If tomorrow is judgment day and I'm standing on the front line
And the lord asks me what I did with my life
I will say I spent it with you.
-Whitney Houston, My Love Is Your Love

Phil

Someone is holding me.

His eyes are round and terrified, his expression unreadable as one of his hands lift and he places it on my face softly. The hand is gentle and shaky, grounding me as the hazy darkness slowly lifts from my mind.

I know this face. The moment brown eyes find mine a thousand memories rush up, ones of smiles and dimpled cheeks and warm, soft arms. It swallows me whole as the feeling returns, air enters my lungs and a weight settles on my chest.

Am I dying?

I feel so sick, like I've been drained of all energy. Each breath eases the pain of it a little more but that leaves me gasping, eyes fluttering several times before I can really focus on the tear-streaked face. My wrist is burning. I can't remember what's happened. I don't know where I am- or why. Everything feels blurred and distant.

Say something. My mind coaxes. Say something. Anything.

His face is shadowed and dirty and there's a smudge of blood on his jumper. He's pushing back my hair as I focus on his face, recognition hitting me immediately until a single word has left my mouth.

"Dan."

It's hard to speak, but I get the word out because he's here. He's somehow here, and I feel my heart drop as he looks at me, his eyes going wide and his fingers gripping tightly.

He tries to speak but a shuddery, broken sound tumbles out instead, his head shaking in denial. All I see is the fear and I move my hand to stop him mid-motion, silencing any thoughts that are trying to prove him wrong.

Red, brimming eyes, shoulders sagged in defeat. Like I was never going to wake up. I feel sick and disoriented, my arm aching and warm with what feels like blood. I don't know what's going on, I can't remember what has happened. He looks so terrified.

"Phil?" it's his voice, but it's hollow. Like I'm just an illusion.

Everything hurts. I close my eyes to block out the pain and he grows frantic, taking my fingers and squeezing hard to keep me conscious.

He stares at me with apprehensive eyes and I lift my fingers to push them through his, giving him something to hold onto. It grounds him, The reciprocated motion, my voice aching as I strain to get enough out to answer him. I can't get the words out to speak so instead I just meet his eyes and nod weakly, pressing closer to him shortly after to focus on the feeling of his heartbeat.

His look focuses suddenly and I see his eyes go wide, and then his expression crumples.

"Phil." He gasps, voice breaking at the end.

He lets out a choked sound and then lurches forward, slamming into me all at once and sobbing into my chest.

My arms tighten around him the moment he starts to break down, his chest pressed against me. I'm clutching him to me as he gives up completely, we fall back against the ground sideways and I hardly feel my shoulder hit the ground in the midst of it, a shaking, emotional embrace. His breath hitches, and then he's really crying, lying on top of me and clinging hard.

"Phil." He chokes. "O-oh god, Phil."

I feel him held against me and I bury my face in his sweater, hugging him so tightly it's a wonder we don't break in such a state of fragility. We sink right down, lying on the grass without even breaking the embrace, the moon above blinding me when I briefly raise my eyes. My face is pressed into his neck as if in evidence that I cannot possibly bring him closer and I can't breathe- I can't think.

Every bit of my body is focused on one thing and that's him, my vision is dark because I've closed my eyes and he's all that I can feel. I feel the rise and fall of his chest and the beat of his heart again, feel his arms hold me in place so tightly I don't know if I can ever let go. We're everything in the world in this moment and I don't falter for fear of moving and never being able to have him hold me again.

He's shaking. I'm shaking. His tears are soaking into my sweater as he cries because he can't stop it but I only bring him closer. I hold him so close I can feel him breathe, shuddering out breaths while my fingers bunch up the fabric at his back, an urge rising up to kiss his face and tell him it's okay, because he's so scared and I can tell. He's all soft sides where I'm sharp edges, his narrow shoulders trembling under my hold.

I can see trees and moonlight through blurry vision and curled hair. The junkyard is gone, silence drapes the air again.

"Where are we?" I manage to croak out. Dan just shakes his head, staring at me. His expression falters as our eyes meet, hand smoothing back my hair without him even realizing he's doing it. I feel dizzy. My heart lurches at the sheer amount of pain in his face.

"You're alive." He gasps suddenly.

The words hit me like a sharp thud to my chest. My arms feels heavy and my body feels cold but my heart is racing now, because these words set a spark in my mind.

I remember the last few moments with the zombie, the pain and surge of dizziness that made my vision darken and my eyes see only spots of red. I remember seeing Dan, his expression terrified. I remember reaching for him. Then, nothing. Light and thoughts vanished and then there was nothing. Not until I'm suddenly here.

Bitten. I was bitten.

Pain shoots through me again and I touch his face, reminding myself he's there as illusion clouds reality.

He takes a moment to hold my hand against his cheek, closing his eyes into the motion and trying, I realize, to steady his voice. I briefly wonder if this is a dream, but the longer I hold on the more I realize his hand really is in mine, his cheek under my fingertips.

"So are you," I manage hoarsely.

He bites his lip, eyes flicking to the gun on the ground and very quickly snapping away. It all makes sense immediately why he'd had it. My heart drops and I realize why he's crying.

My chest constricts at the implications of the weapon.

"I-" I stammer, and I feel his fingers brush a gentle path on my skin, giving me the courage to say what I want to. I can hardly talk right now- my throat feels tight and raw. "We both are."

I feel a dull pain in my chest at the thought of how close he'd probably come. The end, for both of us. Dan's eyes are wide and he gasps sharply before I fumble with my uncooperative limbs, still slightly dizzy as his arms wrap around my back so tightly it makes my heart stutter from love, from fear, from an ache I can't name. His breaths shudder out and tears drip onto my shoulder and I want to tell him I'm okay but don't know how. The air is charged and uncertain.

Immediately his hand pulls my head closer to him, and I can feel it as he furiously shakes his head.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles.

I draw back to see him, his eyes tracing every motion. He's transfixed by every movement of my body, his bruised skin pale under the moon.

"Don't be sorry." I get out, voice shaking. I don't even know what he's sorry for. "It's okay, I'm all right. I'm right here, Dan."

"I'm sorry." He repeats deliriously. It's all he manages to get out before he's shuddering again, making my eyes widen as he buries his face further into my neck.

I shush him and we sit there unmoving,  for the longest time we don't even speak. I just let his tears soak into my shoulder, one arm wrapped around him and the other one holding his hand against my chest like it's my last tie to reality. It hurts so much. So much more than the physical pain ever could. I can't even imagine what he must be feeling right now.

"Are you okay?" I ask hurriedly, searching for dangers or injuries with the overwhelming fear that he's hurt somehow.

He looks at me with heavy eyes, lower lip trembling.

"Am I okay?!" He protests. "I thought you were dead."

"I-I don't think I am." I mumble. It's meant to be a joke and it's meant to reassure him but it doesn't, he just shuts his eyes tightly, fingers digging into my cheek.

"I can't hear you say that." He gasps. "No. You can't be dead."

He sounds terrified. I backtrack immediately.

"I'm not." I correct myself, feeling surreality just saying something like that. I lift up my hand and run it over his cheek, tracing his skin. "It's okay."

"No." He shudders out. "It's not."

"Dan, look at me." I whisper. He closes them tighter. "Look."

He raises his gaze to my face when our foreheads touch, blinking so harshly he can barely meet my eyes. I'm hurting just seeing his pain, I raise a thumb to swipe the moisture away and before I can even process it a raw feeling rears up at once, clawing up my chest and filling me entirely. It rushes through my veins and pools in the thrums of my heartbeat, the sky almost darkening in contrast to the face in front of me that suddenly means everything. Everything in a single moment, too much emotion to ever possibly be able to be taken for granted when he's looking at me like this.

"It's okay." I whisper more firmly. "I'm here, Dan." I feel steadier with every word I say.

He takes hold of my hand and looks right at me, glaring defiantly. He's trembling when I look up, the sound of his breath the only soundtrack between us. When I meet his eyes, it's like everything ceases to matter.

His eyes are entirely focused on me and I can see the tears pooling in his eyes. I can feel the both of us together, we both still have each other, and with that realization my heart begins to pound.

Shakily, he places one hand on the ground and pushes us so we're sitting back up, my shoulder falling against the tree trunk behind us, keeping us up without having to let go of him.

"I just... need to see your face." He mumbles. I let him, pulling back a little and feeling him draw me closer when I go too far.

I don't know what to say to him, to express everything that I'm feeling all in this moment. He lifts his hand up slowly, settling it gently on the side of my face and running a thumb over my cheek. His breath ghosts over my skin. I don't know what he's seeing but I hope that it's enough. There's nothing else to give anymore.

Time slows to a stop. The fear in his face vanishes and a soft expression replaces it, a hush falling over everything. His eyes meet mine in a way they've never done before, an impossible amount of feeling and adoration in one gaze.

"You really are here, aren't you?" He whispers. I just hold still, closing my eyes at the touch.

"Yeah." My voice has fallen to a hush. "I am. I promise."

"And you're not going anywhere."

"Never." It's a promise that I'll keep a thousand times. I want to be with him for as long as I can possibly be. I've been given a second try at life, a second chance, and I'm sure as hell not wasting it.

When my eyes reopen I'm not expecting the expression that I see. It's something so unfathomably filled with feeling, taking my gaze and holding it captive as if Dan has more than just my cheek balanced in the palm of his hand.

He doesn't answer. His shaking slows and for a moment we're suspended in infinite time together, two heartbeats finding the same wavelength and drawing them close.

His eyes meet mine briefly before dropping down, then back up.

His hands are gentle and I'm looking right in his eyes as his expression falters. There's an understanding there, a feeling unspoken here between us that's just as real and alive as the heartbeat beneath my palm. He looks at me and I look at him and then my eyes are falling shut, nothing but feeling now when he's here with me. Before I can even stop to think he tilts my face and pulls me to him, leaning forward with tears in his eyes and pressing our lips together.

My mind blanks. I forget everything. His lips are soft and it hits me in that moment what this is- emotion swelling in an instant and tears forgotten as both my hands move to his face and he wraps his arms around me. He kisses me, and everything ends.

I don't lean near to kiss him carefully after that. We're so beyond the point of careful, so terrified and blinded by a mixture of fear and emotion that's bursting forth like stars in a world that quite literally ripped us away from each other.

No, I surge forward and kiss him like he's oxygen, tangling my fingers in his soft hair and placing every ounce of words unspoken and lost amounts of time that I can into this. It's like nothing else matters as I shut my eyes and Dan becomes all that I can feel, all that ever matters and ever will again. Kissing Dan isn't like anything I've ever imagined. It's the best thing I've ever felt in my life, a swooping feeling on a cooling evening when life isn't right but the world continues to turn.

Emotions burst in my chest, sparking like a livewire at the taste of his lips. We are the both of us afire, a gentle hand at the small of my back holding me in place and drawing me close. I don't want to open my eyes and as my arms pull him closer I realize that maybe I don't need to.

I just kiss him, and I keep kissing him. Slowly, entirely. Like I always meant to. Because suddenly it's not just a kiss anymore. It's a promise, a truth. Never has happiness hurt so much, because we're alive, aren't we? We're wonderfully, gloriously alive, he's reducing my thoughts to nothing and setting the world alight as he slides a hand around the back of my head and draws me in. His lips are warm against my mouth, his touches gentle. It's only when he draws back for breath that I manage to form a tangible thought.

My eyes flutter and I draw back to meet his eyes. I feel warm breath on my face and taste the tears on his lips with one last gentle press but I ignore the imperfection, shutting my eyes and resting my forehead against his, unable to stop touching him even for a moment. He's still close enough that I can almost taste him. There's a buzz in the air- an absolute silence, and I wonder if I've just stopped breathing.

For a number of restless heartbeats I'm speechless. My mouth is open in shock and I feel slightly dizzy, his breath still ghosting over my mouth as my heart hammers against my ribs so fast that I can scarcely believe it's real. But then my eyes open and I see Dan, his hair tickling my cheek and his eyes shining, and I realize this is very much real.

My hand shoots out impulsively. I fall forward and pull him closer shakily, winding my arms around his neck with no intention of releasing him. It doesn't matter. He hugs me to himself tightly and we look up at the same time, eyes meeting from an entirely new distance.

When he turns his head his nose brushes mine, and suddenly we're both smiling, his watery eyes crinkling at the corners and my heart falling again. I see the tears streak down his face without shame and he looks at me as if I hung the stars themselves, cupping my face, expression full of adoration, full of amazement, I'm speechless at the sheer amount of feeling he's allowing me to see. He laughs softly and I shut my eyes for a moment, feeling his fingers run along the side of my face.

"Dan."

His name escapes me in a rush of breath, so quiet I almost don't hear it because a hush has fallen over the world. My world- which is spinning at an impossible speed, dizzying and exhilarating and screaming DanDanDanDan.

He blushes, leaning forward and holding my head close to his. There's really very little he can say. "Phil."

He looks weak and dazed, his breaths deep and uneven as his eyes lock on nothing but me. Like he's scarcely able to believe it, hardly daring to hope for the impossible.

There's nothing for us to say now. I'm here and he's here and we're both alive, my lips are warm and my mind is a haze.

"Y-You idiot." He chokes, breathing out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob that lights up his tear-streaked face. "God. I hate you."

There's a tear running down my cheek but I completely ignore it. His eyes are wide and I feel like I could stay here forever with no desire to leave. There's too much emotion between us now.

"Do you?" I croak, more question than statement. I can see him trying to fight back the tears brimming in his eyes, but there's a small flicker of amusement there. "Do you really?"

"No." He blurts, shaking his head rapidly and shuddering out a laugh. My heart swells. "I- no. I really, really don't." His head lifts off of my shoulder and he draws back a bit, though I'm not removing my arms from where they're holding him. I can't let go of him. There's no way in hell.

"Holy shit!" I hear Felix shout. "Phil- holy shit fucking-" and the others are saying things too, but it's all far away.

I feel a deep burst of fear in my chest and look up at Dan desperately, raising my gaze to his cheeks and seeing the tears there that contradict what I've just told him. I bite my lip hard, and he watches the motion, stunned.

There's a thousand reasons why he means my entire world. He's more than words could ever summon, greater than any fear I've overcome. He's the most wonderful, beautiful person I've ever seen, radiant in the face of everything I can scarcely believe. My words catch in my throat because he's taken my breath away, his eyes widened a dazed look that replicates exactly how I feel.

My words trail off, voice faltering at the look in his eyes. "Dan, I-"

He kisses me again, cutting me off gently and letting the touch linger there, loving and meaningful before he draws back. His eyes are shining brighter than the stars, making something like sparks explode in my heart. I can only curl my fingers at his chest- nothing else seems possible right now.

He shakes his head and stops just to look at me, so much emotion in the soft expression that I can't even fathom how it's possible. The smile I see is real this time and he lowers his forehead again so that our eyes stay meeting from much closer, taking my hands in his shaking ones and holding them tight to make sure I could never mistaken the meaning.

"I love you." He whispers.

Something bursts in my chest, so suddenly and ferociously it should be impossible. Emotion surges up and my vision goes blurry, I feel the teardrops slide down my cheek at the sheer truth and meaning in the statement as his hand tightens in mine and I see his eyes well, and no matter what happens from this moment forth I'll never be able to erase what this feels like. Everything, all of it, suddenly becomes so clear in an instant.

I can feel the beat of his heart, it's mirroring mine. Rapid, pounding. My eyes are wide with something like awe, tears threatening to fall though I've already lost so many.

He grips my hands and look up at me fearfully. My heart is in my throat.

"O-oh." I mumble. I know I could say so much more- do so much more- there's a million things I'm dying to say to him now but I don't know how to set them free.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm so fucking sorry."

I can only stare at him a few moments before falling forward and burying my face in his chest, holding him so tightly it probably hurts. He wraps his arms around me, and for a moment we just hold each other, unwilling to take the other for granted ever again.

I'm barely even breathing, my mind is on a free fall and I'm shaking so badly I can feel him holding me tighter just to stop it. Now that I'm holding him, I realize how difficult it will be to ever let go. We're slightly off-balance, rocking back and forth a little clumsily, but his arms surround me, this is real and this is right. For the first time in my life, everything feels right.

"What are you sorry for?" I ask shakily.

He just shakes his head. I can feel him, the swell of his breathing and each halting breath.

"I didn't even tell you. I never told you." He gasps. "I thought you were gone."

The words strike a fear in my heart, one that I can't quite place. The truth hangs over both of us but it doesn't feel real, not even with the ache in my wrist that serves as a reminder.

"You didn't need to tell me." I exclaim, curling my fists into the back of his hoodie as if that alone can physically hold him together. "You didn't need to do anything at all."

"I'm just so scared you're not going to be here."

It's so raw, so feeble and broken that something snaps inside of me and I end up pulling his head to my chest, pushing my face into his hair so that his tears leak into my shirt.

"I am here." I blurt. I breathe out harshly, hands shaking and a tear rolling down my cheek, and can tell he doesn't know what to make of it. My heart is racing but it's from a whole other cause, he has his mouth open but no sound is coming and it takes him a moment to collect his composure.

My heart is in my throat, I'm not really aware of what I'm saying.

"I'm in love with you too." He mumbles, unable to stop himself now that we've gotten so far. It's like he has my heart in the palm of his hands, the feeling that hits me after I've heard that is impossible to describe. "Fuck. I was so scared to say it. But I am."

And it's those words, said so quietly while he can't even look in my eyes. These are the words that make the chains release in my chest, setting my heart free as I feel the fear dissipate at once. I shake my head and I think it surprises him a bit when I laugh, the sound abrupt and breathless.

"I've always been in love with you, Dan." I say in disbelief, voice weak in a way that's euphoric but inexplicably afraid. "I've been in love with you for... for years."

His eyes widen. He looks both shocked and stunned but not in a bad way, the entire emotional display channels disbelief.

"Yeah?" He manages to ask me.

I sniff harshly and lean more heavily against his forehead, laughing weakly while I'm unconsciously moving closer, tracing his cheek with a loose kind of unreality. "Yeah."

The hold that his gaze has on me is so incredibly captivating. I can't believe he could ever look at me like this.

"Years." He whispers, and then suddenly he's crying again. He presses closer against me and blinks hard, looking right into my eyes now and shaking his head. "God, Phil. I love you. I love you so much."

There's a brief moment, a stopped fragment of time where there's nothing but us. His skin beneath my fingers, his brown eyes so warm even in the dark. A moment of hesitation where he just looks at me, and everything else ceases to matter.

Say it.

I can say it.

Say it.

I think I will.

My hands find his face and I cradle his cheeks, lifting his head.

"And I love you too." I tell him deliriously. I'm already transfixed by this look in his eyes. My voice breaks and my words start to shudder because I'm crying like I never have in my life before and he just stares at it, looking at me like I've handed him all the stars in the world. "I really, really do."

There's something amazing about being able to kiss him myself. To lean forward and push my lips against his, to say I love you in a way that words could never encapsulate to such impossible amounts of feeling. My body feels warm and I can feel the blood rushing all through the tips of my fingers because I'm kissing Dan, my fingers pressing into his cheek to hold him here with me. There's tears on his lips and there's tears on mine, they mix and taste of us together, barely able to ever let go.

This is who we are. This is who I'm meant to be with. It was Dan, it was always Dan, and never again will we be too blind to see that.

I draw back hesitantly to shift my head and look nervously at his expression, our lips separating and eyes meeting. My heart bursts as he looks up at me, face alight with the most breathtaking, awed expression I've ever seen in my life. It diminishes my thoughts of anything, filling my mind with nothing else but him. As my hand runs softly down the side of his cheek, I see the remainder of the tears on his skin, but it's not for a bad reason.

I press closer to him and take a shaky breath, using a hand to brush the hair off the side of his forehead. I can not and will not let go of him. I can't stand the idea that he's not really here. I need him to keep speaking and to keep holding me.

"Phil." He gasps quietly. Just hearing him say my name feels like home. "I can't even... speak r-right now."

Tears are still streaming down my cheeks but now I'm smiling shakily into his jumper, feeling them drying almost instantly after they've fallen as I lift my head shakily and press my lips over and over to the skin on his shoulder, the closest thing within reach. My eyes are closed, I bury my face in his neck and let them fade away in the darkness.

In all this madness you wouldn't think I'd be able to think much of anything. And honestly, you might be right. My thoughts are on fire and I'm so aware of my heartbeat, I think I'm going to pass out from this incredible unreality.

He just stares at me while these words sink in. I, for one, am barely breathing at all.

"H-Holy shit."

It's hardly the most intelligent thing either of us could be blurting at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I can't utter anything more. He laughs and then I'm laughing too, holding his hand tightly and shaking with shock and wonder.

"You just... kissed me." I blurt, staring at him with an awed expression.

He laughs, cheeks blazing with colour. The look is riddled with affection and it makes my head spin, unable to compute how he could look at me with real love like this. "You kissed me back."

"Yeah," I agree dazedly. "I did."

"It's about damn time that happened!" Felix shouts suddenly, making us both jump and causing a blush to heat up my cheeks as we're alerted to everyone else's presence.

My eyes snap up, revealing towering trees and mostly darkness all around, the beaten down figures of Felix, Mark and Chris staring down at us from a small distance with unconcealed shock in their eyes. Felix is grinning in disbelief.

They're here. All of them are here. All of them are alive.

He laughs loudly, genuinely, and I feel Dan doing the same against my chest. I hadn't even considered that I was in front of all of our friends right now, realizing makes me feel distinctly awkward but I'm in no way ashamed, my entire heart and mind and body filled with Dan, everything is Dan and I can barely breathe.

My eyes go back to my friends.

Felix's expression shifts to something that's almost a little sad, his mind probably drifting to someone else, to Marzia, I know. But there's a warmth to his gaze, one that shows satisfaction and relief. Mark looks stunned, Chris looks like he might cry. I opt to lighten the mood, my spirits on a high right now.

"Saw it coming did you, Felix?" I joke, realizing that in fact he probably had. But for once, I'm not feeling self-conscious about it. Now I'm just happy. I'm glad he knows, I'm glad all of them know. I want to tell the world that Dan is mine, to shout it from the goddamn rooftops if it means I can have this forever.

I'm not afraid anymore. Telling him I loved him was the hardest part, keeping that piece of me silent for so long. Now that that's done and over with, what can't I do?

"Saw it coming?" Mark butts in. "For the record, I fucking knew."

Dan rolls his eyes and flips him off, burying his face in my shirt while raising his hand. I hug him and laugh, sitting up straight to pull him clumsily into my lap while I swat away the irritable gesture.

"I have to say I wasn't expecting that to happen." Chris breathes. "Good on you, Phil. I think Danny's about ready to pass out."

I lift my eyes to take in our three friends, seeing Mark's rare smile and Felix's expression of deep relief. Dan meets my eyes and I feel a warm feeling wash over me as he raises his eyebrows and smiles too, looking at me wordlessly with so much emotion it makes my heart race.

"I-I think I am." He admits shakily, completely fixed on me like I'm the only thing in the entire world. It makes a lump form in my throat, chest expanding with so much impossible feeling I want to kiss him more, right here and now in front of all of them just because I can.

"I always figured Dan would sooner kiss Phil once than never do it at all." Mark reasons, chuckling.

Dan blushes horrendously but he doesn't deny it, shaking his head at them and hiding his face in his hands. I'm not hiding my expression for the first time ever as I gaze back at him, emotion written all over my face.

I adore you. My expression says quite plainly. Absolutely, completely, entirely. I love you.

He looks down and surprises me by dropping one last kiss above my eyebrow, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me in.

I bury my face into his hair, closing my eyes and listening to the reassuring sounds of his breath. Maybe I can stay here and just hide away from the world.

"We're alive." Mark proclaims, grinning up at the sky and shaking his head. "We're all alive. Fuck you, Wirrow. We made it."

Dan laughs, looking over at me and grinning. He brushes a hand over his eyes, embarrassed by the tears, but they push out through the cracks anyway.

"Don't fucking look at me." He groans, pulling my arm over his head to hide it. It's bad enough that we're sitting on the ground practically conjoined now, but they're all just standing there watching.

"Nothing to be ashamed of, mate." Chris points out. He smiles and holds out his hand to help us to our feet, Dan blushing anyway.

As soon as I'm on my feet I feel dizzy and end up crashing into Dan, his hands shooting out to steady me. Mark puts his hand on my shoulder and balances me, all of us silent for a while.

"Holy hell, Phil." Mark muses, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the opposite trunk. "We all thought you were a goner, how did you survive a fucking zombie bite? You passed out and everything, and your arm is a mess! I mean, look at it. That's no minor wound."

I blink, seeing him back out of the way as I raise my left arm slowly to look down at the wound in my wrist, bracing myself as Dan grips more tightly to my arm.

My widen at the many puncture marks all arranged in a bloody crescent.

It's starting to heal over already but all around the mark are lines of dried blood from where it had run while I was unconscious. The holes are ragged and rough, slightly discoloured around the edges. It's physical proof that I should most definitely be dead, already a zombie like the thousands of others in the world. But I'm not, and for the life of me I cannot comprehend why.

Then the nausea hits me. My stomach turns at the sight of the broken flesh and I can feel my vision wavering, unable to look away.

"Uh.." I squeak. Dan's eyes widen as my breath shudders and I try to stay on my feet, hands on all sides scrambling to hold me up. It's Dan that I feel most prominently though, his fingers gripping my arms so tightly it hurts, because he's terrified it's worse than a weak stomach. He's afraid I'll close my eyes again and never wake up.

When I open my eyes it's his face I see, though I let Felix and Mark take my arms on either side and lower me to the ground. I lean back against the tree and take some slow, deep breaths, very carefully avoiding looking at the wound again.

Once he's let go of me Felix pushes a hand into his vest pocket and gropes around for a moment, rummaging until he finds what he's looking for, a roll of clean, white bandages probably taken from camp. Before he can do anything with it though Dan snatches it out of his hand and kneels down in front of me, obscuring the others from my vision and working at it instead. Nobody stops him, nor do they object.

"Here," he says hurriedly, slipping his thumb under the seam in the cloth and flicking it upward, letting the roll unwind until it's a long, straight strip. He takes my hand and lifts up the wounded wrist with his fingertips, using the other hand to wind the material around the opening until it's completely obscured from view. I wince at the pressure but don't outwardly say anything, because I can see the panic in his motions. He needs to be in control of this because then he's responsible for my life, otherwise he'll feel like he's letting me go again.

He fastens the fabric in place by tying a clumsy knot, then sits back, pondering what this all means. My breaths begin to steady and I reach out and take his hand reassuringly, squeezing it in mine. We're okay, we will be. We've done all right with what I have.

"I-" I pause, feeling as lost as everyone looks. "I don't know. I don't feel any different, I feel like I've just been ill awhile."

Mark frowns. "Like you were sick?"

"Or like I've been sleeping." I look down at the wound, at the small amount of red showing through. "I don't look any different, do I?"

My thoughts jump to Cat and I feel Dan turning to look at me with a jolt, eyes looking like he's expecting to see pale, clammy skin and silver eyes. I hadn't even imagined I could have become a half-life now, heart dropping at the idea.

Cat had always described the feeling as numbness and a sort of chill you can't shake. She'd been bitten and had passed out, only to awaken feeling ill and different in away. I don't feel cold or numb, though. I feel fine, if not a little shaken.

"You're not a half-zombie, if that's what you mean," Chris assures me, voicing my thoughts exactly. I try to imagine this happening to Dan, who looks scared and uncertain right now. An inexplicable worry crosses my mind, wondering if he wouldn't want me if I am. If our positions were reversed, if this fear was for him, I don't think it would be ideal that he were half-life, but it wouldn't stop me. It's not that I'd love him any less if he was suddenly half-human, I just prefer this beautiful untarnished version of him, the one that's warm to the touch and can focus clearly on my face. Anyone would, it's the one that's most alive.

But how does that explain what's happened here? I'm not dead but I should be, the idea of the virus in my veins making me feel sicker than seeing the wound did.

"But that just doesn't make sense, how can I be alive?!" I blurt. I see Dan flinch at the words, not liking this sudden fear. I want him to be okay but my heart is racing. I can see the wheels turning in Mark's brain and I wonder what he's thinking.

"I'm just glad that you are, honestly." Mark states pointedly.

I look up, seeing Felix and Chris nodding in agreement. Something about their calm acceptance relaxes me a little and I think about it, letting my heart rate slow and pressing into Dan's side.

Should we really question it, or just embrace it for what it is? What are we supposed to do with the knowledge of how I lived, anyway? Unless I can share the miracle with everyone, it won't help keep us alive. I really want to know, I just can't fathom how it's possible. There are probably thousands, maybe even millions of people left on this earth still, the chances of me being the one person to survive were slim to none.

It just doesn't make sense, and I'm burning up with curiosity.

Dan shifts sideways so that he's brushing his knee against mine, lying his palm overtop of my hand which is resting there. The small contact calms me slightly, and I take a deep breath, still in wonderment that I'm holding his hand even though they can all see it because that's how we comfort each other.

But still- none of this makes sense. I'm not a monster and I do still feel ill, I have no explanation for why I'm alive and yet I am. I try not to worry about it, but then it hits me. A horrible possibility crosses my mind suddenly, hand stiffening in Dan's and making him look over at me worriedly.

"But how do we know I survived?" I mumble. "Maybe I'll just take longer to turn." It's all falling into place now and I realize I may not have any time after all, heart pounding and anxiety surging in all over again as I look into Dan's eyes, heart aching for him but knowing he'll be the only one who understands. "Maybe you'll have to kill me after all."

His face falls in moments, It scares me as he lets out a choked sound, seeking to counteract me.

I can't be near him. I'll become a monster- I'll hurt him worse than I have. I shake myself out of his grasp, scrambling back from the in case I'm about to fly into a rage at any moment. He reaches anyway and I flinch back, suddenly feeling like I can feel the virus creeping through my veins even if it's irrational.

His head lowers in dejection and my throat closes, desperately not wanting this to be true. Please, don't let this be true. I refuse to accept this after all the good things that have happened.

"No." Chris says firmly, sounding completely confident of what he's saying. It catches me off guard, my eyes snapping up to stare at him.

While this is exactly what I want to hear, I don't get how he could just declare that. I want to be as optimistic as any of us, but fear has settled into every fiber of my being at the prospect that Dan could lose me after all, and there's no evidence to say that I won't. The disease could just be taking its time, it's perfectly reasonable to say that's probably happened before. It's not even that I'm terrified of dying as much as I am of seeing what it would do to Dan. I think of the gun on the ground, promptly feeling worse.

"How can you be so sure?" Dan asks unhappily, ready to cling to anything he has to offer. He lowers his head but I know he's listening, tension buzzing like electricity in the air.

"You guys seem to have forgotten something," he breathes irritably, annoyed by our defeated expressions.

The need to be held by Dan again is overwhelming. I want to give him comfort and to pretend I'm fine, but I can't endanger him like that. He's only a foot away, but it feels like a chasm.

I look to see if Mark or Felix is on the same page as Chris but they look just as perplexed as I do, frowning even as he stares at us all like we're not even trying.

"You may or may not know already, but I'm a zombie. Half of one, anyway. And do you know what that entails?"

I shake my head, perplexed, and he huffs loudly, stepping forward and seizing me by the face and tilting up my chin so I have no choice but to stare directly into his silver eyes, which are blazing with intensity. I hear Dan make an indignant sound, protesting my being held this way. I'm not sure where Chris thinks he's going with this, and I'm not in the mood to be talked to in this way. His fingers are freezing cold, the way half-life skin is supposed to feel.

"It means-" he says loudly, enunciating every word as though he can tell I'm not pleased to be listening, "-that I can sense other zombies, remember?"

He looks at Dan who has gotten to his feet now, tone curt and impatient. "When he first got bitten, the infection spread all over his body. It's the fastest-acting disease in the whole world, that's why the apocalypse was so effective. It's why the victims turn so fast. I thought he was dead because I could sense the infection all through him when I walked over just after. It was everywhere while we carrying him, traveling through his veins and his heart and especially targeting his brain. It was going to transform him, it was only a matter of time."

"That's not exactly reassuring." Mark interrupts, his voice dissatisfied and annoyed. I don't want to be a pessimist especially because they're referring to me, but I can't help but agree with him.

"You're not listening!" He cries, throwing up his arms in frustration. I'm shocked by the amount of intensity in his voice, words passionate as if he's desperate to convince us. "I'm saying, I could sense the infection taking over him before, but the thing is now... there's nothing."

It hits me suddenly. My heart skips a beat.

A stunned silence hangs in the air and Chris lets go of me, glaring down at my wide eyes and then casting his gaze to our friends.

"You're saying... the virus- it's gone?" Dan breathes, my mind racing rapid-fire as I exchange looks with him, the both of us still unsteady.

Chris nods. "That's exactly what I'm saying. Right after you dropped your gun, he jerked like he was about to wake up and all of a sudden the virus just... dissolved."

He gazes at me earnestly, waiting for me to get it. When I don't, he shakes his head.

"I don't know what happened. I just know that one second I could sense him as a zombie and then the next he was himself again. Almost like-"

He cuts himself off, looking like he's just had an epiphany, and I see Mark's mouth drop as he smacks his hand against his leg, as if he's been struck with some insane possibility.

Felix, on the other hand, looks as perplexed as I feel and looks at Dan and I with his brows creased.

"What?!" I exclaim, frowning as they look at each other with eyebrows raised in amazement and delight.

"No, no way in hell.." Mark breathes, as a wide-mouthed expression breaks over his features. "Out of thousands of people, you think it might actually be possible to be-?"

"Maybe!" Chris replies, and I can't stand it anymore, they've thought of something we don't know.

"It's gotta be possible, I mean, Phil survived, it's the only explanation!"

"For god's sake!" Dan shouts, startling me with his suddenly aggressive tone. "What?! Is Phil gonna die or not? What's wrong with him?!"

Mark puts his hands forward consolingly, a silent command to calm down. He looks my best friend dead in the eyes, opening his mouth cautiously as I slowly sit up with shaky hands.

"Dan," he says, his expression full of purpose in the moonlight, "I think... I think it's Phil that might be immune."

redamancy (n)
The act of loving in return
~Aly🌙

Merry Christmas 🎄😊❤

Well there we are, folks. We still have Phil and the boys are okay and they've gotten all the love and kisses they deserved about thirteen chapters ago. I'm so emotional I can't think. Please describe your emotions. It's for science. Okay bye.

p-p-p-pLOT TWIST MHM I am the self-proclaimed queen of this schtuff