Shadows from buildings fell over me in dark silhouettes, rivaling the gray skies just behind them. It had been a slow day compared to the other days I spent in the camp with nothing but paperwork and lunch happening the past five hours since clocking in.

I fixed the cap perched atop my head, letting the brim shade my eyes from the muted sunlight. No wonder it was boiling hot the past few days. It's going to rain soon. If not later in the evening, then tomorrow at the latest.

Soldiers dressed in the same uniform as me passed me by in groups of three, two, or alone. We gave each other acknowledging nods if the badges on our chests indicated the same level and a quick salute if it's higher. By the time I cleared half of the journey towards the Major's office where my summons came from, my head felt light from all the nods I did and the muscles in my arms throbbed from all the salutes I gave.

It has been a few years since I graduated from the academy and got assigned to the camp back here in Manila. I wasn't too thrilled about being away from the cold mountains but if it meant being close to my family, then I supposed I could make do. After saving most of my first paychecks, I was also able to move my family out of Pinyahan and into the better barangays around. My mom, being a Quezon City native all her life, didn't want to let go of the city entirely so we had to reach a compromise at some point.

That's how we ended up with a small house by the side of a major road flanked by trees and untended land all over. We wouldn't even need to argue about why I was adamant about that lot.

Now that they're settled and my brothers were already in highschool, I told my parents to stop working too hard and let me handle most of the expenses. I didn't have anything to buy for myself and generally little things to spend my money on so I was more than happy to do that. My dad, though, disliked the idea and kept pestering me to let him get back to driving tricycles. Finally, after months of enduring it, I relented but with the condition that he take his meds for his liver as the doctor has said and not be stubborn about it.

Everyone was happy with how our lives were arranged. We got a landline, which Gab couldn't stop using to call his friends and his potential girlfriend. Heck, we even have television now. Never in my whole life did I imagine my life sitting in front of a box and getting so engrossed in it. In fact, never in my whole life did I imagine I would get to buy my family Cadbury chocolates for Christmas.

It was a good life—one I got only because I was in this place.

I raised my eyes to the glass windows peppering the buildings, letting my gaze brush through the faded blue paint on most of the walls. They all look identical to a fault, despite the cars belonging to high-ranking officers parked in the meager lots outside and the trees and benches circling each of the building's territory.

As long as I do my job, not ask stupid questions, and follow those of higher rank than me, I'd be able to keep this life. For my family and ultimately, for me, as well.

I hooked a finger against the collar of my white shirt, the midday heat creeping past my light brown polo serving as a blanket in this humid climate. Sweat ran down my hairline and soaked my back. Whoever said wearing two layers in a tropical country such as this was a good idea must have lost it.

My eyes settled on the badges glinting against the sunlight on my chest and decorating my shoulders. During my time here, I've been hearing reports of several factions of the army being involved in unspeakable endeavors not expected from the military. There have been cases of abductions, tortures, and killings but I don't think they have any basis. Rumors. That's all those were. Besides, the Major himself said nothing was wrong. The president, himself, said there wasn't anything going on.

The Martial Law was still effective on the whole country as a countermeasure for the growing anti-government movements in the outliers and the president had utilized the army to stop them. That's where I come in along with the rest of the soldiers in this camp. It's not our job to violate the rights of the citizens. We were here to protect them.

That's why I couldn't understand the fear distorting our neighbors' faces whenever they see me each time I go home to visit my family. After I graduated and served my first year, even our neighbors in Pinyahan began acting strange. Aling Menang and her friends stopped hanging out on the front porch of their house, stopping the entertaining mahjong games every afternoon with it. Even if I couldn't fully hear what they were saying, I was certain there were whispers and rumors going around the compound about me and my family. It was something that still sends a painful twinge in my gut every now and then but I try not to think about it.

Our new neighbors were lovely when we first moved in but when they saw me in my uniform one day, they stopped coming over for friendly chats. My mom even told me she gets bored in the house when my brothers were in school and my dad was at his daily tricycle rounds.

I had jokingly told her, "Why not chat with Ate Dolly next door?"

My mom had looked at me like I grew fangs in front of her. She slapped my arm with the back of her hand. "She hates me," she said. "I'm beginning to think everyone here hates our family. I don't understand that. Did we pay for the wrong house?"

I merely pursed my lips back then but I knew the answer. It's because of the uniform. There's something about it that inspired that kind of reaction from normal people. I just didn't know what.

The Major's office crept into view the moment I stepped off the last flight of stairs leading to the second floor. The faint smell of conditioned air coupled with freshener wafted through the corridor. There was even a slight trace of the cold breeze from the belly of the offices fighting against the thick, humid air outside.

My footsteps were light against the waxed stone floor as I approached the glossy wooden door bearing the Major's name: Fernandez, Danilo. We call him Sir Danny. Everyone does. But it's at times like this when I have to remember to address him by his rank.

I turned the cold knob, swung the door inside, and got blasted in the face by the stark, cold air which left prickles of heat on my skin. "Sir, you called?" I poked my head into the office to see Sir Danny seated on an ergonomic chair, pushing his glasses closer to his face.

Sir Danny looked up from the pile of papers in front of him, his eyes lighting up with recognition when he saw me. "Ah, Captain Pareja," he beckoned me forward which prompted me to shut the door behind me and strode towards the wooden desk. "I have an assignment for you."

I arched an eyebrow but didn't open my mouth nor let any more askance flash into my expression. It was rare for me to get sent outside the camp for an assignment so there was a bit of a flutter in my stomach when the words left the Major's mouth. "What is it, Sir?" I asked, clasping my hands behind me.

The Major took off his glasses and tapped the temple's tip against his lips. "You know about the raids we do around here?" he gestured in the air beside his head indicating the area of our jurisdiction. "We got reports about a rebel safehouse in one of the barrios."

I bobbed my head. Raids could get messy but they were quick and often without much going on. "I see," I said. "When will I be dispatched?"

"Tomorrow or the day after," Sir Danny checked something from the topmost sheet of paper in the stack beside him. "Yeah, the day after. Be ready by then. You may go."

I touched my middle finger against the end of my eyebrow in a salute. "Thank you, sir."

Then, I was out of the room, keeping the bounce away from my steps to not come off as eager. I was probably grinning from ear to ear but who cares? I was finally getting sent to assignments out of the camp. I could almost smell the day where I wouldn't need to figure out how to use a typewriter or fix jammed printers. It could be any time now.

The sipping noises indicating an empty juice packet was loud as Jessa finished off her drink. She frowned, turning the deflated foil around as if she couldn't believe it's gone.

"Even if you do that, you're not going to get your juice back," I snatched the empty foil from her hands and dunked it at the nearest street-side trash bins I could find.

Jessa pouted and crossed her arms. "I just love those things," she shrugged and flicked her gaze at me. "I wish I could but a whole box of it and finish it all in one day."

I snorted. "You'd get diabetes that way."

She clicked her tongue. "Look at you being all health guru on me," she said, dusting her wide-cut jeans. "Just last year, you downed an entire case of Emperador when Elisa rejected you."

I winced at the mention of the only woman I dared court. Jessa sure knew how to land a punch...or two. "Why do you need to bring that up?" I said. "I'm over her now."

Jessa raised an eyebrow. Strands of her bangs flitted over her eyes which she immediately tucked behind her ear. "Sure, you are," she jerked her chin at the bustling traffic speeding past us. "Do you think this was too...normal?"

Just like the years that went by, we would meet up in the pavements along the large highway and, with no destination in mind, walk together until one of us gets a sore toe or blisters on our ankles. It even became a running game between us at some point though I already forgot who got the higher point.

I regarded her question by following the direction she gestured at. All my eyes registered were the colorful signs and the various hoods of cars and jeepneys passing through the paved road. "It's as normal as it could be, right?"

"Yeah, which doesn't make sense considering there's a Martial Law in effect," Jessa tapped her chin and stared up at me again. "You're in the military. Don't you hear any reports about the injustices?"

I knitted my eyebrows, feeling my spine straighten and the muscles on my shoulders tense. Why were we talking about this again? I just got off work. "Injustices?"

Jessa licked her lips. "You know. People said the wrong things at the wrong time and soon, they're behind bars. Student activists, reporters, even farmers. Their houses were just raided and they were arrested for no reason at all," she narrowed her eyes at the horizon. "I've represented several cases already and it just doesn't stop."

Jessa was a lawyer who graduated from one of the top law schools in the country. She couldn't be this paranoid. I shook my head. "That couldn't be true," I scratched my scalp and my nails came up with a slight layer of grime underneath them. "We are doing our best in protecting the people. THe military couldn't be the ones behind those reports."

"I beg to differ," she said. "All the evidence points to certain ranked members of the constabulary. The victims, themselves, recall seeing them in their uniforms and hanging out in places where people used to say things freely."

Jessa walked forward a step or two and came in front of me, barring me from moving farther down the pavement. "There's something going on, Vince," her tone couldn't be more grim than the one she was using now. "Won't you look at it? Perhaps we could work together in getting justice for these people. You have the reach I don't."

"Look," I put my arms forward and sighed. "I'm doing my best in camp and I've just been given an assignment. See," I dropped my voice and leaned in like I was about to share a big secret. "I've been selected to participate in a raid the day after tomorrow."

She tilted her head to one side. "Oh? Congratulations," she said. "What kind of raid?"

I rubbed my chin. "Sir Danny said it's something about apprehending rebels," I looked at Jessa to see a horrified look on her face. "Hey, it's going to be harmless. I'll be fine."

She shook her head and massaged her temples. "No, it's not that," she started walking forward again and I had to double the length of my strides to catch up. "Vince, that raid could be targeted towards innocents."

"My superior said they're rebels," I reasoned.

"Can't you see?" Jessa stopped in front of me again when she suddenly whipped. I almost ran into her but stopped myself in time. "Don't believe everything your superiors tell you. If I bet my juice cartons on it, they're in on this whole thing and were just using you and the other clueless people from the lower ranks."

I sighed. "It's going to be fine, Jessa," I braced my hands on my hips. My belt dug against my fingers as I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "Well, I'm still going to the assignment since I can't exactly refuse an order. I'm sure it's going to be legal and safe. You don't have to worry."

Jessa met my gaze, her dark eyes burning with a fire I couldn't quite fathom. "See for yourself, then," she said. "Will you be able to walk away when the proper time comes?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't, anyway.

After a few minutes of silence and the sounds of our footsteps for the first time awkward ringing in our ears, we conceded to end our talk for the day. I raised my hand and gave her a quick wave. "Well, see you."

Jessa gave me nothing but a small nod with not a smile on her face. Even through the grated windows of the jeepney I boarded on the way back to capm, she wasn't smiling. A stone dropped into my gut.

This circumstance sure did a number on us. Perhaps we needed a break from each other. She's clearly pissed I wasn't agreeing with everything she was saying but I just couldn't take in everything she threw at me because I was the one inside the military and not her. If my superiors say there's nothing wrong, there was nothing wrong. It's not my place to question it and it wouldn't ever be. I was a soldier. I was supposed to be good at following orders chucked at me.

Will you be able to walk away?

That question drove a hot pike into my stomach. Walk away from what? The comfort I was able to provide my family because of my job? The life I was living because I chose to be a soldier? Because if that's what she's talking about, then yes, I wouldn't be able to walk away from all that considering I worked my ass off for a long time to get where I was at. There's no way I'd be able to give all that up and for what? Just because there's rumors of abuses and injustices?

Those weren't even confirmed. At this point, I was certain it was just a buzz created by the president's enemies to undermine his authority and establish their own government.

Will I be able to walk away?

Who knew?

Who knew what the future had for all of us? Perhaps when the time does come, I'd be able to. For now, I have to reorient my focus on the assignment coming my way. I needed to make sure to do well in it since it could make or break my career.

No. I wouldn't be able to walk away.

For now, I wouldn't.