n). But, either way, it was supposed to go smoothly, and they should have been home a little tipsy, with a few toys from the arcade in their arms.

It started out relatively normal too. (Y/n) dressed in one of her normal date night outfits, did her hair, and packed her batons in her purse. Strange to any other person, perfectly normal for her.

She then proceeded to walk from her apartment on the nicer side of town to Wade and Al's place. On the way there she heard thunder rumbling in the distance and lighting flashing against the dark night and clouds. That should have been the first sign that the night would go differently than she had planned, but she was in such a hurry she paid it no mind past wishing she brought an umbrella.

"Hey Al, how's the furniture going?" (Y/n) asked as the elderly woman sat down on the couch. She was excited for something to do, or someone to talk to, as Wade had spent the last ten minutes in his room deciding on whether or not he wanted to wear his crocs..

"If you're mocking me I'm gonna beat your ass," Al mumbled, leaning back in her chair.

(Y/n) put a hand on the bookshelf Al was working on and jumped back when it fell apart around her. She winced, pushing the wood into a big pile with her foot.

"I'll um, I'll fix that later," she assured.

"You better, or I'll beat you so bad you'll look like Wade."

"How do you know what he looks like?"

"I've felt his jacked up face before, and don't get me started on the time he touched me with his baby hand."

"We were having a moment Al," Wade defended, pulling up the hood on his hoodie, "Ready?"

"I've been ready for the past ten minutes, you were just taking a long time deciding on whether or not you wanted to wear your crocs."

"Crocs are for special time, I was deciding on whether or not we'd have some tonight."

(Y/n) smirked, "See you later Al, love you!"

"Yeah yeah."

Wade and (Y/n) left his small home, deciding on walking to Sister Margaret's since it wasn't too far away.

"Who do you think's gonna die tonight?" Wade asked.

"Rufus I hope, God I hate him. I'd kill him myself if I got the chance."

"If you ever need me to put on the suit and mess with his prize and joy let me know," Wade stated.

"Thanks Wade," (Y/n) smiled, "You'd get some good croc time for that."

The second sign that that evening would be weird was when they got to the bar. They sat down in their normal seats and Weasel set their usual drinks down in front of them. The music and chatter around the bar drowned out the storm that was brewing outside.

"Did you two just decide to drop by or do you have an announcement?" Weasel asked, "Are you pregnant? Are you going to have an avocado baby? (Y/n), please tell me your looks will take over."

"No, Weasel, we're just here for a drink," (Y/n) assured.

"Oh good, that baby does not need to look like Wade does, that poor child," Weasel noticed someone else waving him over, "Duty calls."

"What's your name?" Wade asked (Y/n) suddenly.

"It's (Y/n), I should hope you know what my name is at this point," (Y/n) rolled her eyes.

"Right, but like, it's y and n. Do you say why en, or yin? I mean, you look different for every person that reads this!"

"Wade you need to stop," (Y/n) sighed, downing the rest of her drink.

"Are you even old enough to drink?"

"Oh my God," (Y/n) pinched the bridge of her nose, "It's times like these I wonder why I haven't killed you yet, then I remember you're immortal."

"You know it," Wade winked, "Can't kill this beautiful beast."

"Beautiful isn't the word I would use," (Y/n) muttered under her breath.

"Yeah, well guess what, I'm about to earn my croc time. Weasel, send a drink to Mark over there, tell him it's from Rufus."

"Come on man, I just got new tables," Weasel whined, though he poured the drink anyways.

"If we win the deadpool we can buy you new ones, now go."

Weasel sighed, picking up the glass and walking over to Mark. They had a small conversation before Mark stood abruptly, stalking over to Rufus and starting a match with him.

"Go Mark!" (Y/n) cheered, "Kill him!"

The fight continued on for another few minutes before Rufus went down and didn't get back up. Weasel backed everyone up and checked for a pulse.

"He's alive."

Strange thing number two. The fight wasn't unusual, and someone living after wasn't unusual, it was the fact that Mark left someone alive, much less Rufus. Afterall, everyone at the bar knew of (Y/n)'s obvious disdain for the man, even Rufus himself, so the fact that Mark didn't take the chance to the kill the man that his 'favorite man-killer' hated, was surprising. (Y/n) was a bar favorite.

Everyone groaned in disappointment at the announcement. (Y/n) slammed her head on the bar counter, shaking her shoulders to imitate crying.

"Damnit, I thought that would work," Wade cursed.

"It's fine Wade, he'll get taken out eventually."

"Yeah, just like my tables, look at that mess. You two, honestly. You're cute but you're a lot of work."

"Thanks Weasel," (Y/n) smiled.

"Wanna go to the arcade?" Wade asked, immediately lifting (Y/n)'s spirits.

"Hell yeah!"

Wade slapped some money down on the counter for their drinks and they bid farewell to Weasel, ready to win some cheap prizes at the arcade.

The arcade was the third strange thing happened. When Wade and (Y/n) entered they walked over to the prize options. They already had an idea of what they wanted, limited edition Voltron merchandise calling their names, but when they looked, all of the rings were gone.

"Well shitbiscuits," Wade sighed.

"Oh it isn't that bad, you still got most of the rings, and we can find something else to go after," (Y/n) offered, trying to lift Wade's spirits.

"Yeah, okay," Wade nodded, though he still seemed a little upset about the Voltron rings being gone.

The two got as many tokens as they could carry and proceeded to walk straight to skee-ball, the game being the one they played first every time they went.

"You wanna know the trick to skee-ball?" Wade questioned.

"If you make an inappropriate joke I swear-"

"No, look," Wade stepped onto the game, walking to the top and throwing all of the balls into the holes with the highest points, "Boom, maximum tickets."

"That's cheating!" (Y/n) exclaimed, "You're gonna get us kicked out!"

"We aren't leaving until we get the limited edition sword," Wade's voice was full of determination, "If I can't get those Voltron rings then I'm going to get something that's just as good."

"Fine, just be careful, you're already scary enough without a sword."

The two went from ski-ball, to air hockey, mini bowling, and the 'jackpot' game. Overall they had gained enough tickets for the sword and a few candies along with it.

"So what are you gonna do now that you have your sword?" (Y/n) questioned while chewing a piece of candy, "Cosplay?"

"I have a few ideas," Wade smirked, "Maybe I'll jack up Rufus with it."

"I'd love that," (Y/n) chuckled, "Knowing you, you'd easily be able to make a weapon out of a plastic sword."

"I'm able to make a weapon out of my crocs you bet I can jack him up with this," Wade made a few professional swipes with his sword as they walked along the sidewalk.

That was when the weirdest and final thing happened. As they were on their way back to Wade's place so he could grab his crocs and a few other things before they went to (Y/n)'s, the slight drizzle intensified as did the thunder and lightning. But the change is weather making the two quicken their pace wasn't the only thing, passing through an alley, they were pulled in by a few common thugs.

"You're kidding me right?" (Y/n) asked one of the thugs, no sign of fear or amusement on her face, "Like you actually have to be kidding me right now."

"Wallets and any spare cash," one of the men ran his knife along the neckline of (Y/n)'s shirt, "And maybe you can lose the clothes sweetheart."

(Y/n) was becoming cold. She was becoming cold and all she wanted was to go home and spend the night with Wade so he could have his precious croc time. Instead, she had one weird thing after another all leading up to this sucky moment.

"I'll lose the clothes as soon as I get home," (Y/n) smirked, "But fine, whatever, you want the wallet you can have it."

(Y/n) glanced over at Wade, who winked at her under his hood. Being honest, if he were to just lose the hood, the crooks probably would run off in fear, but since no one died at Sister Margaret's, they had to get some pain in there somewhere.

(Y/n) reached into her purse, the criminals not expecting anything because it was what they asked her to do. Instead of grabbing her wallet, however, she grabbed her batons, dropping her purse so it would be easier to handle them.

"What are you gonna do with those huh? Poke us?"

The thugs around the pair laughed at the poor attempt at a joke. Life must be pretty humorless when you're stealing from people all the time.

"Oh I'm gonna do a lot more than poke you," (Y/n) adjusted her grip on the batons, "Wade, remember when you said that you could turn anything into a weapon?"

"Oh yeah," Wade grinned.

"Then let's kick some ass."

(Y/n) swung her arm up and hit the thug closest to her in the jaw, hearing a satisfying crack from the bone. She then pressed one of the buttons on the holding sides that lit up the ends with electricity. She kicked the wrist of the thug holding the knife and pushed the batons against his stomach, stepping back as he fell to the ground.

She flipped the baton in her dominant hand and spun around, tazing the man behind her in the neck. She let out a breath, pressing the buttons again as the batons became normal and relatively harmless.

"How did you manage to do that with a plastic sword?" (Y/n) looked at the two mangled men that Wade had taken out.

"I never reveal my secrets," Wade smirked, "Unless of course, I'm given proper reason to."

"Oh I'll give you a reason," (Y/n) nudged Wade's shoulder, "Now come on, I'm still hoping we can put this night back on track."

"These &*%#*^$ can't ruin our night!" Wade yelled before pausing, "Are you #%*&*&# serious? They blur out the bad curse words in the comics sure, but this is a a story! Author let me swear! I bet you just don't want to have to mark it as mature. Is that it? Not only that but you make it rain like a classic movie fight scene even though the Reader can't see it?"

"Wade, settle down, I could hear your curse words loud and clear," (Y/n) assured, "And the rain really is a classic move but that's what happens."

"Yeah of course that's what the author wants you to think," Wade gave (Y/n) a suspicious look.

"Alright Wade, let's just go back to my apartment, you have some crocs there already."

"Does that mean-" Wade couldn't contain his excitement.

"Yes, you get your croc time," (Y/n) nodded with a laugh."

"Oh %#*& yeah! Seriously? Blurring it again?"