Have you ever asked yourself a question or even maybe a few in this case.

I'm talking about reading and writing stories.

How people can add the just right amount of detail of what is going on at that moment and in time..

Or write the perfect chapter that just could make you just laugh all sudden and did it feel good just to like that to at that moment. It's like something melted away.

Or I write a emotional chapter or I read it. Have you ever just felt it and you felt that in that moment and your own tears fell or you even just lose it just it did as you read it the story and you also see it all playing it inside your head when you read that story.

I know I write making love or what you guys call sex, fuck. But to me that's not what it is for me. It's so more to me. The series finding my home explains to me if two people truly love each other that's the way it's supposed to be and I even added the friendship, the brother, sisters and family.

I even add my life into, really life issues that go on every single day. That includes bullying, stalkers, rapist, enemy's, everything I could think even from what I know from my own history since I was convinced until.

So I write and this is my way for anyone that's been through anyone of what I had to go through..

I can write and watch it play it out in my head of this story. There's a process I I I I have to do to figure out what the. Story is going to be and I'm going to give you my step back process of how I figure out what kind of story I will be writing. It's a step by step process. First I will explain it all little to see

though my eyes and my own world  that you'll hear key in all my books and series. My whole life is in every single one of those books.  These books  I write is my way to help people. Babies, toddlers, child, teenages, adult, even elder. Bullying, stalking, Rape, someone drugging you, cheat on you, abuse, depression, PTSD, night terrors, Flash backs, escaping fear of everything, suicide, suicidal thoughts, death of your own child, trying to save someone and you still couldn't save them, losing both parents so close together, losing your heart the person you love with all your heart and soul, cheating, feel all alone, just to have a gently touch of someone's love for you, the it should feel when your truly in love with someone, that person is supposed to be enough, that you're it to them, to be there when you need and when you need them the most, but let's not when it comes you calm you love with all your heart and soul and there everything you'll ever need and want.

Let me explain this in depth for you of what this means and explain in the only way I know how and through the way I write and I can feel it and the emotions the passion everything. But that's how I feel it should be to or it's supposed to be. Because all I knew all the hurt you heard of since I was conceived until now. Everything you can imagine happen to me.

So my music for this is best friend for life by grace leer.  So find it and have it on repeat in the background before you start reading this because it fits perfect and you'll see exactly why to.

So to me a person needs to earn trust first because if you think about it at the same time you're also proving you can be safe with them.

Isn't that how you become friends first. But let me add something to this to put this more of an impact emotional for you because this is just for people that have been horror. They have scars, there different from anyone else, both male or female. People with gifts, medical issues,  something you were born with, losing parts of yourself, a woman loosing what makes you feel like you're a woman, or not to be able to have a child, or a child dies right in arms a hour  after there born.  Trying to save someone and it just wasn't enough. Being in darkness, feeling trapped and no way to escape your hell you're in.

Being tortured, a ginny pig when you're a child. Not being able to commit to anyone.

No one will touch you unless it's bad touch since you were so little by that you could even be a baby, then not even just over a year old. For me it started for me it started when I was three years old and he was rubbing my ass under my pants and undies and the worst part about it.

It was my own dad's best friend to. Then at 7 it was another one his and this time it was a very bad touch. It was the worst place you can imagine for a four year.

The minute I felt the bad touch happen and a poof factor you'll see comes up in my story. It's a actual mechanism you're body has.  It's so you can protect yourself.

Then the bullying started for me too. I was forced at 9 years old from a bully that was a teenager at the bus stop to give her baby brother his first experience but just give him or she said suck on his pee pee until it squirts or she cut me and she already running up and down my arm so I had to do it or I get hurt by her really bad again. Oh was my worst bully too.

But I had what we called the three musketeers and it was most favorite time and I always had this to. Let me tell you this story which is two stories that come full circle into the first one..
~finding your true love as a child~
~a true story of friends~
~different types of family
~finding just the best friend that gets you for your next step for your true love your soul mate and show what it really suppose to be like to be touch like that. Because it's supposed to be pain or always take what you want and never give in return to take the time to show them how you really feel about them.

To always get to know them from the inside first like he said he did me

He didn't care I was short, he knew I had scars, We could tell each other everything and I mean everything.

He was always there for me no matter what. He even took time off work to help me.

I'm not the looking person either but he didn't care about either.

We were best friends and he always told me it's always what's on the inside of you Laura that's what I see the most with you. Don't listen to anyone else and what they say about you because I know who really are you because you always hid yourself so I got to know you from the inside and now look at us now best friends.

That was I really needed to in that moment because he had to pick me up because of people calling me ugly and I went and seen my now ex husband.

I was having a breakdown and I called him and he picked me up and he just drove us so it just be us just to talk.

He was slowly bringing me out of hiding and it felt amazing to be myself again.

He was just letting me doing it to. I remember he was chasing me because I found my stash of can whip cream and I always ate it from the can to.

We were at my Michigan mom's house and a person that felt like a sister to me.

Only because he was making me stay there for my safety.

I was even trying to spray him with it. He would slam me back against him and take it away from me and I started to jump to reach up and get from his head.

Then he go find a new hiding spot for it. I do that pose grumpy mode.. my whole body to. The lips were full on pout, I narrowed my eyes I even cross my arms in front of me and my foot was tapping right now.

This was I really hate you right now pose right. See I could be myself around him. It was how I use to communicate without speaking.

I was able to show him who I was and actually be myself and who I really was and I was so happy and felt so free and felt like I was flying.

He was the only one that could approach me without a defense mechanism kicking in.

But I could always sense him there. He would wrapped his arms around me  loosely like a best friend would and leaned his chin down on top of my head.

"Now I know damn well you don't hate me but you do hate that I had to hide your favorite snack." I would nod my head still staying in my pose and I stomp my foot that he hit that right on the button.

Everyone was laughing at us by now like always. "Hit that on the button! But like always I always know you don't hate me and we never stay mad at each other for very long right?" I nodded my head and my face would relax first.

"We're you having fun?" I nodded my head again and I drop my arms now.

"Wasn't I enjoying it with my best friend?" I nodded my head and relaxed my body into him.

"Now we can have fun doing other things or we can talk if you want!" That's when I would finally turned around and wrap my arms around his waist and put my head sideways against him and just closed my eyes and tears fall because I was so thanks full that I had my best friend and I didn't care he was a man.

I could trust him not to hurt me and he always kept me safe no matter and he was always there for and I never had that before.

Just to have this meant the whole world. I wasn't ready to be touched sexual or on the skin nothing after what I've been through.

He helped me with my healing process and when stuff started developing from what I left behind and in a way he helped me escape from too and he doesn't even know this either.

Then I got sick! No one knew what to do and they took me to the emergency room and this is when he was gone for days he lived at home with his parents but he was close to my age but never stayed with me.

But anyways I wasn't keeping anything down and I had a high fever and I was dehydrated.

They thought I had the flu but it wasn't. I found out from the last time my ex husband beat me I had some internal damage. It developed a small infection.

I kept this hid from everyone until right at this very moment.

I went back to my Michigan mom's house and I just went to the room I stayed in and that's where I stayed.

I locked the door behind me to lock the world out for the first time.

Because that was a big blow from my past and all I could see going through is what people ever said about me or done to me. What my ex husband did to me and that was the freshes still and so raw to me.

Then my best friend hasn't been around hasn't been around so I didn't think I had one he was just a dream to me.

I climbed into that when no lights on and covered myself and curled up into a ball and just slipped away within myself.

I couldn't do anything but stare. I couldn't move a muscle or function at all. I wasn't even there.

I hid myself so deep within inside myself I did not want to be found.

Why! What everyone ever told me was true about me anyways.

I was short, I was ugly and all I was good for is one thing for man. A sex object and toy. You really think about it that's how I was treated all my fucking life.

I knew I was never going to experience a best friend like my dream now.

I was never going to experience love at all or what it was to be touched or showed it didn't matter I had scars or matter I was short or I was ugly and understand my past.

It was days I laid there to and I knew they tried to get and couldn't.

Then on night in the middle of the night I seen his eyes in front of me and he was kneeling down in front of me.

But I still didn't do anything though because I thought I finally fell asleep and now I was finally dreaming about him again my best friend.

But he didn't move and he just stayed in that position just watching me and like he was waiting for something to happen.

But I knew he wasn't real. Then I would remember my dreams with my best friend and I was missing him even if he was a dream and I wish he was so real.

I could actually start to form tears in my eyes. Then I move myself to make myself comfortable and got my head comfortable looking down towards the window and I actually saw the moonlight.

But I would start thinking about my best friend that was only dream for me.

My hands were laying next to my face not moving yet. To know I wouldn't have that kinda of person in real life because I would always have the same life I've had and always have to hide myself away and never be myself ever again.

That's when my fingers starting moving slowly. I would never have anyone I could talk to like my dream best friend.

Showing me how to have fun again and that it was alright to be myself and it didn't matter what I looked like or how short I was or all the other things either.

I buried my face into my pillow because I started crying now because how I want it to be real so bad.

Then I gasped. I felt a hand go over mine and I knew immediately who's it was to.

I looked down at it and it was actually there and I actually very slowly covered it with my other one.

Because I still didn't know it was still real yet.

But the minute I covered his hand I knew he was real and I hugged his hand to me and I curled up into a ball and just completely lost it finally.

He brought me back out of the darkness and from hiding within inside myself.

He held me and just let me do it to. Then I fell asleep against him. He stayed with me and just held me.

It was the first time I didn't have a nightmare either.

He waited for me to wake up and waited for me to say something or communicate with him because all I was doing was just watching him with my eyes.

Then I had to get up in a hurry and I was back at it throwing up again and everything us again.

This scared the hell out of him. All I heard was him why haven't done anything or let him know what was wrong with me and this and that.

Then he start helping me because of how weak I really was.

The only thing he couldn't figure is why I refused anyone's help in the bathroom or changing my clothes I would put up nasty fights to.

I wasn't going to let anyone see any part of my body. Oh hell to the no! Not with my scars and the way I felt about my body because what I always had drilled in my head.

My body was disgusting to all men. At least that's what they always told me and I was an ugly monster and after what my ex husband put me through no. I was still trying to figure out how to get out of the marriage and he was locked up in jail too.

So more in a less I was kinda in hiding right now so I could heal.

But I really miss my best friend because I really need him right now and I wish I could hear his voice I could find him and no it's not my husband.

I always called him Mickey and I really need him right now because maybe he can help me get out of this like he did before.

If any of you live around st. Ignace Michigan if you know a Micheal Massey tell him his best friend is looking for him and she lost again to find me here or figure out how someone to message me please I need to find him. He use to be married to April Massey if that helps.

I might go back and forth in my life in telling my story but bare with me please as my thought process works differently than normal people's.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think so far and like because this is my true story my actual true storm.