Minho was good at feeling pain. I knew what he was going through, exactly what he was feeling, and he was doing so goddamn well. I hadn't stopped screaming as I changed — four days of fire, and I couldn't shut up for a second of it. Jeongin had frozen, his face a look of pure terror, and hadn't moved for the rest of his sentence. Seungmin had done nothing but thrash — kick and punch the air around him, cuffing each of us at least once when we had tried to hold him steady.

Minho just wanted to be small. He curled into a fetal position on the couch, arms hard against his chest, legs drawn and folded. He kept his head down, shaking, whimpering, twitching — as if every second he was on the edge of exploding. He welcomed any touch or comfort. I held his hand, only let go to wipe the tears from his face.

I never once left him. There was something more unbearable than the pain of thirst. Sometimes blood would seep from his throat, his slow-healing wounds, where James' teeth had ripped into his beautiful skin. Even then, I stayed. Leaving him was impossible.

~ * ~

"Waking up as a vampire for me was... like waking up in the middle of a hurricane." I spoke over Minho's whimpering, running my hand through his hair. "Once the shock wore off, once I could think again, I was left to sift through whatever I could remember from my human life. What came back to me...

"I didn't like it. I avoided it. And I lost it. Now I can't bring back the memory of my home, the weeks leading up to my death, my own mother's face. I wonder sometimes what my last words to her were. That's one thing I regret. Not knowing whether our last words were meaningful — an honest 'I love you,' or something... else.

"I'm happy you have that. Goodbyes. That you'll remember the ones you love, that, if you don't want to, I can remember for you. You'll remember your friends, happy and drunk. You'll remember your father, sending you off with a wave, totally accepting of you. I can't speak for your mother... I suppose the world is different now. Your last email is still out there in the ether. We'll find it somehow. Even Helen from the diner got a goodbye hug."

I let out a little breath, not a laugh but close enough.

"You promised me you'd never sleep again. You said you'd stick to your word, and you... you will, I guess." I shook the thought out of my head. "Let's talk about something else. Do you want me to keep talking, my love?"

He cried through his clenched teeth. Whether it was a yes or a no, I couldn't tell. Nothing I said had an effect on him — he kept writhing, kept hurting, no matter what I said. I ached to hear his voice, bright and bubbly and untroubled.

"Um. All right. You've already heard all our stories — let's just work through a decade. How about the seventies? Seventy-one was a hard year for me. I dunno exactly what caused it. It just was. Sometimes we're sad for no reason, hm? Sadness is... necessary. Even so, thinking about you being sad, it-it makes me panicky. I'm trying not to think about how sad you must be right now...

"When you wake up... my love, my entire world, if you decide to stay with us, I will make you happy. I've screwed it up, I've gone at it wrong so many times. But now, seeing you like this... I think my life has meant nothing, been for nothing, but to make you happy."

~ * ~

Footsteps came up the stairs and stalled at the door. Chan. I waved him in without looking.

He sank down crosslegged next to me. Holding up okay?

"Guess so."

Good. He didn't bother to segue into it. You tend to get really worked up about things, Jisung.

I was immediately anxious. "Why are you here?"

Because I lost rock, paper, scissors. And because... we crashed Minho's truck and set it on fire. There's nothing left of the cadaver we used. The police have already found the scene, Minho's family has been notified.

My breathing was growing faster. "You... you were okay with it?"

Not... exactly, but I knew it was best. We made an executive decision. It's putting a lot of people through hurt, I get that, but it's also protecting us. It's protecting Minho. He couldn't just vanish. He had to die.

I squeezed my eyes shut and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Chan knew I wasn't talking to him. We all have hurt, Jisung. It's something we gotta deal with on our own. Somebody else's hurt is not your fault, okay?

"But I'm responsible. For him dying. It's my fault."

Maybe. But it was my fault as well. And James', and Minho's, and Felix's. It's not all on you, stop being self-obsessed.

I almost smiled. "Can't help it." I ran my hands through Minho's hair, glad he wasn't aware of what we were talking about.

Felix says Charlie Swan is gonna call in a few minutes. I understand if you don't want to hear it, I can take it outside.

"No, that's... fine. Why is he calling?"

He wants to know what happened after the baseball game.

I winced. "How much lying are you about to do?"

A fat lot. Pray for me.

"CHAAANNIE!" Felix screamed from the first floor. The phone rang a second later. Chan hopped up and skittered downstairs. He answered the phone after four and a half rings.

"Dr. Chan Bang." His voice was low and mournful.

"Dr. Bang, it's Charlie Swan." Charlie's voice was hoarse. "Have you heard?"

"Yes, we have. I'm so sorry. Your boy was a good one."

The line was quiet. Charlie probably had his palm over the receiver.

"Thank you. You were with him earlier, right? You played baseball?"

"He didn't fancy playing, so he stood to the side and cheered us on. He was a good luck charm."

"What happened after the game was over? What was the last thing he said to you?"

The last thing Minho said to Chan was a shrill, raw attempt at 'stop.' "I'm pretty sure it was 'goodnight, thanks for inviting me.' He was speaking so quietly, I could barely hear the kid."

"I always told him to speak up, when he was younger." It sounded like Charlie was smiling. It faded. "Um. So, how's yours?"

"We're all a mess, honestly. Jisung needs time alone right now. To tell the truth, Charlie, that boy was planning the wedding already."

That made me smile a little, pathetically. I focussed on covering every inch of Minho's face with kisses.

"Oh. Well. Minho obviously felt for him as well. I would've liked to... walk him down the aisle? Or would you walk Jisung down the aisle?"

"I think we'd skip the walking altogether."

"That's probably for the best."

"Charlie, you need to talk, we're here for you. Come on over and have a cuppa tea. I got chamomile and green and everything."

"Thanks. I think..." The line fuzzed for a second. "Yeah, yeah, come in! Sorry, Billy Black just knocked."

"I'll let you go, then. Say hi to Billy for me."

"Bye, doc."

"Take care of yourself."

They hung up.

I was just glad it was over with. I was glad Charlie got a comforting lie, if not the truth. I climbed onto the couch, hugged Minho — he buried his face below my chin, twitching against me, still crying. I didn't try to wipe his tears away anymore — there was always a fresh flood close behind.

"Seventy-two wasn't much better," I started again. "We spent a lot of time in Turkey, helping with the cleanup, and seeing all that — that pain and destruction... I dunno. Maybe I just feel too much. I definitely think too much." I kissed his head. "Let's move on to seventy-three, yeah?"

~ * ~

The light outside shifted, an early-morning grey. Minho was at the centre of my attention, he owned it. I had climbed off the couch when he had started thrashing and kicking. I kept talking until the sound of my own voice annoyed me. But I didn't dare stop — he only sank deeper when he couldn't hear me.

I heard Felix round the corner, lean on the doorframe. I pretended I didn't notice.

Jisung, he thought.

"Yeah?"

I just wanted to say thanks, or whatever. For not saying too much about... her... earlier when you told our stories.

I nodded a bit. "Welcome. That all?"

Not quite. Haseong wants word on the house.

"Why isn't he here then?"

He drafted me. Me and you — we gotta talk at some point, right?

I sighed and waved him in. He sat, back against the couch, legs straight in front of him.

"About the house," I said, "just stall. We don't know if he'll be staying with us."

Felix rolled his eyes. He's gonna stay. And he won't want to live in this house with us hanging around and listening to your every word. Might as well get a head start, yeah?

I shrugged.

I'm gonna tell Haseong to buy it. Changbin and I'll take it off your hands if Minho skedaddles.

My shoulders jumped. I gripped Minho's hand, clung to it.

Felix scoffed. Oh my God, stop being such a drama queen. You have nothing to feel bad about. Be happy, your life is finally going right — just be happy.

"I don't..." I counted the threads in Minho's sleeve. "Maybe I don't know how to be happy."

Again, drama queen. But he slapped me on the shoulder. We haven't let ya fly totally off the handle so far, and we're not about to now. We got you, Jisung, you know that? I got you.

I grabbed his shirt and yanked him into my arms. I didn't think I'd ever initiated a hug with anyone but Minho. His hands hovered over my back for a second.

"Thank you," I said. "For sticking around. I'm sorry I pick fights. I'm sorry I'm so useless."

He sighed and patted my back. You're not useless. I'm sorry I said that.

"But I'm totally, totally useless." I sucked in a breath and fought the way it wavered. "You were right about Minho. You're always right."

No, I'm not. I did things wrong, too. I'm sorry.

I let him go, kept my eyes on Minho. "It's okay, forget it..." I sniffed. "Bro."

He laughed and punched my arm. I whimpered.

You finally goddamn said it! Only took ya a century, you little shit.

"All right, go away, you're annoying me again."

Love you, too. He darted away.

"Love you," I whispered.

~ * ~

Minho cried a stunned, shaky sound, his lungs lurching inside him. His fingers, clutching a clump of his own shirt, moved ever so slightly for the first time in days. Really moved, not trembling or straining.

It was ending.

He was quiet for a minute, feeling the relief. Then his breath hitched. He started twitching and heaving like he was going into a panic. I took his hand and folded it with mine. He squeezed until it felt like my skin was splitting.

"Jisung," he cried, "stop — p-please, make it stop!"

"It'll stop, my love, it'll stop, I promise."

He shrieked — a harsh sound, a growl — and started thrashing, bucking his legs, wrenching his spine until he was bent in half, his chest arched as if his heart was being ripped from his body. I tried to hold him steady, hold him to the couch.

He screamed, loud and raw, rattling the windows, silencing the forest around us. His pulse stuttered and cut to nothing.

His eyes fluttered open.

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well heckity heck, i literally haven't written in a week. idk if it's the anemia or what but i'm tired as shit rn. i've been knitting and binging scooby doo. did you guys ever watch those shows/movies? did you have a bias in the scooby gang? i love velma a lot but i've recently joined a cult dedicated to worshipping shaggy as God so ,,, idk

i'm really happy to have this chapter out into the ether, because from now on, the story doesn't deal in daybreak/twilight x minsung territory as much. this is a spoiler, but expect some time-hopping and new perspectives in upcoming chapters......👀

song of the week time...

DROELOE - Backbone (ft Nevve)

this song is probably from jisung's point of view. 'flat on the floor of my life, the world just leaves me behind / i wanted more at this point, but I keep losing my voice.' i have an inkling that jisung will need to grow a backbone for quite a few reasons once he and minho begin their new life together

anyway, see you guys next time ❤︎